Things....

You can’t do when you have people staying with you….

1) Fart.
2) Walk from the bathroom after showering, to your bedroom, with just a towel. Wrapped around your head.
3) Sleep nude, JIC there’s a late night run-in outside the bathroom.
4) Be nude about the house, period.
5) Get changed or dressed with the bedroom door open.
6) Do your hair in the bathroom while only in your knickers.
7) Tell your significant other that they’re an ass, or you’re going to beat their ass, or they need a kick in the ass. (I’ve become VERY good at deathly cold if-looks-could-kill looks. I think F even shivered once.)
8) Say FUCK IT!
9) Say FUCK IT, we’re having pancakes for dinner.
10) Yell.
11) Cry.
12) Come home late.
13) Argue.
14) Drink an entire bottle of wine. (Which I actually did, because I was using it “for cooking.” Although F polished off the last bit directly from the bottle.)
15) Take too long in the bathroom without rousing suspicion.
16) Decide at the last minute what you’re having for dinner.
17) Have leftovers for dinner.
18) Give your own mom the china teacup and saucer (HER cup and saucer that’s kept at our house, to be exact) and give the guest a mug.
19) Fool around. (its wrong people, it’s just WRONG.)
20) Leave the dishes in the sink. (even though when you go to their house, that’s exactly where all the dishes are.)

I'm IT!!!!!!

I’ve been TAGGED!! WOO-WHO, I’m IT!!!
Thanks to April, I’m part of the Tagging In Crowd! I’m so happy I may have peed myself, just a tad though, no big deal……moving on…….


The ABC's of me:

A. Attached or Single?
Attached, not quite to the ball and chain state (see what I did there?) but most decidedly attached.

B. Best Friend? I have several, each from different stages of my life. You’ve heard about CBF and Sailor Mouth, but there are more. Like my mom, and my Fiancé’, he’s my best male friend. And there is a difference between male best friends and female best friends. F is my first male BEST friend. I’ve had tons of male friends, but NEVER, until now, a male BEST friend.

C. Cake or Pie? This is not easy. I like cake, as long as the frosting isn’t too sweet. And I like pie as long as the fruit isn’t of the canned variety and is thoroughly cooked. What can I say; my mom spoiled us by cooking from scratch. This one is on a case by case basis, I mean REALLY!

D. Day of choice? Friday night because most likely I get to sleep in on Saturday.

E. Essential item? Hmm, this may be TMI, but having my gall bladder removed has necessitated my essential item to be travel packed wet wipes. I’m not happy about it either, trust me. I would love to say something fun like Berry-watermelon Hubba Bubba, but I can not. I’m being honest.

F. Favorite color? Hunter green, really anything that is a dark version of the color. Jewel tones. With Crayola going up past 64 how’s anyone suppose to choose?

G. Gummy Bears or Worms? I’m not really a decided fan of either, but they have their place. With the bears you can bite off various body parts, that makes it more fun, don’t you think?

H. Home town? This I can’t really answer since I’m suppose to be all cloak and dagger anonymous, let’s just say where I grew up was so small town Midwest America that everyone was related, literally.

I. Favorite indulgence? Wow. Staying in my pj’s all day to finish a book. Does that count? Or does spending money have to be involved?

J. January or July? July! Cause it’s your birthday baby and it’s my birthday too!!! Also, the 4th? We celebrate the 4th ALL month long in my house, reminds me to dig out my place mats and what-not, YIPPIE!

K. Kids? Not yet, but MIL sure was pushing the baby button the ENTIRE time she was visiting.

L. Life isn't complete without? Oh goodness, hmmm, Love, life isn’t complete without love. Be it family, or friends, or your significant other.

M. Marriage Date? Going to be 10/24/2008, YIKES!

N. Number of brothers and sisters? 3 : Eldest Sister, Second Eldest Sister and my Brother. I also count my in-laws sometimes, so multiply by 2.

O. Oranges or Apples? Both, but here’s the thing, the only time I eat an Orange is if F is eating one. Which means it comes to me peeled and in wedges. Love that F! And Apples, but I became allergic several years ago, so eating them raw isn’t really happening. Thank the Nectar Gods I discovered Cider soon there after!!

P. Phobia's? Dying. Dying alone.

Q. Quotes? “Sometimes being a bitch is all you’ve got.”

R. Reasons to smile? A good dream. Seeing my mom. Hugs from F. Seeing my nieces and nephews laugh. Being with my sibs.

S. Season of choice? Um, FALL.

T. Tag 5 people. This is hard, because I don’t know a lot of Blog folks and I don’t want to assume just because you drift on over every once in awhile that we are close enough for me to Tag you. People, Tag yourself and then link back to me and let me know. Is that too much to ask? Can it work that way?

U. Unknown fact about me? Does this mean if I revealed it above it no longer counts as an answer here? Hmmm, I broke my wrist when I was um 9?

V. Vegetable? What about vegetables? Are you asking if I like them? Or which one is my favorite? No and none. I eat them if they are served, and usually not by me.

W. Worst Habit? Oh gosh. Retail therapy, because seriously, I can’t afford it anymore.

X. Xray or ultrasound? Like which do I prefer? Seriously? How is this even a choice? I have no say in which I get. The X-ray involves a cold metal table and the ultrasound involves a cold gross jelly substance.

Y. Your favorite food? Only one? Are you for reals? Anything with sour cream. And cheese. And salt.

Z. Zodiac sign? Cancer. And yes, I totally am a Cancer. Look it up, that’s me.

This insight behind the cloak was brought to you today by the letter A, as in Aprils Reign.
Now go eat a cookie.

Boys are Horny

F is a boy. A male. A man. JIC anyone was confused on that point. And I am a girl. A female. A woman.
And like most boys, F gets horny. And like most girls, I don't get as horny as he does. It just happens that way. I often wonder when I hear other females say how often they "want it" if I'm weird, but I hear the other side of not "wanting it"more, so I feel ok, most of the time. The thing about F that I just don't get is this, If other people are in the house, he WANTS IT, NOW! Conversations we've had:

While cleaning the house for an impending visit of my family:

"DH, come on, let's do it!"
"Damn it F, my family is going to be here in an hour and I still have to mop the floors, bake a cake and take a shower, so NO!"
"Come on DH! I'm HORNY!!!!!"
"NO! get off! Jesus! Go wipe down the bathroom again and leave me alone!"
"FINE. Meanie."


While staying with friends:

"DH I'm horny! Come on, let's do it!"
"Um, NO, we are guests in someone else's house, in their guest bed. No."
"They won't hear! Come on!"
"They are barely a wall away! NO!"
"Come ON! I want my woman!"
"NO! Gawd!"
"You're mean!"
"Whatever."

While in our own home with MIL sleeping in the next room with just the closets separating us:

*kiss* *kiss*
"F, you're mother is in the next room!"
"I know." *kiss* *kiss*
"Then stop!"
"But I want you!"
"Too bad! She's RIGHT THERE!" (pointing into the closet.)
"*disappointed moan* But I want you!"
"You do this EVERY TIME we have people over. What is with you? Perv."
"I don't know. I just want to be with you."
" *eye roll* *loud sigh* Please stop. I'm not doing this."
"*defeated sigh* Fine. *parting squeeze of my boobs.*"

Boy needs to stop.
Time. Place. Everything.
Not. Now.

Where Was Her Bestfriend? Or Anyone, For That Matter?!

For those of you who read Miss Molly and saw these posts about bad wedding dresses, I think I can say I can top her, with this one picture. (not that i'm trying to compete with miss molly, because she is fabu.)

Need I say more?

No, but I will.

I think I can see nipple. And showing your nipple to God (assuming they are getting married in a church of some sort) is just wrong, even if He/She created them. There are better ways to give a shout-out to the man/woman upstairs than flashing him/her with the bits and pieces that were meant to be covered with a fig leaf. How is this even right? Where was the sane person in her entourage? A mother? An older aunt? Grandma??? Seamtress?? THE PASTOR???? ANYONE?!?!?!

And seriously, is it just me, or is her hair kinda crispy?

The Internet is out there people. Remember that with every outfit and hair style you assemble. You may end up on the web, and not in a good way.

What Was I Saying?

You know you are stressed out when you have ice cream for dinner and are sad about it.

