Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Will This Never End?

I cried myself to sleep last night.

Let me give some back story. A few hours earlier F came to me and said that one sentence that strikes fear in every heart, no matter what gender you've assigned to, "We need to talk."

It appears that while we were Back East for Christmas, yes, remember that trip? Apparently I committed a major faux pas by not greeting FIL like an excited puppy upon my entry into his home. I could be wrong here, but I thought etiquette dictates that the host is suppose to greet guests when you arrive in their home. So really, I should be upset that he didn't greet me, right?

My second faux pas, yes, I was bad more than once; occurred whilst relaying a statement that had been made to my mother by another woman who was the mother of a groom. "My mother told me that she was told that the MOG is suppose to wear beige and shut up." *insert laughing here* From what I can gather, MIL and SIL took it to mean that I was telling MIL to shut up and wear brown. But they weren't the ones to relay this to F, W (his brother) was. Remember W? The guy who dropped several F-Bombs and then stormed out leaving his wife and children behind during this same meal? Yes, he's the one who brought it up to F. Bit of the pot calling the kettle, don't you think?


I just want to make sure I've got this straight. I didn't greet FIL when I entered his home as a guest and I told MIL to shut her mouth and what color she should wear to the wedding, BACK IN DECEMBER and it's April, and I'm just now hearing about from an extremely distressed F. He's been stressing out about how to tell/ask me about this for 3 WEEKS.

"I didn't want to start an argument. I didn't want you blowing up over this."is what he told me finally. I also found out that when FIL hung up on me, he thought that it was I who was telling him to please stop calling, not that it was me relaying a message FOR F. (Don't shoot the messenger comes to mind.)

I know it's wrong to keep score, but I can't help but think of all the things that have been done to me by these same people and I haven't refused to talk to them or given them the silent treatment because of it. Ok, maybe I have to FIL, but dang, the hatin never stops with this man.
I want to express my feelings about this to F, but seeing how distressed he was over this, I hate putting him in the middle by complaining about his family, again. Which is exactly what is happening.
When I laid down to sleep my mind began to race, as it does. And this enormous overwhelming feeling of despair came over me, and I started to cry. F was already fast asleep so I got up and went to cry in the other room.
Is this how things are going to be for the rest of our lives? His family withholding affection and giving the silent treatment at the slightest hint of an imagined affront? Causing him to lie to me when I ask him what is wrong and he says "Nothing." because he doesn't want a confrontation with me?
I've never encountered a family like this. I've heard of them, but never had the displeasure of interacting with them. They constantly assault me and my sense of proper conduct and I do nothing. But when they feel accosted, it's all out war.
I know the saying goes "Kill them with Kindness." It's the "Kindness" part I'm having difficulty with.
This hurts my heart more than I can say because it makes me question this union.

Damn it, and Damn them because now I'm crying again.

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