Monday, October 30, 2006

Hot Cheese!

Today at work I was reheating a PMS related snack, Cheese Bread(a leftover), when a small drop of the melted gold fell onto the pan. I took my fork and speared the cheese glob, or at least thought I did, when moments from my watering lips the glob fell from the fork onto my slightly exposed breast(read low cut top). It took mere seconds to register that the glob was burning my breast. So while standing the in the highest traffic area of the office, the kitchen, I'm fishing around my in my top for a burning glob of cheese. Just around the corner I hear two male co-workers chatting. Myself feel-up becomes more frantic. Convinced that the burning glob is not lodged between the underwire and my skin I do the "shake it lose dance" and am immediately gladdened when said glob falls to the floor, now a cold lump of artery clogging fat. I am left with a small amount of dignity because I was not discovered feeling myself up, however that was slightly tarnished by the grease stains left on my blouse, right over my breast, by the heartless melted gold.

In other news, BF won out in the bedding battle by complaining that my comforter, which I love dearly, is too heavy, "it chokes" him (which I couldn't help but picture oversized comforter hands wrapping around his throat attempting to choke him in great cartoon style) and too small for the bed. It was the size issue that won me over, and I have added to my credit card debt even more by purchasing a new "quilt" that is almost the exact color of my walls and therefore finding the bed has become a new fun challenge.

Monday, October 23, 2006

International Drunk Dialing

My very good friend with whom I got exceptionally drunk with in "When aspirin isn't Enough" drunk dialed me from across the pond. Needless to say, she was drunk, as was her husband whom encouraged her to do the dialing. We haven't had a full on conversation since they were here a few months ago, so I was surprised when she casually asked, "So, when's the wedding?" I said I didn't know, but does this mean you approve??? In her Britishized American accent she informed me, "Oh Adult, he's Lovely." The conversation of course went on to dresses and what-not that I'm already semi-planning to do. Thankfully BF was in the other room engrossed in Dateline or something and was unable to hear that her future dieting plans are dependent on his future(hopefully) proposal.

I've been ordered to inform her promptly when the event occurs so that she may book the appropriate flights and arrival time so that we may once again discover why aspirin isn't enough, and most likely, why you don't do the bachelorette party the night before the wedding.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Pluck that Again

The other day I discovered a very long dark hair on my chinny-chin-chin. I know that this wayward hair often sprouts it's manly head, but I usually catch it long before it's long enough to braid. For some reason( read: too busy with BF to do proper grooming) I completely blanked on it this time around and was horrified to find it waving back at me in the mirror one evening. I promptly plucked it, as a girl is wont to do, all the time wondering why none of my female friends or BF pointed it out to me. Surely, at least BF was close enough to notice it. And nothing was said.

My faith in the human race took a blow that day, it truly did.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Corporate Conehead

I have a co-worker. She took over my old position. A few years after we hired her, we hired someone else to 'help' her because of the 'massive amount of work.' It is common knowledge that my replacement does nothing much. To the point that her 'helper' now assigns the tasks that need to be done. My replacement ducks works to the point that she walks the office giving everyone a copy of the daily newspaper. I wish I had that kind of free time(ok yes I Blog instead. whatever.) Today, when she came around I got snippy with her, to which she replied, "meee-oow". She's 50.

Now, I can't help but point out that her bringing the paper around cuts out the possibility of ME wasting time by going and GETTING the paper myself. Who is she to deny me my own time wasting time? Who, I ask, Does she THINK SHE IS???!!!!!!????!!!! Only the evil use their time wasting time to deny others their own time wasting time.