Sailor Mouth lamented about this to me in an e-mail. Having ice cream for dinner, as though it was a bad thing.
I wish I could help her. But I think she is a lot like me and takes some things and makes them worse than they really are. Getting upset about things that really aren't worth getting upset about. I've tried to curb this, but it's hard when you don't even realize that you are doing it. The ways we behave without even realizing it, until someone points it out, can be very unsettling. Especially if you now view yourself as somewhat defective, where as before you thought you were normal. It's hard to change, since most of us don't even know where to start. Self help books? Therapy? A simple conscience effort? How do you go about changing something that's been apart of your makeup for years? Some of it may even be rooted in the way you were raised. Something else most of us don't even recognize about our behavior, even if we say, "That's how I was raised!"
I don't really know where I was going with this post, it was suppose to be about being so stressed out you are sad about having ice cream and it's turned into a study of Freud.
I think I'll stop now.

What is this World Coming To?

This article is insane. Arresting people for cheering when someone graduates from high school? Removing them maybe, but arresting? That's insane. Keeping the peace I totally agree with, especially if it's become an issue. But really, is arresting well wishers really a good use of law enforcements' time? I think not.

As is this one about Bloggers getting arrested. We seriously do have a great amount of freedom here in the US where we can criticize our government without fear of suddenly becoming a missing person in the state run prison system.
God Bless America.

Seriously? Who are these girls? Getting pregnant so they can "raise" their babies together? Where are their parents? I never in all my 4 years of high school thought it was cool to be pregnant. I always felt bad for those girls, because I knew they would end up alone and most likely would spend their lives with many baby-daddies and never know a stable home. Those poor babies. You don't have a baby to make yourself feel better.
Thank You Mom for raising me with some self respect, common sense and morals.

Cold as Ice

At work I am part of a volunteer group that is in charge of keeping up morale. We plan parties for babies and weddings and send flowers for deaths and Get Well Soon!!! We planned a huge event as our kick-off and that's when the bitching started. It's gone down hill since then. People will complain, no matter what you do for them it seems. They aren't honored enough, someone else got more than somebody else, people are excluded(they aren't), you're not doing ENOUGH, etc. Wthout us, there would be nothing. There are several things that would have been over looked if it weren't for us. We thought we were doing good. For everyone.
Currently we are in the process of planning one large event for multiple reasons for multiple people, and again, there is complaining. THE DAY BEFORE THE EVENT. The event that they've known about for 6 weeks. The entire Team is fed up with the constant complaining that comes in, and we are all stepping down. No one ever offers to help us, no one ever offer suggestions, even though there is a box specifically for suggestions. And the complaining is never done to us, it always comes in a roundabout way.
And more specifically, no one complains to me. My other team members believe that's because I'd tell them to take a flying leap off a short pier in the shallow end.
I might say it a bit nicer though.
Maybe.

Still in Limbo.....Updated 1:22pm

I told you about Sailor Mouth and her money issues concerning the dress. I e-mailed her back, and didn't hear from her. I started to panic. She hates me, she thinks I fired her as MOH, she's spitting on my grave, etc. I had filled my mom in when I had a mini-breakdown (not the same as a mini-break for my Bridget Jones pals) about the wedding while at her house the other day, and she passed my stress issues along to Second-Eldest who called me to put me at ease. She told me to call Sailor Mouth and talk to her to re-affirm that she wasn't fired as MOH. Which I did. It went straight to voicemail. F was at his wits end because I was at my wits end all weekend waiting to hear back from Sailor Mouth. I e-mailed her Saturday night, or was it Friday night? I can't remember. Anyway, I asked her to please not hate me and to please not ignore me and several other things. She FINALLY called me back Sunday, late in the afternoon. And she sounded completely defeated. She has a ton of things going on in her life right now, none of which are happy things, and she just sounded so tired and in need of a break. I felt terrible about nagging about the dress. She said she didn't hate me, and she wasn't ignoring me and then she went on to tell me what was going on and I seriously just wanted to give her a pass on the whole dress issue. The low down of it all is that her husband is going to have to take on more stuff at work, resulting in O.T., to pay for the dress and trip out here. (trust me, I'm stabbing myself in the eye, I feel like crap.) And she will let me know, hopefully by today, whether or not she'll be in the wedding. I told her I was going to tell the dress shop to place the order on Wednesday, so I would need to know by then. So while things still aren't completely settled, I do at least still have her as a friend. PHEW

A positive note, the evil family room is DONE! Yes!!! furniture is all moved back in and everything! And F and I HATE how much room the couches take up, so now we are looking into getting chairs. God give me patience (as my mother would always say before she whacked us.)

And as of this morning, I am marrying Sir Paul McCartney and we will travel about the world visiting pubs and playing Clue with the other patrons in group tournaments, who will call me Lady McCartney. (it was MY dream and I liked it! thankyouverymuch.)

**Composer's update: Sailor Mouth is still in as MOH!! I'm taking her measurements myself to be delivered to the dress shop. They may have to leave as soon as the reception is over, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Thank You babyjesus.****

Do I Bring Out The Crazy in Others?

Ok, so I told you about Sailor Mouth and her flipping out on the Dress Shop lady. I just got an e-mail from her; she wants to order her dress online from some random site in order to save money. I don't begrudge her wanting to save money. I so entirely know what it is to be broke right now. Like panic attack broke. I GET IT. I'm living it. So I told her that no, she could not order it online because the color might end up being different than everyone else's. I told her if it was too much money that I would understand if she wanted to bow out of the bridal party and come as a guest. She's the matron of honor. (CBF is the maid of honor.) I certainly do not want to drive any of my friends to financial ruin. (I couldn't afford to fly out and attend her bachelorette party and to this day I feel bad about it, but I just couldn't swing it and come out again for the wedding.) And I'm being completely sincere about not being upset if she can't afford the dress and decides she can't stand up in the wedding. She is my friend and I just want her there. I will not be angry, or hurt. And she apologized for being a pain about it in the original e-mail. So I'm not as hacked off as I was with CBF who just went bat shit crazy on me.
However, (did you see that coming?) what does grind me is the fact that she's constantly telling me how broke they are, but then is the same breath is telling me that with his or her bonus from work they are buying some new expensive toy, or how they are using their tax returns to go on some fabulous vacation. Then she tells me they went out and bought this HUGE camper, which they had to borrow money to get. Then, because the camper is so huge they had to buy a full sized truck to tow it. So my sympathy for your money troubles are just a tad bit less heart felt then they maybe could be. I was raised that you pay the bills first, THEN you get to go out and play if there is anything left. Sounds to me like she is doing this backwards.
I just don't know anymore. Why are these dresses becoming such an issue? I mean seriously! I did the best I could.
I really did.

Play Well Together, PLEASE!

There have been some issues and miscommunication about the BM dresses getting ordered. I understood that my girls could just call in and be all set. Then I started hearing back, "They took my credit card over the phone, but told me I had to e-mail my measurements in." I chalked it up to the person answering the phone. But then I heard it again, and again, and all 3 times they were none too pleased about having to go this route. They questioned, as did I, why the credit card could be taken over the phone but the measurements could not? "It's policy, we have to have the measurements in writing." Really? Because you didn't tell me that policy when I was standing there, in front of you, asking you if it would be ok for my girls to just all call in. "Yes yes, sure, no problem." is what you told me. Now there is a Policy? I'm a tad put off by this. However, since everyone seemed to be dealing with it, I was ok to let it pass.
Then Sailor Mouth called. You've never heard about Sailor Mouth. She is a friend who throughout the majority of our friendship has been a long distance friend. She moved into our middle school one year, and moved out the next. Came back a year later, and then left again. It was very upsetting, but we wrote each other week long letters filled with gossip and crushes and latest bitches, as teenage girls do. (well at least back before texting and IMing and what-not.) As adults I went onto college and she went to work trying to squeeze in classes here and there. I finally talked her out of a bad relationship and into a good one (or so it seemed at the time, but that's another blog page) and finally met her husband 2 nights before their wedding as we sat on the floor in their tiny apartment drinking adult beverages and tying together her favors. Anyway, Sailor Mouth is just that, she has the mouth of a sailor. She swears, the F bomb is like air to her. And she cracks me the hell up with her stories about telling people off, even if they are her customers. That was until the person she told off? The BM Dress Shop lady. Oh sweet heavens above, she went off on Dress Shop lady,threatened to cancel her dress because she was tired of dealing with this "Bullshit." The bullshit? She was hacked off that she had to e-mail her measurements in(she had to PAY someone to take her measurements because she wasn't ordering her dress through them, nice people), that the Dress Shop lady didn't tell her how much was being charged on her credit card AND when she attempted to e-mail in her stuff, it bounced back as undeliverable. All of which the Dress Shop lady denied, which sent Sailor Mouth over the edge, and threatened to cancel her dress and "Let you people deal with the pissed off Bride!" (the bride is not pissed off, just annoyed that everyone is making this into such an ordeal and heightening her need for meds.) Sailor Mouth calls me at work to relay the above incident which isn't even close to everything she said. At the same time my second work line rings, its Dress Shop lady, she left a message to call her, which I did once I attempted to calm down Sailor Mouth. Dress Shop lady? "Your friend, Sailor Mouth, I don't think she wants to be in the wedding, she said she would cancel her dress! I really think she doesn't want to walk for you!" Dress Shop lady is European, and English isn't her first language, so she says things a little differently, which I'm used to, because F is the same way. Anyway, I decided I would tell her my concerns about not being told about the e-mailing, she didn't want to hear it. She kept agreeing with me, but she really wasn't getting what I was saying. I finally got her off of Sailor Mouth dropping out of the wedding and onto CBF, to check and see if she did in fact e-mail in her measurements. She didn't know.
What R? Did you get R's? I'm not sure.
And the wraps? I suppose I could call the company. I'll have to call you later and let you know, I'll leave you a message if you aren't there.
That was 2.5 hrs ago. No call. No message.
There just might be a pissed off Bride after all.

