Shit Still Be Happenin'

Ok. Anybody still out there? I know, Where the HELL have I been! Um, sorry folks, the work load has really been a brute. I really shouldn't even be writing this now. But I thought I should check in. Especially since Little Man is now OVER A YEAR OLD. Holy shit where has the time gone? I actually took a few minutes to read one of my regular Blogs today and felt bad because I'm not sitting down writing Little Man long letters chronicling what has been going on in his life thus far like apparently all mom bloggers do. In fact, often times I feel like I am letting him down, or not doing enough. He is old enough now that I feel over the weekends he is BORED. There is so much going on during the day at daycare, I don't know how we can possibly compete and still have food and clothing available to us.
But I digress. So many things have happened since Little Man came into our lives. He turned one! And we had a party. No one from Back East came. Per F's orders.  There were many, MANY ear infections. I believe last count had us at 8.  They started when we enrolled him into daycare after my mom said she just couldn't do it any more. At four months old I handed my sweet little man over to someone else to care for. NOT. EASY.
Because of the ear infections we had tubes installed, just after his first birthday.  A month later, another infection. The ENT that did the surgery pretty much blew us off, and every doctor at our pediatrician's office had a different opinion about the effectiveness of tubes.  Needless to say, we've switched care providers on both fronts. So far, so good.
  F took Little Man BY HIMSELF Back East. Because I continue to refuse to stay with the out-laws, F decided that the cost of staying in a hotel was too much and given several options, chose the one where I stayed home. I can't say I was thrilled to have Little Man out of my line of sight for several days considering where he was going, but they both came back none the worse for wear and Little Man's bedtime routine was still the same. NO RETRAINING required. Bless us Lord. Amen.
After coming back from said trip F was already talking about the next one for this summer. *heavy sigh*
Things with the outlaws are still contentious. I suppose I am so used to my own mom's hands-off approach that when they start questioning, poking, nagging, I get annoyed and shut down.  My own problem I know.

Anyway, happier note! Little Man has hit all his milestones. I cannot tell you how relieved that makes me feel. He is a little on the small, side, but he makes up for it with his massive amounts of personality and mischief making.
We just took him for his 18 month check up, all is well!!! My ears and heart delight each and every time he says "Mom-mah" and I hope that is how he will always say it. He and Puppy have their moments. Sometimes she'll play with him, most times she runs from him though. He loves to read and knows exactly where his books are kept, or "boo(k silent)".  He has my heart he does.
 There is so much to share, I can't tell you all of it because I can't remember all of it! I can't say I will do better about keeping you informed, but I will try. Often times I forget I even have a blog.

I hope you all are well! I wish you a fabulous long Memorial Day weekend! God Bless our Troops!!!

You're Right. What Could I Possibly Know?

So I just had a co-worker try to convince me that my out-laws, "Can't be THAT bad. They CAN'T BE THAT BAD." She smiled and slowly shook her head at me like I was a silly little child who was upset that the sun was going down.
And that really made me angry. She knows many of the tales. Has crinkled her face in disbelief. And yet here she was, telling me I couldn't possibly be right.
I often do think that maybe I am being overly sensitive. Constantly on guard with them. That I should give them more slack. And then things happen or are said and I'm right back to where I started. Shaking my head and kicking myself for being so naive. Wondering why everyone keeps telling me that's just how it is and I should just deal with it.

So I come here, and I reread what I've written about the visits.  Relive the moments, the statements, the questions and some times I feel vindicated and other times I feel doubt.
Like when MIL heard of my plan to wait until Little Man was 6 months old to start feeding him solids, she wagged her finger at me via Skype and said, " You listen to ME honey, if you don't feed him food now, he won't like anything later!"
Um, what? Doesn't one of the nephews you pretty much raised only eat chicken nuggets? And he's 8? Soooooooo, what again??
Or how she gave me a necklace and out right lied about "having one made for you from The Homeland because you said you liked mine."
Oh, you read that and think how sweet! why is she complaining? I can't stand being lied to, especially when you give me a broken piece of jewelry as a gift and tell me it is new, especially made for me. To me that is an insult to my intelligence. And this is when I question myself. Just let it go! I say to myself. She is TRYING. But then my other side says, Is it really trying if it is lies and broken items?
I drive myself crazy with the back and forth!

