Friday, August 29, 2008

Meanie Weanie

Second Eldest Sister is a trip. She likes to stir the pot and exaggerates to the extreme. She likes to mess with your head. But she also understands the culture with which I'm dealing when it comes to F's family because her ex is from that region of the world. She's very much a comfort to me concerning this. Plus she just cracks me the hell up.

What follows is an e-mail exchange between the two of us:

ME: "Maids, My mom and I are going to go pick up the dresses tomorrow night and I hope to have them in the mail to everyone on Saturday(sisters I'll bring them to the family obligation). I will charge everyone's last payment, and let you know how much it was and you can just send/bring me a check. Keep your fingers crossed!!!"

SES:"You know - family obligation isn't until next week. We got our invitation yesterday. "

ME: "I know it's next week. Sounds like most everyone got it yesterday!!! How exciting!"

SES: "do I have to send our regrets or can I just let you know now?"

ME: "The only way you can send a regret if it's your head, on a platter."


ME: "Emhm.. Don't mess with the bride. At least I said on a platter and not a stick. A platter is so much more civilized, ya know?
F's dad asked for extra invites to send to more people, after we'd already mailed them out.
I thought no one wanted to come to our damned wedding anyway?
F told him no."

SES: "You know they will just tell people. How rude. I'm glad F stands up to them."

See? Funny and supporting, how can you not love her?

Thursday, August 28, 2008


Ok, so the invites are out and I'm hearing back from people that they have gotten theirs. The lady who designed our "signature item" just e-mailed me: "Got our invite! They look good :) "
Good? GOOD? GOOD!!!!!!! Wait, GOOD? Not fabulous? Not amazing? Not awe inspiring? You picked the invite! You designed the item! The map! Shouldn't you be telling me it looks awesome?? Now I'm all concerned. Did mom and F do a poor job? I was busy printing and didn't have the time to watch over them. Dang it. Good. JUST Good. I can't take it! I have to stop second guessing, but GOOD?

Oh, and FIL. Ah, FIL. FIL wanted F to send them a few extra invites so they could invite more people.
To our damn wedding.
To our damn wedding that no one would want to go to anyway.
F told him no. YAY F!!!!
I'm still considering bring the extras to work so none "go missing". J.I.C.
MIL can be persuasive.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I believe I have told you, some time in the past, that I am trying to sell my home. Just as F and I decided not to go down that road that would wipe out my credit score, thankfully, we got an offer to rent. We jumped on it. The Tenant has moved in. He was very anxious to move in. He called and had all the utilities switched over before we even signed the papers. I was a tad concerned about him, not someone I would most likely rent my adorable little house to(he wanted to re-paint the front door BLACK, who paints their door black???), but we need the money. So it's rented. Before we signed the papers I called AAA to change the policy to reflect that it's now a rental property. "We don't do that." Huh??? AAA doesn't do rental property policies? I was dumbfounded. I called F right away. He did not share my shock. "Start calling around then." Um, ok, that's no help. So I Googled. Then I called. If I don't have to talk to people on the phone, that's what I prefer. I'm one of those people that looses all train of thought on the phone. You'd never know I was college educated. Anyway, so far, I've had 2 places tell me "YEAH SURE NO PROBLEM!" and 2 places tell me they'll only insure the secondary property(the rental) if they already hold the insurance on the primary property. And the car. And my first born. Ok, maybe not that last part, but you get the idea. Are rental properties that much of a risk that nobody really wants to insure them? I just find it very odd. And several places don't get what I want (see above) they think I'm the renter and I want renter's insurance. It's very frustrating. I want my little home properly insured. Can I tell you how amazingly hard it was to see someone else's stuff in my house? On my deck? In the garage? He wanted to rip all my flowers out too. Oh holy goodness. I realize it was amazingly over grown, but really, there are all kinds of flowers in there! F thinks I'm a freak because I want to drive by and see what he did to the yard.
Anyway, my insurance hunt continues. If any of you have any experience on this, let me know.
And tell me how a good Land Lady acts, because seriously, I wanted to clean all his stuff, it was kinda dirty.
And cheap looking.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