We Have A Winner!

The Great Shoe Saga Has ENDED!!!!

YES! I have a pair of shoes for my wedding! Praise the shoe gods for finally shining down upon me!

I ordered these:

In a last ditch effort to wear open toed shoes at my wedding to cut down on the heat factor. They are simple and nice looking. I ordered them in 9.5 and 10 to kill the wait time in case the 9.5 didn't work. The 9.5 size fit ok, but the 10 gave me a little more toe room. I walked around the living room and my ankle started to twinge. I moved on into the kitchen and I started to wobble on the non-carpeted surface. Both sizes had the same effect, wobble and twinge. Within 15mins I had canceled out Sophia from Coloriffics. I guess I was reaching too far to think I could handle 3.5 inch heel. Every step I took I had to think, STEP, STEP, STEP and that is just not something I'm going to have time to think about while trying to make it down the stairs in front of everyone on my wedding day. Yes, I have to walk down stairs in front of EVERYONE at the church. There may be practice runs in the near future, I'm just sayin.

So which shoes you ask made the cut? The ones I kept going back to, EVERY SINGLE TIME, based on look alone? That would be these:

Donna by Coloriffics. Donna and I became fast friends when I ordered Donna in a size 10. Donna makes me sigh and smile every time I see her. Donna is very supportive and I know I can count on her on my BIG DAY. She'll be there, making me look and feel good. Donna will be coming to work with me so we can get better acquainted in the coming months. Donna may need some adjustments, but all great friends are up to that task, right? I don't think Donna will make me too hot, as my neighbor said when she saw Donna, "Just powder your feet that day, no worries. Donna is very nice looking, I'm sure she'll make you happy." I can't wait to see how Donna and My Dress get along. This could be a tense moment for all of us. But Donna seems to have enough class to be kind to My Dress even though it's not designer. After all, it IS custom made.

So everyone, please welcome my new friend Donna to our happy little circle, she's a fabulous gal!

*Composer's note: In case you any of you got lost in the post somewhere, Donna is a pair of shoes, not my new lover. Because that would just be awkward.

Shouting Again!

I felt like I was leaving people out in my Shout Outs. Those of you who have linked to me in the past and never got recognized. So here's to Molly and Each! You gals rule!!
And if I missed someone, it's most likely because, well, I don't know that there is a Internet bond floating out there in space between us. So beam me up if you want a shout out!


Yes, I watched all the Star Trek shows. No, I do not own Spock ears. And No, I don't attend any of the conventions.

Blessings On You

I was at the post office and had 2 boxes weighing me down. A Male Stranger saw me coming in as he was coming out. He turned around and went back inside and held open the door for me, both doors actually and offered to get the third. So blessings on you Male Stranger, blessings on you.
You are so much nicer then the cranky Pack-n-Post Guy who tossed my package on the ground and told me that my other package label was NOT A UPS label.
Also nicer than the place that is charging me return shipping when I could've sworn it said it was free!

And I am not post happy today, I just wanted Male Stranger to get a little extra attention while he was still on my mind. So who ever you are Male Stranger, I will do my best to Pay It Forward.

Another Shout Out!

This one is to Mom2Lo over at Just Another Day, who also linked to me!
All this attention is making me misty!!! *sniff*

Stuff

I was looking for some pants online and when I enlarged the picture to get a better look, I noticed that the model had on dark colored underpants under a pair of light colored Capri pants. Um, fashion faux pas anyone?
When I zoomed in on another one to see the details along the sides, I saw the shave bumps? Or spots? You know what happens to your leg when you’ve just shaved but don’t need to shave quite again? Those dark spots that are the start of new hair growth? Yeah, that’s what I saw instead.
Air brushing? Maybe? Just a suggestion.

And what is with the maternity but not really tops? Baby doll tops, isn’t that what they are called? Those of us who are of the curvier persuasion certainly don’t need people thinking, Is she fat? Or is she pregnant? And even though I’ve seen several that I wouldn’t mind wearing, I can’t get past the fact that I could keep it and wear it once I finally get pregnant. Plus I think they would not fit my chest area properly.

Did you know that there are 3 different lengths of “crop” pants? Yes, there is, and they all have different names but are essentially the same thing.
Crop pants are 25” long.
Carpi (*otherwise known as CAPRI)pants are 21” long.
Pedal pants are 17” long.
I did not know this until last summer when I was attempting to find something cute to wear in the summer heat that wasn’t the over exposing shorts.(my thighs have turned on me, bitches.)
Those few inches in difference? Make a huge difference, let me tell ya. Too long and you look like you are all ankle. Or they cut you funny and make you look stubby. I tried on all 3 lengths and twirled in the mirror. Yep, I’m definitely a Pedal length gal.
Too bad this year all the Pedal length ones are cheesy bright pastels which go with NOTHING I already own. I might get one pair, if I’m lucky.


Being a girl is so not easy.

*Composer's note: I suck at spelling, damn spell check! Thanks Mom2Lo for correcting me in a nice way.

Shout Out!

I'd like to Thank April's Reign for one, linking to me, (I need all the warm fuzzy feelings I can get these days!) And for two, inspiring me to get the map of where everyone (i think there are what, 4 of you now?) who reads (reads? read? neither of them sounds right.) me are located.
Unlike the pop-up zit ads, I wanna see MANY RED DOTS!!!

Yeah Baby, YEAH!!!!!

Now if I can only find someone who can teach me how to highlight and copy out of Blogger so I can do the whole spell/grammar check thing in Word, that'd be wondrous.

*OMG I figured it out myself! Totally have to use the ole fashioned KEY STROKES! I am a product of the Mouse generation, I swear it to be true!

One Year

Yesterday was the mark of being engaged for a whole year! I can't believe how fast it's gone by. So I decided in order to celebrate that day a whole year ago, I would share with you how F went about asking me to be his wife. Please forgive me the tear stains on this Blog entry, I cry every time I think about it.

A week or so before he proposed F had the opportunity to go Back East with a friend for the weekend. I hugged him and sent him on his way, happy to sit on my deck and read a book for a few days.

He came back happy to have visited friends and family and I thought nothing of it. (He had spent his time picking out my ring with FIL and MIL's help). Several days later he received a call while we were having dinner at my house. He spoke in his native tongue which I'd become accustom to, but something about his tone made me pause for moment, but I dismissed it.(he was talking to the jeweler about shipping my ring here from Back East). He called me on Friday and said we needed to go to dinner to the place where we had our first date, a lovely steak place. Again, I thought nothing of it, we'd gone there several times in the past. When he didn't propose on our vacation the month before, I figured I had at least until November when we started dating. A whole six months away. Plus, we never really TALKED about being married. It was more along the lines of, "When we have kids..." OR "When we get married...." OR "I'm not moving anywhere unless I have the BLING...." those kinds of things. I was beyond clueless that within the next 5hrs that day, I'd be engaged.

