Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Hansel & Gretel Couldn’t Have Left a Better Trail



    I swear to all that is Holy there is a well-marked road map and several sign posts with possible runway lights that lead straight to our dishwasher and kitchen. It is miniature sized. Mouse sized. We have another one, or several, or however many.  F and I were away on vacation for a week. Puppy was at the Dog Sitter’s house.  When I entered the kitchen I noticed all the “spare” pieces of food Puppy had left on the floor surrounding her bowl were gone. Then within minutes of Puppy making it in the house she was tail deep in a corner of the kitchen where we keep a bag of bags.  I thought that was odd since she never goes in that corner.  I moved said bag aside and low, there were droppings. 

“Shit.”

Then as I grabbed the bread to make myself some toast, I noticed a hole in the bread bag.  “Is that melted? From being by the toaster oven?…. even though it was nowhere near the toaster oven?”  Then I noticed the chunk of bread missing.

“Fucking shit.”

Checking the counter top where said bread was kept I spied more dropping.

“Mother Fucking SHIT!!!!!!!!!”

I started opening all the drawers looking for more droppings because that is where they have been the last few times. I saw none. I also saw none in the dishwasher.  Another favorite spot.
“This could be not so bad.”
“F! the mice are back! Please call an exterminator ASAP. I am sick of dealing with this.”
F: “grumble, complain, makes excuses…..”

Next day
“Holy shit! The mice have made it into the half bathroom! Please call an exterminator!”
F: “grumble, complain, makes excuses…..”

Another Day Passes

Puppy and I are filling the dishwasher when I open the door and there is a small grayish thing sitting there.  I realize it is a mouse and slam the door shut hoping to knock it unconscious with the door.  Puppy is completely clueless even though half of her breed is “standard size dachshund was bred to scent, chase, and flush out badgers and other burrow-dwelling animals”.  Mice are burrow dwelling, aren’t they? Anyway, she did nothing.  The mouse was dazed, but not completely out of it. I stared at it for several moments trying to decide if I should just reach into the dishwasher and grab it. I was afraid it would bite me. During my indecision period the mouse had made it to its goal, the vents or something in the bottom of the dishwasher door.  It crawled right up in there. Where it went from inside the dishwasher door I have no idea.

“F! The mouse is in the dishwasher door!!!”
“I don’t know what to do about that, I have no idea how to get to it. Just run the dishwasher.”

So I did.  Then I washed all the knives and emptied the drawers. Everything is now on the dining room table and you have to walk there to get a knife, or spoon or fork. 

F is picking up mouse traps today.



Thursday, December 01, 2011

Spoon Me


F and I have joined Weight Watchers.  I am more points conscious than he is. He hasn’t logged a point since we’ve started and he’s lost 4.6lbs. I have logged like crazy and have lost a mere 2.4lbs.  I know men lose faster than women do, but seriously, twice as much? And without doing any of the work? So not fair.  Anyway, we signed up for the E-Tools because it has an App feature. I think it sucks, but whatever.  I was logging some cake and noticed the “cheat sheet” icon. So I clicked on it for the Mexican Fiesta! Who doesn’t love a good Mexican Fiesta? Exactly.  I am reading the tips they give; stay away from the chips, get veggies, skip the margarita(HA!), get the smaller size, etc. When I read one tip and said to myself, REALLY? FUCKING REALLY?? WHO WOULD DO THAT???


“Speak up if you have special requests. Ask for salsa or pico de gallo instead of an oily salad dressing or cheese sauce. Order your fajitas with only one tortilla so you can save PointsPlus values and enjoy the rest of the filling on its own. Find out if they can bring sour cream and guacamole out on teaspoons instead of in a bowl or cup. All these little changes together will save you a lot of fat and calories.


On teaspoons. TEASPOONS. I can just imagine the reaction of the server. “Teaspoons? You want teaspoons?”
“Yes, of sour cream.”
“What?”

If someone has done this I would really like to know because that just blows my mind

“Excuse me! Yes, I’m ready for my next teaspoon of sour cream please!”

How about using just a knife’s worth of sour cream instead of slopping it on? That is a more reasonable to do tip, don’t you think?


What is the craziest thing you have requested when ordering your food? Did you have a “When Harry Met Sally” moment?

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Advise Me Please


For the last several years I have been on the hunt for a new winter coat. The coat I currently have, albeit extremely warm is over 10 years old. I bought it while still in college. I graduated from college in 1998. Needless to say, it is out of fashion.
Ahem.
Anyway, I thought it would be extremely easy to lay my hands on a coat that I would love. I do after all live in the Midwest, home of the great white winters and freezing temps. I could not believe how sadly mistaken I was. This hunt has gone on for at least 3 years now. I came oh so close last year while “Back East” for Christmas, but they did not have it in my size.  Bastards. However, it did lead me to know that I could find a coat in their store if I started looking early enough.  The ninety degree heat of August was apparently the right time.
I purchased about six coats, all of wool. I settled on this little number.

I really love it. I will wear it without the belt however because it just cuts me in the wrong spot. It is currently with ES because in order for the coat to close over my chest I had to order a bigger size. So she is taking it in to give it more of a nice shape.  The color is amazingly rich and the double collar really completes the look.
Where I am stuck at however is what color I should have for accessories. My last coat was tan suede so it really doesn’t go with egg plant.  Because the throat/upper chest area is so open, and I’ve been known to get bronchitis at the drop of a hat, I really need to have this area covered and warm.  So I need scarf. And of course matching gloves.  My neighbor and I thought dark green, but then I decided that I didn’t want to actually look like this:

So I’m on the hunt for color suggestions. Cream? I already have a lovely cream scarf from my mom to go with another coat. But I don’t know if it would "pop" enough.  I’d really like to stay away from black. Multicolored? I just don’t know! HELP ME my digital friends!!!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Check THESE Out!!

Crazy Co-Worker has been on a shopping spree and likes to show and discuss with me her new outfits. I am more than happy to talk clothing with people. Hit me up anytime!
However, when you corner me in the bathroom and force me into this conversation, well, I'm not so inclined to chat with you.

"You know DH, these new clothes of mine are great. I even got new underwear."
"Really?"
"Yep. I like the silky ones, you know? And these new ones, you can wear instead of a slip because they are made out of slip material and don't show your panties lines. Have  you heard of them?"
"No?"
"We I really like how they feel. And around the leg they have these ridges, to keep them down."
"Yes, made of rubber, right?"
"YES! Like see these leopard print ones *pulls down her waist band about 4 inches to expose said silky leopard print* Are real nice, feel them."
I of course hesitate. Feeling someone else's underwear while they are wearing it? Odd.

"Go, on."
I gingerly touch said leopard print silky underwear on CCW's exposed hip.

"Right?? Nice!!"

"Yes, very." (please don't let anyone walk in right now!)
"But you see when I wear them with regular stockings they fall down! So I spend all my time hitchin and yankin them back up."

I giggle as she makes the motions in the bathroom mirror of hitchin and yankin up her nylons. I mean really, how could I not relate to that?

"But when I wear these kind of stockings, *exposes her leg to show me tights* They work perfectly!"

