Thursday, April 30, 2009


As I told you before, I'm recently married, and in due course, changed my name. The very last place I changed my name was on my Passport. I was holding off because all the other paperwork needed to be done and I knew it wouldn't be done before we had to book our tickets for the Honeymoon. So the last official piece of paperwork has been handed in. Signed off on. I sent in my old passport and the marriage license along with all the paperwork. (little tip concerning the passport paperwork? FILL IT OUT ONLINE then print it, mucho easy-o) and completely forgot about it. The other day F calls me, " Hey, did you get that package that was there for you?"
Me: "Huh? What package? I only grabbed the Aerosoles catalog I got."
F: "Oh, the real important stuff I see. No, there was a package for you, said it was from the Gov't. I think it is your passport."
Me: "Really? I didn't even see it. Guess I'll open it tonight when I get home."

So I got home, and F, getter of the mail, digs out this "package" from under a stack of mail. It was a 4X6 Priority Mail envelope. I never would have seen it unless I'd been looking for it. I ripped it open and out slide my NEW passport(which is all kinds of fancy now, each page has a scene from somewhere in the US). JUST my new passport. No old passport, no marriage license. The marriage license is no big deal, we can get more for a fee. It is the OLD passport that I'm upset about. The OLD passport that had the VISA for entry into the Homeland. The OLD passport that had all the stamps for when we actually entered the Homeland. I wanted to keep those pages to show to our kids! Yes we have pictures, a million pictures of us there. But there is just something more adventurous and romantic about seeing the stamps from all the places you've been. And I really wanted that little treasure.

F: "I TOLD you not to send it in."
Me: "But! But I thought I'd get it BACK........."
F: "I TOLD YOU. Don't send it in. Now you don't have the Homeland stuff, do you?!?!"
Me: "*sad sigh* No. No I don't."

Oh Gov't Bigwigs, please, pretty, pretty please, Send me back my old passport??? With sugar on top? And sprinkles?

****Composer's note****
My pleas were heard. Another envelope arrived with said old passport and marriage license!!! YAY!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Is It Really Insulting?

I am all for Political Correctness. However, there are times when I feel it becomes overtly frivolous. Maybe I am being insensitive about this, but I honestly think this is taking it a bit too far. To me it is kind of like saying we need to stop giving hurricanes names because everyone who is named Andrew feels the stigma associated with Hurricane Andrew. I read this article and said, SERIOUSLY???? I think it's the same extreme to suggest it be renamed to the Mexican Flu. Let's stigmatize an entire country.
I just don't know anymore.

Israeli official urges name change for 'swine flu'
Disease name offends Jewish and Muslim sensitivities over pork, he says
JERUSALEM - The outbreak of swine flu should be renamed "Mexican" influenza in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork, according to an Israeli health official.
Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman said the reference to pigs is offensive to both religions and "we should call this Mexican flu and not swine flu," he told a news conference Monday at a hospital in central Israel.
Both Judaism and Islam consider pigs unclean and forbid the eating of pork
Scientists are unsure where the new swine flu virus originally emerged, though it was identified first in the United States. They say there is nothing about the virus that makes it "Mexican" and worry such a label would be stigmatizing.
Israel's Health Ministry on Tuesday confirmed the region's first swine flu case. The 26-year-old patient recently returned from Mexico, where he had contracted it. An official in the city of Netanya said the patient had recovered, but will remain hospitalized until the health ministry approves his release.
More than
150 people in Mexico have died after contracting the current strain of swine flu.Laboratories in the U.S. and Canada have confirmed that of the samples tested so far, the swine flu virus in Mexico and U.S. appear to be the same

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

An Open Letter

This is an Open Letter to Oil of Olay. AKA, "OLAY" because apparently "oil" is a bad thing when it comes to skin care products, even if it is from Olay, which honestly I have no clue what it is, but I always thought is was something ancient and old worldly.


