Thursday, January 31, 2008

Dress Crisis: Part Duex

My Very Helpful Co-worker and I went to Jc Penney's to see what Bride's Maids dresses they offer. None. They no longer do that, the very nice Catalog Lady told us. They stopped doing that about 10 yrs ago, she continued. 10 yrs, that's about when my friend got married, so the dresses we ordered from Penney's were some of the last.

So we headed over to David's Bridal, to see this dress:

Which is Flat Taffeta. I thought nothing of it, until I saw it. Flat Taffeta? means it is iridescent fabric. Which means it has a black tone to it. So that pretty color in the picture? Not really what it looks like.

Strike 3.

I'm back on the web, searching. And have found a few other ideas.

1. I'm concerned about how high that sash comes up under the boobs, which could cut them in the wrong spot.
2. Painfully plain, but the empire waist hides many-a-issues.
3. Again, the "cumber band self-tie sash" might ruin it for those that have any sort of chest, or waist for that matter.
These last two are above the knee cocktail dresses, or as the website says: This collection offers a length above the knee for a more, flirty, fun party dress! I'm not sure how I feel about a flirty bride's maid dress.
I've spent more time looking for a BM dress than I did my own!!! Hopefully I can break away from the home improvement on Saturday to go shopping. And finally make a decision!!!!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Now Boarding, Hell in a Hand Basket, Gate 666

I'm getting married! Yes, in case you haven't caught on to that yet, that is the news. Now, being a good guilt ridden Catholic, I'm getting married in the Church. Luckily, I shopped the local pews and kneelers, and found a church with a very cool priest who is funny and educational, go figure.

The Date was set almost immediately and then I was informed that 6 months worth of "counseling" would need to take place before the "I Dos". SIX MONTHS?? Are you kidding me?

They were not kidding, and it's really not all "counseling" either.

F and I went for our first meeting, and Father, true to form, was funny, and educating, and not at all damning when F and I gave the same address. He thanked us for being honest. Then he told us a funny story about another couple who lied and then were so eaten by guilt that they showed up, in tears, and confessed. He gave them the challenge of not having sex until the wedding, 10 months out. Saying that it would strengthen their union because they would find out if their relationship was too heavily based upon sex.

He presented us with the same challenge. Asking, "What will make that day truly special then? What will have really changed once you go home?"

I snickered.

F paled.

I knew F would have a hard time not "doing it", but I feel I am quite capable of abstaining. We discussed it when we got home.

And had completely different ideas about what Father meant. F feels that it just means no sex, that we can continue to sleep in the same bed.

I however, feel that he means we sleep completely separately. Which, honestly? I feel I'd sleep so much better! All these years of sleeping alone are hard to shake.

F thinks I would crack. About the sex, not the sleeping in different rooms. And I think I would crack about the sleeping in a different room, not the sex.

F? He'll just crack.

That is as far the conversation got.

Our next meeting with Father is at the end of next month. When we take the PMI-PerMarital Inventory. I'm a little freaked that F and I will have too many "red flags" and Father will tell us not to get married. I mean I am seriously freaked out about it.

Like, I can't sleep freaked out about it. Which probably means either I'm over reacting, or there is reason for me to be freaked out.

Are there things F and I haven't covered? Probably. Do I know what those are? Besides the religion our kids will be? Not so much.

So, 30 days of worry and sleeplessness. Yay me.

Monday, January 28, 2008


I put in a fresh pair of contacts this morning and my left one keep bothering me like I had an eyelash in my eye. Naturally, I assumed that since it was a NEW contact there couldn't possibly be a rip in it, right? Especially since I inspected it this morning before popping it in. Yeah, not quite. I took it out when I got back to the office after lunch and there's a huge chunk missing. A huge SQUARE chunk. Apparently I have a crazy eyeball that is razor sharp and takes to chomping pieces out of my contacts.