"That makes sense."  I say as we both head towards the door. "Just know CCW, that I won't being feeling any new bras you may have gotten."

"*LOL* oh DH, you're the ONLY one I've told about my panties!"


Lucky me.



Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Now is Not the Time

The "Buyer" of my house has requested that he be listed as an "LLC" or a "Limited Liability Company" on the sale even though that is not how he presented himself on the paperwork and that is not who I agreed to sell to.  The Mortgage company will not allow it.
Please Lord, let him back down on this point. We really need to be done with this house.
Say some prayers for me my digital friends.
*****The Mortgage Company/Bank has refused to sell the property to an LLC.*****
The Buyer is backing out.
We are fucked.
Thanks again Mortgage Company.


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Baby Bump Frump


Hark back my dear digital readers to a time when Mrs. Nosey was the main thorn in my side. This post, little did I know at the time, would be the first time you’d meet Mrs. Mannerless full on.  Mrs. Mannerless was one of Mrs. Nosey’s victims in this post.   Mrs. Mannerless is the complete opposite from Mrs. Manners, let me tell you.  When Mrs. Mannerless started about a year ago she was one of the replacements for Crocs lady and Ms Snippy. At first we rejoiced that Crocs lady and Ms Snippy were gone! YAY!!! HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!!! No more rudeness!!! No more complaining about stupid shit! Finally, the little things we do for others would be appreciated.
Um, yeah, NO. The first time I had any interaction with Mrs. Mannerless, was shortly after she started.  You would think that this would be the time to impress people right? First impressions and all? I should have known then. SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. I was expressing my displeasure to Mrs. Mannerless about a co-worker who had different standards for their own work related time lines than what they had for other people’s work related time lines.  Mrs. Mannerless proceeds to tell me that at her OLD job people would always make excuses for why their work wasn’t done. At this point in the conversation we were in complete agreement. She then continues to tell me how annoyed she would get that people complained about her and her lack of friendliness.
“They didn’t like me much over there.  They complained that I wasn’t nice enough to other people. I guess they wanted me to say ‘Hi how was your weekend? Can I have that report today?’ Instead of just telling them, 'I need the report!'  I don’t come to work to make friends; I come to work to WORK!!”
My mouth fell open, I can tell you that. I have very little interaction with Mrs. Mannerless, but I can tell you, she thinks she is never wrong, even though clearly she is. I had to turn a situation over to our Boss because Mrs. Mannerless refused, FLAT OUT REFUSED that the mistake was on her end. “I don’t know what to tell you, my stuff isn’t wrong.”  I don’t think I need to say, that, um, yeah, it was.

Anyway, Mrs. Mannerless and the other pregnant lady were both having issues with their pregnancies, and were due within days of each other. So we needed to have their baby showers ASAP. And because they were so close with their due dates, we decided it would be best to have a joint baby shower. We consulted both parties as to when would be a good time to throw this little shin-dig and the first lady responded with a short little e-mail giving us the dates available. Mrs. Mannerless gave us a detailed listing of why certain days would not work, or might work, but really she just wasn’t sure since she was SO BUSY and could deliver at any moment!  And oh, BTW, don’t buy me any 0-9 month clothing, because I received PLENTLY of those from my OTHER SHOWER. And would really like to have stuff from my Babies-R-Us* registry.

Well, Yes. Why thank you for being completely thorough.

We took time to go buy decorations for the shower, ordered a cake, bought food, even had games, the whole 9. I missed the actual shower because I had to leave to get insurance for my house.  Different story, I might tell you about it. Anyway, Mrs. Mannerless continued with her shower related shenagains  by complaining that her name was on the cake in PINK, and didn’t we know she was having a BOY? We were unaware what the other lady was having so we had the cake done in pink and blue. How were we to know that by not specifying the COLOR of the FROSTING on a CAKE, we would be offending someone?  We collected money for both ladies to purchase gift cards so that they may buy what they wanted/needed from their registry at Babies-R-Us*. I’m sure you will be completely shocked by the fact that Mrs. Mannerless garnered less monetarily than did the other lady. Mrs. Mannerless felt that we took the easy way out by getting said gift cards. She announced this feeling in front of 2 of her bosses and the other pregnant lady. During the party. Our Big Boss got up and left she was so disgusted by it. Needless to say those of us who planned said shower were greatly incensed upon hearing these complaints. I threatened to go take the lame gift card back from her and tell her that she gets nothing! How about nothing you ungrateful bitch!?!?!
So imagine, if you will our out and out rage and disgust upon further learning that Mrs. Mannerless was quite unhappy with having to share her baby shower with someone else.  An office mate with whom she openly discussed her pregnancy issues for nine months. And daycare needs. And god only knows what else.
I shared my office bridal shower with 2 other brides and 2 pregnant ladies. This is how it works in the office setting.  We come here to WORK after all, not socialize.

Ahem.

I hear HR is going to inform Mrs. Mannerless that is inappropriate to be an ungrateful, unsociable, unfriendly bitch.
Damn that she is already on maternity leave.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Change Day

So this is what happens in the Midwest when you go from 70 degrees and sunny one day to 55 cold, windy, rainy and the heat is out in the office.
Yes, those yellow things are baby chicks
And not that you care, but the heels are by Aerosoles, my most favorite brand in all the world.
SOCKS, with DRESS SHOES because the weather changed over night and I haven't had time to change my Wardrobe from "Summer" to "Winter". Also know as changing from "Open Toe" to "Closed Toe". Basically, I haven't washed my knee highs, or as the store calls them so you don't feel like your Grandma, "Trousers Socks" yet. Guess I'll have to dig them out of storage. Fun fun.


Some how I don't see my style making Big Mama's Fashion Friday edition any time soon.

Sell Already, PLEASE

I’ve told you about the Short Sale.  It is currently in a holding pattern because the Buyer sent back his “I swear I’m not going to flip this house” affidavit back without it being notarized.  Seriously, F and I don’t understand how the Mortgage company can make such demands of him, but whatevs, if he is willing to sign it, it is up to him either not do it, or do it and not get caught; and it is up to the Mortgage company to enforce it. Right? F and I are completely out of that part of the equation. FINE BY ME.  Our Attorney also keeps asking for the Buyer’s proof of funds, but I swear to you, it was sent. And I forwarded it to him AGAIN the other day. He even told me back when he first got it that he used it as an example in another short sale for the buyer there. I really don’t need the added stress that is swirling around right now.

If  THAT isn’t enough, said VACANT house seems to be living it up while I’m not there. Lights blazing, washer/dryer/dishwasher/fridge all partying it up because last month the electric bill was $190.00. ONE HUNDRED NINETY DOLLARS. For an empty house. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?? That is $50 dollars MORE than what F and I are paying at a house we are living in, full time. With lights and cell phone charges and TVs and tons of other stuff running pretty much nonstop.  Look at the usage. “My” house: 1128 KWH. “Our” house? 741 KWH. With two people living in it. And a dog who listens to classical music while her owners are gone so she has less separation anxiety. And 2 tvs, and a fridge and microwave and well, you get the idea.
I just got off the phone with the Electric Company.  They are adjusting the bill, AGAIN. It was wrong last month too.  I think $88 bucks is a much more reasonable amount, don’t you? Let us hope we don’t have to go through this again next month, because seriously, I will go cut those lines myself.