I met him at the restaurant. He was quiet while we waited to be seated, but I figured that was just because the restaurant was noisy and it was hard to hear. We were seated side by side on a couch while we waited and I swore I felt his cell phone vibrating in his pocket. So I patted his pocket and said, "Is your cell in there? I swear I just felt it go off." His eyes widened as he informed me that his cell was in his other pocket. "Oh." (THE BOX was in the pocket I was just patting, he thought I knew what was going on, I didn't.) We ate dinner joking about our past visits there, how things had progressed since our first date and how it was about time we each found someone new. I even told him, "I guess it's time for me to break up with you. I'll wait til after you pay the check though." (if I have to explain that i was kidding here, i mean really people.) He suggested that we go for a walk around the nearby quaint town to work off some of the heavenly steak we just ate. I agreed. We walked all through the town until we ended up at the park, which had a river and a little historic village. In the center of the village was a gazebo over looking the river. As we approached the gazebo in my head I thought, "Hmm that would be a great little place to get married." We stood in the gazebo chatting for a few minutes and then F told me to check out the tree across the river and how the water had left it's mark on it. (this was his diversionary tacit) I looked but didn't really see which tree he was referring to, so I pretended I did. My back was completely turned to him. I was chatting away about the tree when I heard from behind me, "DH."

"Hmm?" I mumbled as I turned towards his voice.

And there he was, on one knee, with a black box in his hand.

Do you want to know what I thought when I saw that box and the shiny ring in it? "Why is he showing me a ring he bought for his mother??" It did not in anyway register that he was DOWN ON ONE KNEE. My mind was swimming.

I stared at him, dumbfounded.

"DH, will you be my wife?"

My hands went to my face. I started to cry. "Are you sure?" I half whispered.

"Yes, I'm sure." he chuckled.

"YES!! YES!! OH F, YES!!!!"

Requisite hugging and kissing followed.

"Your mom has known for a few days." He confessed.

"What?"

He'd gone and ask her permission for my hand in marriage. (and she'd kept quiet for DAYS, it was killing her, she told me so.)

And the ring fit! He'd secretly tried on my class ring, which I wear on my right hand, to get the proper size for my engagement ring.

How could I not love him?

Lucky Number 13

I’ve ordered so many shoes, and looked at so many websites that I forget what I’ve already looked at/ordered. I decided that one pair was THE PAIR and that maybe if I just order it another half size larger, shooting me up to a 10 instead of 9.5(which is too big too, I’m a 9) that I might get lucky. So I asked Endless.com to please send me said shoes and they promised me next day delivery. When I got home I scanned the rooms, no box.
“Didn’t I get a box?” I sheepishly asked F.
“HUH?” he grunted from the evil family room that refuses to be finished being remodeled.
“A box, I was expecting a box. Didn’t it come?” I asked hopefully.
“Nothing came.”
“Oh.” I mumbled dejected.
I went about puttering around the kitchen feeling sad that the cardboard container had not appeared on my step as promised.
Then I heard the rumble.
I looked up as the breaks screeched to a stop in front of our house.
Out the door window I could see the big brown panel trucked idling in front of the house.
UPS! Only glory be!
I started pacing back and forth in the kitchen, not wanting to seem too eager when the Man in Brown arrived at my door.
I was so excited I barely heard the door bell ring!
I raced to the door and threw it open, “Hello there!” The Man in Brown smiled at me, “This is for you.”
“OH! THANK YOU!” I exclaimed as I cradle the cardboard container to my chest. My eye caught sight of the other package tucked under his arm, AMAZON.COM winked at me.
Could it be? Was I getting 2 packages all at once? I’d ordered the workout suggested by Molly for brides to be from AMAZON.COM just a day or two before.
The Man in Brown glanced at the AMAZON.COM package, back at me, smiled and said, “Have a goodnight!”
“You too!” I said a bit sad that I was only getting one package instead of two.
I dug the scissors out of the junk draw and settled myself in amongst the other 4 cardboard containers that sat lined against the wall, waiting to be sent back to whence they came. Once again I set to removing all the ridiculous amounts of packaging from the shoes. I sighed as they emerged. Yes, these are THE ONES, I smiled to myself. I slipped them on and knew that with just a few break-in wearings we’d be in business.
“DH! I need your help.” came the call from the evil family room.
I clicked into the room and F turned to look. He raised an eyebrow ( I failed to mention that I’d changed into shorts and a sleeveless shirt in order to do work).
“They CAME!” I grinned as I pointed my foot out to show him.
“I see.” He grinned back at me.

There is one more pair that is still set to arrive, so I’ll wait to post which shoes I went with until after they’ve had their turn on the carpet runway in the living room.

PLEASE !

I just want to give a heads up to all the advertisers out there. Your marketing for acne medicine? REVOLTING. The last thing I need to see first thing in the morning while reading my non-work related e-mail is some nasty pimply face that continually goes from a massive breakout to clear smooth skin. These pop-ups are a horrible way to advertise. It disgusts me that I have to avert my eyes just so I can read an e-mail about puppies and kittens and angel kisses. Do you really think these things work? And Yahoo!? Couldn't you find some other people to sell advertising space to? Like save the trees or something? I'm so sick of them, they are so gross. Please remove them from your website.

Thank You,
The World at Large.

Things....

I Realized This Weekend.....

1. My legs are horrifyingly white. Frosty ain't got nothin on me.
2. I love power tools. I am the female version of Tim the Tool Man Taylor. I may not know how to use them, but I want them, all of them, and a reason to use them.
3. Even though I am #2, I still kinda hate home improvement projects. But I think that's because I don't get to use the power tools as much as I'd like to. And this current project is taking WAAAAAAAAY to long to complete.
4. F has NO CLUE what it takes to prepare a home for a visit from the in-laws. He tried to tell me what needs to be done for MIL's arrival, and I told him I was way ahead of him, and that what needed to be done could not be completed in a weekend. A few of the items on the list? Clean cold air returns, steam clean carpets, remove cobwebs, wash curtains, clean and organize basement, etc. Basically, a heavy duty spring cleaning type of thing. I should add cleaning out the fridge to the list. Because we all know that MILs? They inspect the housekeeping handy work of their daughter-in-laws. All the while with the question of "Is she really able to care for MY BOY?" floating in her head. (correct me if I'm wrong.)
5. I miss sleeping all snuggled in my bed. F and I sleep completely different, and we have both had to adapt to each other. I like to fling the windows open letting the chilly night air wash over me while I cozy down in my warm blankets. He likes to close all the windows and alternates between being cold and hot and flinging covers off and back on again. Or laying in the bed shivering because he is too lazy to lean over the side of the bed and grab the blanket he threw off a few hours before. (i am not exaggerating about that last part, he's said it to me himself.)
6. I need longer weekends.

I'm Sorry, A What?

This just seems wrong to me. To profit by making a Theme park out of the Crucifixion of Christ?


That certainly is a different kind of one-way ticket you're buying.
Making a movie about it is one thing, I went and saw it and it was very emotional. However, that was a one time thing, and there weren't any rides or gift shops related to it. I just can't wrap my mind around this thing. I kinda want to go, just to see.
But it still feels all kinds of wrong.

Time Line

6:18pm: Arrive home. Seek out F to say Hello.


6:20pm: Notice large box sitting on back step, get excited at prospect of opening SHOES!


6:20:45sec pm: Notice other large box sitting in the living room by the front door. MORE SHOES!

6:21pm: Stack 2 large boxes on top of each other and admire lovely from the kitchen while making dinner.

6:45pm: Eat dinner in living room trying not to ripe into boxes with fork. MUST SEE SHOES!

7:00pm: F comes to tell me what needs to be completed on the evil family room this evening. Shoes must wait until work is over.

8:30pm: Finish work and start to head towards shoes who have been whispering to me for the last hour and a half. Hear F call from the basement to come help on his resume. *whimper* before heading downstairs.

8:45pm: Whiningly ask F if I can please go upstairs and try on my shoes now????

8:45:30pm: RACE UPSTAIRS TO SHOES! GLORIOUS SHOES!

8:46pm: Open first shoe box like it's Christmas!!!! Shiny! Pretty!

9:20pm: HATE STUPID shoes! Hate STUPID packaging that comes packed with shoes!

9:45pm: Limp into bedroom. Pretty shoes are MEAN! They pinch! They cut! They wobble! Hate stupid fat Polish feet!

9:46pm: Relay to F that out of 8 pairs of shoes, there are MAYBE 2 I could actually wear and MAYBE 3 others if re-ordered in a different size.

10:00pm: Crawl into bed feeling completely defeated.

2:00pm today: Order 3 more pairs of pretty! Shiny! Wedding shoes!!!!

All About F

I have chronicled about F from almost day one on this post. And usually, it's about how my Crazy is affecting us, or how MIL and FIL are affecting us, and often may not be a very positive representation of us. I worry about a lot of stuff, it's in my genes, it's my astrological make-up, I'm a worrier who wants everyone to be happy. So when things do not go well, I tend to freak the hell out. However, F has been there to help me out, he's a fabulous man.