F wasn't feeling well over the weekend. He spent a large majority of his time in bed, when he wasn't stuffing invites. Anyway, he went to bed early to read while I cozied up with Harry and the gang and the Goblet of Fire on cable (seriously, they did a bad job with the book to movie on this one). In the midst of Ron and Harry having their boy fight I hear from the other end of the house, "DH."
"What F?"
"F, what do you want?"
"mumble mumble mumble mumble."
I got up, walked to the other end of the house where I had the following exchange with my soon to be husband:
"What's wrong F?"
"When you go to bed, will you shut the lights off?"
"Are you frickin kiddin me?!?!?!?"
meekly, "please, you don't have to do it now, when you go to bed."
Mind you, I'm standing in the door way of the bedroom. Within inches of the light switch.
The light switch I can from the other end of the house to shut off.
The light switch he could have flipped off, gotten back in bed and been back to sleep by the time I got there.
And they say men are the stronger sex.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Favor Flavor

MIL is stirring the pot. Remember we sent my ring out to get it's mate made? Well, F still hasn't decided what he wants his ring to look like. And MIL is apparently all over his case about it. That he can't get one for now and then upgrade later because once you have your ring, that's it. It is THE ONE FOREVER. (I'm sorry, what makes you have a say in this? I'm the wife to be, if I say it's ok for F to upgrade later, it's O.K. Period.) Telling him he HAS to decide so the Pastor can bless them. (Um, HI! Bride over here! Yes, ME again! Um, I don't recall anyone asking me if I wanted the Pastor of a Church I don't attend or a religion I don't agree with blessing my rings.) And also? It's a ring. Just a ring MIL. Back up off the whole thing, emk? Our marriage isn't based on a ring. I know it is a symbol of our commitment to each other, but that's just it, A SYMBOL.

Merriam Webster:

2: something that stands for or suggests something else by reason of relationship, association, convention, or accidental resemblance; especially : a visible sign of something invisible

I know in my heart and head, and that in F's heart and head we are committed to each other. And that's what counts.

Not a ring.

She also wants to make the favors for our wedding. The woman who gave me bedazzled slippers wants to assemble my favors. From the other side of the country. Where they could get eaten. Or left behind, or just done WRONG. I know she's not going to like what I want. I know she's going to say it needs to be more. Something people can take home with them, which is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I have no problem with MIL being involved in the wedding. F is VERY insistent that she be allowed to do this. Fine. I bought the majority of the supplies this weekend and will assemble one for her to work from along with sending the instructions. I know, I need to stop being a bitch about this. The woman wants to help, and that's very nice of her. I just can't stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong between there and here, between now and then.

Ok, I'm going to stop complaining about someone wanting to help with the wedding. Instead, I'm going to complain about my siblings and their lack of planning ahead. Once I finally did get a hold of New Priest, after F called him as well. I set the time for the rehearsal. Now we all know the wedding is on a Friday. Out of towners are coming in at various times through out the day on Wednesday, so that is not a good day to have it. That leaves Thursday night. When I finally touched base with New Priest I found out that there is another rehearsal scheduled for that evening as well. At 6. So we couldn't get in until 7. Anyway you slice it, things are going to be tight. Dinner before? People are coming from work and not make it on time. Dinner after? Not with little kids around, it'd be too late. So I picked 4:30pm. The Sibs? UP IN ARMS! "I have to work until 4!!!!!!!!!!!" "I don't know if I can make it that early!!!!" " I don't have anymore vacation time to take, so I can't leave early!!!!!!!" Um, hi? I'm just going to point out one little factoid here. You have known about this wedding for a YEAR and A HALF. You should have planned your vacation accordingly.

I'm just sayin.

Am I wrong my digital friends? Am I being too Bridezilla-ie????

Good thing, the invites ARE MAILED. Praise the gods! And thanks to my worker bees, mom and F. F who got so tired of working on them that he put the stamps on the bottom corner of the invite because he had the envelop turned upside down and wasn't paying attention. I think my mom wanted to brain him more than I did. Thank goodness it was only a few.

And special thanks to the co-worker who offered up her office and printer. You saved my ass my friend!!!!