Now I get to call the Gas Company.
Where’s the assistant who handles all this stuff?
Oh right, I’m not rich, so I have to do it myself.
Damn it.

Friday, October 07, 2011

OMG, Will it Make That Much Difference?

Sooooooooo, the Mortgage Company  has received our paperwork concerning the Short Sale. Remember the Buyer agreed to up his price to $32,500?  The Mortgage Company wants us to "counter with $35,000", because that extra $2,500 is going to make such a huge difference.  Seriously, I don't get it.  If they Fuck up this sale for $2,500 I am going to be extremely pissed and in need of very heavy amounts of medication.
What a crock of shit this whole process is. I had to fill out and sign an  affidavit that I am in financial trouble and I also have to fill out AGAIN my income stats AND supply bank records. Even though we filled all that crap out and supplied it to the attorney like 6 months ago. I'm pretty sure he turned that all in with our original paperwork.
I should have gone for a liquid lunch.

Friday, September 30, 2011

I Hope I Didn't Just Jinx Myself With This Post


Remember when I told you our Tenant moved out and we decided to put the house up for sale?  Well, we did that.  I’m crossing my fingers right now and spitting as I turn three times in a circle because we are currently: “Sale Pending”. We listed the house at the beginning of June at $59,900.  We dropped it $10 grand each month-ish.  The offer came in when the price was listed at $39,900. The offer was $30,000.  I asked if the “buyer” was willing to go higher, and it came back at $32,500.  So there you have it people, I paid $130,000 five years ago (right before the market started to tumble) and I am selling for almost $100,000 less than what I paid for it. Thank you Mortgage companies who made hinky deals for years, thank you so much for crashing the housing market and screwing me twice.
Ahem. Now that the purchase agreement has been finalized it is up to our Lawyer to convince the Mortgage company to “forgive the debt” so I don’t have to pay taxes on the difference between what I owe, $108,000ish and what I am selling it for, see above, I can’t bring myself to type it again.  Thankfully the Buyer knows that the sale is dependent on the Mortgage Company agreeing to the sale price, so we shouldn’t lose the sale because of a long process with the Mortgage Company. To be honest with you, I would be willing pay the “income taxes” on the difference just as long as we get rid of the house.  We need to be done with my little house.  This needs to be completed by the end of 2012. I know that some Mortgage companies drag their feet for up to six months.  Please Lord no.   So please keep your digital fingers crossed for us that this is a quick and painless process.  Pray that the Mortgage Company has come to its senses and now understands that they don’t want to lose the sale. Foreclosure really isn’t an option for me because it kills my credit score for about 10years. So, yeah, come on Mortgage Company!!!!
On top of all this the Insurance Company has decided NOT to renew the policy on the house because it is no longer occupied as per the policy. So yeah, I need to get my ass in gear and find an insurance company that is willing to insure a vacant property for less than an arm and a leg by October 12.  This is very distressing for me in ways I cannot even explain because if the house burns down without insurance coverage we are completely screwed in so many ways.  But I fear that because there are so many vacant properties out there the Insurance companies have wised up and are no longer in the business of insuring them. Unless of course you are willing to become their slave. I am not willing to be a slave. However I do see that in the long run a short period as a slave may be well worth it in order to get the house sold.

Oh, did I mention that F’s vehicle is now leaking anti-freeze? Yep.  No A/C, a window that won’t go up, and leaking anti-freeze. I know, it could be worse, even though we did just shell out $1,700 bucks this spring to have the head gaskets replaced. We need to drive this car until it dies. But it seems to be dying much faster than we anticipated.

Also? We think Puppy is developing Separation Anxiety. Ever since the “Cone of Shame” she barks, whines, cries and BARKS every morning when I leave. I cannot tell you how much this breaks my heart.  She has eaten her crate beds, ($35 EACH) and a regular pillow that she was allowed to lay on.  She has bent the bars on her crate, and has managed moved the crate across the floor by several feet. She has chewed on her little water dish that is attached to the side of her crate. She has peed on her crate bed.
F and I are beside ourselves with worry. We are hoping that once she realizes that the cone of shame is gone she will revert back to normal.  I of course fear the worst. That we have mentally messed up our little Puppy and we will have to medicate her each day so she doesn’t end up hurting herself. Again, please Lord; No.

It is times like these when the title of this entire blog is in full force, garish neon lighting truth.


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Keep Your Grubby Hands Off My FOOD *UPDATED* *AGAIN*

I just went into the kitchen at work to check on the state of my salad fixings. I bought a container of salad, and brought in smaller containers of the toppings to keep in the fridge for a week's worth of lunches. Imagine my boiling rage when I discover that someone has INTIMATELY TOUCHED my food containers.  The container which held my lettuce was OPEN and two of my toppings containers where placed INSIDE on TOP of the lettuce. The lettuce underneath it was wilted and disgusting. I am so FLIPPING PISSED OFF right now I cannot even tell you. I understand MOVING things around to make more room for other stuff. I have NO PROBLEM with that. But OPENING, OPENING someone's container of food? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??? And it is not as if the shelves in a COMMUNITY FRIDGE are exactly CLEAN. So whatever nastiness was on the BOTTOM of my two containers from sitting on the shelf was transferred to MY FOOD. MY FOOD.   My LABELED food. Hence how the culprit knew the items went together.
I posted a note on the fridge. Sans the swearing. I'm awaiting the lunch time back lash.
Where are people's manners? Who does shit like this? WHO?!?!?!

**UPDATE**
The Culprit wrote me a note back, but then removed it. A co-worker told me what it said since I only noticed  that it was missing AND that there was blue Sharpie marks where it  had been hanging.

"It was already open and wilted."


Well of COURSE then! That it an open invitation to do with it what you will! TOUCH AWAY!!!! No need to be HELPFUL and maybe close the container! Heck NO! Add more stuff to it! Rearrange away!!!
BE MY GUEST. Contaminate my food with fridge shelf dirt. It'll put hair on my chest. Just where I need it.

SERIOUSLY Person? SERIOUSLY? I am assuming you saw the error of your ways and hence removed the note after you wrote on it. I can only but hope that is the case and you didn't just chicken out and remove the note for fear of being found out.
Be aware however, I will be checking trash cans tonight after work, because I have a fair good idea who you are, Mrs. Nosey.

**** I was unable to locate the note. I still have no concrete evidence that Mrs Nosey is behind it. But I still harbor my suspicions.******

She Survived, But the House Did Not

Remember how upset I was about leaving Puppy alone in her with the "Cone of Shame"? So we left her "blocked" in the dining room? Um, yeah. We are considering renaming her Houdini because she escaped, TWICE. 
Before you lays the evidence of her destruction.


