Monday, June 29, 2009

When Muscles ATTACK!!!

I apologize to Sassy Two Socks for scoffing at her calf pain from wearing flats whilst running about the city. I'm sorry, I was wrong.

F and I spent the weekend in the city walking about in our sandals. By Sunday night my calves were screaming at me to just sit the hell down already!!! My thigh decided to do a solo jig every 5 minutes while I was trying to sleep. When I put my heels back on Monday morning I thought my calf muscles were going to explode. Where did this come from? Why was this happening? I was walking around and groaning like an 80yr old woman. And then, I remember what Sassy had said, and I thought, Damn, girlfriend was right on with this one!
So Sassy, I apologize. You were right, I was wrong.
I have been humbled by my calf muscles.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Weather Bug Goes GREEN!!!

I got an alert from my Weather Bug. I had no idea they reported on air quality conditions, or made suggestions on how to improve the air quality/ozone.
Go Weather Bug!

350 PM EDT Tue Jun 23 2009 , Air Quality Alert In Effect From 8 AM To 8 PM EDT Wednesday, The [redacted] Department Of Environmental Quality, Air Quality Division, Has Declared Wednesday, June 24th, To Be An Action Day For Elevated Levels Of Ozone. Pollutants Are Expected To Be In The Unhealthy For Sensitive Groups Range. The Action Day Is In Effect For The Following [redacted] Counties, [redacted], And [redacted] Counties. An Air Quality Action Day Has Been Issued For Wednesday, June 24th, Only. People And Businesses Are Urged To Avoid Activities Which Lead To Ozone Formation. These Activities Include, Refueling Vehicles Or Topping Off When Refueling, Using Gasoline Powered Lawn Equipment, And Using Charcoal Lighter Fluid. Positive Activities Include, Car Pooling, Biking To Work, Delaying Or Combining Errands And Using Water Based Paints. It Is Recommended That Active Children And Adults, And Persons With Respiratory Diseases Such As Asthma, Limit Prolonged Outdoor Exertion. For Further Information, Please See The Air Quality Division Air Quality Index Page On The Internet.........

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

On The Road Again

F and I are headed back East to visit with the out-laws and friends. I've got a few posts lined up to keep you company for a few days. As always, I'll fill you in on all the happenings when I get back.
So stay cool in this crazy ass global warming heat.

Have a safe and happy 4th my American brethren!!!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Please Ignore the Flashing Lights, They Mean Nothing, Really, Seriously

I'm minding my own business driving along when I see the lights flashing in my rear view mirror. Thank goodness they weren't coming for me, but they were going to some one's aid. Which hacks me off even more about what happened next.
The police car arrives at the intersection in the left turn lane. He pauses for a beat longer than normal and thank the gods he did because otherwise, someone would have had to come to his aid. Someone in on coming traffic was making a right turn and decided they didn't need to wait for the cop, so they make their turn. I'd barely finished cursing them out when some flipping jackass idiot comes flying through the intersection. Now traffic is stopped in all four directions, wouldn't that give you pause as you approach said intersection? Instead, why not gun it? It's your lucky day! Traffic at a stand still!! Who could ask for more???? I would love to know what that person thought as it dawned on them that they'd just speed through an emergency vehicle related stop. Delaying someone out there, help.
Of course, people like this rarely, if ever have things dawn on them.
So to you two who are blind to the flashing lights in my community, who think you are above pulling over, stopping, slowing down, or getting out of the way, God help you in your time of need, because most assuredly one of your inbred brethren will delay the help of the mere humans.
I'm finding it hard to control myself in saying, You deserve it. The longer the delay, the better.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Take A Picture, It Lasts Longer...

and can also be seen around the world once it's been scanned..........

CBF put me onto a new time wasting website. Bless you CBF.

Friday, June 19, 2009

In Who's World?

I just got an e-mail from Naturalizer's hawking their "End Of SEASON SALE!!!!" where all sandals are ON SALE!!!!
I'm sorry, what??? My calendar says it is only mid-June, we are still a few days away from the official start of summer.
How can you have an end of season sale when the season hasn't even started yet???
Ok, so SPRING is over. But really, are Spring sandals that much different than Summer sandals?? Is there even a difference? I don't think so.
So, Naturalizer, I love your shoes, I do.
And I love a sale on them.
But seriously, back up off rushing summer out the back door, when it is just barely on the front porch, emmmk???

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Where Are You Going With That?

On my way to work I was stopped at a light when a pick-up truck pulled up next to me. Something was flapping in breeze in the back of said truck that caught my eye. I looked over and saw that the ENTIRE truck bed was stacked high with burrito wraps. The driver turned the same way I did, and headed the same way I was headed. As I turned off the street into my work parking lot, he continued on. It gave me the giggles because I knew exactly where the guy was headed. Up the street from my office is a Mexican restaurant.
So much for them being freshly made daily. (not that they ever claimed that.)
And yes, all the wraps were still in the packaging.
So we can still eat there for lunch.
Phew. Because their Grande Steak Burrito is AMAZING.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

What Ice Cream FLavor Are You???

