Sunday, May 30, 2010

OOOMMM....Nooooot Reeeelaaaaaxing.....OOOOMMMM

So, I'm back in the gym.  My doctor threatened to put me on meds for my sugar level unless I can get it under control myself. So I joined a couple classes. The first is an intense workout called Butts & Guts. I didn't think I would be able to walk out of the class of my own free will. But I managed. My unused muscles were not happy with me for shocking them back into use. But I enjoyed it, and I know it will be a good 6 week class to help keep me motivated. I was also told that I needed to lower my stress level as well for overall health improvement. So I decided to take a Yoga class. Now, mind you, I have absolutely NOTHING against Yoga. I know it is a practice that has been around for eons and it has many benefits.
But, O.M.G. The Yoga instructor I have? Total FLAKE.  Some of her lines are truly gems. "Breath deep. Feel the FIIIIIIIIRE moving through your body." "Even if you drank a little water, your belly is FULL!!!" I can't remember them all, there have been so many. But the one she said last week had me falling over with disbelief. "Now.........move......into...... the Asian squat." (Her instructions are very slow in coming and usually punctuated with alot of "Ums" and giggles.Sometimes she even reads them off a paper. I don't think teaching is her strong suit.) "The Asian squat is a good one. Now I know they are getting toilet seats over there now, but before, they would just squat over a hole in the ground or floor. Right?? So you have to have a wide stance with the Asian squat. I know they got toilets for the Olympics. Right? Lots of those countries OVER THERE don't use toilets. Right?"
My head whipped up so fast, it was truly a Scooby Doo moment of "RHUUUUUUUH??!!!"
Everyone else was just trying not to make eye contact with her. Um, yeah.
Last week when it still 80 degrees outside with 60% humidity @ 8 PM, we wasted 5 minutes discussing whether or not we should have class, outside. In 80 degree weather. We ended up inside where she told us, "Remember Yoga is the dance, and your breath is your partner."
Her style, and her comments make it hard for me to relax and focus on my breathing. This class has not been the stress reliever I had hoped for. So, I've decided to take Tai Chi next.
Taught by "one of those people" from "over there" who know how to do the "Asian squat".


Friday, May 28, 2010

No Rocking Chair for Her

My Mom called me.

Mom: "I just HAD to tell somebody!!!"
Me: "What????"
Mom: " I just saw the most handsome, good looking piece of male flesh I've seen in about 20 years!!!"
Me: "What? MOM!!!!"
Mom: *laughing* "Oh YES. I was out riding my bike and this construction worker! GOODNESS! I haven't seen anyone that handsome, oh my!"
Me: *stunned laughter* "mom!"
Mom : *continuing to laugh* "He had to be about 6'5", what a great body!! and his EYES!!! OH! I didn't think they made them that way anymore!!!!"
Me: "REALLY?!?!!? Mom!!!"
Me: "Maybe I need to come bike riding with you soon............"
Mom: *laughing* "I knew YOU'D APPRECIATE it DH."

She's 70.
The epitome of "I'll quit lookin when I'd dead."

Sunday, May 23, 2010

That'll be EXTRA

I realize this is OLD NEWS, to be honest, this little letter has been sitting in my draft folder ever since I got it from Spirit.  And seriously, who the frack  do you think you're kidding Spirit??

To our valued customers,

We have all seen how carry-on baggage has gotten out of control.(um, not really.) Longer security lines and boarding process, injuries due to overcrowded overhead bins (say what??? i haven't heard anything), delayed flights and passenger frustration has become commonplace.(because you don't enforce the rules you already have in place, oh and prices are CRAZY.)

At Spirit, we are always looking for new ways to save you money and improve the customer experience. We recently announced our latest innovation(per Webster: "A creation (a new device or process) resulting from study and experimentation." charging people money is not new, fyi.), which is designed to relieve the carry-on crisis(again from Webster:"An unstable situation of extreme danger or difficulty") , saving you time and money.
Our solution to the carry-on crisis(TONIGHT ON  20/20 THE DANGER OF CARRY-ONS):

Lowered fares

Lower checked bag fees(so basically, they are charging you for wanting to have clean clothes during your travels. how self involved of you.)

Give everyone a free personal item allowance(one tampon per?)

Allow customers to carry on an additional bag for a fee and give them
priority boarding so they have time and space to stow their extra bag(so if you bring a carry-on and pay extra, you get to board first. hmmm, is that really fair? Isn't the fee suppose to be a deterrent? I always thought they should board the plane starting in the back and working their way to the front, makes more sense anyway.)