The cell phone charger
Those are her teeth marks, it chargers no more
The weather panel on our tab top curtains, torn down all but 3 inches
One of those "cloth" shopping bags torn in HALF
The strap to my purse
The paper shredder
All of the above was done the SECOND time she escaped. When she managed to remove her cone as well. A few days later I discovered that she had eaten the strap to my very expensive sandals, a shoe box, and the heel strap on F's new sandals.
The first time she got out she ripped through the plastic weather seal on the front window and torn down the sheers I had hanging there. Luckily they were hung on tension rods so all I had to do was wash and rehang.
We decided we couldn't afford her getting out again, so we put her back in her cage. Where she whined, cried, BARKED, yelped and went all out doggie guilt warfare. Our neighbor said she kept it up all day. Complete and total heartbreak. She has managed to body slam, I assume, her cage at least 3 feet across the floor, tip over and knock off the water cup that screws onto the side of her cage, remove the tray that goes into the bottom of the cage, gack on the wall, and sadly, peed her bed, twice now. Clearly Puppy is not happy being locked up with the Cone of Shame on. We are becoming quite concerned that she is developing and adverse to the cage. In the next few days she will have her staples removed and hopefully all will go back to normal.
I can't afford to lose any more shoes to the Teeth of Fury.
Don't be fooled, she's more dangerous than she looks.


Monday, September 12, 2011

She Survived

Puppy survived her overnight stay at the Vet. She was such a huge hit that when we turned to leave with her all the vet techs came out to say goodbye. "OH!  Is Puppy leaving?!?!?!" "Oh Puppy is soooo cute!!"  "Puppy is so PRECIOUS!!"  When we inquired as to their boarding policy one tech begged us to let her take Puppy home with her to watch!! "Here's my number. I'd LOVE to take Puppy home with me!!! She's so cute!!"

However, Puppy was outfitted with "The Cone of Shame" because she can not leave her incision alone. She shook and quaked this morning as we were getting ready to leave. She looked so sad and forlorn in her cage with The Cone of Shame on. It ended up with us blocking off the entire dining room because she was unable to enter her cage or get to her water with "The Cone of Shame" on.





Friday, September 09, 2011

I'm Such A Wuss

At the end of July F and I "rescued" Puppy. She and her siblings were left at a Kennel and when no one was available over the "long fourth weekend" they were scheduled to be put down.
How could you look into that little face and kill it?
One of the local shelters was alerted to this and swooped in and saved them! YAY!!!!!  When I put into this shelter to adopt it was to adopt one of Puppy's brothers. I was informed that Puppy's brother had just been adopted but the Other Brother was still available. I wasn't really interested in Other Brother, but felt obligated to meet him. When their Foster Mom got out of her van, she had 2 puppies with her. Puppy's first adoption had fallen through.  F and I immediately fell in love with her and cast her brother back out into the adoption pool.  Don't think me heartless, Foster Mom told me on the phone before the meeting that there was EXTREMELY HIGH interest in all the siblings and that I needed to jump on this ASAP. Anyway, $400 bucks later, Puppy was ours! We took her with us to buy another $200 worth of pet supplies, (holy crap) and she has been an extremely bright light in our lives ever since. We adopted her on a Saturday. When Monday rolled around and I was tasked with putting her in her cage and leaving for work, I almost didn't make it. She started to cry. Oh how she CRIED. I started to cry. I felt like such a horrible person, leaving her all alone for EIGHT WHOLE HOURS locked in a cage! I walked out the door and could hear the heartbreaking howl as I turned to lock it. I could hear the crying fear of loneliness as I staggered to the car. My eye liner began to run. I begged her to stop crying. She did not heed my plea. I made the mistake of rolling down my window as I pulled out of the driveway. I could still hear her. My heart broke. I called F and cried to him over the phone. She will die of loneliness! She will hate me when I return! I am heartless! I cannot do this everyday, I will not survive! I whimpered throughout the day to anyone who would listen. How do you did it? I questioned of those with children. How do you leave them when they cry? I am so weak!  
F called me when he arrived home. She was ALIVE! And better yet, she  had eaten some food! (she hadn't eaten in 2.5 days and we were beyond worried.)  When I arrived home a few hours later, she greeted me with joy! My heart healed in an instant. As the days progressed it became less heart wrenching to leave her.
She started to relax and become part of the family.
She loves her "bed"
This past morning I dropped her off for an overnight stay with the Vet. She is getting "fixed". I am yet again worried that she will hate me when we get her back. I am worried that we may not get her back. I am worried about her being in a strange place overnight with no one to hear her when she cries at 3 AM to be let out and then escape, to bolt into our room to sleep the rest of the morning on her pillow by the bed.
 I can't say I'll miss the 3 am potty break, but I will miss her.

Yes, I know it is only overnight. This is why I'm a wuss.


Wednesday, September 07, 2011

I Know I haven't Written Lately......

But we got one of these at the end of July and to say the least, our lives are a little bit more busy because of it.


Meet Puppy. She is our new LOVE.



I of course have an update about the insurance thing that was a bit of a cluster,  not just for me, but for others as well. I just need to find time to write it up.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Barbie & Ken

F and I are looking for a puppy.  This in and of it's self is an interesting undertaking because where as I grew up with dogs, F only had one cat; to which he is still deeply attached despite the fact that it has been dead for almost 20 years. Because of this attachment and only experience in the pet owning world he thinks cats are Da'Bomb and is completely ignorant about dogs. 
I am not exaggerating about this even one little iota.  While at an adoption event this weekend we were admiring a litter of 3 puppies 3 families had just adopted; F looks at the adorable pups and then turns to me and quite seriously inquires, "How do you know if it is a boy or a girl?"
"You know, a boy has a 'wee'." I inform him quietly out of the side of my mouth.
"A 'wee' ?" F looks at me confused.

Mind you this is a term we have used in the past to identify certain body parts.

"Yes, a wee. You know, the 'boy' part." If you are thinking that at this point I should have just said, PENIS I would have, were we not in the company of small children who yes, probably knew the proper word but I just felt odd saying it out loud in a public place of mixed company.

"Oh............WHERE?"

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Check the box, Wait; No, Sign Here; Wait, No, Initial Here that You Checked The Box

The place I work is a smaller part of a larger company, separate; but equal. So we piggyback onto their insurance for greater bargaining power. In an effort to cut health insurance costs, they are checking to make sure the people who are using their insurance really deserve to be using their insurance. Completely understandable. I am one of those people, so I received the paperwork to fill out concerning F’s eligibility. There are several choices of documentation you can supply in order to verify that you are married or living together (i.e. living in sin) (totally did that.). The very first choice given is a copy of your Federal Tax Return. How much easier do you want it? Tax season just ended a few months ago, so this paper work should be extremely easy to locate, right? Right.


You can also supply a combination of various other documents. Like your marriage license and a mortgage statement with both your names on it. Or your marriage license and some bill with both your names on it. These last few choices would not work for us because both our names are not on any bills (who does this?) and we each have our own mortgage (my house, his “our” house). So you can see why I opted for the ease of the tax return. Of course this is proving to be a bit trickier because we filed electronically and they want the electronic tax filing number thingie which I am having trouble locating, but that isn’t the reason I’m writing this. I got the paperwork the last week of June with a deadline of August 13th. An entire MONTH to hunt up and mail your tax return. Simple, right? Apparently for the highly educated people in the company this is proving to be too stressful and too tight of a time constraint. Something I gathered from the e-mail the H.R. department just sent out.