Is it wrong she's not invited to the wedding?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Flower Power

The flowers. Ah the flowers. The flowers that I really don't know anything about. The flowers that some people spend massive amounts of money on. The flowers that for the most part I think smell bad ( i told you i was a weird female). The Flowers. THE FLOWERS have been choosen. All roses. Mine a creamy white rose mixed with an extremely light peach rose. The girls are light orange roses mixed with yellow roses with a touch of orange.
I think.
I'm horrible at this stuff. And the Flower Lady was about to kill me as we finalized things. See, mom and I had gone a few weeks ago to talk to the Flower Lady from our church and we both loved her immediately. Her price when it came in the mail however was an amazing amount over $900. That does not include flowers for in the church, there are none. That does not include flowers for the center pieces, there are none. So my boquet, 6 bride's maids 4 groom's men 2 mothers, 1 father, a flower girl, a ringer bearer and 2 special guest book tenders, all cost over $900 dollars.
A previous Flower Lady told me $550.
He wanted that.
I didn't like her.
So mom called the Flower Lady and they talked, and she said she'd already discounted the price for me. So I called the Flower Lady and set up an appointment to down size.
Results? Instead of the BM's carrying a dozen roses, there will be 7 to 8 plus filler. Instead of mine being a massive 3-4 dozen of roses, it will be 2.5 to 3 dozen.
Price chopped by $200 beans.
The Flower Lady was at her wits end because like I've said, I don't do flowers. And I really didn't know how to tell her what to do, other than make the price smaller. But in the end it all worked out well. We ended on good terms and she is our Flower Lady.

Did I mention we got the cake too?
I think the Cake Lady was ready to kill F and his insistance that freezing the top layer of cake for our first annivesrary wasn't going to happen because it would taste nasty. But the cake is done.
White on White on White. Very simple and classy.
She is our Cake Lady.
It's all coming together. Now if we could only get those stupid invites out, we'd be golden.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Calling the Holy Man

New Priest? Is really hacking me off. I've called there 3 times now, including the call I just made. How hard is it? I'm starting to get a little frantic like One Couple was. This is IMPORTANT stuff!!! How can you not call me back? And Nazi Secretary? Gave me the same cold shoulder and fired questions at me again, "What's your name?"
Really? Unless you are writing this stuff down, why do you need to know? Maybe she's keeping track? Maybe she's not the enemy here? I don't know, I'm all types of confused and stressed out. Time is running out here people. I need to make sure Old Priest is going to do the ceremony because if NEW Priest does it, F will boycott. Like I need this kind of stress!

F is STILL working on his side of the invites. I'm having a mandatory invite assembly and stuffing party at my office this weekend. Yes, I've decided to steal ink from The MAN and print my invites at the office. I did a trial run and they looked pretty nice. So mom, F and I will be spending a few hours at the office that day and then if we get them done in time, running to the Post Office to mail them. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Call Me Miss Bachlorette

Over the weekend, my sisters, CBF and my friend R had a small bachelorette weekend. There were suppose to be 2 other people there, but one broke her foot and the other felt the need to ditch me for her husband and their anniversary. What nerve. Anyway, I'm back, and in one piece and yes, still plan on marrying my man F. We had a really good time, and they got all kinds of pictures of me completing bachelorette tasks. Kissing a bald man's head? Check. Slamming a blow job sans hands?Check. You get the idea. We kept it tame. The other 3 bachelorette parties in the bar were a tad bit more obvious. We still had a good time. I needed that weekend to have fun and stop worrying about wedding related things that still need to be done. And let me tell you, the dynamic of 5 woman interacting with each other ranging in ages from 33 to 43? WOW. Freud would have had a field day! I just sat back and watched, it was interesting. It wasn't wild and crazy and it wasn't over done. Would I have liked to drink a tad more? Oh yes. Does Eldest Sister for some weird ass reason still think I'm an alcoholic? Oh yes. Am I glad I didn't have a massive hangover the next day? You better believe it!
The highlight of the weekend? Well, there were a few, having ice cream for lunch 2 days in a row, major plus. Sitting on the beach and chillin, minus the massive sunburn I got, fabulous. Having some guy hand me a 20 spot to go get a shot to slam with him then having another guy pay for it instead, amazing.(yes, i returned the the 20 spot.) Slapping some random hot college guy on the ass followed by the line, "Would you like another?" in my 1-900 voice as CBF calls it, as we exited the bar, PRICELESS.
We decided that decked out in a Bachelorette sash allows you to do many things that normally you couldn't do (like get into a bar without having to pay cover), and hence have devised a plan to do this on multiple occasions. Several girls' only weekends where the sash gets passed around and we celebrate multiple upcoming weddings.
How can you not like another?

