1 Week

F just called me and wished me a Happy Anniversary!

Me: "Not yet!"

F: " Oh brother! Do I have to wait until tonight and say it again?"

Me: "hahaha, NO! Happy one week, HUSBAND!"

F: "oh please!"

1 week people, I've been married one week!

Here, Here

Ok Digital kids, I'm here, and I'm MARRIED!!!!!
Things went very well. And I'm going to try and give you a blow by blow just as soon as I can. I got sick on our mini-moon and I have much to tell!!!!!

And just to let you know, F will be staying F, there'd be much too much confusion to make him into H.

I'm a MRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Razor Sharp

I cut myself shaving. And I knew it'd happened the second it happened. It stings when you do it, then it KILLS when the water hits it. What is that all about? I haven't cut myself shaving in YEARS.(do i need to clarify that I was shaving my legs? have any of you doubt about my gender?) So you do know what this means? It means that come wedding day, (Friday, the 24th, in case you were wondering) I will have a scab. Now anyone, especially females, know that shaving over a scab is no easy task. You can man up and shave it off, creating another blood bath, or you "play it safe" and try to "shave around it." "Shaving around it" invariably means you miss some hair. Who wants to have some hairy legs when they get married? I mean, besides you guys? NOT I! (has anyone ever cut themselves while shaving your pit? I just wonder.)
So will I have a scab on my wedding day, or a band-aid?
I haven't decided yet.
I'd prefer neither.
Damned nerves.

LOSING IT!......Update

F can't get a hold of our DJ.
We get married in 3 days.
Please send prayers, good vibes, whatever your beliefs allow, to have this come out in a good way.

Thank you my Digital Friends.


**UPDATE***
IT WORKED! DJ HAS BEEN CONTACTED!

PRAISE YE GODS!

Sleep, Where Art Thou?

I worked my butt off yesterday cleaning the house AND mowing the lawn. You would think there would be no in way in the world I wouldn't sleep like a rock the moment my head hit the pillow. Not so. I took some mother supplied anti-anxiety meds at 8 pm. I went to bed @9:30 and read until 10:30pm. I layed awake tossing and turning until 12:30am at which point I took another half a.a. pill AND two Tylenol PM's. I went and sat in the family room to read. The I watched TV until 2:30am. I crawled back into bed and tossed and turned until 3:30am at which point I made my way into the freshly made guest bed and promptly fell asleep. I awoke at 6:17am, WIDE FLIPPING AWAKE.
WTF??????
I can't keep doing this. F is fearful that if I don't sleep I'm become "a cranky old bitch." Totally true. He suggested I go and get some sleeping pills. I will, today at lunch.


And weather? Why doth thou hate me so?

FriOct 24

Showers 40%

58° High (this I have no problem with) 43° Low

Uh, Really?

We are down to 7 days before the wedding.
We have 4 days before out of town guests descend upon our house.

F? F wants to go with my brother to a hobby show.

Tomorrow.

All Day.

We are going to see the Caterer Lady tomorrow for the last payment and final count and finalization of all those things.

F: “Ok, so what time are we going to the Caterer Lady because I want to go with your brother.”

Me: “I don’t know.”

F: “Can we go early? Actually, do I have to go with you and your mom AT ALL?”

Me: “*heavy pause* Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how much has to be done still?”

F: “We can get it all done, we have plenty of time.”

M: “What!?!?! You have to finish putting the bathroom back together, the house has to be cleaned, the lawn has to be mowed, we have to go grocery shopping for food to feed the 20 million people who are coming in and you still have put all the mail away from last time we cleaned the house and you’ve got ANOTHER pile collecting on the couch.”

F: “The lawn has to be mowed again?”

Me: “HAVE YOU SEEN IT??????”

F: “It’s not 20 million people.”

Me: “ I…...what....…It IS 20 million people to those who will be in charge of feeding them, namely ME.”

F: “*sigh*”

Me: “You just need to prioritize is all I’m sayin.”

F: “Fine, then I’m going to go do my hobby on Sunday!”

Me: “Fine. Than you can have both the rings back because I’m done.”