Seriously people, an entire month isn’t enough time??? Unbelievable.

Dear [Employees],

We have received numerous concerns and questions regarding the time-line of the dependent eligibility verification project, listening and understanding your concerns we have made the decision to extend the deadline to submit documents until Friday, September 15, 2011. Your documents must be postmarked or received by [Random Consultant Firm] by Friday September 15, 2011.


As discussed in our earlier announcement, this verification is a part of our ongoing effort to control health care costs by ensuring that only eligible dependents are covered under our medical plans. [Random Consultant Firm], an independent firm, has been authorized to obtain your documentation.

By now, you should have received your initial packet containing detailed instructions. Also, we have been notified of long wait times when calling the Customer Service Call Center. [Random Consultant Firm] has acknowledged and is in the process of rectifying this problem. Please continue to communicate any problems that you are experiencing with the Customer Service Call Center to the [Employer] Benefits Office.

In addition, we have received concerns regarding the submission of your personal information to [Random Consultant Firm] please know that protecting your personal information is of grave importance to [Employer] and [Random Consultant Firm]. [Random Consultant Firm] has assured us that all documents provided during the dependent eligibility verification will be securely stored and protected through physical, electronic and procedural safeguards. In an effort to communicate the confidentiality safeguards that [Random Consultant Firm] has in place they have provided us with a frequently asked security questions document, which is posted on the benefits website, please click on the following click to access the document http://www.[redacted]/Forms/dependenteligibilityverificationfaqs.pdf

We understand the time and effort that it takes to locate the appropriate documentation (your just filed tax return) and we appreciate your cooperation with this verification project. Should you any questions regarding this process, please contact the Customer Service Call Center at (redacted) redacted.

Again, your documentation has to be postmarked or received by [Random Consultant Firm] by the extended due date of Friday, September 15, 2011.


Sincerely,

Director of Benefit Programs



So now, TWO and HALF months to send this stuff in. I do have to say, I called the company about locating the e-file tax number and if it would be ok to send in the confirmation e-mails I got, THREE days ago and no one has gotten back to me. EVEN THOUGH their message says that if you leave a voice mail they will return your call by the end of business the next day. Again, that was THREE days ago. So this company? SUCKS. I am at the point now where I am going to send it in with a note saying, um, yeah, I called you guys for answers and no one called me back, so here ya go. DEAL.

I may be writing you later this fall to tell you F is no longer covered under my insurance, but at least I’ll feel like I made a point. Maybe.

***They just called me. Fricking ridiculous!!! I have to fill in his SS# even though, EVEN THOUGH it is on the Tax form, which she then tells me the first 5 digits should be blacked out. Um, then I need to supply it to you again anyway?
"Yes, so we know the information came from you."
I, what??? I did the taxes so that information came from me. Seriously, who puts these things into practice??? It makes no sense.*****

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Um, That Doesn't Go There

When F bought the house that we now call "ours", we were still just dating. Therefore, when he requested that the green and pink paisley couch come with the house, I didn't object all too much. What did I care? I had my house with it's own furniture.  Then we got engaged and I moved in.  It was shortly there after that I purchased the first "our house" item; a cover for said green and pink paisley couch.  With the cover the couch wasn't all that bad. But it had seen many a tushy and needed to be replaced. Thus began my campaign for leather recliners. F fought on this stating the couch was still fine. But then he sat in it for more than 30 minutes and SUDDENLY the need for recliners was a grand idea. This only took me a year to accomplish.
 Next came the part of trying to both agree on a pair of recliners we liked. I kid you not when I tell you this process took 6 months. Finally, Costco came to my rescue. We bought the recliners featured in their Connection Magazine, and the green and pink paisley couch made it's way to the Salvation Army.  This brought us back full circle to the question of where to place the desk top computer I'd finally gotten from work(after a 5 year wait, another story).  I have always wanted to place it in the "dining room" (really the 3rd bedroom in our house) which has a dead space corner, but F has always wavered between there and the other corner in the family room. Now with the couch gone, he feels there is enough room to place the computer in family room. Now starts our next debate.
One in which F made his argument against the dining room by saying, "But, I've always wanted that room to be a dining room with a daybed!"

*Mystified pause* "What???? Uh, you CAN NOT put a daybed in the dining room!!!"

*Blank stare* "I just don't have the mental power to have this conversation."

"Obviously."

A bed, in the dining room. A BED in the DINING ROOM. A room which is maybe 8x8 containing a table that seats 10. The dead space corner could not handle an entire daybed.
A BED. I just, how? The mental picture in my head. We have a spare room, with a queen sized bed and an extra queen mattress in the basement, plus a pull out queen sized couch in the living room. We do not need another bed. Let alone a BED in the DINING ROOM.
As for another "couch", we have 3, who needs another couch/daybed???
Really, where does he get these ideas??

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Come With Me, My Digital Friends, On A Short Sale Journey

We listed the house. We hired an attorney. After dropping off my "short sale packet" and laying down the $1,750.00 in retainer fee (this shows up as still pending on the website so now I think maybe we don't have a lawyer?), I get back to my office and read this extremely cheery article about how things are looking up!  NOT. I then topped off that wonderful news with an entire sunny weekend spent inside cleaning said house. Note to future and or current Landlords, DO NOT ALLOW PETS. I don't even want to relive the cleaning of black dog hair for your understanding. I really don't. But just let me say, I almost gagged the one millionth time I got one in my mouth. Behind the stove we found onion peels, dog hair, the dog's ball, and MASSIVE AMOUNTS of GREASE.  Now normally, I can't say that I clean behind my own stove and fridge like EVER, but I certainly will start now.  I don't think in the 3 years Tenant lived there that the curtains were ever washed. Now this is something I do DO. I desperately need to dry clean several sets but F would have a massive coronary at the price. Over the two days I had to keep reminding myself that it could have been oh so much worse, so very very much.  But I think since it was never intended to be an income property, I have different feelings about how it should have been respected. I was LETTING Tenant live in my home, and it should have been respected as such. I know, that is expecting too much. But that is how I felt. I also had to keep reminding myself that I don't wash my walls on a regular basis and therefore I need to stop bitching about how dirty they were. Light colored walls really show the dirt. My mom, the amazing trooper that she is, used Comet on the entry way walls. Yes, Comet. Dirt is not the new black. But now the house is all sparkly clean. And I feel better about it looking nice to sell.  We even had a showing that very weekend, but still have not heard back about. It does make me a tad concerned. How long could this drag on? Our realtor told us that with one house they just closed on, they started back in October, of 2010. Seriously? The bank/mortgage company dragged it's feet for SIX months. That is insane. So here we sit, waiting. Will it sell? And if it DOES sell, will the bank/mortgage company "forgive" the remainder? I owe $107K, the houses in the surrounding area have gone for anywhere between $25K to $40K.  How is that even right? I don't even want to do the math. The short sale will show up on my credit report, for at least 3 years and will lop off a good 120 points, if not more.  If the bank/mortgage company does not "forgive" the difference between what is owed and what the house sold for, I could end up paying taxes on the "income". Even though it never actually will come in to me. It will go directly to the bank. Again, how does that work? I just don't get it. Then to top it all off? Tenant stiffed us with $510 water bill.  Well now, isn't that special? It completely explains why almost a month after moving out Tenant has not contacted us about getting back the security deposit. Half of which will now go towards paying said water bill and the late fees/penalties. SES told me that even though the Lease states if Tenant does not contact us within 4 days to tells us where to send said security deposit they are SOL, I STILL have to make some attempt just in case Tenant decides to get all legal and demand the remainder. Which I don't believe will happen, but I still need to CYA.  Again, how does that work? You stiff me and yet I still need to let you know that you can have your money back?  WTF?
So keep your fingers crossed my digital friends, that the house sells at the highest price possible and that the mortgage company/bank forgives it, and does so in a timely manner so that F and I can move on with our lives. Bad credit and all.
 Or as I like to refer to it, SCREWING ME TWICE over the same house. Because really, it only makes complete sense that after you fuck up the housing market you still get to makes the rules about how to unfuck it up.
Totally logical.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Mrs. Nosey, Meet Karma; She's A Bitch