Dear Makers of "Olay",

I am a multi-generational user of your base product, "Original" Active Hydrating Beauty Fluid. My Grandmother used it her entire life (god rest her soul) and my mother uses it based on her long ago recommendation. We are talking DECADES worth users. I began using it more regularly as my 35th birthday approaches. I had a bottle, that I'll admit, was several years old. But since I used only a small amount at a time, it lasted for eons. As it came to its sputtering end, I purchased a new bottle. I was very relieved to see that it was the "Original" because I know many companies feel the need to "improve" their products over the years.
That relief was short lived however.
You continued your deceit with the bottle shape, the same as always. The facade began to crumble with the new label design. It was hip, flashy, new agey. No longer the quiet trustworthy distinction of the understated. Behind the new label design lurked a more chemicalized scent. It was no longer a scent that while hugging you makes your brother exclaim, "Wow, you smell good. *pause* Actually, you smell like mom." The fluid itself was heavier and thicker. It no longer felt "greaseless" even though you say it still is. I rubbed it into my face. The frown lines I was trying to hide with your product, deepened in disappointment because of it. It is NOT the Original. Shame on you for claiming that is it. I want the Original ORIGINAL. Not something that is originally improved. It is not improved. It is an impostor. Why I ask you, change something that for generations was trusted as it was? Why???? I have not decided if I will continue to use your product after what I currently own has been depleted.
You sadden me "Olay".
You sadden and disappoint me.

Monday, April 27, 2009

She was Great

We've all heard that Bea Arthur has passed. I am sad to see her go. What child of the 80's & 90's doesn't remember Golden Girls? Watched a few marathons on a rainy Saturday?? Doesn't tap your toes and sing along when you hear the theme music???
This little clip however gives us a whole new view of Ms. Arthur, and it's damn funny. I hope I look this good in my 80's!!!

We'll miss you Bea. You and Estelle keep those lofty heavenly clouds in stitches til the rest of us get there.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

My Sand has been Spiked

The Sandman has been giving me some seriously spiked/expired sand lately. The night before last I dreamed I was being chased by a serial killer. Last night I dreamed my husband (not F btw) and I lived in a sprawling McManison in a new development called Cremated Acres (it sounded happy and warm in my dream), where our home was haunted as was the entire neighborhood, al la Poltergeist. All the neighbors went nuts and started killing each other and only I and the demon possessed neighborhood children survived. My son (why do i keep dreaming that when I do have a child it's going to be a boy??) was the demon's chosen one. My solution to this little honor was to have to boy baptized, again. At which the demon laughed manically and I woke up.
I told F it would probably make for a really great horror movie. So if I see this come out in the next year or so, I'm suing for creative rights!!! Just lettin ya know.

this lovely dream happened AFTER I woke up screaming because there was a man, whom I dreamed about some 15+ years ago, standing over the bed ready to attack me. Apparently I scared the beegeezus out of F who then couldn't fall back to sleep.
What is going on? Sandman! check the expiration date on your sleepy time sand bags, will ya? I'd like to get a non-Steven King kind of dream land, emkay???

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Get a Billboard

This "comment" was left by "ed" on 3 of my posts.
ed, WTF???? Dude, find another way to advertise your shit man.
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Monday, April 20, 2009

You get the AX yet???

Here's a questions for yas my digital friends.

It has been widely publicized that a very LARGE Corporations was going to announce massive lay-offs and firings on a certain day. You know several people who work for said Corporation.
Do you call them mid-day and inquire if they've been let-go?
Or, do you wait for them to contact you?

What say you?

Saturday, April 18, 2009


I read MSN through the day and find some very interesting news on there on a regular basis. When I read this article, my mouth started to water for my favorite frozen drink. God bless science.
So much for drinking and Darwinism. (killing off of the weak brain cells, anyone? anyone?)

Myth: Drink enough alcohol and you'll start killing brain cells.

: Drunken frat boys head-butting one another in a bar may give you pause to consider this one, but alcohol does not kill neurons or create holes in the brain. However, there's no denying that alcohol and other drugs of abuse impact brain systems. It's their effect on the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin that goose the brain's reward system, leading to feelings of euphoria—and, when more of the drug is needed to create the same effect, to tolerance and addiction."Over the short-term, alcohol and drugs alter brain function rather than affecting brain structure," Molnar-Szakacs clarifies. "Slurred speech, impaired motor response, and impaired judgment are all symptomatic of compromised frontal lobes, the centers of the brain that direct higher-level decision making."Rarely, a chronic drinker may develop
Wernicke-Korsakoff's Syndrome, a condition characterized by atrophy or shrinking of the thalamus and hypothalamus and the inability to recall or form memories. This syndrome's not a direct effect of drinking, but rather a secondary result of alcohol abuse so severe that absorption of vitamin B-1 is prevented, leaving the brain malnourished.

Friday, April 17, 2009

I'm Pissed Off Too

I LOVE and am addicted to Overheard in New York. I especially love reading the Overheard Everywhere section because I am often floored when I read that the quote comes from my state or even a nearby town or city!! I usually find myself laughing and snorting at the weird shit people say out loud in front of other people. Cracks me the hell up. This one though. I had to share. It's not particularly funny, but lord knows I've had these moments myself!!