A Few Things

  1. We got an estimate for having the family room re-done, $1,600-$1,700 because F is "a friend." So now we have to finish ripping out the paneling and nasty gross insulation so The Guy and his crew can come do it this weekend!!!!!! Of course ALL of this is on the D.L. because with wiring and what-not the city inspectors would need to come take a look. And The Guy told us it would be another $500- $600 in PERMITS. So yeah, I'm hoping the neighbors are cool enough that they won't go calling the city on us. We are refraining from putting the trash out in the back yard, instead, it's getting piled in said family room until The Guy and his crew come with a truck to haul it away. So yay! My first remodel!!!!

  2. I spoke with Eldest Sister this weekend about the BM dress situation. She confessed that she thought the dresses I picked looked cheaply made. And that, yes indeed $195 was way too much for them. Especially for my 2 young nieces who are going to be Jr. BM's. I told her I'd be heading to JC Penney's to take a gander. JC Penney's is where my friend from Overseas got our BM dresses. So maybe I'll get lucky. If not, the dress from David's Bridal is growing on me.

  3. W, F's brother wants to get FIL a BMW, and asked F to pitch in on the payments. F said no, because he's already paying for MIL's car payment. (total point of contention with me, let me tell you.) I asked F how W was going to pay for it, and he said W was going to refinance their house and would have a few extra hundred a month. I can't help but wonder if T knows this is going to happen. I have all kinds of issues with this, but I know it's not my say. If it was? NO WAY IN HELL.

  4. We bought the material for my dress! Contessa Satin in Cream!!!!!! Here is the pattern. Version A, so you can see the train.

Minus the dorky head piece. Let the wedding take place! !

Friday, January 25, 2008

Too Much!!!

I am having a crisis.

A dress crisis.

A bride's maid dress crisis.

I thought I was all set. Had the dress picked out, and the color. Bordeaux. With Melon accent.

Then, as I was e-mailing my friend to ask her to do their "try-on" option, I saw the price.


Um, yeah, $195 for a bride's maid dress. So now? I. am. Freaking. OUT. My friends don't have that kind of money. I can't ask them to pay that kind of money, PLUS shoes, and maybe a wrap. Plus a present and hotel. So I went back to David's Bridal. And they have a dress I liked to begin with, just not in the color I love.

This one? $135. A tad bit better. And I do like the color. But I've already told my friend she could wear sleeves. Does a wrap come in this color? Well, of course not. Seriously, how can you NOT have matching wraps in EVERY color you offer? As for my love of the 2 tone option? They offer it, but again, it's just not the same colors. This makes me sad. I need dresses, and ones that won't break the bank. And I have every body type represented in my party as well.
So I need something for EVERYONE!
Can I ask them to pay that amount? After all, I paid $250, and that was 5 yrs ago. But I really wanted to keep it cost effective.
But I REALLY love the color Bordeaux. With the Melon accent.
I need a drink.
Any suggestions? PLEASE!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

No Gold Star for Me

I try to live by the Golden Rule, Treat Others as You Yourself Would Like to be Treated. I don't always succeed, especially when gossip is involved. But I still try. Now I've told you about the most recent trip back to the East Coast to see the In-Laws. While in the car with MIL, F asks her when FIL's B-day is.

"Is it this month?"
"How old will he be? 70??"
"WOW! 70, that's a big one. Are you having a party for him?" I asked even though the man refused our Christmas present. (can you feel the bitter?)
"HMPH. No."
Seriously? She just said no. A "I can't be bothered" No.
"Really? Why not?" F asked.
"Who will do all the cooking? No, no party."
"Hmm, have it at a restaurant. I mean 70 is a big deal." I suggested, knowing what she meant about the cooking and what a hassle it would be.
"Yeah, you can use those gift cards we gave him. Just the 2 of you maybe." F grinned at me.
"HMPH." was her reply.

