Thursday, May 29, 2008

I'm Sorry, A What?

This just seems wrong to me. To profit by making a Theme park out of the Crucifixion of Christ?

That certainly is a different kind of one-way ticket you're buying.
Making a movie about it is one thing, I went and saw it and it was very emotional. However, that was a one time thing, and there weren't any rides or gift shops related to it. I just can't wrap my mind around this thing. I kinda want to go, just to see.
But it still feels all kinds of wrong.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Time Line

6:18pm: Arrive home. Seek out F to say Hello.

6:20pm: Notice large box sitting on back step, get excited at prospect of opening SHOES!

6:20:45sec pm: Notice other large box sitting in the living room by the front door. MORE SHOES!

6:21pm: Stack 2 large boxes on top of each other and admire lovely from the kitchen while making dinner.

6:45pm: Eat dinner in living room trying not to ripe into boxes with fork. MUST SEE SHOES!

7:00pm: F comes to tell me what needs to be completed on the evil family room this evening. Shoes must wait until work is over.

8:30pm: Finish work and start to head towards shoes who have been whispering to me for the last hour and a half. Hear F call from the basement to come help on his resume. *whimper* before heading downstairs.

8:45pm: Whiningly ask F if I can please go upstairs and try on my shoes now????


8:46pm: Open first shoe box like it's Christmas!!!! Shiny! Pretty!

9:20pm: HATE STUPID shoes! Hate STUPID packaging that comes packed with shoes!

9:45pm: Limp into bedroom. Pretty shoes are MEAN! They pinch! They cut! They wobble! Hate stupid fat Polish feet!

9:46pm: Relay to F that out of 8 pairs of shoes, there are MAYBE 2 I could actually wear and MAYBE 3 others if re-ordered in a different size.

10:00pm: Crawl into bed feeling completely defeated.

2:00pm today: Order 3 more pairs of pretty! Shiny! Wedding shoes!!!!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

All About F

I have chronicled about F from almost day one on this post. And usually, it's about how my Crazy is affecting us, or how MIL and FIL are affecting us, and often may not be a very positive representation of us. I worry about a lot of stuff, it's in my genes, it's my astrological make-up, I'm a worrier who wants everyone to be happy. So when things do not go well, I tend to freak the hell out. However, F has been there to help me out, he's a fabulous man.

We'd only been dating a few months when he rushed me to Urgent Care for my gall bladder, and grudgingly took me back home when I said I didn't need to go to the ER. Then, at 4 am in the morning when I finally decided that, um yeah, the ER might be a good idea, he did not complain as he showered, dressed and said he was sorry after hitting even the tinniest little bump on the ride to the ER, which jarred me and made me moan and cringe with pain. We arrived at the ER at 6 am, and when they finally decided to slice me open, my surgery wasn't scheduled to happen until Midnight. He stayed with me ALL DAY long, snoozing on the crap ass stool they gave him to sit on, calling my mom, my work and CBF to let them know what was going on. He stayed, even after my mom arrived to keep vigil. And when I woke up after surgery, he was the one I looked for, and asked for, and even in my Morphin induced haze(hi! morphin rocks! not that I'm addicted or anything....) when the nurse asked me if F was my husband I knew he wasn't but knew it was just better to say yes, so I could see him sooner. Plus, it just seemed Right to call him my husband.

I knew I was falling in love with him.

When we were out shopping for a stand-up freezer a few weeks ago(we belong to Costco, 'nough said) and F told me the one I was looking at was too small I said, "But it's just us."

"Yes, but it won't always be just us. We're going to expand our family someday."

I beamed at his back and fell in love with him a little more.

And this weekend when he hurt himself while doing home improvement (damn family room still isn't finished! Evil family room.) and I had to rush HIM to the ER (after he made me help him change his pants because the ones he had on "smelled") and he looked at me while we were waiting and said, "You are so sweet. I love you." It makes me want to be a better person, because that's what he sees when he looks at me.

And not to worry, he is fine. We could have gotten by without going to the ER, but you can never be too sure when blood is running down your man's manly arm.

How can you not love a guy?

Friday, May 23, 2008

It's Smokin.....

My credit card that is. I just ordered my "wedding shoes". And when I say shoeS, I mean that the pool of potential wedding shoeS tops out at 8. 3 from Zappos and 5 from
I can't wait to see F's face when 8 boxes arrive on our door step.
Total Credit card bill for "potential" wedding shoes? $568.75.
That makes my head hurt.
$365.75 for the 5 pairs from Endless and $203 for the 3 pairs from Zappos.
Thank the Retail Gods that these 2 sites don't charge shipping, either way.

It'll be hard though, deciding which shoes I want to keep. They are all pretty. And need a good home. And I'm not a heartless woman who would turn a needy shoe out on it's well heeled self.
They are poor, and helpless, and need someone to care for them.
I care, and I have plenty of upper closet space that's prefect for hiding shoes.
Just ask the suede black peep toes that are cozily tucked away up there, awaiting their turn to be worn, most likely at my rehearsal dinner.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Pushing Daisies

I've well documented my hunt for suitable wedding shoes. I even consulted the Shoeru herself, Molly. After hitting 4 stores in one lunch hour and coming up with NOTHING, I've returned my hopes and shoe dreams back to the Internet. And this is what I found.