Friday, August 15, 2008

3 Forms of ID Needed

Remember when I had to call New Priest to set up an appointment? Well I made that call and dealt with the Secretary. I can kind of see why One Couple was so upset. The Secretary? Kind of a Nazi.
Nazi Secretary: "St So and So Church, how can I help you?"
ME: "Hi, can I please be connected to New Priest's voice mail please?"
Nazi Secretary: *PAUSE* "Are you a parishioner?"
ME: "Um, yes." (i'm sorry, but he's a priest, the serious kind of public servant, are you really inferring that if i wasn't a parishioner you wouldn't connect me?)
Nazi Secretary: "I see. And what is this concerning?"
ME: "Uh, my pre-marriage counseling."
Nazi Sectary: " Ok. And what do you need?"
ME: "We need to meet with him about the final details."
Nazi Secretary: "One moment please."
That whole exchange may seem rather normal, but what I can't convey is her tone of voice. Snippy. Rude. Aggressive.

New Priest called me back and got my voice mail, so I called him again. And got the Nazi Secretary again. Just as rude, just as hostile.
This time I took a different tacit.
Nazi Secretary:"St So and So Church, how can I help you?"
ME: " Hi, can I speak to New Priest?"
Nazi Secretary: New PRIEST (she corrected my use of the shortened version of his name) isn't available, is there something I can help you with?"
ME: "Well, I need to set up an appointment to finalize our stuff for our wedding in October."
Nazi Secretary: "I see." (she really sounded peeved that she couldn't help me.)
ME: "Can I be connected to his voice mail?"
Nazi Secretary: "WHAT is your last NAME???"
Me: "Heaven." (as in Devil's Heaven, you all know Heaven isn't my real last name, right?)
Nazi Secretary: "One moment."

I seriously felt that I really had to prove that I deserved to talk to New Priest. That I was worthy enough(which i'm probably not, but whatever). I also feel that Nazi Secretary may have gotten in trouble about phone stuff, especially after One Couple had their little line jumping conversation with New Priest. I think she may fear for her job since everyone just wants to talk to his Voice Mail, and not just give her a message.
But still, no need to take it out on me, I'm just doing what New PRIEST told me to!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Purple is Our Special

While Daa Boys were in town, M convinced F to get a pedicure. M enjoys both pedicures AND manicures on a fairly regular basis. This is something his Ex got him into while she was still around. Seems totally out of character for M, doesn’t it? Based on what I know, it is, but whatever, I knew this would only benefit me in the long run. F? LOVED it. I knew we were winning him over when he sat in the fabulous massage chair while his feet were soaking. His facial expressions were truly comical and made me love him all the more. I was awaiting my turn when F caught me watching him. He mouthed to me, “WE GOTTA GET ONE OF THESE!!!!!! HOW MUCH ARE THEY????” I giggled and mouthed back that “THEY COST $1,200!!”
It was even better when the girl doing his pedicure asked a completely clueless F, “What color you want?”
“On Sunday, our special is Purple.”
M, L, me, and the other nail techs burst out laughing. F shook his head and smiled.
F told me he wanted another one because his feet feel so “CLEAN!!!! Like the toe jam is gone!”
Ack! Gross!!!! But still, this is totally going to benefit me. I joked that we could go as the whole wedding party and get pedicures, M and F were all for it. L stayed fairly silent throughout the entire process. When he relayed to his fiancĂ©e what we had done, she told him that was “kinda gay.” Her loss!!!! Silly girl!!!
Last night while we were at the tux place F looks around the mall and says to me, “We gotta get another pedicure!”
“When?” I smiled.
“I don’t know. We just need to!”
Oh yeah baby, regular pedicures!!! SIGN ME UP!!!!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Stars Got Crossed

I saw this article on MSN about choosing the right major based on your astroligical sign.

Here's what mine said:


The tender Cancer soul is good in any nurturing profession. Cancer loves money as much as nurturing, and a major in pre-med or nursing can put you on the high end of the payroll today as well as satisfy your strong desire to empathize and be needed. Cancer also would do well as a stock portfolio manager, bond trader, or in any aspect of banking. Perhaps, too, your natural cooking skills would be enhanced by entering a program in culinary arts, which could bring in a sizable income.

Here's what we know based on past posts:

The banking and stock stuff? WRONG, maxed out a few credit cards now haven't I?

The cooking? WRONG, burned or under cooked a few meals, haven't I?

As for being a Nurse? I am caring person. However, having somebody's life in my hands? Yeah, not to keen on that kind of responsibility. So, WRONG.
So apparently, They are all kinds of wrong.

