Grow The Fuck Up, Please.

I came home to find F, slumped on the couch, staring blankly at the TV.

Me: “What’s wrong?”
F: “nothing.”
Me: “Uh, I’m not buying it.”
F: *heavy sigh* “I just talked to my brother. He’s not coming to the wedding.”
Me: “What? Why?”
F: *mumbling* I’m not sure. Something happened with mom and dad, some fight so now he’s not coming to the wedding.”
Me: “Oh lord F.” as I kiss him on the head.
F: “I’m gonna let him cool down and call him again and see what is going on.”

So W? Here’s an open letter to you. Everything I would love to call and tell you, but know I can not.
GROW THE FUCK UP you self centered DICKLESS WONDER!
Telling your brother you are not attending his wedding is complete bullshit. I’m sorry you had a fight with your parents, but what in HELL does that have to do with our wedding? You aren’t just attending; you are A GROOM’S MAN!!!
Think you can’t stand to be in the same room with your parents? Go stand on the other side. Ignore them out right. I don’t care! I in fact would have absolutely no problem at all with not having you at the wedding at all. I know the stress level would be so much lower. Especially since we wouldn’t have to worry about you and your wife having a screaming match in the middle of the reception. But F? You are KILLING F. He his CRUSHED that his very own brother is purposely not attending his wedding. You think F will call and mediate between all of you? He probably will, but only if I don’t have anything to say about it. Which I KNOW is why you called and told him this, so he would step in and “handle” it. All of you need to grow up! You all need counseling. How could you treat F this way? How could you do this to him? Why can’t you man up and deal with whatever this and not threaten to not attend? F is so sad. So hurt. So STRESSED because of you. Do you have ANY FUCKING IDEA what you are doing to him? He’s even buying your freaking airline ticket! I so want to bash your stupid ignorant head in. You are such a fucking dick.
Also?
Stop cheating on your wife (allegedly).
Stop screaming, yelling and fighting with her during every holiday dinner. You are setting a horrid example for your sons.
Stop pouting. You are 36 years old and you pout better than your 7 year old son.
You are not a “hommie” stop “frontin”.
If you hate being married that much, get an actual divorce instead of threatening to.
Threatening to do things seems to be your M.O. So man up and FOLLOW THROUGH and actually FINISH something for fuck’s sake.
You disgust me.
And FIL? Since I’m almost positive you are at the center of this, shut your mouth. Keep all your mean hateful words to yourself. You are never going to get into Heaven at this rate. You take joy in making others miserable and feel like crap about themselves, and that is just plain sick and demented.
MIL? Tell FIL to shut his evil childish mouth and mind his own damn business.

Thank You for Your Time.