Friday, June 22, 2012

Let the TMI Begin

You, my digital friends have been introduced to Mrs Mannerless. Mrs. Mannerless has often cornered her pregnancy partner and regaled her with all manner of stories and updates, much to her PP's displeasure. Let us call Mrs. Mannerless' pregnancy partner Rustie. (yes Rustie is a woman, a very nice one at that. Trust me on this.) Mrs. Mannerless and Rustie had their babies not even a week apart and therefore were on maternity leave at the same time. When they got back Rustie went to Mrs Mannerless' cube to inquiry about her and the baby.  Since Mrs. Mannerless sits near me I over heard the entire thing.
Rustie: "Hey, how are you?"
Mrs. Mannerless: "I'm fine. If you came here just to chat I really have A LOT of work to do and DO NOT have time to talk."
*stunned silence*
Rustie: "oh, well, I just thought I'd see how things went with your delivery. And how things are now.............."
Mrs. Mannerless: "Everything went well.....blah blah blah...whatever else she said."
RUDE!!!!!!!!! Completely and utterly rude! Yes, I will give her that she had a lot of work to do, maybe. But to be so completely and utterly rude is just, amazing.
After this little exchange Mrs Mannerless apparently changed her tune and has since decided that Rustie is her new bestie and shares EVERYTHING with her. She seem to also rather enjoy degrading Rustie's mothering skills.
The following was relayed to me via text directly from Rustie:
"Today's direct quote: "I know you don't make his own baby food but I'm super mom."
Rustie was of course completely floored by the matter of fact manner in which this was stated. She however cannot bring herself to tell Mrs Mannerless off because she's just not that kind of person.

It is because of things like this that I have been DREADING the time when  Mrs Mannerless brought her sage advice to me.
I didn't have to wait long and I was greatly validated where my sense of dread lay.

Mrs Mannerless plants herself in my cube doorway and inquires and to my plans concerning breast feeding. Mind you Mrs Mannerless is an avid breast feeder and DEMANDED time off during the day in order to leave work to go feed her child at daycare AND then a place to pump throughout the day. Our small office doesn't not employ enough people to fall under the law on supplying a Lactation Station, but they accommodated her. It has recently become common knowledge that she would extend her time in there by watching TV online on the computer in the set aside office. The computer was removed to prevent this time stealing task, which she circumvented by taking along her iPad.
That aside, let me get back to my main story.  I answered her inquiry truthfully and told her I was hoping to breastfeed. And that my digital friends is where I made my mistake. Mrs. Mannerless launches into her HORROR STORY of the lactation nurses at the local hospital. Let me just say here, that it was truly horrible and I would have been swearing bloody murder if I had been treated in such a manner, but what I didn't need, now or ever is her visual help aid. 
She told how her doula informed many of the people on the hospital staff that the baby's tongue was misshapen and therefore would  have problems latching on during breast feeding. Apparently they all choose to tune out said information when trying to help Mrs Mannerless feed her baby. When she would ask for help or complain to the lactation nurses they were rude, abrupt and completely unhelpful.  She told me that on more than one occasion they would grab her breast and shove it into the baby's mouth saying THERE, he's feeding, you just need to try harder!

Bitches! I cannot imagine being treated in such a manner!!! I still feel for her. Despite the fact that upon telling me this portion of the story she grabbed said breast to give me a visual aid to go along with her story.
Let me repeat. As she stood half in my cube and half in the hallway, SHE GRABBED HER BOOB and recreated the shoving and pinching motions for my better understanding.
Um, yeah.  I did not need to see that, let alone to help me better visual it happening while her breast was naked. I do however thank her for the warning, because no one man handles the girls, NO ONE.
Add to that Crazy Co-Worker telling me how I shouldn't be wearing my shoes and how said shoes won't fit me through the summer, and I can see why women used to leave the work force until after they give birth.

Tuesday, June 05, 2012


F and I hosted a party at the very beginning of my 13th week to semi-announce this little darling. Most people completely and utterly missed the cues, which was ok, because to see the dawning of understanding on their faces once it was pointed out was quite priceless.  Later that evening I posted on Face Book that we are expecting. I kept it short and sweet, once sentence, where as F wanted a flipping novel about how we are "expecting our first child." I nixed that for my posting, but kindly told him if he would like to put that type of announcement on his page he of course was more than welcome to do so. He declined.
Their are a few of my co-workers with whom I am "friends" on FB who did not come to our little party. They were all a twitter with the news and in hushed tones grouped together to discuss how I had so expertly pulled the proverbial wool over everyone's eyes. It has been quietly making its way around the office. Some people I have gone up to and personally told; others, ie Mrs Nosey,  and Mrs. Mannerless have been purposely left out. If someone else tells them, then fine, but they shall not hear it directly from my lips. Neither of them have approached me up to this point, and I am quite fine with it. Our big office meeting is happening this week and Boss has asked if she can announce it. I gave her the go ahead because I was quite happy with keeping it low key and allowing it to make its way around the grape vine on its own, but am also fine with something "official" being said, and I know she won't make a big show of it. Or maybe she will. I don't know. I hope not. Anyway, I will be quite delighted to see the reaction of those not in the know.
I am not, however looking forward to Mrs. Mannerless chatting me up about pregnancy. I cannot ever forgive nor forget her complete and utter selfishness concerning her office baby shower.  I ALSO have a pregnancy buddy in the office and she is quite a delight and I would be most happy to share the spot light with her. We are due almost two months apart, so I don't know if that will happen or not, but I am fine if it does!!

Friday, June 01, 2012

December Will Have More Than One Joyous Birth

I promise this isn't the actual stick. I had a blood test.
This is a picture of someone else's pee stick from the internet.