Everyone(who owns stock in Spirit) Wins!

We expect (expect, not guarantee)total prices to be lower

Security lines will move faster(seriously? come on, not everyone is flying Spirit)

The boarding process will be smoother

Deplaning will be faster

Passenger and employee safety is improved with less over-stuffed bins(please, i can't take anymore.)

What to expect for travel after August 1st:

We have introduced PENNY PLUS™ fares available to our $9 Fare Club members** that are 1¢ each way plus fuel, taxes and fees*. If you are not already a member, click here to join.(give us more money)

We have lowered checked bag fees for $9 Fare Club members. A family of four checking four bags round-trip will save $80. Double the cost of being a $9 Fare Club member. Another reason to join now. Click here to join.(give us your money)

You can bring a FREE personal item onboard, such as a purse, briefcase, backpack or laptop computer.(which is different from now, HOW exactly???) Other exceptions are: assistive devices, medicine, umbrella, outer garments (coats, hats, wraps), camera, car seat/stroller, infant diaper bag, reading material for the flight, or food for immediate consumption(not for later! no way jose`).

If you choose to bring an extra carry-on bag, you may do so for $20 if purchased online as a $9 Fare Club member or $30 online, at the airport ticket counter or kiosk for non-members. If you choose to wait until the gate to pay, the fee will be $45 which is not preferred since it will slow the boarding process.( i don't see this going well)

Shorter, faster security and boarding lines. Less frustration while boarding and deplaning. Fewer delays.

Happier customers that pay less!(let me do the math for myself thankyouverymuch)

See you on board soon! We’ll keep working to improve your experience and lower your fare.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Hairy Situation

When I went to get my hair cut for the last time at my former stylist, she had on a sweater. Not all that notable, since it was winter. Except for the fact that sweaters are rather notorious for collecting hair. Your own, or others. (can you see where i'm going with this?) Normally I would think nothing of this. HOWEVER, said hair was on her sleeve, about half way down. Granted, she had her sleeves pushed up, but all that did was put the extremely long, and extremely NOT my hair, DIRECTLY in my face while she was shampooing me.  Someone else's hair, IN my face.  Dangling there. Unhindered. Unnoticed. Every time she moved her arm, said unknown hair tickled a different part of my face. Nose. Forehead. Cheek. Chin. Other Cheek. I about gagged as it zeroed in on my mouth. But THANKFULLY she was distracted and I was saved from the hair lip from hell. EW! Even now, MONTHS later it still gives me the chills!!!
It was torture I tell you. Gives a whole new meaning to Teasing your hair!!

Friday, May 14, 2010

24, you are PISSING ME OFF

First you make Jack a wuss.
Second, you make Chloe seem like an idiot and no one will listen to her.
Third, you RETREAD the SAME scenario OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Seriously! How many times does CTU hire a traitor???
And Renee. YOU WERE JUST RAPPED. Are we really suppose to believe that in a six hour period you recovered from that and everything else enough to knock boots with Jack? REALLY?
And then get KILLED??? But the doctors who work on you don't have a SPEC of blood on them?

And Now, NOW Jack freaks out more about Renee getting killed than when his WIFE was killed back in session One???????????  His wife who was ALSO RAPPED???
And I'm sorry, but Jack, you took it a little too far with the gutting of the Russian hit man. If it was in the name of National Security, ok, I can back you. But just for the sake of REVENGE???  Um, no.
24, you are not, ARE NOT making a good case for your viewers to want and go see a movie. How can you bring him back from THAT edge? HMMMMMMMMMMMM????

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My Hair Apparent

I've told you all about my hair crisis recently. I am still not loving my style. I take that back, I love it immediately after my new stylist finishes it and then hate it the moment I fail in recreating it at home. What woman has not had this issue? Anyway, I have recently found a hair color that I like, a lot.  My natural color is dark ash blonde, aka, DISH WATER BLONDE. YUCK.
The color I discovered is this:
Dark Beige Blonde, or Sweet Latte.
 How can you not get behind a name like that? Once again, Target, you disappoint me. You don't have my color. WTF Target?? You keep doing this to me, make-up, hair color, other items, GONE, out of stock. Why do you love to torment little old me???