So of course I thought that was the end of it. FIL would be left without a party, and without a card from us, because seriously, not worth my effort.(Especially later, when I asked F if we sent FIL a card would he send it back? F was not pleased, fight ensued.)
A few days later, F's brother, W calls, looking for a number for one of FIL's friends. Apparently, my suggestion was taken to heart, and a party was indeed going to be had. All I could think about was the guilt F was about to receive about not attending. And hoping that MIL got a decent restaurant to host it.
A few weeks go by without a word, and then, other night F says to me, "Mom had that party for Dad. I guess he was really surprised. He really enjoyed himself."
"Really??? Did she have it at a restaurant like we suggested?"
" No, her and T did all the cooking. She invited 10 of his buddies from work. It went off really well. He really liked it."
My first thought? He has 10 friends? No shit???
My second thought? WTF! I bet he doesn't even know that it was my idea. That without me, he would have slipped past 70 without any recognition. I didn't dare ask F if FIL knew it was my idea. I actually cried that night because I was so upset, because I guess I knew FIL would never know that I got the ball rolling for his cranky butt to have a party.
You're saying to yourself right now, DAMN! Girlfriend is SHALLOW! And maybe, I am. Maybe it's wrong of me to want to be recognized for being the bigger person, that despite what an ass he has been to me(maybe one day I'll tell you the story of our first meeting and how he completely ignored me), I still thought of him. Somehow, though, I can't help but think that if he knew it was me, he might rethink his behavior. Might actually treat me better. You know, be NICE for a change. But I'll never know, because you know damn well it will never be mentioned again.
Except to degrade us for not attending of course.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Charge That

I have a friend. She lives on the East Coast. We have been friends since the 9th grade. I only see her every few years. We stay in touch through e-mail. She irritates me with her cries of being poor while she spends money on things they really don't need. I realize as her friend I can't say, stop spending money! Well, I guess I could. But I don't know how to go about it.

We've been commiserating about our massive credit card debt. So imagine my surprise when she sends me pics of the huge camper trailer they bought. Ok, so they are saving money by going on camping vacation instead of staying in hotels. Oh, but wait, they camped in a tent before, so this is an upgrade.

More complaining about credit card debt and the fact that her yearly bonus isn't going to be what it's been in the past because her company is cutting back. With her last bonus they put in a new bathroom. With the one before, they bought a hot tub.

I don't get a bonus.

Then she tells me they HAVE to BUY a new truck because the one they have can't handle pulling the massive camper-trailer long distances. LEASING is not an option because it would get too banged up. A new truck payment? We are talking at least $450 a month.

That's half my mortgage payment.

So that all means she can't come visit over Easter. Which was her idea to begin with. So there you have it. I'm tired of my friend complaining about not having money and then buying big ticket toys.

Am I the only one?

P.S. I forgot to mention, the massive camper trailer? They had to borrow money from his parents to buy it. Um, ok.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Stop Stressing Me Out!!!

People, I am losing it. I've been getting all kinds of negatives lately about the wedding. My female co-workers all freaked out when I told them my sister is making my dress. They were horrified that I wouldn't like it, that we would fight(well duh, we are sisters) and just all manner of bad things. Then there's the cost of all of it. Which, honestly? Is keeping me from planning. No flowers, no cake, no DJ, no photographer, because it all costs money. F is freaking about the money,which makes me freak, and seriously, not getting much of a fairy tale feeling here. On top of that I can't help but worry about what drama his father may cause, or his brother and his wife. It's getting to me in so many ways. I need to stop, but I can't seem to.
MIL? Apparently pretty hacked off that we didn't stay with them this last time. Wanted to know why her house wasn't good enough. Oh holy lord. It's not the home, although, it's not the cleanest, but it's her husband. This little bit of info was told to me during a fight. About FIL and his behavior and how it's allowed to go on.
"He's old! He's not going to change!"
"He shouldn't be allowed to behave that way! I don't get why you guys let him get away with it!!! I've never met someone so rude!"