How about you my Digital Friends? Are they right or wrong about who you should be when you grow up???

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Daa Boys

F’s Boys were in town over the weekend and I, as the only female in the house, felt decidedly at a loss. Now mind you, I have a brother. A brother I grew up with and lived with. And my brother is way cool. And is WAY better at being properly behaved in the presence of others then Daa Boys are.

Excessive Horrifyingly smelly Farting? Check. (specific beer was bought to cause this effect)
Excessive sexually charged comments? Check. (about everything and everyone, including the 16yr old American gymnasts)
Excessive “WE MEN, YOU WOMAN!” comments? Check.(telling me I’m only allowed in the basement to do laundry)

F wasn’t really pulled into it, at least when I was around. And the one friend L, didn’t really participate either. He actually sat down and had a conversation with me on several occasions.
The evil doer was M(previously known as Best Friend. M, the guy whose wife cheated on him 12 days into their marriage? Yeah, that guy. He does and says things purposely to get a reaction out of people. Like telling me that in his best man’s speech he’s going to say that he hopes our marriage lasts at least 13 days as opposed to his 12. He acts like he is 15 when in fact he is almost 40. It caused me to be tense the entire time because I felt like I had to be ready at a moment’s notice with some snappy comment or put down in order to defend myself. I told F how I felt and poor F hit the roof when the sexual comments were made about the gymnasts. I’m very glad he demanded them to show some respect, but that wasn’t quite the manner in which I anticipated it happening. I certainly thought I wouldn’t be present and I assumed it would be delivered in a calmer state. Our guests were decidedly taken aback by it all. However, it did have the desired affect, which was nice. Even if the rest of the evening was a tad tense.
I can tell F feels pulled between M and I, and I really don’t care for that in the least. No one should have to chose between their best friend and their soon to be spouse.
M just needs to grow the hell up and start acting an adult. I’m all for having fun, but this behavior was just beyond that. It was done with malice. And malice is not fun.
At least not for those it’s directed at.

Monday, August 11, 2008

I Called It

Back in 2004 when there was all the news hype of Bush vs Kerry I flipped on the TV and saw John Edwards talking. I didn't know who he was, or why he was on TV but I said out loud to the TV, "Ugh, that guy is SLIMY. I wouldn't trust him with anything!"
When I foundout that he was running for VP with Kerry, I knew it was a bad idea.
And I was right.
Any guy who would drag his dying wife out on the campaign road is not to be trusted.
Any guy who would cheat on his dying wife certainly shouldn't be VP.
Take heed Barack.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Line Jumpers

Each inspired me to tell my similar story of someone cutting in line in front of me.

I was at Church by myself on Sunday and had made a stop to talk to the Rat Toothed Music Director, I realized that he has a rat like voice as well. This situation is not improving. And he wouldn't talk to me about the music unless F was there. F, who doesn't really care about the music. However, this is not where I got cut on.
It was as I was waiting to talk to the new priest about having the old priest come back to perform our ceremony and finish up our meetings and details. There were several of us standing around outside with New Father waiting our turn, which everyone else did. Except for one couple. One Couple that was extremely anxious and upset about the lack of being able to reach New Father to set their wedding date for, NEXT YEAR. Maybe it's in January and that is the source of their anxiety, I don't know. I just know that I was standing off to the side of New Father awaiting my turn when One Couple comes and stands next to, but slightly in front of me. Miss One Couple turns and smiles at me, I smile back.
So, um, yeah, She KNEW I was THERE.
I just knew that they were going to cut in front of me, I just KNEW IT!
And I was right.
After the Old Lady finished talking to New Father and left, Mr. One Couple steps firmly in front of New Father and I gritted my teeth. In my head I was telling myself that not only was I just done going to service, but that I was actually still AT Church and hence I must resist the evil thoughts that wanted to burst through into my conscience and quite possibly make it to my lips. I contained myself as Mr One Couple railed at New Father about how they'd called and called and CALLED and SHE (the secretary) kept telling them that they were on the top of the list for their date and how New Father would call them and set up a meeting and how New Father, YOU DIDN'T CALL! New Father apologized over and over again, and they continued to complain, OVER AND OVER AGAIN stating the SAME THING over and over again. They called but no one called back.
FINALLY they seemed somewhat satisfied and they left.
New Father turns to me.
"I already have my wedding date booked." I smiled.