Mrs. Nosey got called out on her lack of work ethic (says the woman who blogs while at work, ahem.).
Anyway, for years now people have been complaining of Mrs. Nosey work habits.  Excessive personal phone calls, excessive Internet time, excessive long lunches, excessive unmet deadlines, excessive mistakes and excessive gossiping. Ok, so I added that last one in there. It may have been touched on, I don't know. It SHOULD have been, I know THAT for sure. 

If you are unfamiliar with Mrs. Nosey's past transgressions, please read this, this, this and this.

Apparently while our Boss was gone for a few days Mrs Nosey took it upon herself to up and disappear for a few hours. No one knew where she was. She ostensibly denied all of the above. To our Boss. And THEN she confronted one of her cube mates as the tattler. True enough, she had tattled, but she denied it as well. Not completely though, stating that is USED to bother her, but no longer did. LIE.  Mrs. Nosey told said cube mate that what she did was none of her business and that she was going to go tell our Boss every time cube mate gets and sends text messages. 3 grade called, they want their playground fights back. Mrs. Nosey assumed, incorrectly that her other cube mate was completely blameless. She too had complained. I do not know if she fessed up or not.
Mrs. Nosey's co-job mate(who is the true #1 tattler, but as yet remains un-accused) informed me that Mrs. Nosey blames ME for tattling about her phone usage. I sit 2.5 inches worth of felt cube wall away from Mrs. Nosey, and hence indeed do hear many of her excessive phone calls. However, I had no idea any of this was even going on until I complained about the other accused cube mate's excessive outbursts over news headlines.  So when my Boss mentioned Mrs. Nosey's phone usage I concurred that it was indeed excessive.

OH! I just remember another story about Mrs Nosey from awhile ago.  Her co-job mate from above is in some manner her supervisor. We'll call her Ma'am, she is the oldest woman in our office.  Anyway, Ma'am has been going through some family related issues. Ma'am confided (oxymoron) to Mrs. Nosey about these issues, and made her promise to not tell anyone in the office.  Mrs. Nosey turned around the very next day and told Crazy Co-Worker.  CCW in turn quietly approached Ma'am to find out if it was factual.  Ma'am confirmed that is was and queried as to where CCW got her intel.  CCW of course said Mrs. Nosey told her.
Are you ready for this?
Hold onto your hats.
Seriously, you are not going to believe this.
When Ma'am confronted Mrs. Nosey face to face, Mrs. Nosey FLAT OUT DENIED it. CCW overheard the whole thing because SHE sits 2.5 inches of felt cube wall away from Ma'am.
Ma'am relayed the whole thing to me of her own free will. She will no longer confide in Mrs. Nosey.
CCW was steamed when she overheard Mrs. Nosey's denial. Which could of course paint CCW as a liar.

Mrs. Nosey called off work today. I can't imagine why.

Our next staff meeting is going to be a delight.

I cannot wait.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

F Gets Pissed In His Sleep

"God Damn it Woman! Shut the FUCK up Already!!!!!!"


He can't remember if it was directed at me or not, "But it probably was."

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Really Pushing the Line

Spirit Airlines. They keep pushing it with their nasty and inappropriate ads. Seriously, I would block them if they didn't have such great deals. I do have a sense of humour, don't get me wrong, but they need to know when too much is just too much. And I am just totally done hearing about this.





Red Means Go is much better at expressing the disappointment though.

I wish I had thought faster when I took their "survey" this morning, which was so totally slanted about paying more for checking in at the airport, it was totally worthless.  Ah well.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Time Line Spiral

Easter Weekend



F leaves to go Back East to visit the Outlaws for Easter. I am left home alone to fend for myself. Our very expensive Anderson Screen door has been trouble since day one. The door closer hydraulic thingie comes unscrewed and the door commences to slamming shut. I find the screws and reattach it, fixing the issue. It took me maybe 15 minutes.



- - - - A WEEK LATER- - - - -

The door closer hydraulic thingie comes unscrewed AGAIN. F swears and curses the name of Very Expensive Anderson Screen Door Company. I inform him of my fixing it while he was gone. He blinks at me. The door closer hydraulic thingie remains hanging from the door for at least a week. I ask when he’s going to fix when it stabs me in the foot. He removes it and places the door closer hydraulic thingie on the couch where it remains for a few weeks. I complain of the placement and he moves it to the kitchen shelving unit. More days, weeks pass and I am cleaning and tell F that he needs to fix the door closer hydraulic thingie. He blinks at me. I sigh heavily.
“Do you know where the mount for it is? I can’t find it.” I blink at him confused while my brain processes his question. I turn in a semi-circle looking for it because I KNEW I had seen it somewhere. And then my eyes fall upon it, attached to the door. “It’s still attached to the door.” F blinks at me. “It is?”  (we use this door EVERYDAY to exit and enter our home)

“Yes.”

- - - MORE TIME PASSES - - -



Memorial Day

I suit up and attempt to mow the lawn. The mower won’t start. Deciding it was already hot and way too humid anyway, I would skip the mowing and call Mom to come over and hangout for the day. Mom arrives on the scene and informs me that the spark plug on said mower just needs to be changed. I agree, but go with the notion that fixing that is F’s job and we sit down and commence gossiping. A few hours later F arrives home. I inform him of the situation and Mom once again pipes up and tells him he needs to change the spark plug. He fiddles with it, and then puts it away for another day. He calls buddy to ask him if his brother in law still fixes mowers.

Now mind you, it has been RAINING pretty much NON STOP here in the Midwest for the past month. The grass is crazy thick and desperately needs to be mowed. We look like the white trash neighbors because you know, we WORK during the day and so when it would rain EVERY FREAKING night as I started to come home, I was unable to mow like my neighbors did during the day in the non-rain window. So the mowing needs to get done ASAP before the rain comes again.