It scares me.

Especially when you consider that it'll cost $491.00 to have a flower growing out of your foot.

Um Hi, I just came from dancing around a pole to get married.....

I even saw ones that light up as you walk down the aisle.

Good lord, what has this world come to?

I DID find some, suitable shoes, but as before I'm still toren between open and closed toe. I guess it'll all come down to which pair feels best.

I think these may have been posted before, I'm not sure.

Too much bow? I don't know.

I know I said I wanted BLING on my shoes, but is this too much?

These are only a few from Zappos, I couldn't get the ones from to cut and paste. There are 5 more on that Favorites list.
Oh, the money I'm about to spend to simply FIND a pair of shoes!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Big Brother

I got my Stimulus Check, a nice little $600. It's going to cover (hopefully) hair, makeup and nails for the wedding.
Weird thing is though, they sent it to me at "Our" house.
I haven't "officially" changed my address, unless you count magazines and bills. As far as the Gov't is concerned, I'm still livin the single life in my little house (oh how I miss that kitchen! *la sigh*).
So somebody is a Narc.

I'm lookin at you, City of [redacted] Water Billing Department and or Consumer's Energy.
You're the most "Official" places I've changed my address with.
Nasty Narcs! *insert finger wagging here*

Friday, May 16, 2008

If You're A Guy, Skip Reading Today

Or, if you a gal with a weak stomach, you might wanna skip too.

Ok? Anyone still with me? I was reading Cosmo at lunch and came upon an Ad for "The Diva Cup."

The DivaCup™ is very sanitary, comfortable, reliable and convenient. It holds one full ounce (30 ml). Since the entire cycle is an average of 30-40 ml*, most women find that the cup is not even half full after 12 hours.

Depending on your flow empty the cup 2-3 times per 24 hour day, wash and reinsert. It can be worn up to 12 hours, even overnight. The DivaCup™ is ideal for all activities including swimming, camping, backpacking, and travelling. It is suitable for all menstruating women of all ages.

So, um, you have to wash it out? In the sink? The same place you brush your teeth?
I read some of the testimonials, and they RAVE about this. I don't know. Washing it out, yeah, kinda grosses me out. But women used to do this anyway, before tampons, right? I mean, wash and reuse. ugh

And they are only sold at health food places, like Whole Foods. Hmmm.

Does anyone use this?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Miss Nasty

I had a completely different post ready to go today, but after starting my morning with a lovely comment from the ever bold and brave Anonymous comment leaver, I decided to give said Anonymous props for having the guts to be rude from behind the mask of anonymity. Kinda like the people who wear sheets over their heads as they claim to be Christian while burning a cross in some body's, yeah. And I'm sure Anonymous will leave yet ANOTHER comment regarding this post and on and on and on, blah, whatever.

So, just let me update. CBF sent me an e-mail apologizing, without being provoked by me.

See? some people DO have manners.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


This is the E-mail I just sent to all of my Bride's Maids:

Ok Ladies,
It's that time! I need to you to please go to a dress shop or tailor i.e. someone who knows what they are doing, and get your measurements so I can go order your dresses! I figured it would just be easier to go and order them all at once so there would be less confusion. My Eldest Sister and I are going next week to the dress shop to get all the details about ordering and what-not so I'll have more info for you then. Right now though, just e-mail me your measurements which I will take to the dress shop to place the order. I hope to do the ordering before the end of the month or, at the very latest, the beginning of June.


The Bride

And this is the response I just got from CBF, you know, the one who said this has followed that up with this ever lasting bit of good cheer:

"Are you trying to stomp on all of my self-esteem. Do we really have to do this. I was hoping that the [redacted] weather would be conducive to losing some of my inches. This is humiliating. Ok, I'm through whining, but still."

Apparently, I am in charge of a 40 yr olds self esteem.
Who is a mental health professional.
Doctor, heal thy fucking self.
I am seriously at the point of telling her not to worry, because she's out of the wedding. Why would you say that to the bride? My god. Tell someone else, not me. WTF!

F made the mistake of just calling me to see "what's up?" and I told him we need to elope because I'm tired of trying to fucking please everyone.
He said yes, then said: "we can doing something little here, and use the money to pay off some bills."
"If I'm going to tell everyone to take a flying leap, I want to at least get some fun out of it. Not stay here and do nothing."

And to top it all off, I can feel the PMS kicking in.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Fashion Faux Pas

I wore a skirt.
(trust me that is a big deal.)

I wore a skirt to church.
(seriously, a huge deal.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother.
(haven’t gone with her in a few years.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother on mother’s day.
(she went with us to our church.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother on mother’s day, and we were late.
(we’re always late to church, no fear of God here I guess.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother on mother’s day, and we were late, which is why I forgot to wear a slip.
(honestly, I don’t really own a “real” slip I go for the “bloomers”, cuts down on thigh stickage. If you’re skinny you have no clue what I’m talking about most likely.)