F: “Good, I’ll collect them tonight, along with everything else I gave you.”

Me: “Everything else you gave me was a present, I get to keep those.”

F: “I didn’t give you anything.”

Me: “Right. Except smelly socks and piles of stinky underwear.”

F: “Look who’s talking.”

Me: “Whatever.”

F: “Bye.”

Me: “Bye.”

Fix it Already!

My brother just got laid off.
They have 3 kids.
He has worked for this company at least 10yrs if not more.

So Gov't leader people? Get your heads out of your asses and fix this mess! I know, it's not just the Gov't who's to blame for this "whole mess". It's everyone who thought they could live beyond their means in huge houses on interest only loans.(seriously, who ever thought that was a good idea?) However, my brother is not one of them.
I don't even know what to do.
I want to call him but I am so at the end of my rope right now, I'll end up crying.
I am angry.
I am sad.
I am scared for them.
I am scared for F and me.
I am scared for my mom who is losing her insurance right when she needs it most.
I am scared for everyone.
This has got to stop.
Sweet lord, make it stop.

My Registry Advice

Let me preface this Blog entry by saying, I (we) are not ungrateful. We love (maybe a tad picky, but not ungrateful) every single gift we have gotten thus far. I (we) realize that money is tight for a lot of people right now and I (we) know it is asking a lot of people to purchase us gifts for our wedding as well as take time off of work and spend money to travel here. I do not have inexpensive taste and I tried my damnedest to pick a wide range of items to cover every budget. With that in mind, I was struck by this idea while checking on our registry. (yes I gave into temptation AGAIN, it is very hard to resist. leave me alone.)

This advice goes to any store that offers any registry for any occasion.
As much as we, the registrar love picking any and everything our little hearts desire there are some things that we truly would love to get above all else. For example, I would love to have this large suitcase (which I just discovered we got!!!! again, leave me alone)

instead of the 50 towels the BB&B guy insisted I had to have. Or this electric indoor grill (again we got it!)

over the 40 napkins (20 of each color for a 2 tone display) and 20 place mats, which again, the BB&B guys insisted I had to have to flush out my "elegant" table cloth. So I suggest that you include a rating system. Use hearts, or wedding rings, or champagne glasses, whatever symbol you want, but it would be just like rating a hotel. Out of 5 champagne glasses the towels would have been 3 glasses as opposed to the electric grill which would have been 4 glasses, where as the suitcase would have been 5 glasses. The actual China place settings would also rate 5 glasses where as the china serving bowl that goes with the set, would be 3.5 glasses. Thus giving our guests a TRUE guide to what we really want/needed as opposed to what we were talked into by a pushy BB&B guy. (Which, HI BB&B guy, NO ONE has bought us any of the 50 towels you insisted I NEEDED. So there. )
And since the majority, if not all registries are kept online, the couple or person could log in, at their leisure, and rate their items. If they wanted to, it wouldn’t be required. I think it is a fabulous idea and I’m itching to do it.
Or is this a sucky idea and just makes us seem greedier?
Now I’m torn.
What do you think my digital friends??

*Composer's note* F and I had a discussion about why I(we) need 20 china sets and goblets etc, and I explained that even though the normal amount you ask for is 12 (he INSISTED it was 10, silly boy) that my immediate family(siblings and kids) already comes in at 12, and that doesn't include US. So if we have any company,(the oldest girls are now teens, so BFs are soon to follow) we'd be using paper plates. Make sense? Or makes greed?

Single Digit Fidget

We are now into the single digit count down.

My brain is Swiss cheese with extra holes.

We FINALLY finalized the program and I sent it to F who e-mails me back and says "Print it!" but then he e-mails me again and says, "It says SATURDAY instead of FRIDAY!!! " his co-worker caught it. The designer didn't. I didn't. He didn't.

So I sent it to CBF who is a master at making things sound good so she could proof it (she rewrote a lot of it to begin with because, well, see above cheese reference) and she e-mails me back, "You have A listed with the last name "D" but isn't she really "H"?"