Apparently, from what F tells me, this is how it's always been. And he was dumbfounded when I told him that FIL was laughing and joking with his buddy on the phone.

"He was joking?"


"And laughing?"


Oh, I'm just not equipped to deal with this.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I'm an American Gal

While back East we visited with F’s cousin, S and her husband SC and their 2 adorable boys, J and SH. Cousin S married an American who is whiter than I am, in ethnic backgrounds. SC is a very nice guy and I will love having them at the wedding. We started talking about how J and SH show absolutely no Home Land features AT ALL, except maybe their dark hair. They are extremely fair skinned and fine haired and you would never look at them and say, Oh, You must be from The Home Land. It is obvious that they aren’t strictly pure blood of one ethnic background; you just can’t tell what the mixture may be. Like I said, they are adorable. I said I hope our kids get F’s hair and skin color and my sexy hazel eye color for a truly exotic look. They laughed as Cousin S attempted to prove her boys have her and F’s hair.
Then Cousin S wraps her arms around SC and says, “Oh Honey, you know you picked me because I am from The Homeland! Because I take care of you like a Homeland woman; doing your laundry, feeding and caring for you, (pause to look at me) no offense, not like those American girls, who don’t.”

We all laughed. Because it’s true. I don’t wait on F hand and foot. Just the other night he was complaining about being hungry and I looked at him and said, “You know where the fridge is.” This was of course after I’d taken him out to dinner. F does a lot of the laundry. He does some grocery shopping, and every now and again, he makes dinner, and even helps when I make dinner. We have slipped into those common gender roles in many cases. I make dinner more than he does, I insist that the house needs cleaning, and I keep track of the items we need when we go shopping. He takes out the trash, and pays the bills.
It was then that I realized how truly different we are. How what he grew up with is totally different than what he sought out. I think in looking to escape the negatives he saw in his culture, he may have lost some of the positives too. You know, if you consider being waited on hand and foot as a positive. And really, who doesn’t? As long as you’re the waitee and not the waiter.
I still take care of my man, don’t get me wrong. We take care of each other, and that suits me just fine.

But it makes better sense to me now, I can see how his mother disapproves. She thinks I’m not doing enough. Maybe not caring enough for her boy. But she has it wrong. F picked me, and she needs to accept that I’m not about to make 5 different dishes just because F wants corn beef instead of chicken, roast beef or lasagna that's already been made for everyone else.

That’s not how I was raised.

That’s not my culture.

Monday, January 07, 2008

FIL Strikes Again

F and I went back East, AGAIN, to visit for Christmas. After attending my family Christmas I was all wound in knots about what would transpire with F’s Family. If it would be a repeat of last year. And, yeah, pretty much it was.
The minute we walked into the door at MIL & FIL’s, MIL started shoving presents in our face. I just wanted a hot shower and a quiet bed. Not so much. What I got from MIL? The woman who is determined to purchase my wedding night attire? 12 wash clothes in red and green (our bathroom is gray and light aqua, and yes, she’s seen it), a pink summer nightgown ( I wear a top and shorts to bed because nightgowns wrap around my legs trapping me, she has seen me in my pjs) a jade colored cowl necked top to “Hide your chest”(it enhances my chest, which of course F likes) and wine colored slippers that were, Bedazzled.(those actually got left there because F stepped in and informed her that I literally have 3 pairs of slippers at home.)
I purchased a very lovely dragon fly lapel pin for MIL from Lia Sophia. And because she is constantly questioning me about my hair care routine, I bought her several bottles of product AND a nice little suction cupped holder to keep them in, in the shower.
For FIL we stopped and purchased a gift certificate for a restaurant they like.
F gave FIL his present in the living room while MIL and I were in the kitchen discussing my new top. This is what I heard:

F: “Here, we got this for you.”

FIL: “I don’t want it! You can’t afford to be buying me presents! TAKE IT BACK! Use it on yourselves!” (Granted the sentiment was well intended, the tone of voice however, the usual much clipped, angry one.)

