Monday, September 29, 2008

A Modest Woman’s Anger

My mother raised me to be modest. And for the majority of my life I have lived as such. I’m not saying I haven’t hefted up the girls and pulled down the shirt in a meek attempt to score a free adult beverage (didn’t always work.) but I never over do it. And I know there are certain times and places for certain outfits.
I have told you in the past that I am not a girlie girl. I don’t do lace and poof. However, I was over come with an urge, a deep seeded (seated?) need to wear a dress for my wedding shower. I wanted to be all woman. All feminine. And so my hunt began. When a week before said shower the fabulous red dress arrived I knew immediately that it would require a slip.

(i'm thinking of getting it in navy too, what say you?)

And not just a half slip, but a FULL slip, or else everyone would have been able to trace the lace pattern of my bra through the fabric. I went to my normal stomping grounds, Lane Bryant: “We don’t carry slips.” Sorry? You make dresses and skirts that REQUIRE a slip, and yet you don’t carry even plain old half slips??? All they had was “shape wear.” Don’t get me wrong, I could use some serious shape wear, but that wasn’t what I was in need of. “Try Khol’s.” she told me.
Khol’s? Had an entire section of slips! YAY KHOL’S! You champion of decency! However, you were severally lacking in the “Plus Size” selection. I bought one though, a full slip that also happens to be reversible, cool. And just wish it was a size larger for a bit less cling and a bit more swing. The section of “shape wear”? Blew the slip section out of the water! Did you know there is “shape wear” out there that will slim your upper arms?!?!?!? Nor did I!!! I was going to try it on, but was afraid I’d get stuck in it and then security would be called in and they’d have to cut me out of it and all kinds and levels of embarrassment would ensue.
Determined that there was a plus sized full slip out there to be had I went to the store of every girl’s first bra buying experience, JC Penney’s. JC Penney’s throughout my life has been known as THE PLACE to go for modest under garments of all types and manner. That no longer holds true. They had plenty of bras and panties, modest and sexy, but not a slip, NOT A SLIP to be had. Frazzled I approached the clerk; “Do you have any full slips?”
“I’m sorry we don’t carry them anymore. You can’t find one, can you?”
“no. I don’t mind the shape wear, you know, I could use a little shaping, but that’s not what I need right now.”
“I know, no one seems to make anything other than shape wear now.”
“Try Khol’s.”
Oh I tried Khol’s, 5 of them. 3 JC Penney’s, and 2 Sears.
My sweet amazing F, seeing me near tears over this whole experience, spent his lunch hour in JC Penney’s, Macy’s, Von Maur and Sears, searching for a slip for me. He came up with nothing as well.
So on Saturday, the DAY BEFORE my shower, F drove with me for an hour to the Playtex outlet, and some other name brand underwear outlet. Nothing!!!!!

One clerk told me “We get request for those 3 to 4 times a day, but we don’t carry them.” You have no idea how hard it was for me to not use the F word at this stupid woman. I had all I could do to not scream at her “Are you FUCKING kidding me???? You get 3 to 4 requests for them A DAY and you don’t FUCKING CARRY THEM?? Have you EVER heard of SUPPLY AND DEMAND?!?!?!!?”
Ahem, excuse me, but by this point I had been to like 12 stores, not counting the ones F had gone to and was near tears. (yet again, I know, annoying.)
Defeated we headed home.
Sunday, I wore the slightly too tight slip and it worked out well.
The other night, F shows me his mail, a magazine from “Woman Within” and low and behold, A FULL SLIP! In PLUS SIZE!
A full week LATE, but I’m still ordering it! I still have the rehearsal to get through!
Bless you F for flipping through the woman’s clothing magazine and telling me, “This is better than a Victoria Secret catalog! But you’ll have to order it; I’m not talking to those women again!”

I have placed the order, via the net. And don't think I didn't look online to begin with, because I DID! But I was working under a serious deadline here people, and I knew anything I found wouldn't make it here in a week. This time however, we have 3 weeks to work with, plenty of time!

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