Um ,yeah, "D" is her maiden name, "H" is her married name. You know, easy mistake, after all I was only in her wedding, TEN YEARS ago.

I am losing it people. L.O.S.I.N.G it.

Then she e-mails me this: "I mean, seriously, DH-- you are putting on the white dress and walking down the frakking aisle. This is real-- defcon zero. Do you need me to take you to a Chippendales show on Wednesday night, or are you content to get your other men fix via internet porn after the wedding?" (this is why we are friends)

I hardly get any work done at work, because I'm too busy checking this and that for the wedding.

Saturday we go and finalize with the Caterer Lady.

OMG.

I'm getting married, in NINE DAYS.

Then she sends me this so I can cry YET again at work:

I.Can't.Stop.

EATING.
I'm a stress eater. And as the days dwindle down, my stress level goes UP. All I want to eat? JUNK FOOD. I am not joking when I tell you that there have been days when the thought of eating something "healthy" literally makes me GAG. Pizza? OH YES PLEASE! We'll not dwell on the fact that the night I got my wedding hair cut I ate an entire Hot-n-Ready pizza BY MYSELF, save for the ONE slice F ate. Oh I paid for eating all that pizza, oh yes. Like a small child who sneaks too much Halloween candy, I PAID. I was stressed because I felt my "subtle" blonde highlights were too BRAZENLY blonde. F said no, and as the days have passed, they have gotten better.
But I still want to eat Eat EAT. I know the other half of the problem, besides being a stress eater, is that I'm not sleeping well. I have the shakes from not sleeping well. And SCIENCE has shown that people who don't get enough sleep tend to over eat because your body is all out of whack and so it goes into CRAVE mode. It needs FUEL, NOW! So yes, I am A MESS. And I'm a mess despite the fact that I am medicated. Only at night though, so maybe I need to up my dose, to daytime.
Everyone keeps telling me it'll be fine! It'll be LOVELY! It'll be ALRIGHT!
Everyone hasn't met FIL.
Or dumb fuck brother, W. (yes, I am still bitter.)
Ok, I need to stop, because I am revving myself up and I just realized I have some Mr Flipz in the back of my cabinet and they are whispering my name...........

Deep Thoughts, By F

F: "DH! I ordered most of the groomsmen gifts! I even got one FOR MYSELF!!!"

Me: "You got yourself a gift? That's not how it's suppose to work."

F: "I know, but they are cool and I'll use it for my hobby!"

Me: "Uhhu. And the other gifts?"

F: "I haven't gotten those yet."

Me: "Right, but you got yourself something?"

F: "*sigh* Goodbye!"

Me: "2 weeks! We have 2 weeks left!"

F: "GOOD. BYE."

Me: "bye."


F works with numbers and formulas all day long so when it comes to doing the math, I just stand back and let him, because seriously? My brain has a seizure when I have to do the math in my head.
The Caterer called over the weekend and wanted to know what our final menu choices were.
I was still in bed and I had a mini meltdown when she said, "For the wedding next weekend."
Me:"No! the 24th! Let me get my glasses and I'll go over the menu with you."
Caterer Lady: "That's ok, you can call me back."
Me: "Ok, I will."
F is standing there looking puzzled. Then when I tell him who it was, he starts firing questions at me. He'd been awake for 2 hrs already, I'd just been jolted out of bed, and was shaking from a lack of sleep and had just been freaked out by Caterer Lady that my wedding was a week sooner. So let's just say I was not in the best frame of mind. On the verge of tears I start writing down what we'd picked and F is looking over my shoulder. When I got to the hors d'oeuvre, he takes the paper and starts in on how for $2 more we can have crab cakes and stuffed mushrooms instead of the cheese and cracker and veggie combo.

Me: "But this is what we agreed on!"
F: " I know, but this is better stuff, for just $2 more."
Me: "But we agreed on the combo!"
F: "But we won't be there eating this stuff. And it's only $2 more!" (he knows I don't eat crab or fungus(mushrooms))

Somehow, my brain came through for me and did the math, knowing that F would relate to that better than me pouting and insisting that'd we already agreed on the combo.