So I bought this instead:

Dark Natural Blonde or Almond Creme. Another great looking color, no?
Myself, I thought this is even a tad lighter in color, great for the coming summer, right???
Am I wrong? Let's do a side by side shall we?

No, I do not believe I am wrong, it IS LIGHTER.
So can someone please tell me why my hair is now THIS COLOR????

Medium Golden Brown aka Chestnut.

 How did this happen??????? I do not see the progression to darker, I do not. Maybe the wrong item was put in the wrong box, I don't know. But I can tell you, I DO NOT look good with dark hair. It pulls all the pink to the front in my skin which in turn makes me look old and pale. It is all wrong. Someone suggested I put in highlights, that scares me that I would end up with red highlights instead of blonde. Did I mention there are only 2 days left until we leave for the wedding Back East?
Um, yeah, now is NOT the time to be messing with my hair.  GRRRRRRRRRRRR

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

A Loving E-mail Exchange

I often send F an e-mail list of things that need to be done, reminded, picked up etc, while I'm at work so I don't forgot to tell him.  Here is the exchange after the most recent e-mail To-Do list:

From Me:
A few things.

1) that $20 ends tomorrow(kohl's money coupon), so you should probably go tonight and get them(shoes, he is like a woman when it comes to shoes). I won't be able to go with you since I have to......

2) cut the grass(hasn't been done in 2 weeks and it is about ready to re-seed itself)....and

3) make my dish for our potluck tomorrow which will require me to....

4) go grocery shopping, i might be able to do this at lunch.

5) You need to go to "the bank" and get a VISA card for L&T.(who are getting married this month which means a trip BACK EAST VERY SOON.) 
F's response:
wow that is some list... (please make special note of this sentence from him)

1. ok

2. ok

3. potluck??? leave some at home for lunch please

4. ok

5. I wanted to give them a check for money and not a visa card...

6. please grab a mother's day card for me tonight...(um? seriously?? after your OPENING LINE????)



3)no because you always complain that it's "too something"(my highly requested mac & cheese was "TOO CHEESY" which ended the setting aside of) and hence I said I would no longer set any aside for you.



6)dude, seriously, get your own mother's day card. it means nothing if you can't even pick it out yourself. (mind you, until he got together with me, he never sent cards, FOR ANYTHING. Didn't even know when her birthday was, true story.)

3. I said please

6. FINE...

3)fine, I don't want to hear any complaints.

6)Good, like I didn't have enough to do already. the card department is right by the shoes in Kohl's anyway. jeez.


Monday, May 03, 2010

Forgotten Manners Abound

My mom recently returned from the south to do her summer here in the Midwest. I picked her up at the airport. She was late, EXTREMELY LATE. I was kinda torked, because there are only so many circles around the airport you can do before you run out of gas. However, once my mother relayed to me the reason behind her tardiness, I grew incensed at the thoughtlessness, mannerlessness, heartlessness, nay! GODLESSNESS of people today. The flight was 4 hours long. There was a single mother with her small child on this flight. The woman was sick immediately upon boarding the plane. She spent the majority of the flight confined to the bathroom being ill in every way you can be. Upon landing, everyone jumped up and started crowding the aisle. Over the P.A. the flight attendant requested everyone to please remain in their seats so that an ill passenger could be attended to by the EMTs. An extremely few passengers sat back down. The majority continued to crowd the aisles until the EMTs were upon them. Once the EMTs reached the passenger in question, those they past jumped back up itching to be let off. Once again they were told to remain in their seats until the ill passenger could be removed. The EMTs left to get the woman a wheel chair because she was unable to leave the plane under her own power. People crowded the aisle AGAIN and tried to stand their ground until the extremely large EMT become irritated (I hope more disgusted than anything) and yelled, "SIT DOWN!" The other passengers grudgingly did so. The EMTs barely had the poor woman and her child on the ramp before the rest of the passengers began jostling each other for aisle space.

SHAME ON YOU PEOPLE. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME. If you were the one who was sick you would have been screaming bloody murder at the other passengers for violating you in whatever manner that restricted you from deplaning your ill self. Personally, if I was that woman, I would have fake puked on everyone as I was wheeled out.

And an extra shame note to the retired doctor who refused to come to her aid because he was RETIRED which apparently means he forgot all his medical knowledge when it came to helping, but NOT when it came to scolding the poor flight attendant for misdiagnosing the ill passenger. WTF old dude? WTF????

This sad act of humanity in no way of course tops these heinous acts of humanity.