We'd only been dating a few months when he rushed me to Urgent Care for my gall bladder, and grudgingly took me back home when I said I didn't need to go to the ER. Then, at 4 am in the morning when I finally decided that, um yeah, the ER might be a good idea, he did not complain as he showered, dressed and said he was sorry after hitting even the tinniest little bump on the ride to the ER, which jarred me and made me moan and cringe with pain. We arrived at the ER at 6 am, and when they finally decided to slice me open, my surgery wasn't scheduled to happen until Midnight. He stayed with me ALL DAY long, snoozing on the crap ass stool they gave him to sit on, calling my mom, my work and CBF to let them know what was going on. He stayed, even after my mom arrived to keep vigil. And when I woke up after surgery, he was the one I looked for, and asked for, and even in my Morphin induced haze(hi! morphin rocks! not that I'm addicted or anything....) when the nurse asked me if F was my husband I knew he wasn't but knew it was just better to say yes, so I could see him sooner. Plus, it just seemed Right to call him my husband.

I knew I was falling in love with him.

When we were out shopping for a stand-up freezer a few weeks ago(we belong to Costco, 'nough said) and F told me the one I was looking at was too small I said, "But it's just us."

"Yes, but it won't always be just us. We're going to expand our family someday."

I beamed at his back and fell in love with him a little more.

And this weekend when he hurt himself while doing home improvement (damn family room still isn't finished! Evil family room.) and I had to rush HIM to the ER (after he made me help him change his pants because the ones he had on "smelled") and he looked at me while we were waiting and said, "You are so sweet. I love you." It makes me want to be a better person, because that's what he sees when he looks at me.


And not to worry, he is fine. We could have gotten by without going to the ER, but you can never be too sure when blood is running down your man's manly arm.

How can you not love a guy?

It's Smokin.....

My credit card that is. I just ordered my "wedding shoes". And when I say shoeS, I mean that the pool of potential wedding shoeS tops out at 8. 3 from Zappos and 5 from Endless.com.
I can't wait to see F's face when 8 boxes arrive on our door step.
Total Credit card bill for "potential" wedding shoes? $568.75.
That makes my head hurt.
$365.75 for the 5 pairs from Endless and $203 for the 3 pairs from Zappos.
Thank the Retail Gods that these 2 sites don't charge shipping, either way.

It'll be hard though, deciding which shoes I want to keep. They are all pretty. And need a good home. And I'm not a heartless woman who would turn a needy shoe out on it's well heeled self.
They are poor, and helpless, and need someone to care for them.
I care, and I have plenty of upper closet space that's prefect for hiding shoes.
Just ask the suede black peep toes that are cozily tucked away up there, awaiting their turn to be worn, most likely at my rehearsal dinner.

Pushing Daisies

I've well documented my hunt for suitable wedding shoes. I even consulted the Shoeru herself, Molly. After hitting 4 stores in one lunch hour and coming up with NOTHING, I've returned my hopes and shoe dreams back to the Internet. And this is what I found.






It scares me.





Especially when you consider that it'll cost $491.00 to have a flower growing out of your foot.



Um Hi, I just came from dancing around a pole to get married.....





I even saw ones that light up as you walk down the aisle.





Good lord, what has this world come to?


I DID find some, suitable shoes, but as before I'm still toren between open and closed toe. I guess it'll all come down to which pair feels best.



I think these may have been posted before, I'm not sure.





Too much bow? I don't know.


I know I said I wanted BLING on my shoes, but is this too much?

These are only a few from Zappos, I couldn't get the ones from Endless.com to cut and paste. There are 5 more on that Favorites list.
Oh, the money I'm about to spend to simply FIND a pair of shoes!

Big Brother

I got my Stimulus Check, a nice little $600. It's going to cover (hopefully) hair, makeup and nails for the wedding.
Weird thing is though, they sent it to me at "Our" house.
I haven't "officially" changed my address, unless you count magazines and bills. As far as the Gov't is concerned, I'm still livin the single life in my little house (oh how I miss that kitchen! *la sigh*).
So somebody is a Narc.

I'm lookin at you, City of [redacted] Water Billing Department and or Consumer's Energy.
You're the most "Official" places I've changed my address with.
Nasty Narcs! *insert finger wagging here*

If You're A Guy, Skip Reading Today

Or, if you a gal with a weak stomach, you might wanna skip too.





Ok? Anyone still with me? I was reading Cosmo at lunch and came upon an Ad for "The Diva Cup."





The DivaCup™ is very sanitary, comfortable, reliable and convenient. It holds one full ounce (30 ml). Since the entire cycle is an average of 30-40 ml*, most women find that the cup is not even half full after 12 hours.

Depending on your flow empty the cup 2-3 times per 24 hour day, wash and reinsert. It can be worn up to 12 hours, even overnight. The DivaCup™ is ideal for all activities including swimming, camping, backpacking, and travelling. It is suitable for all menstruating women of all ages.



So, um, you have to wash it out? In the sink? The same place you brush your teeth?
I read some of the testimonials, and they RAVE about this. I don't know. Washing it out, yeah, kinda grosses me out. But women used to do this anyway, before tampons, right? I mean, wash and reuse. ugh
And they are only sold at health food places, like Whole Foods. Hmmm.

Does anyone use this?

Miss Nasty

I had a completely different post ready to go today, but after starting my morning with a lovely comment from the ever bold and brave Anonymous comment leaver, I decided to give said Anonymous props for having the guts to be rude from behind the mask of anonymity. Kinda like the people who wear sheets over their heads as they claim to be Christian while burning a cross in some body's yard.......um, yeah. And I'm sure Anonymous will leave yet ANOTHER comment regarding this post and on and on and on, blah, whatever.

So, just let me update. CBF sent me an e-mail apologizing, without being provoked by me.

See? some people DO have manners.

Really?

This is the E-mail I just sent to all of my Bride's Maids:

Ok Ladies,
It's that time! I need to you to please go to a dress shop or tailor i.e. someone who knows what they are doing, and get your measurements so I can go order your dresses! I figured it would just be easier to go and order them all at once so there would be less confusion. My Eldest Sister and I are going next week to the dress shop to get all the details about ordering and what-not so I'll have more info for you then. Right now though, just e-mail me your measurements which I will take to the dress shop to place the order. I hope to do the ordering before the end of the month or, at the very latest, the beginning of June.

Yippie!

The Bride

And this is the response I just got from CBF, you know, the one who said this has followed that up with this ever lasting bit of good cheer:

"Are you trying to stomp on all of my self-esteem. Do we really have to do this. I was hoping that the [redacted] weather would be conducive to losing some of my inches. This is humiliating. Ok, I'm through whining, but still."

Apparently, I am in charge of a 40 yr olds self esteem.
Who is a mental health professional.
Doctor, heal thy fucking self.
I am seriously at the point of telling her not to worry, because she's out of the wedding. Why would you say that to the bride? My god. Tell someone else, not me. WTF!

F made the mistake of just calling me to see "what's up?" and I told him we need to elope because I'm tired of trying to fucking please everyone.
He said yes, then said: "we can doing something little here, and use the money to pay off some bills."
Pardon?
"If I'm going to tell everyone to take a flying leap, I want to at least get some fun out of it. Not stay here and do nothing."

And to top it all off, I can feel the PMS kicking in.

Fashion Faux Pas

I wore a skirt.
(trust me that is a big deal.)

I wore a skirt to church.
(seriously, a huge deal.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother.
(haven’t gone with her in a few years.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother on mother’s day.
(she went with us to our church.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother on mother’s day, and we were late.
(we’re always late to church, no fear of God here I guess.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother on mother’s day, and we were late, which is why I forgot to wear a slip.
(honestly, I don’t really own a “real” slip I go for the “bloomers”, cuts down on thigh stickage. If you’re skinny you have no clue what I’m talking about most likely.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother on mother’s day, and we were late, which is why I forgot to wear a slip, even though I had on bright red knickers.
(i hope no one noticed.)

What Do You Do?

What do you do when they lie?

And don't see anything wrong with it?

What do you do when they omit details?

And don't see anything wrong with it because they are "protecting you"?

What do you do when they mooch or think they are entitled to "special favors"?

And don't see how that's just not right?

What do you do when they turn to you and say, "Don't think I could love my kid if they were gay."

And can't see past that?

What do you do?

Lunch

What follows is a conversation I just had with 2 separate co-workers about lunch, a very important topic in our office. Some days we begin discussing lunch plans before we even have our morning coffee(tea for me).