Me: "Yes, but $2 times 100 people is $200 more for a mushroom!"
F: "Oh, right, well screw 'em then."

(see kids? math DOES pay.)

We are trying to stock up on food and snacks for when the 20 million people converge on our home. We were out on the hunt for pop (or soda for you East coasters) and are at our 2nd store during our 8 pm grocery shopping trip and have this conversation in front of the mid-aisle display of pop (soda).

Me: "Look, 3 for $10!"

F: "So that's let's see, that's 36 cans (i just had to use the computer calculator to put that number there) for $10 bucks."

Me: "Yep." (he could have said 56 and I would have agreed)

F: " And how many were at GFS?"

Me: "Um, there was 6 sets of 6 cans." (again, had to use the computer calculator to check the math.)

So F whips out his cell to use the calculator to figure out how much the cost would be PER CAN. I'm not kidding, PER CAN.

F: "32 cents versus 31 cents."

Me: "Uh, so a PENNY? We'd save A PENNY per can?"

F: "um, yeah."

Me: "Buy 6 and let's go."

Yes, 2 different stores for a 1 cent difference. That's my guy.

And that ends our math lesson for today.

LAME ass LAME

The co-worker who sits right by me? The one who didn't respond with an RSVP card? And who didn't respond to my e-mail? FINALLY responded.

"DH,

Sorry. I have a family responsibility and won’t be able to attend. A"


It took you 2 months and 3 days to figure that out? Really? That's just LAME.

Excessive

I actually had someone ask me, “Well if you’re not going on your Honeymoon right away, why are you taking so much time off?”

I’m sorry, what? 5.5 days is SO MUCH time? I’m taking 2.5 days before my wedding and 3 days after. And this came from someone who is married and knows full well what it is to plan a wedding. Plus I have like 20 million out of town guests coming in that F wants to feed and entertain the entire time, so yeah, I’m taking a TON of time off!
Whatever, seriously? 5.5 days? Ok, 6 if you count my wedding day. You are right, over a week off! YE GODS! What am I thinking? That is excessive! Silly me, my wedding isn’t until 4 pm, so I should really only take half a day off that day too. I am such a baby taking off all this time.

Really people? BITE ME.
Not you, my digital friends. Just these weirdoes who think the 5.5 days I’m taking off is really 5.5 months.
Please.

Avoidance?

I just called the Church about the wedding. I am trying to put the program together, which let me tell you, is MUCH harder than I ever anticipated!!! Anyway, in our Church they do this special placing of some flowers and I need to know where in the line-up of events to put this one happening. I didn’t get the Nazi Secretary this time, thank goodness! But as I tried to explain to The Nice Church lady, she said, “Is this DH?”
“Yes!”
Anyway, the woman had no idea what I was talking about to begin with, but we soused it out and she said I had to call my Coordinator and gave me her name again and told me I had to call her.
Me: “Can I please have her number again?”
Nice Church Lady: “Sure, let’s see; oh, well now it says here that we are to have her call you. So I’ll text her or e-mail her, but she’ll get back to you.”
Me: “Oh, ok, that’s fine.”

Now remember I called the Coordinator once to set up the rehearsal time and she got a little snippy with me about the fact that she’d be leaving work to do this and everyone had better be ON TIME. I’ve not bothered her since.
So maybe I’m just overtly sensitive about this, but the way the Nice Church Lady said “(….) oh, well now it says here that we are to have her call you.” Just seemed, well, like she was surprised that I wasn’t allowed to call her. That my Coordinator wants to have as little contact with me as possible. I could understand if I’d been calling and calling and calling, but I called ONCE to confirm the time. Just the way she said “oh”.
I don’t know, I guess I’m crazy.

*Composer’s note* My Coordinator called me back while I was writing this, I guess I’m just a loon.