At this point they’ve made their way into the kitchen.

F: “We can’t take it back; it’s for the East Coast only.”

FIL: “Don’t give me that! This is AMERICA! You can use it in the Midwest!”

I’m standing inches from FIL and in my nicest voice possible I say: “But it’s a present we bought for you. From us, to you.”


Folks, I had all I could do to keep my lips from parting. The tip of my tongue waged war in my mouth to form the sentence: “Well that’s just rude.” But I DID NOT! I walked past him. And fumed as I slipped the cowl necked fug over my head.
Upon re-entering the kitchen F says to FIL, “Look what we got MIL!”
And this, my friends, is how our visit started.

How did the trip end? With dinner, with the family. With an F-bomb filled appetizer. The minute F and I entered the house; I knew something was wrong, because it was silent. On the couch sat his brother, W, his s-i-l, T and their 2 kids. As we cross the threshold T says to F:

“F, can you please take me home?” Bewildered, F says, Yeah sure.

W rings in with, “F! Don’t you take her home!”

And it deteriorates from there.

T follows us into the kitchen declaring that she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, that she’s tired of him swearing at her, and on and on and on. From the living room W punctuates her point by yelling, “FUCK YOU T! FUCK YOU!” And a few other choice sentences of which I can’t remember them all because I was so incredibly horrified at this behavior. MIL was almost in tears. The 6yr old refused to go anywhere with his father. Finally, after much swearing and yelling, W left. Poor T was left with her in-laws after such a spectacle. Dinner was fairly silent. FIL refused to try the food item I brought all the way from home which took 5 people 5 hours to make. He was cranky and rude the entire meal, nothing new there.
I think F was so upset by the display, he got ill, and was sick in the bathroom.
After the dishes had been cleared, and some of the food put away,(MIL leaves things out over night, or over days, and expects you to still eat them. This habit of hers totally grosses me out.)T decides it’s time to head home. So I am left with MIL to watch, “Rich Bride, Poor Bride”. We actually enjoyed ourselves.

My favorite comment from the entire trip came from MIL. Who from across the room the night we arrived said, “Your (engagement) ring is dirty.”

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Horrified Bride

So I'm in the midst of writing the post about F and mine trip back East when I get an e-mail from a friend about my wedding dress. So I'm putting the whole "My in-laws are whack" post on the back burner in order to express my horror and out right DISGUST over what is available to a "Plus Sized Bride". Which is actually the name of the site my friend, who is also "plus sized", sent me: First? That right there? Degrading. Yes, I have a weight issue. I know this, I've accepted it (most days anyway), but that doesn't mean I'm blatant about it. It's one of those unspoken things, like the huge zit on a co-worker's face, you notice it, but you don't say anything about it as you try extremely hard not to stare at it. This site is devoted to the staring. Which, ok, fine, we need a place we can look for dresses fully clothes and unembarrassed by the size ZERO who has a dozen clips on her to help pull her size 4 dress together so it doesn't slip to the floor. I'm not so upset over the site, it's more of what they are offering that concerns me. A woman, ANY woman, who has a large chest, NEEDS STRAPS. The LAST thing a bride needs to be messing with all day is hitching up her dress and her boobs. And several of these dresses meet that need. BRAVO.
However, again, ANY woman who is petite doesn't need a Gone with the Wind sized dress which requires several crinolines.
For example:

And is this one marrying a vampire?

Is she the bride, or the flower girl?

This is just asking for under arm fat to pop up, or extra boob to pop out.

This one isn't that bad, but again, HITCHING UP BOOBS, AAAALLLLLL

This just cuts her in the wrong spot on her chest.

Now this dress, this dress is the one I love, THE ONE. It looks great on me, has excellent support and covers and eliminates all chances of back fat. Covered buttons ALL the way down the back. *La Sigh*

The model is a little freakish though. Too bad it's WAY more than I want to spend.