Hard Core Yo!

PCH is coming at ya strong !! They be rollin with the BIG DOGS
WOOF WOOF

Really PCH??? This rough and tumble look is a bit much. It makes me think your money is dirty.
Mob ties??

Ed would be so distressed.

Sailing along in a Whirlpool…

  “Hurry up and Wait.” 

I remember when my sixth grade music teacher announced to us new sixth graders that is was going to be the way of the world from here on out. Even at the all-knowing age of 13, this concept dawned anew, yet very wise to me.  You tend to forgot this, when you are waiting for 45 minutes in a paper gown on crinkled paper atop a pleather table, or on hold with the electric company; but I think if we kept it in mind during these moments it would help alleviate some of our blood pressure issues.

My most recent case of “Hurry Up and Wait” pertains to the Short Sale of my house.  Things were sailing along rather smoothly despite the Mortgage Company and their feet dragging ways or the buyer deciding they needed to be an LLC and the Mortgage Company saying no.  We had moved past that. The Mortgage Company came with an offer, PAY US MONEY for the next five years and we’ll call it good. I, in need to be done with this, was ready to jump at the offer as is. Our Attorney, (and F) decided it would be best to go back to the Mortgage Company with our pockets out and the lint dangling from our elbows as we croakedly asked, “Please Sir, can you make it less?”

Fine, less out of our pockets is a good thing. I agree. But time is of the essence here, and all this back and forth takes TIME. Lots and LOTS of time.  Mortgage Companies move SLOWLY, even when it comes to collecting your money. Just read the news about how far behind they are on foreclosures, at least a year.  So I was settled in for a long wait. Our Realtor had told us at the onset of the process that the minimum was six months.  We are at month FOUR from the ORGINIAL offer.  On October 19^th  the Original Buyer decided to be an LLC. We then moved through changing names and resubmitting the NEW Buyer offer to the Mortgage Company. New Buyer appeared on October 28^th.  That puts us at TWO AND A HALF months. As opposed to SIX.  Am I wrong that I started counting over when we had to change names? That took time.  Plus the Original Buyer took a little trip out of the country and papers weren’t getting signed or notarized, and that was a cluster.  So here we are, two and a half months later, after THREE major holidays, and the “Buyer” Original or New I am not sure, is “(g)etting antsy.” So says the Buyer Realtor.

Seriously dude?  Now I know I thought your realtor was kinda flaky, but I at least figured since she made such a show of how many short sales she was juggling she would have told you that this takes time. Months of time.  Apparently, I was correct in my judgment of her lack of sense.  I gave her too much credit.  Silly me. I do have a problem when it comes to going with my gut instincts. It has been an issue I have struggled with since childhood.  That aside, I truly do hope the ants get out of your pants, or I may be suing you for mental anguish if you pull out of this sale. I cannot take much more of this.

Patience is a virtue. 

Please have some of both.

There Was No Snow for Christmas.....

And no Peace and certainly not Joy.

That's right my digital friends, F and I drugged and packed up Puppy and headed Back East to spend the Lord Jesus' Birthday with his family.
 I have to say that once again this year things were less drama filled than in the past. However, F and I found ourselves smack dab in the middle PLUMBING GATE: 2011. Please read here about the use of vinegar and baking soda. FIL attacked F about our use of T.P. as the cause of PLUMBING GATE: 2011. F HIT THE ROOF. He told FIL not to accuse him and his wife(that would be me) of causing a problem he (FIL) already knew he had and refused help in fixing. Apparently FIL's response was: "Oh, so you're going to be a MAN now are you?"
Oh, the love, it is overwhelming.
After this little male pissing contest we took MIL shopping. F turned on her in the car. She refused to talk about it which enraged F even more. He declared, once again, that we would NOT be staying at their house when next we visit. She declared that in THAT case we need not visit, AT ALL.