Scene: Inside large chain grocery store........

Me: "I want ice cream."
F: "Ok, you get that, I'll go get the lunch meat."
Me: "Ok."

Standing in front of the large assortment of frozen delights I find a flavor that I can't remember if it's really as good as it's ingredients sound or not (note to self:not) F approaches.....

Me: "Do you like black cherry?"

F makes 'ick' face.

Me: "These are on sale, but they don't have strawberry, and all you ever order is strawberry, so I really don't know what other flavors you like. I really have a very small pool of knowledge when it comes to your ice cream tastes."

F sticks his head into freezer and examines the choices....

F: "Ok, let's go." he says as he places his choice in the cart.

Me: "What did you get?????"

F flashes the carton at me.

Me: "BUTTER PECAN?!?!?!?!?!"

F nods.

Me: "I love you even more now."

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Check's in the MAIL!!!

You hear about it all the time now. Somehow a magic check appears in your mail for a fabulous amount. All you have to do is cash it, and send back a "fee". Or, you sell something, and you get a check for the item that is written for too much, and Would you Please send us the difference? Thank You so much!!
I never understand how people can think this makes sense. How anyone can think this is legit. Would you, as a normal thinking person trust some Joe blow to cash a check you send them and then send YOU back the difference?? I mean, seriously??? So if you yourself wouldn't do it, why would you assume someone else would?
So you can imagine the shock waves that are going through the office here since someone is using OUR company's name and sending out checks to people. I think within the last 3 days we've gotten 10+ calls. The checks have our company name, an old bank account we actually used at one point, and some even had our CFO's "signature" on them. So far, only two people were stupid enough to attempt to cash it. One actually cashed it, and called us once they realized it was fraud, and wanted us to pay them what they were out! The other person went to a check cashing place and the check place called us to see if it was legit. I just can't believe people are this clueless. This scam has been all over the news. Now I can understand if you are a person who's out for a free ride and are shady yourself that you would think you are screwing someone over, so I guess, you kinda deserve to get screwed yourself. But if you honestly think that some random business is going to send you a fat daddy check, you really need to get your head out of your ass and take a whiff of reality. Do you honestly think a BUSINESS trolls Craig's List(which is where all these people had stuff listed) for sale items? And do you REALLY think a BUSINESS would want to buy your couch? Or your kid's car???? Come on people!!!
I fear for humanity, I really do.

Friday, June 12, 2009

No Lunch For Me, GAG

My co-worker friend and I were on our way to lunch. I was driving. In my peripheral vision I saw a black cat build up speed as it approached the 4 lane road. It made it past the first on coming car and the first lane, but the second car in the next lane over was not paying attention to said cat and it's road crossing attempt, and nailed it in the head/neck area. My co-worker friend and I had front row seats to this gruesome scene as this all occurred a few hundred feet in front of us. We both gagged as we drove by the cat and it's hind legs flopped and spasmed in the last moments of death, I hope, and not in a ditch effort attempt to regain it's footing.

"Oh god, oh god." we both moaned.

"Jesus, don't look back! Oh man, DO NOT look back." I directed her as I made that mistake myself.

"I'm not! God."

"I don't think I can eat lunch now. UGH."

"Me neither."

"I don't even like cats, and god, that just, god that poor cat."

"I know, I don't either. I so DID NOT need to see that."

We drove the rest of the way in silence.

We managed to eat lunch and did not speak of the incident again.

No animal should meet such an end. And I truly hope that the owner of said cat will not lays on it and just assume that it ran away never to be seen again.

This is one of the reasons why I am so against allowing pets to run free. You spare yourself the heartache and spare everyone else the repugnant experience of watching your pet's demise.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

There's Been a WHACKING

Update on the RAT situation. After the Neighbor ladies places out massive amounts of RAT poison which required gloves for handling, we noticed that some of it was being eaten. Which, totally good thing. Then, one day after I got home from work, F tells me there was a incident.
The neighbor who lives behind us and Neighbor C, Neighbor P, had a RAT encounter. Actually, her Lawn Dude had the encounter.
Apparently, as the story goes, Lawn Dude was weed whacking the weeds along the shared fence. When he WHACKED a RAT. Apparently Lawn Dude lost his mind. He was very freaked about having WHACKED a RAT. Lawn Dude finished off Whacked RAT which was still alive but in what state is unclear, with a SHOVEL.
It is my belief that the RAT was HIGH on one or many of the various poisons and hence it didn't run when it heard the whirl of the weed whacker nor when it felt the breeze of the blades, and thus met it's end by a dirtied shovel.
One down.
Who knows how many left.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009


I am itchy to buy some new shoes. Always makes a gal feel better, right?
I WANT THESE, alas, the 4 " heel would be disaster on my maneky ankle.

Damn you aging process!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!!