ME: "Qdoba's?"
CoW1: "When?"
ME: "Lunch."
CoW1: "Today?"
ME: "Yeah."
CoW1: "YES!"
CoW1: "Didn't you bring anything? I brought a burger."
ME: "Nope, it'll keep."
CoW1: "Right, then I won't have to bring lunch tomorrow."
ME: "Right!"
See how well we rationalize things?

Conversation I had with my second co-worker inviting her along with us:

ME: "Qdoba's?"
CoW2: "Today?"
ME: "Yeah."
CoW2: "Alright!"

Simple and to the point, that's the only way to be.

I'm A FEATURE!

My Wedding Date Twin, Molly, over at These Little Moments, was kind enough to answer my burning question about what type of shoe I should wear for my wedding, open or closed toe.

Go check it out! She's a great person, with great hair, and shoes, and has a fabulous photographer for her wedding, whom I'm totally not stalking........

Julia Roberts Called, She Wants Her Character Back

F and I were watching TV when the trailer for the new McDreamy movie, "Maid of Honor" came on.

F: “Hmph, that looks an awful lot like My Best friend’s Wedding.”

ME: “It is, told from the male view. (F shakes his head in disgust at my confirmation) And how gay of you to know that.” (not that there’s anything wrong with that…..)

F grinned as he flipped me off.

Now Boarding....In-Law Visit....Gate: Insanity

FIL is sick, still, again, more badly.

“I may have to go back East.” F says.

FIL is sick enough that his doctor told him not to fly. He was supposed to be traveling for work.

“Can’t he take the train?” I asked F, knowing the place he was suppose to be going to was easily reached by train.

“Yeah, but then we’d have to pick him up in C. Cause the train doesn’t come here.”

“Wait, what? I thought he was going to D. How did we get from D to C???”(don’t you love my alphabet soup writing?)
I knew where this was going and my fear was confirmed by the extremely pregnant pause F took before answering me….

“Oh, I see what you mean. He could take the train to D. I thought you meant take the train here when they visit.”

“What? Your Dad is coming? I thought you said your Mom was coming, ALONE.”

“I want both of them to visit.”

“Um, F. This is kinda something you should have told me awhile ago.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now, since he can’t fly, so he’s not coming.”

All conversations we’d had about pending visits had solely included his mother, not FIL. How his mom would meet my mom and they would spend the day together, how his mother wouldn’t approve of us sleeping in the same bed so he’d sleep on the pull out couch. FIL was never mentioned.
I couldn’t vent my anger at him for leaving this bit of the equation out, he was already crying about his dad being sick and possibly not living until the wedding.
So I dreamed it instead.
I told him to tell the jeweler to keep the damned ring because the WEDDING IS OFF.
His face, in the dream was one of shock and horror.
I felt highly satisfied at finally making him understand how strongly I dislike his father.(of course calling off the wedding would mean FIL won, and we certainly can't have THAT.)

My ring arrived today.

TELL ME

Conversation F had in my presence:

F: ”Blah blah blah. Yeah well I need to talk to you about DH, but she’s sitting right here.”
Pause as his friend L makes snarky comment on the other end.

F: “yeah, she’s a pain.”
Pause as L says something, apparently in my defense because F then says:
“No really, she is a pain, trust me. HAHAHAHA”

He hangs up.

ME: “What did I do now that you have to talk to L about it?????”
F: “I can’t tell you that.”
ME: “WHAT?! Why not!?!? It’s about me! I have a right to know!!!”
F: “No you don’t. I have to talk to L about something about you.”
ME: “TELL ME.”
F with an evil gleam in his eye: “Nope.”
ME: “ARGH!”

Workin for a Living...

I passed a milestone at my job. 10yrs of service. For someone my age, this is a big deal. Most people in the Gen X group are job hoppers. 2-3 yrs, and they're on to something that's more of a resume builder. I, am just lazy. I've got it good here. Flex time-ish, 2 weeks off at Christmas, an insane amount of vacation time, it's all good. And the majority of the people in my group within the bigger office have been here as long, if not longer too. They work with me EVERYDAY. We can hear each other's conversations over the cube walls. And yet, AND YET half of them spelled my name wrong. You know how I feel about this issue. But somehow, the people who are in charge of in putting data, where things have to be correct, spell my name wrong.
At least I got a donut.

Seriously, Just MEAN

I love validation. Who doesn't? And each and every time I get an actual comment on one of my posts I get all excited and the warm feelings of love and understanding just flow through me. Someone CARES enough to make a comment. Someone UNDERSTANDS what I'm saying enough to make a comment. Someone actually finds me AMUSING. And since my commentators are so few and far between (no pressure commentators, NONE at ALL.....ahem) you can imagine my hurt and annoyance when I get C-SPAMed, Comment SPAM. Yeah, what the hell is that all about? Seriously? Are you really that lame that you have to SPAM on a Blog? And none the less it wasn't even a GOOD SPAM, it was about SUITS, MEN'S suits. Hi! little market research here, I AM NOT A MAN. And this SPAM? Not only once, nay! TWICE!!! SAME DAMNED THING! Really, just EVIL to do that to a poor girl. Repeatedly.
I've pasted it below so you can read it. But so HELP ME if you go comment on this twit's page instead of mine, you are so DEAD to me!
(please don't leave me for a poser!)

"Have you ever realized that when you buy readymade suits you get a choice of only a few colors & styles, also finding the perfect fit are quite difficult? Wouldn’t it be better to choose from over 2000 different British & Italian fabrics and get a tailor made suit at a similar price that you pay for readymade suits? We are a company based in Hong Kong and have been providing custom made suits & shirts since 1997. With representatives in major cities around the globe we can arrange to show you the fabric samples and take your measurements, or you can also place your orders online with the help of our measuring guide. There are over 2000 fabrics to choose from along with all the latest styles.All our suits and shirts are produced by highly skilled Shanghainese tailors in Hong Kong and delivered in about 4 weeks, express delivery can be made in 2 weeks at a minor extra cost. In case you are not able to find what you are looking for then please let us know your requirement may it be in words or by a photograph and we could arrange it for you.We also have an outlet at the Hotel Intercontinental Budapest where you are most welcome to visit us. Though we are not located in streets like Savile Row (London), we have still been able to offer made to measure suits to many VIP’s from around the world.Experience an easier way of shopping for bespoke suits & shirts at Euro Tailors"
Kenny Surtani

Kenny? Really? So doesn't make me wanna buy a suit from you. You know, that and the fact that I'm NOT A DUDE.

GROOOOOOOOOSSSSS

I was in the bathroom at work. We have those toilet seats that don't make a complete circle

The gap in between had a hair on it. A very dark, hair. Which of course leads me to believe it was a pubic hair. UGH. I stood there and took a deep breath and blew to get it off the "gap" and it worked. But when I looked down, I saw it had landed ON MY BARE TOES!(i'm wearing flip-flop type things)
HORRIFIED, I tried to shake it off but it just would not budge!
I looked over for a brief second and saw the pubic hair laying on the floor.
On closer inspection of my toes what I THOUGHT was the hair was really an unraveling thread from my shoe.
PHEW.

Things.....

That Should Be Illegal....

• Changing the gas price from $3.47 to $3.56 while people are waiting in line for the $3.47 price.

That's just low down dirty.

• Oh, wait, actually having to PAY over $3 for gas should be illegal too!!!

• The gas station that used to be at least 10 cents cheaper than everyone else, is now only a penny cheaper if not more expensive than everyone else.

The Bling Is Gone

I look at my engagement ring often. Mostly to check to make sure it looks good, you know, CLEAN and SHINY. The other day I was coming out of the kitchen at work and I happened to look down at my ring.

A diamond was missing!

Actually, it wasn't missing, it was a trick of the light, however I did notice that it was sitting lower in the setting then it should be. I got back to my desk and examined it more closely. The diamond in question had sled out of it's bracket or groove, if you will, on one side. When I poked at it with my nail, it moved. I got very nervous. I can't tell you how many stories I heard when I worked in the jewelry store about how the diamond was there and then it wasn't. One good knock and I could lose the diamond for real! I immediately e-mailed F and told him to get in touch with the Jeweler where he bought the ring, back East. As I was waiting for his reply a co-worker came in and I told her what was happening.

"Oh yeah, it totally IS sitting lower!" (i tell you this so you don't think I'm over reacting.)

F called me back and told me that I have to send the ring back.

Back East.

How long will this take? How long will I wonder if anyone will notice it missing and think the engagement has been called off? I can't take the stress.

My thumb keeps going to my ring finger to mess with the band.