 The constant battle between F and I over his family is harmful. Here it is almost 4 months out and I'm already stressing about heading Back East for Christmas. No matter what we do, someone is going to be miserable. I of course prefer it not be us.
How do you make yourself not care? How do you make yourself the person who is always seeing the bright side of things? How do I become Zen? How I ask you,  HOW?

It Has Begun

Last Post I told you of the impending trip Back East to visit with the Outlaws. From day one the "discussion" about where we would unpack our suitcases began. It has not been pleasant. I made my case, crossed my arms over my chest, drew my line in the sand and considered the discussion closed since F agreed to a hotel.  MIL on the other hand does not agree. And over a month later she is still harassing F. Still crying to him on the phone.  F is absolutely beside himself with guilt and God only knows what other feelings are churning inside him. I can only guess at what is being said to him. And it makes my blood absolutely boil. I am stressed out by extension because I know if I would just give in and agree to stay there, things would be pleasant. For the moment.
I have however made up my mind that I am standing my ground. My little family deserves to be treated with love and kindness, not anger and disappointment. No matter what we do, there is always something that makes them unhappy.  And by "them" I mean the entire family.  We don't visit often enough. We don't get there fast enough.(I'm not exaggerating about this.) We don't stay long enough. We don't spend enough time visiting with each family member. We don't allow MIL to make us enough meals.
It is exhausting.
And stressful.
And sad.
F is between a rock and a hard place. Visiting with family should be exhausting, but because you've done so many activities and late night card games, not because you've been emotionally tormented.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with this, I would greatly appreciate them.

Blessed Be Bitches

Today Little Man is 5 months old! I cannot tell you how much we love him. It isn't quantifiable. As much as I want him to stay the same, I love all the changes I see in him. His smile is a heart melter, let me tell ya. FLIRT just like his daddy.

Anyway, I believe I promised you a Baptism story.  F did all the planning. I did all the shopping.
There were countless discussions about where the Outlaws would stay upon their arrival. F of course wanted them housed with us. I of course, did not. I managed to make enough logical points(or so I believe) that they, and the other out of towners, stayed at the local hotel. How this went down with them, I don't know, F has taken to not telling me certain things where his family is concerned, but I am sure it was not received well.
MIL immediately dedicated herself to telling me that Little Man was catching his death of cold in the meat locker I kept him in while dressed in mere rags. This continued for the next 4 days. Even when we were in a restaurant that I kid you not, was above 80 degrees and Little Man was in his sheep skin lined car seat, with fleece pants and jacket on. I told F to remove said fleece jacket so he wouldn't over heat. "Isn't he cold?!!!!" MIL quivered worriedly as F reached to do as I asked. He stopped dead mid-air.
"No, he's not. F, take the jacket OFF."  F did as I asked. Bless him. Crazy Best Friend was seated beside me and later gave me her take on the whole situation.
"They must think you are one bossy bitch."
"What?!!? Why?!"
" 'F! TAKE OFF HIS JACKET!!!'  Seriously DH, you were bitchy about it."
I was floored. I floundered about for why she, who knows me so very well would say this. We are decidedly honest with each other and I knew she wouldn't say something, obviously, just to make me feel better.
"I'm going to guess you didn't hear MIL say "Isn't he cold!?" "
"She did?"
"Yes."
"Oh, well then, you were fine."
As the long weekend came to a close CBF saw more and more instances of MIL questioning my parenting choices and of her "poor pity me, I'm such a victim" manipulation tactics. They are subtle, but they are there.
 I'm not going to lie, it was nice to be validated. I'm not just being over sensitive, these things really do happen.
Every time I would try to take Little Man into a separate part of the house behind closed doors to feed him or try to quiet him down for a nap or just because he was being over stimulated by all the activity, MIL would hunt me down, burst into the room without knocking (I breast feed in my own home with it all hanging out, no cover); and insist that I needed help. Was she truly wanting to be helpful? Maybe. But I took it as her continual questioning of my parenting skills. I had been doing it without help up to this point, why did she keep insisting that I needed it?
MIL's parting conversation with me? In a heavily concerned voice; "DH. I don't know how you can do it *heavy sigh* but you MUST find a way to keep him warm in there (Little Man's bedroom)." (a room that has its own free standing heater. Set at 70. With the door closed.) 
 FIL on the other hand insisted that Little Man, at all of 3 months, smile on demand. And became disgusted when Little Man didn't comply.
He was told a day in advance at what time he needed to be ready to leave for the church.  15 minutes from departure time he insisted that he needed another 30 minutes to get ready. F hit the roof. FIL managed to get himself together in the allotted  time but upon arriving at our house, REFUSED to get out of the car and come in.  True to form he was grouchy and sullen for most of the visit. After picking up CBF at the airport and getting her settled into the hotel we went back to our house. The moment my foot touched the tile FIL demanded, "WHAT IS GOING ON????!!!!"
Bewildered I asked, "What is going on with what?"
"With M and L!"
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"Have they landed!!???"
"I don't know. Didn't F leave to go get them from the airport?"
"YES. But they were delayed because of the snow. So what is going on! Are they coming here or what??!!!"
"I haven't heard anything from F, so I don't know what is going on. You know more than me. Have you called him?"
"YES. He's not answering."
He was not at all happy with my lack of knowledge and glared at me until F and his passengers walked through the door and then it was as if the long lost son (M, not F) had returned.
When Little Man would start to cry he would loudly inform me, "HE'S HUNGRY! Feed him!"
By the end of the long weekend I had all I could do to continue to bite my tongue.  M even mentioned to F that he was shocked when I snapped at FIL after FIL had informed me that my son needed feeding. I didn't even remember doing it. I was that exhausted by dealing with them. (Later I would also realize that I was coming down with the stomach flu that weekend, so yay!)
The stress was was insane for both F and me. I felt bad for him and how his father was behaving.
But we made it through intact.