When I got home I told F my story stating that, "She obviously doesn't go to Church much, who wears a wife beater to Church?? I don't care if you did layer it and it was in pastel colors!!!"
Ok, so I wasn't nice, but I WAS at home by then.

Friday, August 08, 2008

How Do I Handle This?

Remember how I told you my mom offered to hand address all our invites? Well I went over there the other night to drop off my gift registry cards for the the shower invites and saw how she'd been addressing those. And my digital friends? I feel mean saying, THEY SUCKED. Her 12 yrs of Catholic School handwriting has gone seriously downhill. I made a comment about it, and then felt like complete shit(rightly) as soon as the words were out. I don't know what to do. I'd like my invites hand addressed, but that writing just isn't up to par. I'm counting on the fact that she was sitting in a rocker chair addressing them on the gliding foot stool as the cause for the poor handwriting. But what if it isn't? What if her age is just showing?
I know, use a printer. And I'd be happy to, except for the fact the envelopes are deckled edge, "riped", so I'm not to sure how they'd do going through a printer.
I don't know what to do.
Any suggestions?

***Composer's Note**** I feel the need to clarify that my mom's hand writing, due to her 12 yrs of Catholic school teaching and strictness was always impeccable. She's sent me things while she was Down South and that handwriting was always very nice. And I've thought of the clear labels, but my experience with them has not been fabulous because the ink tends to rub off with handling and since quite a few invites will be going overseas, there will be considerable handling.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Dinner Bell

F made dinner.
F made dinner ALL BY HIMSELF.
F made dinner without consulting me in the least. (well except to ask me if we had gralic powder which i thought was a weird thing to call and ask me. now i know why.)
Now usually when F “makes” dinner he has to ask me what to make. How to make it and how long it should cook.
Usually when F “makes” dinner, I end up finishing it. Watching it, turning it, etc. And then I clean up the mess he made “making” dinner.
Also, when F “makes” dinner, there is a lot of swearing involved and when I ask from the other room what’s wrong I get a teeth gritted “Nothing.”
So imagine my immense surprise when I walked in the door after work and the house smelled really good. Instead of smelly boy farts and stinky shoes. I was amazed.
And it was good. It tasted really yummy.
He’s been holding out on me.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

On The Hunt

I went hunting this weekend. But I killed nothing. Except maybe my friend's and families wallets.
Mom and I spent about 5 hrs on Saturday registering for gifts. OMG. Before we left the house, F directs my mom: "Mrs. DH, don't let her go over board. I don't want to end up with 5 different vases." (F and I had a discussion about how much I should actually register for. He feels if there's not much on the registry people will give us money. Silly F. And I told him I wanted a nice crystal vase damn it!) As things played out, I ended up reining in mom! While at Bed Bath and Beyond, she insisted I register for all the silicon cookware, since she'd never seen it before and thought it was AMAZING. I have all kinds of "normal" cookware, much of which has never seen the light of day. Here is a sample of our conversations:

"What do you think of this mom?........ Mom?.....Mom!"
"Oh sorry DH! Did you see XYZ??? I think I need one of those!"

"DH, you need at least 2 of those!"
"I don't think so mom, I don't see me using that. Ever."
"You'll see! You'll wish you listened to me!!"

"DH! You NEED THAT! Go on, SCAN IT!"
"Mom, what do I need that for?"
"DH, it's an electric meat thermometer! For the GRILL!!"
"But, I already have a regular meat thermometer."
"But this one is for GRILLING!"
"MOM! you're suppose to be keeping me in line! Not the other way around!"
"I'm telling you DH, SCAN IT!!! SCAN IT!!!! You'll regret it if you don't!!!"
"Oh brother. I'm not scanning it!"
"You're going to REGRET IT!!!"
"Move along mother!"

All in all though, we had a great time, and I'm sure of the 254 items at BB&B ALONE, we'll get like, 5. Yeah, 254. The Gift Registry guy insisted that I had to have 200 items on my list. Mom and I pooped out at 107. The other 147 came from the like 30 bath towels in 3 different colors, the 20 placements, 40 matching napkins, napkin rings and table clothes, and various other things. The Guy said we had to have 2 sets of each towel color for each person. I'm still trying to figure out that math, but I'm telling you if we get very single towel on the list, we'll have like 50.