Donna is a Beyotch

Remember Donna? The Goddess of a shoe that completes my wedding day attire?
Well it turns out, Donna? Is an unrelenting BEYOTCH. I’ve been bringing Donna to work with me on a regular basis to get her and my feet acquainted. Donna does not play well with others. She cuts. She pinches. She gets dirty easily. She refuses to change her habits and won’t take any suggestions. She is UNRELENTING in her ways.
So Donna? Donna is on her way to rehab soon. I’ve had several suggestions as to where to take her, and she is going! We’ve got a little over 2 weeks to whip her into shape! Make her a little more giving. Better at compromising. She WILL know who is boss! I am the adult. Hell! I am the HUMAN!! I will win this battle or mangle my feet trying!!
Please keep Donna and me in your prayers. We need all the help we can get.

Open Letter To Mail-Order Company

In order to save a ton of money I get certain medicines through a mail order company. The main med I get from them is my birth control. *gasp* Yes, I’m on birth control. *gasp*gasp* I’m having pre-marital sex. Move along people, we are ENGAGED and getting married, I believe in preventive medicine. I also believe that if an insurance company can cover the costs of Viagra they can cover the costs of the Pill. Because really, in the long run, covering the Pill would be more cost effective for them because I won’t be putting untold amounts of children on my health insurance. But anyway, stepping off my soap box. Back to the letter.


Dear Mail Order Medical Company,

I realize from the letter you sent me, the Federal Government gives you the right to change my brand name prescription to a “generic” brand. This all transpires without my consent OR the consultation of my prescribing physician. In the midst of a very stressful moment of my life you up and decide that NOW would be a good time to mess with my hormones.
You were mistaken.
Since being forced to switch my medication my face has been broken out for a month now.
My back is breaking out in a manner I have never seen before.
My moods are screwier than usual and my mother believes that this switch is the cause of my upset stomach and nausea which can be tied to nothing else save for maybe my increased stress level.
F is freaked that this change will result in pregnancy before we are wed. Increasing his stress level (but oddly enough not decreasing his libido). “Do they not understand that peoples’ WAY OF LIFE is at risk here?!?!?!!?!?”
You anger me with your whimsical med swapping. We all know that generic is not the same as name brand. They are not equal! You claim they do the job as well, but I have evidence, which I will not share her for the sanity of my digital friends, that my generic medicine is NOT on the same level as what I had before. I have given my body a month to adjust and I’m quite convinced that this generic brand must go! My problem is that I don’t have TIME at the moment to go to my doctor and demand that they write you a letter saying you have to switch me back. I don’t understand this. We have to ask for permission, but you do not? WHO ARE YOU?????

If you didn’t save me so much money I would hate you fiercely.

Open Letter of Shame

This is an Open Letter to Shame the final 3 people who have not RSVPed. The Deadline was October 1st, as the response card clearly stated. We waited until after the mail on October 4th(in which there were only 2 rsvp cards) before we (really just F) started calling people.


To my friend B:
Girl what is up? I realize you live in a different state now, and I haven’t visited in awhile, but I hear you were in town and didn’t tell anybody on a few occasions. I am one of the last in our group to get married and I thought you’d be all excited to see me get hitched. So I sent you an e-mail, to all 3 of your e-mail addresses to see why you’d not RSVPed. As an after thought, I CC’d your husband. He responded in like 10mins. That was 4 hours ago. I still have not heard from YOU PERSONALLY.
But I’m glad to know that at least your husband will be attending the wedding.


To My Co-Worker A,

Um, I know we aren’t exactly buddy-buddy, but we have worked together 10+ years. About 8 of those with a mere 3.5 inches of cube wall separating us. I also sent you an e-mail 4 hours ago. I have heard nothing. Nothing from the Office Jumper. You know the one person who JUMPS into everyone’s conversation, uninvited? So what? Should I have not invited you, then you would have attended? You think I haven’t noticed you trying to pretend you don’t see me in the hall today? I can hear you clear your throat for fuck’s sake! Just send me an e-mail, one way or the other! What is your issue????



To My Big Boss,
HI! I know we don’t talk much. I rarely come into your office. But I do say HI to you when I see you. You know my name. There are after all only 40 people in our office. I sent you an e-mail this morning too. Granted you are famous for not answering e-mails, how you can do that as a Boss I have yet to figure out, but anyway, this is kinda important. Yes, I realize I used a company resource for a personal purpose, but you kinda brought it on yourself. I’m not asking for a present, I just want to know if we need to set a place for you. I mean, you know how much you pay me, so you know I can’t afford to feed invisible/extra people. I promise, my e-mail was in no way asking for a raise.(although it would be nice)
Please respond.