Not Ratatouille

So there is a little varmint problem on our street. That weekend when the sibs were over and we were all outside BBQing? Well, we happened to spy with our little eyes a RAT. A good sized RAT who made its way all over our neighbor's yard. It darted from the flowers to the veggies to the driveway to along side the garage and back again. By the end of the night we all had our chairs turned to face the neighbor's yard. The two little ones gripped the chain link fence with equal parts anticipation and fear.
RAT Watch 2009 was in full swing.
"All we need are our shotguns and some beer." I joked.
"I saw it during dinner." shuddered my SIL. "But I didn't want to say anything and upset everyone. It went under the neighbor's house."
We all nodded with understanding and disgust.
"There it is!!!!"
"SSSSShhhhh, you have to be quiet or you'll scare it away!"
"There it goes again!!!!!"
"OMG! there's TWO of them!!!"
"See one, count TEN." mused mom.
"It is not a rat." claimed both BILs.
"It IS a rat, trust me, THAT was a RAT." affirmed SIL. All of us women nodded in agreement.
Eventually it became too dark to see so we abandoned our outdoor chairs for indoor couches and forgot the rat until it was time to say goodnight.
"Turn the LIGHTS ON!!!" quivered SES. "I don't want that RAT getting me!!"
The older girls squealed as F made RAT noises as they passed him getting into their cars.
"Here it comes!!!" F called after them. "The RAT wants to come home with you!!!!!"

The next morning while still in our PJs we informed our neighbors.
F: "We saw a RAT in your yards last night."
Neighbor C: "SHIT!!!"
Neighbor M&M: "What? are you KIDDING?"
Me: "Nope, we sat here and watched it run all over your yards."
Neighbor C: "I wondered why the hell your chairs were all turned facing this way. Damn it!"
We spent the next 20 mins telling them the path the RAT took through their two yards. Neighbor C was really pissed off about the whole thing. "That pisses me off! I think it lives in your wood pile! while it eats my bird seed! SHIT!"

I have to say, I do feel like we are getting blamed for harbouring the enemy. However, even though we provide the shelter, Neighbor C is providing the sustenance.
F is all for cutting down all the plantings so it has "No where to hide." The damn thing didn't seemed concerned about hiding as it ran about the neighoring yards while 8 humans sat and watched.
Bold bastards they are.

RAT Watch be continued..............

Monday, June 08, 2009

Poor Bastard

I was working on a list of names today. We have all nationalities that come through here, so it is not uncommon to run across a name where to us, the gender is indeterminable. Today however, I couldn't help but giggle, then feel sorry for the person whose parents named them: French Guy.
Lord help this person, especially if A) It is not a "guy" as in male and B) if they are not French, as in France.
I really do believe there should be name police out there. And I think Pilot Inspektor, Apple, Prince, Princess, Audio Science, Calico, Camera, Diezel and Denim(siblings), Fifi and Peaches and Pixie (all siblings), Moxi Crimefighter and Zolton (siblings) would agree with me.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

I want my CABLE TV!!!!!

Oh cable, how I miss thy!!!!
New season of Bridezillas. These women are straight up WHACKED. Watching these nut jobs online just might not get it. Even after my own wedding I'm still addicted.
Is that wrong???

Friday, June 05, 2009

Really, That's Not Much Better

I shared with you, my digital friends, the nastiness that is the pop up ad on my MSN Hotmail account. I could take it no more when they took it a step further and made the person's flab "jiggle". It literally makes me gag. So I found their "Feedback" icon and told them to please remove the disgusting ads.
They listened. Sort of. Now I get to watch a "cartoon" person's fat jiggle.
Who thinks up this crap? I realize this is how they make their money, from pop up ads. But seriously, is there no screening process for this stuff? Does no one sit down with the finished ad and say, "HMMMM, now if I were checking my e-mail during my lunch, would I want to see the cottage cheese on some one's thighs jiggle as I chewed on my PB&J???"
The answer would be NO, in case you were wondering. No one wants to see someone else's fat jiggle. No one wants to see a horribly broken out face as they eat their pizza. Or some one's nasty yellow teeth as I drink my Coke. NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Don't people have to go to marketing school for this type of thing? Is the gross out factor really a selling point?? Is it???????????
Remove it ALL, PLEASE. Cartoon or real, I Don't Want to See It!!!!
We Clear?

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

The HULK, at Age 3

The Siblings and their families were at our house this weekend for a BBQ. My brother's son is going on 3 and his is alllllll BOY. Everything becomes a weapon of some sort. So when he began whacking his older cousin with the plastic sticks that were supposed to be used for the horseshoe game, I yelled at him. Talk about if looks could kill!!! The face that child made, holy crap. I swear if he had been close by, we would have heard him growl. It was more than a scowl. It was this scrunched up face, teeth baring, growl. That is all I can say, GROWL. SNARL. I can only imagine what was going through his little head. He stared back at all of us, daring us to come and try and take his weapons. To tell him he can't do something.
But then 20 mins later in the sweet as sugar cuteness that is 3, he giggled and danced with anticipation as they played hide and seek.
"You play with me?"
It's like being asked to tea by the President.
You can't say no.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

I Must Have This T-Shirt

I said something similar to this ALL flipping season:

That and, "That stupid bitch FBI chick has GOT TO GO!!!!!!"