Here's our China:

Here's the Crystal, but only the fat one, techinquely known as a Water Goblet:

And here is our silver or Flatware:

And my crystal vase, damn it

That's the important stuff. That and the in shower radio I've been DYING to have FOREVER!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Slacker Bride Loves Her Mom

I've told you in the past that I've really kind of slacked off on the whole I'M A BRIDE SEE ME PLAN!!! category. It is helping though now that my mom is home from down south. Even though she's bailed on me a few times to babysit my niece and nephew! Undercutting Brother!!!
Ahem, anyway, I've been giving my mom tasks I just don't feel like preforming. (I told you I wasn't feeling bridal!) And so far, she's been more than happy to do them. Put our wedding/engagement announcement in several papers? MOM! Call and make cake tasting appointments? MOM! Fill out ALL of our invites? MOM! (she actually offered to do that one, all on her own, with no prompting from me. go figure.) Anyway, it was during our phone
conversation about the cake tastings that my mom delivered one of her classic lines:

"So, I'll call you and let you know about times and stuff as soon as I make the appointments. Assuming, of course, I can find my phone!" (the pioneer woman my mother is, she had a cell phone years before I did, it is now her only phone.)

"Um, mom? You're on it."

"OMG DH! I think I should start worrying about myself!! HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Mom turned 68 this spring.
And she still cracks me the hell up!!!

Monday, August 04, 2008

Is It Bad?

Is it as bad as I think it is that at 34 I'm kind of addicted to Tori & Dean on Oxygen??? I thought Tori would be more annoying than she actually is. And I kinda feel for the girl, with all her mommy & me issues. And damned me if Liam isn't as cute as all get out!!! And I love that they call him Monkey. And Dean, depending on his hair style, is easy on the eyes. And seems like a pretty good guy and husband.
I'm dying to know if Tori and her mom will start communicating after the baby is born.
I'm dying to know how the move to the new house goes.
I always feel guilty watching it.
But it's sooooo goood!!!!!

And is it just me? Or does it seem kinda odd that on the new 90210 that after all the airs and what-not put on, that Kelly and Donna and Brenda are all Teachers back at West Beverly?? Not high powered CEO and business owners???? Models even??

Um, not that there's anything wrong with being a teacher.
I'm just sayin. We were all lead to believe that they would be something High Powered and rich.
And we all KNOW teachers do not get paid what they should.
Just sayin.

Sunday, August 03, 2008


I went to Hallmark to buy several cards. As I was looking down the aisle for a certain section I read this:
Mothers Grandmothers Sisters Nieces Mistresses

WHAT????? Mistresses????

Damn, Hallmark is just getting into all levels and types of relationships with a section like that!

What it actually read, upon a closer, second look:
Mothers Grandmothers Sisters Nieces Miscellaneous.

Ah, gotcha. But still, I bet there is an untapped market for "Mistresses" cards.
Care to help get Hallmark started with a few slogans????

Saturday, August 02, 2008

I'm Only A Tracker By The Numbers

I checked the handy little tracking number the Postal Worker gave me on my Bling and got this bit of handy info 2 days(08/01/2008) after I dropped it off:

Label/Receipt Number: RA00 0000 504U S Acceptance-->Status: Acceptance
Your item was accepted at 12:19 PM on July 30, 2008 in [redacted city, zip]. Information, if available, is updated every evening. Please check again later.

Um, I know that, I was THERE!!!! Where is said Bling NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Shouldn't it be on it's way Back East???? Hmmmmmm???????

Friday, August 01, 2008

Woe is Me

My Digital friends, I have sad news to report. The Bling is gone once again!!!!
After scouring the internet for suitable wedding bands, the jeweler felt that it would be best to send him my ring so he could make a mold and more easily be able to make a band that would fit flush with my engagement ring. So it’s been shipped off yet again. I really have no idea what the band is going to look it. I’m trusting the jeweler.

I do have to Bless the Postal Worker who only blinked slightly when I told him how much it needed to be insured for and then kindly asked me what it was inside the bubbled envelope. When in a conspiratorial tone and quite literally out of the side of my mouth I said, “my engagement ring.” He said, “AH” nodded and proceeded to add extra tape, and multiple stamped warnings and saved me $10 bucks by sending it by registered mail. Which he assured me was the safest way to send it off because it has to be signed for each step of the way and is locked up in the mean time. This made me feel so much better. And I now have a tracking number so I can follow its progress. Seriously, what did people do before tracking numbers????
I asked F if I could get a loaner ring and he just laughed at me.

So now the waiting commences.