That Jerk Never Returns My Calls
Girl #1: This whole Ben situation is really starting to piss me off.

Girl#2: I know! I just don't know what his deal is.
Girl #1: He called me like twelve times yesterday.
Girl #2 (stopping in the middle of Penn Station): He called you? (pauses for a moment) Oh, you mean Ben your boyfriend, don't you?
Girl #1: As opposed to?
Girl #2: Ben from Lost.
Girl #1: Don't talk to me for an hour, please.

--Penn Station Overheard by: thought it was lost too

And I agree, this whole Ben thing is really pissing me off! My theory? Jack is the reason Ben is the way Ben is, because if Jack had helped, Ben most likely would never have become a HEALED Other, just a normal Other. And WTF? Jack, get over yourself! And why does everyone keep questioning Sawyer???? Just do what the hell he tells you to!!! LORDIE!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Sigh it to Me...

Gloomy dreary day.
8 AM.
The walk from the parking lot into our building.....

Me turning to co-buildinger: "Hey."

Co-Buildinger: "Hi. *heavy sigh*"

Me: "Yeah. *sigh*"

Co-Buildinger: "*sigh*"

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I Had No Idea There Were So Many....

Musicals. I had no idea there were so many musicals out there! Thanks to Miss Molly's post yesterday, I spent the afternoon on Pandora flipping through musical scores! My goodness! Some I knew. Some I'd only heard about in passing. Some got the "Thumbs Down" almost immediately. But I must say, listening to these scores or soundtracks from the movies, certainly made me want to hope a plane and spend some time on Broadway singing along with a huge goofy grin on my face.
Thanks Miss Molly!!!
And here's the clip that inspired it all!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I Can't Hear the Voices in my Head

Before the advent of streaming radio on line, I was dearly attached to the static ridden radio we had in the office. After my favorite station announced they were going all high tech streaming, I nervously waited to see if there would be a ban on it at work. But there was not! Many people were doing it! Since I opened that streaming radio, the work day has never been the same!!! I must listen to music at work. I can't think straight without it. I start talking to myself within 20mins without it. I hate when the stream gets all FUBARed and goes silent. Having music all day is worth the stupid streaming commercials they play.
But there are times when I can take the constant hum no more and must shut the radio down. Then I notice that I have co-workers again. And they are loud. And they think they are the only ones in the office. They have conversations I don't want to hear. So in order to keep me from yelling, "SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!!!", I find myself at the alter of the streaming radio clicking it back into being.
Bless you streaming radio. Bless ye gods that are behind the brain child that is Pandora Radio.
Bless you, and your sanity maintaining stream of good sounds.
And Bless you Dell keyboard, with your design that makes muting the Cialis commercials a simple touch and the drowning out of annoying co-workers a simple flick of my fingers.
Bless you all, and may you live long and prosper!!!!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Please, Make Yourself Comfortable!

There is a woman I work with, who doesn’t make much effort to get to know anyone. She hasn’t worked here very long, and I can’t seem to get a real good read on her. My impression of her is a woman who could easily be referred to as a “Ball Buster”. She is from the old school of thought where a woman had to fight and scrap her way to the top by being one of the boys. (which in some cases is still true today, glass ceiling anyone? Uneven wages?) I don’t know how long she thought I worked for another office in the building, even though I’m at all our office meetings. She was genuinely surprised when I told her that we did indeed work for the same company. There have been several times when she’s barreled her way into someone’s lunch hour, disrupting the lunch not only of the person she’s talking to, but also disrupting the lunch and conversations of everyone seated around that person. It IS their lunch after all, and I think we can all agree that for the period of our lunch we should be absolved of having work–related conversation thrust upon us. She doesn’t even give the cursory, “I hate to interrupt your lunch, but….” She also “pops in” to offices when other people are there already. Actually, she pushes her way in. Shoving aside anyone else who is there having a conversation. I’ve experienced this first hand. More than once. And I’ve just about had enough of it. Take today for instance. I was in my friend’s office, which does happen to be located next to Mrs. B.Buster, chatting about life, and work when Mrs. B.Buster appears in the doorway, notepad and pen in hand. “OH! I need to talk to my friend! How are you?” as she slides by me (I was standing by my friend’s desk) and plops herself in the “guest” chair. My friend turns from me, to her, “Oh fine.”
“Do you guys have a meeting?” I asked, knowing full well they didn’t because my friend had just finished telling me she wondered why she’d even bothered to come back from a meeting held off “campus”.
“We do, she just doesn’t know it yet.” Says Mrs. B.Buster, without even bothering to glance my way.
Ooooh?” my friend giggles surprised and a tad uncomfortable because of this sudden development.
“Yes! I need something from YOU.” Demands Mrs. B.Buster.
“Well. I guess I’ll leave you to it then.” I say to them both and then turn directly to my friend and say pointedly, “We’ll finish this conversation later.”
As I turn to leave Mrs. B.Buster has already started in on their “meeting.”

