I'd like to address a certain person, or a small group of people.
See that pie chart? That one down there?
Yes, that 1% of people or person in Australia? I have a favor to ask. When CBF and I were visiting your lovely country a few years ago, right after 9/11 to be exact, we became addicted to some chips, or crisps, I can't remember what you all call them. Anyway, I bought them on a whim and ended up going to the store and hunting them down before we were shipped off to the jungle, where I knew they wouldn't be. Let me tell you, hauling them across country strapped to my carry-on wasn't easy, but I did it by GOD! I DID IT!!! On our video diary all you can hear is us chomping these chips/crisps and passing the bag back and forth. They are CRACK in a chip/crisp I tell you, CRACK!!! So if you could find it in your heart to please send me a pallet of Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar Kettle Chips/Crisps, I will love you forever and ever!!! I have scourged the States looking for these chips/crisps. I have tried every brand of vinegar and salt chips and nothing, NOTHING has even come close. I even tried our brand of Kettle Chips/crisps of salt and vinegar but they didn't even come close to the Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar chips/crisps we had in Australia.
I could use a hit of that crack chip/crisp right now, with 52 days left until my wedding. So please, my 1% of Australian readers, send me an early wedding present? Let me know again the high that is Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar chips/crisps. I beg of you! PLEASE! Be my dealer and help a gal out! I'm jonesin' man, JONESIN'.