This is the E-mail I just sent to all of my Bride's Maids:
It's that time! I need to you to please go to a dress shop or tailor i.e. someone who knows what they are doing, and get your measurements so I can go order your dresses! I figured it would just be easier to go and order them all at once so there would be less confusion. My Eldest Sister and I are going next week to the dress shop to get all the details about ordering and what-not so I'll have more info for you then. Right now though, just e-mail me your measurements which I will take to the dress shop to place the order. I hope to do the ordering before the end of the month or, at the very latest, the beginning of June.
And this is the response I just got from CBF, you know, the one who said this has followed that up with this ever lasting bit of good cheer:
"Are you trying to stomp on all of my self-esteem. Do we really have to do this. I was hoping that the [redacted] weather would be conducive to losing some of my inches. This is humiliating. Ok, I'm through whining, but still."
Apparently, I am in charge of a 40 yr olds self esteem.
Who is a mental health professional.
Doctor, heal thy fucking self.
I am seriously at the point of telling her not to worry, because she's out of the wedding. Why would you say that to the bride? My god. Tell someone else, not me. WTF!
F made the mistake of just calling me to see "what's up?" and I told him we need to elope because I'm tired of trying to fucking please everyone.
He said yes, then said: "we can doing something little here, and use the money to pay off some bills."
"If I'm going to tell everyone to take a flying leap, I want to at least get some fun out of it. Not stay here and do nothing."
And to top it all off, I can feel the PMS kicking in.