The one good thing about all of this? The deep scratches on the ring from when I wore it while sanding joint compound should get polished (buffed, for those in the know) out. And then my ring will be returned me to all shiny and new looking! YAY!!!!

Trust me, you don't want to see a pic of the ring on my pudgy finger, but this is what it looks like.

Sleepless...On the Couch

Remember last week, F went far far away.(he asked me to pack for him.) F has now returned.(he asked that I UNpack for him.) F is completely disorientated because of the time change and what-not. F still has not put the suitcase and presents and trash away from his trip. It completely litters the guest bedroom and bed, i.e. the room I go to sleep when he snores. I refuse to clean it up for him. Especially after spending the week he was gone cleaning the whole freaking house by myself, missing all the lovely sunny warm weather. Extra especially after he found the energy to go hang out at his hobby for half an hour and shoot the breeze with the boys.(i was dragged along.) So last night, after he went to bed at 8 pm, he began to snore beyond belief. Since I refused to clean up his mess, YET AGAIN, I found myself on the couch shortly after I came to bed. He came out about 4 am and told me to come back to bed, I declined to do so.
He knew he was in trouble.
He came and asked me again at 5am.
Again, I declined.
We met in the hallway after he got out of the shower, "Good morning?" he queried.
I narrowed my eyes at him, "good morning."
"What's wrong?"
"I'm tired."
He dropped it.
But he did start picking up after himself.
I think he got the message.

JC Penney is a Damn Tease

So the shoes from JC Penney's? Available on line ONLY. Which, ok, my fault for not paying better attention to what the site said. F came along for the ride. (he is still totally out of it. Woke up at 4 am this weekend, which means I was awake too, not cool. But YAY! he's home.)
Anyhow, fighting through my 3 hr long sinus headache I stumble downstairs and make my way back to the Penney's website only to find that in my size, those lovely shoes, come ONLY IN BLACK. So yeah, I didn't get them. Oh, I could have had them in white, if I wore a 6.5. What is it with the 6.5s!?!?!?!!?
The hunt continues.
F suggested that I go to DSW.
How does he even know such a place exists?????????

Is It Wrong?

I have a friend at work that had a pair of heels that she absolutely loved. Loved to the point that she had them resoled, like 5 times. After several years they were scuffed and scared and stretched out, I finally convinced her to buy new ones. The ones I found for her she didn’t buy. She went shopping on her own and bought a pair of shoes that she now hates. Hates to the point that she’s reinstating the old pair.
My point here is that I too had a pair of sandals that I loved. They were from Target, Cherokee Fisherman’s Sandals. I wore those suckers all over Europe. Wore them all summer. I LOVED those sandals, they were so comfortable. A few summers later while getting ready for trip to Australia I discovered that they really smelled. I hunted for replacements, all over the net. I could not find them. So I bought a pair of shoes that CBF said were like butter, a pair of Sketchers. She’s very foot conscience. I wore them all over OZ, and I HATED them. They were heavy and the black rubber insole made my foot sweat and turn black. Then the stitching started to come undone. I went back to my original Target sandals the next summer. I would switch between the two pairs, but ultimately, the Target ones would win out. Then the sole got a crack in it from one side of the shoe to the other. I continued to wear them. This past summer the insole came free from the sole. I was determined to continue to wear the sandals until they fell apart at the seams for the top leather straps were still in amazingly good condition. However, the SLAP SLAP SLAPPING of the insole back into the sole with every step I took drove me crazy. I began my hunt again and found a pair of nice shoes online, for $80 bucks. F shamed me out of buying them, saying that was too much to spend on sandals. I reluctantly purchased a cute pair of fisherman’s sandals from Payless and wore them to Boston. Where the straps came into the sole, the lump it created, poked me in the bottom of my foot and rubbed them raw. And then my knees started to hurt. I was able to fix the poking rubbing strap, but even so, every time I wore them last summer my knees would hurt. I cursed those sandals, and I greatly fear having to wear them again this summer.
So what all this is leading up to, is this; I found some new fisherman sandals that I think would be ultra comfortable. And they cost $85 bucks. They are Doc Martens. Docs are suppose to be very good shoes, but are they really worth $85 dollars? And can I, so broke it aint no joke, justify a pair of $85 dollar sandals?

I realize they look kind of manish, but they are so damned comfy, if you get the right ones,and they look so cute with shorts, or jeans, or capris.

I also found a pair from Red Wing that are $75.

Thoughts?
Suggestions?

Oh, and JcPenney's is having a sale, so I checked out their website too. They have a pair of Clarks on sale, so I went to the Clark's Website. Um, HI! I'll take one of every pair of your sandals, Thanks!

Oh, and I found THESE on the Penney's website, I think I may have found my Wedding Shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aren't they so, simple and sophisticated? AND I can actually try them on to see if there'd be any Polish Foot Mush.

ARGH!

I told you all that F is currently out of the country for work related stuff. I was so excited that I was going to get to sleep without earplugs! YES! I thought to myself, I'll FINALLY sleep like I did in the days before F! LIKE A ROCK. Surely I've mentioned his snoring, haven't I? The snoring that makes me go sleep in the other room? The snoring that requires me to wear ear plugs to bed EVERY NIGHT?
We bought a box of like 500 ear plugs a few weeks ago.
I was actually excited.
About ear plugs.
Anywho, the first night F was gone I snuggled into the middle of the bed for a much needed good night's sleep, and jumped at EVERY SINGLE DAMNED SOUND I heard. I found out that our house is extremely noisy at night. Who knew? I've conquered the problem by loading the CD player with "sleepy time music" as my niece called it when she was little, and promptly fell asleep. Slept through the night even. But I still woke up feeling like I didn't sleep. And now, after several days I wake up before the alarm goes off, by like an hour. And CAN NOT fall back to sleep. WTF? All my glorious plans of great sleep, not so glorious.
I'm seriously looking forward to Saturday, when F returns.
I figure at least I can sleep in that morning before I have to go get him at the airport.
Which of course will end up with me awake at an ungodly hour because I'm afraid of over sleeping and not going to pick him up on time.
This is what it's like to be me.

Really?

I've told you about my recurring chin hair. Now I seem to have sprouted some kind of wire out of my cheek. Ok, so it's not REALLY a wire, but it feel much stiffer than a hair. Almost like that plastic thread they use to sew tags into clothes. Know what I mean? The stuff that keeps pricking you in the neck? Yeah, like that. When I run my finger nail across it, it makes a clicking noise. My facial hair has it's own sound track. I've gone at it with the tweezers several days in a row, but to no avail. It's just not long enough yet for me to be able to yank the damned thing out. It's like the missing tooth, or the hang nail, you just can't stop messing with it.
I can seriously see this being an issue come wedding day, and all the pictures will showcase me with my hand plucking at my face.
Lovely.

Clean Up..Aisle...ALL

I went grocery shopping on my lunch just now. Even without F here to help eat food, the fridge is bare. I went just down the street to my favorite major chain and commenced spending money. About 2 aisles in it hit me, hard and fast, I have to GO NOW! I believe I told you the horrors of not having a gall bladder. I like to know where a bathroom is at all times. I was however completely clueless about it's location in the grocery store. Squeezing my ass cheeks together as tightly as I could I thought I could make it through the store, check out and then back to the office, unload all my groceries and THEN go to the bathroom.
Yeah, not so much.
I asked an employee where the restroom was and she pointed, not 20 feet behind me tucked in next to the Pharmacy was the restroom. GLORY BE PRAISED! I had to keep myself from running there, slammed my cart to a halt and bolted into the farthest stall down. It was then that I discovered that I'd just spent the last 30mins traipsing around the store with my zipper wide open.
Like a good girl I'd "gone" before I left for the store, and apparently I either didn't do up my pants, or they came undone.
Nice.
Then while in the checkout lane I noticed the seasoning packet I'd bought to season my roast had a tear in it. Not too big, I figured I could make it back to the office and slap a little scotch tape on it. As I unloaded the bags I noticed a brown substance pretty much coating the inside of one bag.
I tossed the packet into a baggie and tried to salvage what was coating the bag, didn't really work. So the $3.69 I paid to make my life easier and more tasteful? There's about $2.00 worth left.
I guess I should have waited to shop.

Drunken E-Mailing

What follows is an e-mail F sent me. F is currently out of the country. He'll be gone for several days. Because of time changes and whatnot, his sleep pattern is totally screwed up. I laughed when I read this e-mail because it takes a bit of deciphering because the spelling and typing are quite nasty. I've placed the proper word next to the wrong word, in green.
Have fun reading, I know I did.