I may be recovered by the time we head BACK EAST to visit with them for a week in June.

There Was No Snow for Christmas.....

And no Peace and certainly not Joy.

That's right my digital friends, F and I drugged and packed up Puppy and headed Back East to spend the Lord Jesus' Birthday with his family.
 I have to say that once again this year things were less drama filled than in the past. However, F and I found ourselves smack dab in the middle PLUMBING GATE: 2011. Please read here about the use of vinegar and baking soda. FIL attacked F about our use of T.P. as the cause of PLUMBING GATE: 2011. F HIT THE ROOF. He told FIL not to accuse him and his wife(that would be me) of causing a problem he (FIL) already knew he had and refused help in fixing. Apparently FIL's response was: "Oh, so you're going to be a MAN now are you?"
Oh, the love, it is overwhelming.
After this little male pissing contest we took MIL shopping. F turned on her in the car. She refused to talk about it which enraged F even more. He declared, once again, that we would NOT be staying at their house when next we visit. She declared that in THAT case we need not visit, AT ALL.

And here my digital friends is where FIVE YEARS ( i know, not all that long compared to some, but quite long for me) of keeping my peace came to a very dramatic end.
I LOST MY COOL.
I YELLED. YELLED. Not spoke sternly. Not through gritted teeth and pursed lips. FULL ON YELLED at MIL.
I don't remember verbatim what I said, but the gist was; Stop the drama! Do not Threaten us! Not visiting is VERY MUCH an option as far as I'm concerned, so DO NOT PUSH ME.
 F, was stunned. I was stunned. MIL was crying.
MIL's response was that she wasn't threatening us, that we just don't understand what it is like with HIM everyday since we are only there ONCE a YEAR and ONLY for a FEW Days. (ah, still able to get a dig in). It hurts her feelings that we don't want to stay in  her house; and how would we feel if she did that? I told her I wouldn't care. Whatever made her most comfortable was fine by me.

I apologized for yelling. And then I told her she could come visit us, that we want her to come visit us. She wailed that she can't go anywhere!
She was still crying, F was crying. I was shocked and horrified at myself. I was also waiting for F to lose his shit on me for losing mine on his mamma.
I did feel some sense of relief though, I have to say. My friend at work felt that it was unfair that MIL took the verbal beating for FIL, but as I told  her, she lets him get away with it and sits silently by as the victim. And who knows? A verbal beat down most likely is still in FIL's future.
Oddly enough, all was well after that. FIL even called a plumber. I wish I had been a fly on that wall for conversation with MIL and FIL about me losing my cool.  Why else would he suddenly decide to call a plumber? Maybe I am over crediting myself, but who knows. SOMETHING knocked some sense into him, if only temporally.
There were no ugly clothes received this year. W and T only fought once. The boys LOVED Puppy almost to death. No, really, they were very good with her. FIL groused that he had NO say in Puppy coming with us, to which F said we would happily have stayed at a hotel. Disbelief all around that a hotel would allow a pet. F and I both lost our cool with the boys once over a slapping incident. We both slept like shit despite the new mattress, see link above.
And, I did NOT get sick!! How amazing is that??