More Annoying

We all know that I'm already in an annoyed state. When I get stressed out, I get annoyed extremely easily.
I am stressed.
So when I have people at work coming to me and asking all worried, "When are you leaving? Because I'm gonna need XY and Z!!!!"
I feel my ire rise. I'm going to be gone for ONE WEEK, 5.5 days. Not six months!
Chill out! I'm not "leaving" for any length of time.

GAW! BACK OFF. Or I WILL LEAVE.

Just wait til hear how long I'm gonna be gone when we take our honeymoon over Christmas........mahahaMAHAHAMMMMMMMAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA

The 4 Things

Something Old
Something New
Something Borrowed
Something Blue

I was missing 3 of 4. So I went to the source, mom.

Me: “Mom, I need to acquire several things, can you help?”

Mom: “I’ll do my best, what are they?”

Me: “I’m missing the something old, the borrowed and the blue.”

Mom: “What’s your new?”

Me: “I figured my jewelry would fit that one. Or my dress.”

Mom: “Hmmm, let me see. I might still have the hankie I carried at my wedding.”

Me: “OH MOM! That would be amazing!!!”

Mom: “Let me go look for it.”


Several days go by, and I stop to visit mom.

Me: “So, did you find the hankie?”

Mom: “What hankie?”

Me: “My something old?”

Mom: “OH! That was supposed to be on my To-Do list for today! Let’s go look now.”

My mom has a cedar chest in the basement that contains her wedding dress, my father’s bow tie from their wedding, several baptismal items, and many non-descript hankies.

Mom: “Let’s see. Here’s your father’s clip on bow tie from the wedding.”

Me: “How did he end up with that?”

Mom: “They gave him the wrong shirt size when I went to pick up his tux, I didn’t know to check it. So I guess we got to keep the tie.”

Me: “*raised eye brow* Uh, why were YOU picking up HIS tux????”

Mom: “Because he was on his way back from KY.” (my parents got married during my dad’s extremely short leave before he got shipped overseas for the Korean war. He was coming from Boot camp to get married, against his commanding officers orders. To this day, my mother believes this is why he got stationed overseas.)

Me: “Oh, right.”

Mom: “Here we go! This is the hankie I carried on MY wedding day!”

Me: “This is so cool mom! THANKS!!”

Back upstairs…..

Me: “So, did you use this at all that day mom to wipe your eyes?”

Mom: “I didn’t cry at ALL! I was dry as a bone. I was too stressed to cry!”

Me: “oh, wow.”

Mom: “Yep, so, what else are you missing?”

Me: “My something blue.”

Mom: “what about borrowed?”

Me: “Well this will count! And as old too!”

Mom: “Oh right! HEY! You can wear the blue earrings your father gave me!”

Me: “MOM! Really?????” (these earrings are like the holy grail in my family.)

Mom: “YES! Let’s go find them!”

Let me tell you, we had quite the mother – daughter moment shortly there after. She was so happy to hand these items over to me, in a sandwich baggie, so as not to loose them. Clear heels, blue inserts and all, I couldn’t ask for a better mom.

Later, I was so excited to show F my coveted items.

Me: “F! Look! My mom’s hankie from her wedding! And look! The blue earrings my dad gave her!”

F: “What’s that for?????”

Me: *sigh* “My something old and blue AND borrowed!!”
F: “Oh, how’s that saying go again?”

Me: *huge smile* “Something Old, Something New, Some Borrowed and Something Blue.”

Clear Heels and Blue Deals

My mother's clear heeled shoes:














My mother's bright BLUE arch supports:

Seriously Dr Scholls, with all of today's technology you couldn't come up with something, you know, LESS OBVIOUS colorwise? Clear seems to be the new black after all.

Yep, not over reacting at all. Nothing to see here folks, move along.............