I wore a skirt to church with my mother on mother’s day, and we were late, which is why I forgot to wear a slip, even though I had on bright red knickers.
(i hope no one noticed.)

Friday, May 09, 2008

What Do You Do?

What do you do when they lie?

And don't see anything wrong with it?

What do you do when they omit details?

And don't see anything wrong with it because they are "protecting you"?

What do you do when they mooch or think they are entitled to "special favors"?

And don't see how that's just not right?

What do you do when they turn to you and say, "Don't think I could love my kid if they were gay."

And can't see past that?

What do you do?

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


What follows is a conversation I just had with 2 separate co-workers about lunch, a very important topic in our office. Some days we begin discussing lunch plans before we even have our morning coffee(tea for me).

ME: "Qdoba's?"
CoW1: "When?"
ME: "Lunch."
CoW1: "Today?"
ME: "Yeah."
CoW1: "YES!"
CoW1: "Didn't you bring anything? I brought a burger."
ME: "Nope, it'll keep."
CoW1: "Right, then I won't have to bring lunch tomorrow."
ME: "Right!"
See how well we rationalize things?

Conversation I had with my second co-worker inviting her along with us:

ME: "Qdoba's?"
CoW2: "Today?"
ME: "Yeah."
CoW2: "Alright!"

Simple and to the point, that's the only way to be.


My Wedding Date Twin, Molly, over at These Little Moments, was kind enough to answer my burning question about what type of shoe I should wear for my wedding, open or closed toe.

Go check it out! She's a great person, with great hair, and shoes, and has a fabulous photographer for her wedding, whom I'm totally not stalking........

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Julia Roberts Called, She Wants Her Character Back

F and I were watching TV when the trailer for the new McDreamy movie, "Maid of Honor" came on.

F: “Hmph, that looks an awful lot like My Best friend’s Wedding.”

ME: “It is, told from the male view. (F shakes his head in disgust at my confirmation) And how gay of you to know that.” (not that there’s anything wrong with that…..)

F grinned as he flipped me off.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Now Boarding....In-Law Visit....Gate: Insanity

FIL is sick, still, again, more badly.

“I may have to go back East.” F says.

FIL is sick enough that his doctor told him not to fly. He was supposed to be traveling for work.

“Can’t he take the train?” I asked F, knowing the place he was suppose to be going to was easily reached by train.

“Yeah, but then we’d have to pick him up in C. Cause the train doesn’t come here.”

“Wait, what? I thought he was going to D. How did we get from D to C???”(don’t you love my alphabet soup writing?)
I knew where this was going and my fear was confirmed by the extremely pregnant pause F took before answering me….

“Oh, I see what you mean. He could take the train to D. I thought you meant take the train here when they visit.”

“What? Your Dad is coming? I thought you said your Mom was coming, ALONE.”

“I want both of them to visit.”

“Um, F. This is kinda something you should have told me awhile ago.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now, since he can’t fly, so he’s not coming.”

All conversations we’d had about pending visits had solely included his mother, not FIL. How his mom would meet my mom and they would spend the day together, how his mother wouldn’t approve of us sleeping in the same bed so he’d sleep on the pull out couch. FIL was never mentioned.
I couldn’t vent my anger at him for leaving this bit of the equation out, he was already crying about his dad being sick and possibly not living until the wedding.
So I dreamed it instead.
I told him to tell the jeweler to keep the damned ring because the WEDDING IS OFF.
His face, in the dream was one of shock and horror.
I felt highly satisfied at finally making him understand how strongly I dislike his father.(of course calling off the wedding would mean FIL won, and we certainly can't have THAT.)

My ring arrived today.

Friday, May 02, 2008


Conversation F had in my presence:

F: ”Blah blah blah. Yeah well I need to talk to you about DH, but she’s sitting right here.”
Pause as his friend L makes snarky comment on the other end.

F: “yeah, she’s a pain.”
Pause as L says something, apparently in my defense because F then says:
“No really, she is a pain, trust me. HAHAHAHA”

He hangs up.

ME: “What did I do now that you have to talk to L about it?????”
F: “I can’t tell you that.”
ME: “WHAT?! Why not!?!? It’s about me! I have a right to know!!!”
F: “No you don’t. I have to talk to L about something about you.”
F with an evil gleam in his eye: “Nope.”

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Workin for a Living...

I passed a milestone at my job. 10yrs of service. For someone my age, this is a big deal. Most people in the Gen X group are job hoppers. 2-3 yrs, and they're on to something that's more of a resume builder. I, am just lazy. I've got it good here. Flex time-ish, 2 weeks off at Christmas, an insane amount of vacation time, it's all good. And the majority of the people in my group within the bigger office have been here as long, if not longer too. They work with me EVERYDAY. We can hear each other's conversations over the cube walls. And yet, AND YET half of them spelled my name wrong. You know how I feel about this issue. But somehow, the people who are in charge of in putting data, where things have to be correct, spell my name wrong.
At least I got a donut.