Look Into My Not So Crystal Clear Ball........

F's parents called.  Apparently when F went to visit them over Easter weekend; the night F left to come home, FIL had an earth shattering prophetic dream.  F was actually misty eyed when he got off the phone.

But here is my question, If it was so earth shattering and prophetic, why did it take an ENTIRE month for FIL to pass it along?

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn……….

We made it back with our marriage intact. Can someone please tell me, and I know I’ve asked this before, but what in HELL is it with men wanting to have sex EVERYWHERE??? Seriously, your parent’s house, in your mom’s bed = CREEPY & GROSS. And when I tell you that in order to have sex we must go to a hotel, that DOES NOT mean going over to one of your buddies’ houses. END OF DISCUSSION. Oh, and telling them I put in place a condition concerning where we can have sex? NOT COOL.


Anyway, FIL was, well, FIL. Day One brought a comment to F about a friend of his that has been unemployed since just before his wedding 8 months ago, “Yes, he is FAT now, just like YOU.” Aww, can you feel the love yet people???

Honestly, that was pretty much it for the comments; that I heard anyway. Who knows what was said in the Homeland language. FIL is apparently disgruntled that F has not lived in the house for ten years now, reminding F of this when telling him to shut up about the fact that there was a plumbing issue in the downstairs bathroom. FIL was livid that F took it upon himself to contact a plumber to take care of the problem and the cost. SHAME ON HIM. Especially when said problem can be fixed by adding a mixture of baking soda and vinegar!

  And no, we are NOT allowed to buy MIL a new mattress!!! (in case you haven't figured it out, MIL and FIL have separate bedrooms.) FIL will pay for it! And also take off on his own to do so leaving everyone standing in their coats in the living room wondering what just happened. Yes, he drove off without F, or MIL or the friend and the van we borrowed to transport the mattress in. F was so pissed off when he came back that to this day I have not asked him what transpired at Sam's Club. (the place we got the mattress from, sorry, the place FIL got the mattress from.)

FIL also refused, REFUSED to attend Christmas Dinner at W's (F's brother). As MIL and I were putting on our shoes, MIL said something to him in the Homeland language. Oddly enough, he answered her in English;  "I'm not going to that STUPID thing." Yes, Christmas dinner at his son's house, is STUPID.  Baby Jesus really did weep. I swear.  W called F while we were on the way there, I of course only heard one side of the conversation, I'm sure you can closely guess what the other side was:

F: "We're on our way." (we were late, through no fault of mine I'd like to point out!) *pause* "Me, DH and Mom."  *pause*  "I don't know W."   *pause*   "You're asking the wrong person W."  *pause* "Ok, we'll pick that up."   So on Christmas day we stopped to pick up OJ and Lemon juice (which they had none) so F had to call W back.  "W. They don't have lemon juice, do you want me to get two OJ's?   *pause*  "Ok."  *pause*  "I don't know......No, I don't know why he isn't answering his cell phone or the house phone W."  *pause*  "You'll have to ask him that. I'm sorry." 

END



As for MIL. She broke the rule and bought me Christmas presents. Seriously people, I know she means well, but this is crazy. No means no. F had a fit when I told him she got me stuff and then she was all “You Just HAD to tell him, didn’t you???” OMG. She has gotten better at picking stuff, but she just can’t seem to get it through her head that just because it is “my size” doesn’t mean it is going to fit.

Two different pairs of Frilly PJ's, not that bad actually

Wallet, on a string



I may have actually kept this if it wasn't fire engine red

A 3/4 length WINTER robe. Barely came past my knees



With FAUX FUR trim



This is the Pie plate and knife I kept.