And here my digital friends is where FIVE YEARS ( i know, not all that long compared to some, but quite long for me) of keeping my peace came to a very dramatic end.
I LOST MY COOL.
I YELLED. YELLED. Not spoke sternly. Not through gritted teeth and pursed lips. FULL ON YELLED at MIL.
I don't remember verbatim what I said, but the gist was; Stop the drama! Do not Threaten us! Not visiting is VERY MUCH an option as far as I'm concerned, so DO NOT PUSH ME.
 F, was stunned. I was stunned. MIL was crying.
MIL's response was that she wasn't threatening us, that we just don't understand what it is like with HIM everyday since we are only there ONCE a YEAR and ONLY for a FEW Days. (ah, still able to get a dig in). It hurts her feelings that we don't want to stay in  her house; and how would we feel if she did that? I told her I wouldn't care. Whatever made her most comfortable was fine by me.

I apologized for yelling. And then I told her she could come visit us, that we want her to come visit us. She wailed that she can't go anywhere!
She was still crying, F was crying. I was shocked and horrified at myself. I was also waiting for F to lose his shit on me for losing mine on his mamma.
I did feel some sense of relief though, I have to say. My friend at work felt that it was unfair that MIL took the verbal beating for FIL, but as I told  her, she lets him get away with it and sits silently by as the victim. And who knows? A verbal beat down most likely is still in FIL's future.
Oddly enough, all was well after that. FIL even called a plumber. I wish I had been a fly on that wall for conversation with MIL and FIL about me losing my cool.  Why else would he suddenly decide to call a plumber? Maybe I am over crediting myself, but who knows. SOMETHING knocked some sense into him, if only temporally.
There were no ugly clothes received this year. W and T only fought once. The boys LOVED Puppy almost to death. No, really, they were very good with her. FIL groused that he had NO say in Puppy coming with us, to which F said we would happily have stayed at a hotel. Disbelief all around that a hotel would allow a pet. F and I both lost our cool with the boys once over a slapping incident. We both slept like shit despite the new mattress, see link above.
And, I did NOT get sick!! How amazing is that??

2012, Stay in Your Own Decade Please

So, I signed up to received these news letters from these people. Probably because they said if I did I'd have a chance to win something. They presented themselves as  hip e-news for today's women.
But then I got this, and I'm thinking maybe not so much................

TURBAN HEADBANDS. WTF??? NO. Just, NO.

Hansel & Gretel Couldn’t Have Left a Better Trail

    I swear to all that is Holy there is a well-marked road map and several sign posts with possible runway lights that lead straight to our dishwasher and kitchen. It is miniature sized. Mouse sized. We have another one, or several, or however many.  F and I were away on vacation for a week. Puppy was at the Dog Sitter’s house.  When I entered the kitchen I noticed all the “spare” pieces of food Puppy had left on the floor surrounding her bowl were gone. Then within minutes of Puppy making it in the house she was tail deep in a corner of the kitchen where we keep a bag of bags.  I thought that was odd since she never goes in that corner.  I moved said bag aside and low, there were droppings. 

“Shit.”

Then as I grabbed the bread to make myself some toast, I noticed a hole in the bread bag.  “Is that melted? From being by the toaster oven?…. even though it was nowhere near the toaster oven?”  Then I noticed the chunk of bread missing.

“Fucking shit.”

Checking the counter top where said bread was kept I spied more dropping.

“Mother Fucking SHIT!!!!!!!!!”

I started opening all the drawers looking for more droppings because that is where they have been the last few times. I saw none. I also saw none in the dishwasher.  Another favorite spot.

“This could be not so bad.”

“F! the mice are back! Please call an exterminator ASAP. I am sick of dealing with this.”

F: “grumble, complain, makes excuses…..”

Next day

“Holy shit! The mice have made it into the half bathroom! Please call an exterminator!”

F: “grumble, complain, makes excuses…..”