May 31st

I tell F he needs either get our mower fixed or ask a neighbor to borrow theirs. He blinks at me.

The evening of June 2nd I arrive home late. F GLEEFULLY informs me that he FIXED the mower!!!!!

“Really? That is great.”

“Yes, I rode my bike up to the mower place (where I told him to take it to get serviced in MARCH to get ready for the mowing season.Obvs, he didn't.) and bought a spark plug. And then I used some tools ( he named the sizes of wrenches and what-not) and popped the old one out, put in the new and it fired right up!!!!”

The PRIDE in his voice, like he had replaced his own kidney with a plastic spork or something.

“The spark plug eh?”

“Yep.”

“The spark plug mom and I both told you was the issue?”

“I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Riiiiiiiight.”



An Hour Later…………

“Did you notice what ELSE I fixed??” F asks excitedly.

“You mean the screen door?”

“YES YES!! I had to put new bolts in it because the crap screws were stripped. So you better not break it again.”

*Eyebrow raise from me* “Emmm. And here I was getting used to closing it by hand.”

“Whatever.”



The point of this post? My husband takes FOREVER to fix things that are simple to fix, that I have either fixed before or have told him how to fix and then he EXPECTS extremely high praise for something that really is not that big of a deal. Is my husband the only one who does this? Is he the only one who wants praise for doing something he is supposed to do anyway? I mean, you know, I NEVER rush home and tell him, “F! F! I PAID THE BILLS!!! How AWESOME am I?!!?!?!? Right!? RIGHT!?”





Right.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Look Into My Not So Crystal Clear Ball........

F's parents called.  Apparently when F went to visit them over Easter weekend; the night F left to come home, FIL had an earth shattering prophetic dream.  F was actually misty eyed when he got off the phone.

But here is my question, If it was so earth shattering and prophetic, why did it take an ENTIRE month for FIL to pass it along?

Monday, May 23, 2011

Mrs Nosey; It Never Ends

A new story concerning Mrs. Nosey. We have a small building, but we still require a Building Manager. Our Building Manager is currently out for several months because of some SUPER SECRET Surgery/Medical Issue. In Building Manager's absence, people were handpicked by said Building Manager to handle all building related duties. Building Manager mistakenly assigned Mrs. Nosey some duties. Building Manager also mistakenly told Mrs. Nosey what the SUPER SECRET Surgery/Medical Issue was. Of course because it is a SUPER SECRET Surgery/Medical Issue, Mrs. Nosey was sworn to SECRECY. Such an Oxymoron that statement. Anyway, after Building Manager told Mrs. Nosey about her assigned duties and the SUPER SECRET Surgery/Medical Issue, Building Manager walked in on Mrs. Nosey telling an; as of this posting, undisclosed co-worker EXACTLY what the SUPER SECRET Surgery/Medical Issue was/is. Yes, that is right. She was BUSTED red handed. From what I am told Building Manager did not put the smack down on Mrs. Nosey even though she was; and rightly so, livid. Which, I really don't understand how she managed to control herself, but she is a less violent person than me apparently.


I swear this woman NEVER learns. Days later, she shouts out a question to Building Manager about when the SUPER SECRET Surgery/Medical Issue is supposed to take place. From down the hall. Where there are many offices located.

Really???????????????????????

OMFG. How has she not been written up? I do not comprehend this AT ALL. Unpaid leave maybe? SOMETHING to get through her thick ass skull.

As F would say “How about a FIST to her FACE???”

Do you think HR would do something then?





Friday, May 20, 2011

You Smell Like Roses Dharling........

7:10ish AM interior of a dark house................

I have just exited the shower and am starting to get dressed when I hear my cell ring.

Me: "Hello? What's up?"

F: "OH. I wasn't expecting you to answer."

Me: "um,ok, what's up??"

F: "Well I was wondering if you could bring me my cologne on your way to work??"

Me: "Uh, NO. I have to go to my mom's this morning before work(she's coming home from the south for the summer and I turn all her stuff back on for her before she gets here.), I can't come to your work AND go to my mom's. I guess you'll just have to smell like soap."

F: "Well, but my shirt smells musty." (our basement and closets get this musty smell during the summer despite the dehumidifier we have. If you know of a way to fix this please let me know.)

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry babe. Go to the store and buy some Frebreze."

F: " Gee, thanks a lot hon."

Me: "Sorry."

Does this remind you of the time he wanted me to go to Target for him to get mouthwash and shaving cream? Yeah, me too.
Mothers of young boys, please do your future daughter in law a favor and teach your sons how to Man up and go to the store by themselves. Seriously.  I have a bottle of Frebreze at my office for just such occasions. Also a Tide pen, which would have spot treated the "Lunch mishap" on his pants yesterday as well.

*insert eye roll and sigh here.*

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Sh*t F Says In His Sleep

"You STUPID, FUCKING Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Are you STILL looking at that??" *giggle"

"I just want to go back to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........."

This was all said in one night, this was actually a SLOW evening.
Do you know how hard it is to remember what someone says in their sleep when you are half asleep yourself? Not easy digital folks, not easy at all.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Mrs Nosey: The After Math

Remember this post from the other day about outing co-workers' pregnancies? Our direct boss decided that we needed a refresher about respecting others. So in our monthly meeting within my group she told us we needed to respect others and not share information that would otherwise be private. I was watching Mrs Nosey to see what her reaction would be, there was no reaction. She was completely clueless that the incident we were referring to was hers. After about 5 minutes Mrs Nosey finally says, "Wait, are you talking about the Big Monthly meeting??? The one where I told about the gals' (everyone is a gal, no matter how old) being pregnant??"
Boss: "Yes, actually I am."
Mrs Nosey: "Did someone say something??? Was someone offended???????????"
Then followed a 10 minute discussion where in she kept saying, "But everyone already knew!!!!!!!"
Our Boss finally said, " I didn't know."
"Well, EVERYONE besides you knew. *giggle*"
"People knew indirectly, but no formal announcement was made."
COMPLETELY DUMBSTRUCK. She just could NOT understand why what she did was wrong because EVERYONE already knew. I managed to keep silent for the most part. Others, who normally keep silent actually spoke up.  I wanted to scream at her, "HOW STUPID ARE YOU???? If they didn't  SPEAK UP when the Big Boss asked, what makes you think it was OK FOR YOU TO DO IT FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????" But I did not. I sat and ground my teeth instead.  After our meeting, I heard her whispering madly to one of our co-workers who told me later that she still just couldn't understand what the big deal was? Why would they care? SHE wouldn't care. She's very open about EVERYTHING. Yes, we all know you are unhappy in your marriage and are envious of your divorced friends and their carefree life. I would prefer NOT to know that about you. Seriously. The "talking to" she got, in my opinion, was not severe enough. I would have written her up and sent her to sensitivity training. Alas, I am not the Boss. Which for several people here is a VERY good thing.