"DH, went out for Suchi Sushi and got totally fat and drunk and I am majorly buzed buzzed now... it was nto not just one glass of bear wither either. it was 4-5 glasses and 2-3 shot os of sachi (sp?) sake... I can not belive believe I am coherant coherent enought to type this email... okay I am goin g going to surf the net and watch the soft porn* they have on regular tv here... cheers love F"

* Just so you know, I told him watching porn was wrong, and that its even worse to tell me he was going to go watch it. Boys.

PMI: The Reckoning

Red flags? A few.
Were they major?
Not in Father's opinion. In fact he said there weren't any red flags.
The first Flag we talked about was our families, because apparently F thinks my Eldest Sister and Eldest BIL could be an issue. He doesn't feel comfortable around them.
Fair enough.
We talked about FIL and his behavior. Father really didn't have any advice on that, other than to respect him.
And to not move Back East.
He was concerned about our financial answers. Despite how much F and I make combined, a tidy sum, we are still struggling. Me the most, with my ever looming credit card debit. (if only my house would sell, Pray Shout Out to St Joseph!)
Other than that, it went ok. Until Father told us that he's almost certain he'll be leaving our Parish come July. So not cool. But he would come back and do our wedding if we wanted him too and that if the Priest he thinks is coming to replace him is really coming, we might be just as happy with him. (we'll see. We may have to stalk Father to his new locale.)
And then, F? Totally ratted me out. See, F and I are both Christians, but from different sects. Vastly different as far as I'm concerned and since his religion doesn't allow women to participate in the running of the Services, and basically paints them as second class citizens, I refuse to attend. He told Father that he'd ask me to attend and I refused.
Father took his side. Telling me I should go because it's important to F.
I don't like being ratted out to the Priest and I couldn't sleep last night for thinking about it. I'm a little hacked off about it. (F used this same tactic on FIL concerning me to their Priest. And I think that's part of why FIL resents me, or whatever his negative feelings are towards me.)
I'll go. But not because Father is a "Father" and he holds some kind of religious authority over me, but because I respect Father as a person, and hence respect his opinion.
But I won't like it.

Interesting....

Remember when F and I took the PMI and he couldn't believe that I was worrying about taking it?
Well, guess who just called me to tell me he's nervous?
Emhm, F.
Says he has a feeling something bad is going to happen.
Like I need to hear that a mere 2 hrs before we meet with Father to go over our results.
Damn it, now my stomach is getting all in knots.

It Takes All Kinds

Sunday, F and I arrived at Church to find it packed to the gills with people. First Communion. That means every blood relative of the child was in attendance. F and I headed towards the VERY back of the Church and managed to grab the last 2 seats in the place. The people in front of us had 3 boys, which grew my attention because the one had both his fingers up his nose and didn't care who saw. The oldest boy kept putting his feet on his mother's legs, her butt, the small of her back, where ever he could land them, all while trying to un-shoe his youngest brother who had taken up residence in his mother's arms. Fair enough, they are just kids. The first thing I noticed about their Aunt was her shoes. Very kicky heels with a red and white check pattern, kind of like she was wearing the picnic table cloth on her feet. But they looked better than that. My eyes caught the flash of blue next. I peered at her and caught sight of her bright blue, very long nails. Um, ok. The blue nails flashed up to her hair, and the pink little girl mini clip. OH! Now that is one of my pet peeves, adult woman who wear little girl hair accessories. Seriously! Move your lazy butt a little further down the aisle and buy the adult mini-clip! Yes, it may only be brown, and not have the hint of looking like a butterfly on your head, but hey, You're an ADULT, these things happen as part of growing up.


Tomorrow, PMI: The Reckoning.

Midnight Man Handling, It Never Ends

It has been a long while since I was Manhandled. But a few weeks ago it happened again. And this time? DOUBLE HANDED. That's right, 2 hands made their way onto my tushy. At the same time. They rested there, squeezed my tushy twice. Rested again. One made it's way to my hip, patted me and then both retreated.
I told F the next morning. He laughed.

"I must have been dreaming about sex."

Such a boy.

More of Yesterday and into Last Night

My mother called me while I was still at work last night. We spoke for a few minutes and like a true mother she says, "What's wrong? Is everything ok? Are YOU ok?"

ME: "I've been better." I sighed as I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.


Mom: "What's happened?"


So as the tears begin to run down my face, I relay the tale.


Mom: "Oh DH. Do you think you can spend the rest of your life living with them?"


ME: "I don't know mom, I really don't know."


And then I really started crying, and my nose started running. (why does that always happen at the same time? like crying isn't enough, your body's gotta throw in a few snot bubbles to top it off?)


Then, I got a bloody nose. Really helpful, let me tell ya.



So we talked for awhile. She told me I had to work it out with F as to how we'd handle these types of things. She's very comforting, that mom of mine.


When I got home F was waiting for me to take me out to dinner, and the water works started again. (trust me, I find myself annoying right now with all this damned crying.) Any woman knows that talking while sobbing does not make for an easy conversation. F listened, we talked very calmly. I told him I couldn't come to love a man(FIL) who is so cruel for no reason. And that I always feel like I can't be myself when we are at his parents', that I'm always uncomfortable. He told me that he told his mother that's why we don't stay there when we come to visit.


ME: "But that's the thing F, you tell her, not him. And you know as well as I do, she's not telling him this stuff. Of course he probably wouldn't care if she did."


He told me if I was going to leave him he wasn't going to help me move my stuff out. A running joke between us which made me laugh.


In the end I asked him to please defend my honor.


F: "I do."


ME: "Well ok, then defend my honor the way I would." I grinned at him full well knowing I was asking more than he could deliver as far as telling his father off is concerned.


I think everything is ok now.


Of course I screwed myself out of a nice dinner with all my blubbering, damn it.


Stupid girl hormones.

Will This Never End?

I cried myself to sleep last night.



Let me give some back story. A few hours earlier F came to me and said that one sentence that strikes fear in every heart, no matter what gender you've assigned to, "We need to talk."

It appears that while we were Back East for Christmas, yes, remember that trip? Apparently I committed a major faux pas by not greeting FIL like an excited puppy upon my entry into his home. I could be wrong here, but I thought etiquette dictates that the host is suppose to greet guests when you arrive in their home. So really, I should be upset that he didn't greet me, right?

My second faux pas, yes, I was bad more than once; occurred whilst relaying a statement that had been made to my mother by another woman who was the mother of a groom. "My mother told me that she was told that the MOG is suppose to wear beige and shut up." *insert laughing here* From what I can gather, MIL and SIL took it to mean that I was telling MIL to shut up and wear brown. But they weren't the ones to relay this to F, W (his brother) was. Remember W? The guy who dropped several F-Bombs and then stormed out leaving his wife and children behind during this same meal? Yes, he's the one who brought it up to F. Bit of the pot calling the kettle, don't you think?

OK.

I just want to make sure I've got this straight. I didn't greet FIL when I entered his home as a guest and I told MIL to shut her mouth and what color she should wear to the wedding, BACK IN DECEMBER and it's April, and I'm just now hearing about from an extremely distressed F. He's been stressing out about how to tell/ask me about this for 3 WEEKS.

"I didn't want to start an argument. I didn't want you blowing up over this."is what he told me finally. I also found out that when FIL hung up on me, he thought that it was I who was telling him to please stop calling, not that it was me relaying a message FOR F. (Don't shoot the messenger comes to mind.)

I know it's wrong to keep score, but I can't help but think of all the things that have been done to me by these same people and I haven't refused to talk to them or given them the silent treatment because of it. Ok, maybe I have to FIL, but dang, the hatin never stops with this man.
I want to express my feelings about this to F, but seeing how distressed he was over this, I hate putting him in the middle by complaining about his family, again. Which is exactly what is happening.
When I laid down to sleep my mind began to race, as it does. And this enormous overwhelming feeling of despair came over me, and I started to cry. F was already fast asleep so I got up and went to cry in the other room.
Is this how things are going to be for the rest of our lives? His family withholding affection and giving the silent treatment at the slightest hint of an imagined affront? Causing him to lie to me when I ask him what is wrong and he says "Nothing." because he doesn't want a confrontation with me?
I've never encountered a family like this. I've heard of them, but never had the displeasure of interacting with them. They constantly assault me and my sense of proper conduct and I do nothing. But when they feel accosted, it's all out war.
I know the saying goes "Kill them with Kindness." It's the "Kindness" part I'm having difficulty with.
This hurts my heart more than I can say because it makes me question this union.

Damn it, and Damn them because now I'm crying again.