Another Day Passes

Puppy and I are filling the dishwasher when I open the door and there is a small grayish thing sitting there.  I realize it is a mouse and slam the door shut hoping to knock it unconscious with the door.  Puppy is completely clueless even though half of her breed is “standard size dachshund was bred to scent, chase, and flush out badgers and other burrow-dwelling animals”.  Mice are burrow dwelling, aren’t they? Anyway, she did nothing.  The mouse was dazed, but not completely out of it. I stared at it for several moments trying to decide if I should just reach into the dishwasher and grab it. I was afraid it would bite me. During my indecision period the mouse had made it to its goal, the vents or something in the bottom of the dishwasher door.  It crawled right up in there. Where it went from inside the dishwasher door I have no idea.

“F! The mouse is in the dishwasher door!!!”

“I don’t know what to do about that, I have no idea how to get to it. Just run the dishwasher.”

So I did.  Then I washed all the knives and emptied the drawers. Everything is now on the dining room table and you have to walk there to get a knife, or spoon or fork. 

F is picking up mouse traps today.

Spoon Me

F and I have joined Weight Watchers.  I am more points conscious than he is. He hasn’t logged a point since we’ve started and he’s lost 4.6lbs. I have logged like crazy and have lost a mere 2.4lbs.  I know men lose faster than women do, but seriously, twice as much? And without doing any of the work? So not fair.  Anyway, we signed up for the E-Tools because it has an App feature. I think it sucks, but whatever.  I was logging some cake and noticed the “cheat sheet” icon. So I clicked on it for the Mexican Fiesta! Who doesn’t love a good Mexican Fiesta? Exactly.  I am reading the tips they give; stay away from the chips, get veggies, skip the margarita(HA!), get the smaller size, etc. When I read one tip and said to myself, REALLY? FUCKING REALLY?? WHO WOULD DO THAT???

“Speak up if you have special requests. Ask for salsa or pico de gallo instead of an oily salad dressing or cheese sauce. Order your fajitas with only one tortilla so you can save PointsPlus values and enjoy the rest of the filling on its own. Find out if they can bring sour cream and guacamole out on teaspoons instead of in a bowl or cup. All these little changes together will save you a lot of fat and calories.”

On teaspoons. TEASPOONS. I can just imagine the reaction of the server. “Teaspoons? You want teaspoons?”

“Yes, of sour cream.”

“What?”

If someone has done this I would really like to know because that just blows my mind

“Excuse me! Yes, I’m ready for my next teaspoon of sour cream please!”

How about using just a knife’s worth of sour cream instead of slopping it on? That is a more reasonable to do tip, don’t you think?

What is the craziest thing you have requested when ordering your food? Did you have a “When Harry Met Sally” moment?

Advise Me Please

For the last several years I have been on the hunt for a new winter coat. The coat I currently have, albeit extremely warm is over 10 years old. I bought it while still in college. I graduated from college in 1998. Needless to say, it is out of fashion.

Ahem.

Anyway, I thought it would be extremely easy to lay my hands on a coat that I would love. I do after all live in the Midwest, home of the great white winters and freezing temps. I could not believe how sadly mistaken I was. This hunt has gone on for at least 3 years now. I came oh so close last year while “Back East” for Christmas, but they did not have it in my size.  Bastards. However, it did lead me to know that I could find a coat in their store if I started looking early enough.  The ninety degree heat of August was apparently the right time.

I purchased about six coats, all of wool. I settled on this little number.

I really love it. I will wear it without the belt however because it just cuts me in the wrong spot. It is currently with ES because in order for the coat to close over my chest I had to order a bigger size. So she is taking it in to give it more of a nice shape.  The color is amazingly rich and the double collar really completes the look.

Where I am stuck at however is what color I should have for accessories. My last coat was tan suede so it really doesn’t go with egg plant.  Because the throat/upper chest area is so open, and I’ve been known to get bronchitis at the drop of a hat, I really need to have this area covered and warm.  So I need scarf. And of course matching gloves.  My neighbor and I thought dark green, but then I decided that I didn’t want to actually look like this:

So I’m on the hunt for color suggestions. Cream? I already have a lovely cream scarf from my mom to go with another coat. But I don’t know if it would "pop" enough.  I’d really like to stay away from black. Multicolored? I just don’t know! HELP ME my digital friends!!!