*** I just found out that she actually may have seen the light. She apologized to one of the women. I was not expecting that AT ALL. But I'm sure she still doesn't completely understand what she did wrong.****

Saturday, May 14, 2011

How Men Read

E-Mail I sent to F: "I made an eye dr appt for you for Wednesday @ 2:30. If that won't work for you, you need to call them and change it: [redacted phone #]. ( i added the bold and underline for you digital reader, it is important)

F's response: "Sorry DH but the next 2 weeks I am busy well beyond 5 please change."



I read this and was all W.T.F????? Seriously, I am not your secretary. I was doing him a solid by making the appointment to begin with. It is not like I ask him to make my Gyno appointment for me, ya know????

But before I could fashion this from mental thought to written word, I see a second e-mail from F which was sent 10 minutes after the first one: "I will call them."

Ahhh, he CAN read!!! A little slow on the comprehension, but still; I am so proud.








Friday, May 06, 2011

Bold Rudness

Remember how just a few days ago I told you that Mrs. Nosey took it upon herself to announce pregnancies for two of our co-workers? The woman has no boundaries, I swear to God.  This morning before our Boss got in, flowers were delivered to her office. Mrs Nosey went in to said office, exclaimed, "OH! She got flowers! Is it her birthday???"  Our boss's birthday was 2 weeks ago, which one of our co-workers reminded her. "Oh, well. OH!!!! It is her ANNIVERSARY!!!! HHHHmmmmm "To the love of my life (something else I couldn't quite make out)" " "Hmph, if my husband wrote something like THAT(something else I couldn't make out but it was clearly sarcastic)....."

Do you see what just happened there?? She READ the card on our BOSS'S FLOWERS before our Boss even got to see them and then, THEN she criticized what  her husband had written!!!!!!!
The out and out audacity of it all!!!!! It just blows my mind. I almost said something, but I keep biting my tongue. I would  have a very hard time not calling this woman  the "C" word if we ever got into it.
She is so beyond rude I just don't even know how to handle it.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

I've Got a Whole Bag of ZIP IT With Your Name On It

We have a meeting each month that encompasses all departments in our building. Since our last meeting two women have semi-announced (read word of mouth) that they are expecting. When the big boss asked if there was any other news that needed to be shared, NEITHER of these women spoke up. The meeting moved on to a few other things and then he asked again, again both women reminded silent. So, our office busybody, Mrs Nosey took it upon herself to announce it FOR THEM. FORCING them to speak up. I cannot tell you how badly I wanted to reach across the table and smack that self-satisfied smile off her face. The one woman even said quietly, “I really didn’t want it announced.”


I just do not understand how she came to the decision that it was upon her to announce something so incredibly personal. I realize that pretty much everyone already knew, but there is certainly an unwritten rule concerning something like this. Isn’t there? Am I crazy? This isn’t an announcement that someone makes for you, unless they are your mother. It goes without saying, she is not their mother.

Is my extreme dislike of this woman coloring my view?? Was it ok for her to “out” these women who were CLEARLY remaining silent during the period in which they could have spoken up for themselves? As much as I would LOVE to put this woman in her place, I realize that that is not MY place. Oh, but how I wish it was. How I wish.

Friday, April 29, 2011

My New Theme Song

Seriously, minus the hand down the pants, the video games, and the sex with a girl (not that there's anything wrong with that) this is my new theme song.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

What F Said

I’ve mentioned it before, F talks in his sleep, A LOT. Sometimes he rambles on in the Homeland Language, so I never understand him, but I try to remember how it sounded so I can ask him what it meant in the morning. But other times, when he talks, it is crystal clear English, and I’m all over that. Once, he growled, “God Damn it DH!!” That freaked me out a little bit. He has said other things as well. “Come you guys!!!” “You guys are ASSHOLES!!” “Is that going to work for you?” In most instances when I remember to ask him about it in the morning, he doesn’t remember what he was dreaming about. There are other times when I can’t tell if he is whimpering or giggling.
Last night he hissed, “You’re a FUCKING idiot!” I was pretty sure that even though he was mere inches from my ear that statement was in no way directed at me.

Granted, he’s not as funny as this guy, but I find it entertaining all the same.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Rental Reduex

This week our Tenant informed us that his hours have been severely cut at his job and he will no longer be able to rent from us. (I'm not completely sure I believe this because not too long ago Tenant informed F that Tenant's mother was seriously ill and he was hoping to get her house when she died. As far as we know this hasn't happened yet. But that is who Tenant is moving in with.)The end of May will be his last month. F thinks that maybe Tenant was hoping we would offer to reduce the rent. The rent that isn't even covering the full mortgage payment. That is not going to happen. This of course then spurred the discussion between F and I about what to do with said house. I personally am done being a landlord. I am highly concerned about who will end up being the next Tenant. What state the house will be in with current Tenant and what the state could potentially be in with the new Tenant. In other words, I want to sell it. Selling it of course would be taking a MASSIVE hit on it and would mostly result in us "finishing" paying on a house we no longer possess. F is decidedly against this. Which I of course understand. But I currently feel that paying on a mortgage on a house we no longer own is better than the tension and stress caused by being a landlord. To me, being done with that is worth making a monthly payment. I do realize it would be a waste of money. But I also realize that the roof on the rental needs to be replaced. And that the "sewer" backs up EVERY February when the snow starts to melt and the rain starts to come. We've replaced the washer and the dryer. I just, I just don't want to do it anymore. F wants to continue to rent the house out. I want to sell. F thinks that doing background checks and whatnot will insure a better class of renter. I'm not sold on that idea one bit.


I, no, WE do not need the added stress of trying to figure out what to do about this. There are so many other things going on with us right now that we really don't need more.

****NEW INFO****
I called my mortgage company and after 3 transfer was given to Jeremiah in Liquidations.  When I posed my question to Jeremiah; "If I sell my house and don't get the amount that is still owed on it, what will happen then?"
Jeremiah: "That amount will be forgiven."
Me: "I'm sorry? Forgiven?"
Jeremiah: "Yes. It is not your fault after all that the market crashed. Few homeowners know about the Debt Reduction Act that Bush enacted before he left office in 2007."
Jeremiah then went on to tell me to SELL SELL SELL!!! He was amazed that we were getting the amount of rent that we are getting. He was shocked at how "little" of the difference we were making up.  Then he told me again, "Sell now. Put it on the market NOW. I doubt you will get a tenant in there for the same amount you are getting now."
The conversation continued in the same vain for about 20mins, but it that was the gist of it.
So, assuming everything works out the way we hope, F and I will no longer be landlords!!! PRAISE BABY JESUS!!! I can not tell you how happy that will make both of us. F even wants us to sell our house and move somewhere "better". I personally don't think that is necessary, but we'll cross that bridge if we get to it.
SO if you know anyone who has done this, please let me know. I want to know if it is as scott free as it sounds.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Potty Time Made More Fun!!!


F and I went out to dinner. Several lemonades later, and I had to visit the restroom.


I was greatly amused at what I saw contained within my stall:


The Grandma Face seals the deal on this one

Double take, then giggle
So yeah, it appears I was drinking when I took this.
"Still Standing, Unlike Those We Serve."