I was a bit miffed as I made my way back to my desk. I was only in my friend’s office for maybe 10 minutes and I wasn’t having a loud, inappropriate conversation. I do keep my voice down because I know rather well how sound carries in this place. So I highly doubt we were disturbing her. She seems to have no clue when it comes to unwritten office etiquette. I’m quite done with her behavior, but I don’t know how to tell her to knock it the hell off. Normally I would say something trenchant; however she just so happens to be one of the Big Boss’ "people", so pissing her off is not a good idea.
What to do, oh WHAT TO DO?

Thursday, April 09, 2009

I Don't Think It Calls for That

Me: "F, can you make potatoes to go with the roast for tonight?"

F: "Yes. Do they have to be the fake instant kind?"

Me: "haha, dude if you want to put the effort into making real mashed potatoes, knock yourself out."

F: "Ok, where are the potatoes?"

Me: "Either in the cabinet or on the counter."

F: "And I peel and boil the potatoes and then add milk and mayonnaise, right?"


F: "Mayonnaise INSTEAD of your butter."

Me: "Eewww, no, why would you!?"

F: "Whatever weirdo, I'll see you tonight."

Me: "Gross. Freak. See you later."

Needless to say he didn't put the effort into REAL mashed potatoes, we had some extremely thick instant potatoes.
I am not a fan of Mayo. It reminds me of lard. Or grease. So I do not use it unless the recipe calls for it. Over the years I've actually come to like a very light, VERY LIGHT amount on a toasted/grilled sandwich. But other than that, I use it not! However, since I was still hung up on mayo in my beloved potatoes, I Googled it, and I'll be damned if there aren't recipes out there that call for Mayo to make your mashed potatoes "creamy".
I would use cream cheese or sour cream first before using mayo, but hey, to each his own.
Learn something new everyday.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Facebook Say's I'm Part of the First Family

"DH: Barack Obama confirmed you as a cousin on We're Related!"

Really? How cool! Except, um, we're NOT. Is Facebook running a scam? The "Family Tree" they are showing where we are linked, contains no relatives that I've ever heard of. And I kinda know, because I did my family tree for a class in college. When I tried to get in to the application I got an error saying they were experiencing some tech issues. OH, I BET you are! I bet the Big B's people reached through the web and grabbed Facebook by the family jewels and told them to take that shit down. ASAP.
Like anyone would truly believe B is spending time huntin up relatives on FB. COME ON.

Shame Facebook, SHAME!!!!!

Monday, April 06, 2009

To Ignore, or Accept, That is the Question

I find myself in a new age predicament. I have a “Friend Request” from someone with whom I was friends with in college, on Facebook. I know many people have debated this topic, via their blogs or otherwise and I now find myself having the same debate. This friend became my friend through another friend. We both ditched the mutual friend in favor of each other. Sounds bad, I know, but there’s always more to the story and I don’t plan on boring you with it. Anyway, I got her a job working for S.E.S. and we hung out and partied together. Our friendship was always touch and go. I was always there for her when she needed me, I can’t say the same for her. She would break up with which ever guy she was dating and call me crying. I would drive to her and hold her beer while she cried into. This went on for several years. Then she dropped out of school because she was flunking. Things spiraled down from there. I tried to maintain our friendship, giving her the benefit of the doubt, hard times and what-not. I watched her drug dealer’s kids while she, the drug dealer and her Thug boyfriend all went into the bedroom and got high. I was constantly getting stood up when she would get booty calls, whether she was with Thug boyfriend or not, I might add. I re-arranged my New Year’s Eve plans at the last minute to include her, and then she stood me up, for a booty call. That was the last straw. I’d had enough of her drug use, her crappy men and her constant emotional roller coaster late night phone calls. I cut off all contact. I moved on with my life and only thought of her occasionally. And then I get a Facebook request from her. She’s finished school, and has what sounds to be a pretty techie job. She married the Thug boyfriend and they have an adorable little girl. From the things on her page, she seems to have returned to her religious roots. I however am unsure if that is a door I want to re-open. I know for a fact that F will want nothing to do with them. I don’t want to waste time and emotions on a situation that my gut tells me will just end badly. I try to listen to my gut, it is usually right. But. But what if I’m wrong? What if they both turned their lives around? What if they are really great people? I used to enjoy hanging out with them. Thug boyfriend was always nice to me. However, she was never really dependable. I’m so confused! Do I hold her former behavior against her? A leopard never changes its spots? Or do I turn my cheek and give her a second shot? A reformed druggie who has seen the error of her ways and has bettered herself for the sake of her family? Also, if you ignore someone, do they know? Do they get a message saying I refused their request? Damn this new social networking!

Friday, April 03, 2009

Pigeons smuggle cell phones into Brazil prison

Guards nab bird carrying parts in cloth bag tied to legs

updated 7:45 p.m. ET, Tues., March. 31, 2009
SAO PAULO - Inmates have devised an innovative way to smuggle cell phones into a prison farm in Brazil: carrier pigeons.
Guards at the Danilio Pinheiro prison near the southeastern city of Sorocaba last week noticed a pigeon resting on an electric wire with a small cloth bag tied to one of its legs.
"The guards nabbed the bird after luring it down with some food and discovered components of a small cell phone inside the bag," police investigator Celso Soramiglio said Tuesday.
One day later, another pigeon was spotted dragging a similar bag inside the prison's exercise yard. Inside the bag was the cell phone's charger, Soramiglio said.
The birds were apparently bred and raised inside the prison, smuggled out, outfitted with the cell phone parts and then released to fly back.
"Pigeons instinctively fly back home, always," the investigator said.
Soramiglio said that police have not discovered who raised the pigeons or the name of the inmate who was going to receive the cell phone, but that he hoped the telephone carrier would provide the information.
"Some of them are members of organized crime groups that use cell phones to talk to family and friends and to give and receive orders for criminal actions outside and inside prisons," Soramiglio said.
In 2006, Sao Paulo's notorious First Capital Command used cell phones to coordinate a wave of assaults on police, banks and buses that left more than 200 people dead in South America's largest city.
The gang's leaders are based in prisons, and use smuggled cell phones to plan and execute drug deals, kidnappings and bank robberies.

WOW. I'm impressed. I never would have thought to do that. Props to the Cell Block YO!!

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Target On Your Back

Me excitedly: “F! I know what you can get me for my birthday!!!”
F: “Yeah? What?”
Me even more excitedly: “A CROSSBOW!!!!!!!!! I’ve always wanted one!!!”
F unsure and kind of frightened: “I’m not sure how I feel about that. Why do you want one?”
Me: “I’ve ALWAYS wanted one! I told you this! I told you this like last week that I wanted one!!!”
F: “This is what you want for your birthday? And NO, you didn’t tell this. I don’t want a crossbow in the house.”
(Heavy Pause)

Me: “I don’t need a crossbow to kill you.”
F: “You have to sleep sometime.”
Me: “Right back at ya.”

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Yeah, That's THE SPOT!!

I love me some good massages. I had my first REAL massage when I was in my twenties. I was completely freaked out when she started massaging my face, I didn't like that AT ALL, and I spent the entire time worried "the girls" were going to pop out of the sheet wrapped loosely around me. I have the boob popping fear to this day, every single time I go get a "real" massage. And what I mean by 'real' is stripping down to your panties and wrapping yourself in a sheet, laid out face down on a comfy table.
I can't afford to have real massages anymore. The last one I had was when my 30th birthday dude ranch weekend ended badly. That was several years ago.
Now I can somewhat afford the chair massages our office sponsors once a month. A person comes in, and you pay that person for an allotted time to give you a chair massage. Not as fabu as a full body massage, and your clothes stay on the entire time, but for what we pay, it does work out some kinks. But then I had a chair massage that went all kinds of wrong.
I've been having some pain in my lower back and asked to have that be the focus of my session.
Sweet Jesus on High!!! That girl had me curling my toes in pain and gripping the arm rest to the point that by the time she was done my neck,which had been fine upon entry, was a mass of knots and stressed out muscles, in need of its own massage. I told her it was hurting me as she did it, and she "eased up" a bit while she told me that it was all good and she was just trying to help. I was in so much pain that it hurt to sit down because my chair was pressing on my wounded area. That night while getting ready for bed I asked F to inspect for bruising. He found nothing.
I kid you not when I tell you that pain lasted for a good week before it subsided. I still have acid flashbacks about it. It made sleeping a bit of a nightmare. Sitting? Oh hellish! I think she went a little too deep on the deep tissue massage.
Problem is? It's bothering me again, but I'm too afraid of the pain to sign up again.
Anyone want to donate towards me getting a "real massage"????