  F also got several shirts and a sweater. I think they all got left there, because I don't recall washing them. F made the mistake of mentioning that he wants a new knife set. One magically appeared from the basement, where all sale items are kept until they are doled out.  While I was unpacking his suitcase I found two more. That MIL is sneaky.
 She and I hit the after Christmas sales, where once again she was determined to buy me something. We went to Dress Barn because I knew they would have some sale stuff. I handed her 2 shirts to hold while I continued to look around. When I was ready to go, I asked her for said blouses, "Ok, I'm ready to go" I said reaching out for the hangers.  As I tried to take them, I was meet with resistance. "May I please have my shirts?" I questioned puzzled, and kind of annoyed because I knew what was about to go down.
"No."
"Um, please." I said tugging on them.
"No." she replied flatly as her grip tightened around the hangers.
I quite literally stumbled backwards and tripped and fell over the stool where you sit to try on shoes. She didn't even crack a smile.  Or help me up.
"Fine. let's go then." I said getting up.
"Ok. I'll pay for this, you pay for those."
I tried one last time at the register, " But, see, I have a coupon I want to use."
"Then give it to me. I'll use it."
Seriously, she was so very determined that she was going to BUY ME something. But it wasn't like she was happy about it, you know?? Like she was doing it grudgingly. Which maybe she was. I have no idea.
As we were leaving the store, I looked at her, and said "Thank You, you really do not have to buy me anything."
She did that little head nod of hers in agreement.
"And this is the deal, everything else, EVERYTHING else must go back,understand?"
She blinked at me me from behind her glasses, "Even the pie plate?"
"Well, ok, I'll kept the pie plate(how cute is the pie plate after all?).........And the knife, F wants a new knife."
Head shake.
Then I made the mistake of mentioning that I wanted to get a new coat. This then culminated into yet ANOTHER shopping trip, one on which I dragged F along.  I found a coat but it was a tad tight so I passed on purchasing it. She was determined, yet again, that a coat for me was her new buying mission. I am not joking when I say that she was visibly disgusted with me when I gave up the hunt for a new coat. She even asked me several times through out the rest of our time there if I really was done looking for a coat.  And was disappointed each time I said Yes.  Her disappointment only grew when I pretty much out right refused some jewelry she insisted I take. "What is the point of having girls in the house (T and myself) if I can't buy and give them things?" If I trusted T more, I would ask to see what it is she has gotten over the years. But I fear that would get back to MIL so I'm keeping my peace. People, I'm telling you, this is stuff she dug out of a drawer somewhere. One piece, F even thinks is the one we brought back for her from the Homeland.  They got left in the dresser. A necklace and earring set she gave me last time has stones missing and you can see a rather large glob of glue where the "peril" was glued on the setting.

Things were so stressful for F that several days before we were scheduled to leave, he said he was ready to be back home.  He told me in no uncertain terms that the next time we go Back East, we are NOT staying at his parents' house. That we would in fact being staying at a Hotel (so my vote!) or with one of his buddies (so more likely). I feel bad for him because I can tell he feels horrible about having to make that call about his parents and he feels guilty for not being able to get along with FIL. I suggested that maybe it would be better if we make the trip shorter as well. He agreed.

We will of course see how long his memory is when Christmas comes around again this year.

Ring In Already!!!

We are currently on the road heading Back East to visit with the Outlaws for the holidays.
I'm sure I'll have something to tell when I get back.
10 days can't be completely uneventful, right???
In the mean time, have a great Christmas and a fabulous New Year!!!!
Come on 2011!!!!!!!!!

A Loving E-mail Exchange

I often send F an e-mail list of things that need to be done, reminded, picked up etc, while I'm at work so I don't forgot to tell him.  Here is the exchange after the most recent e-mail To-Do list:

From Me:
A few things.


1) that $20 ends tomorrow(kohl's money coupon), so you should probably go tonight and get them(shoes, he is like a woman when it comes to shoes). I won't be able to go with you since I have to......

2) cut the grass(hasn't been done in 2 weeks and it is about ready to re-seed itself)....and

3) make my dish for our potluck tomorrow which will require me to....

4) go grocery shopping, i might be able to do this at lunch.

5) You need to go to "the bank" and get a VISA card for L&T.(who are getting married this month which means a trip BACK EAST VERY SOON.) 
 
F's response:
wow that is some list... (please make special note of this sentence from him)


1. ok

2. ok

3. potluck??? leave some at home for lunch please

4. ok

5. I wanted to give them a check for money and not a visa card...

6. please grab a mother's day card for me tonight...(um? seriously?? after your OPENING LINE????)

Me:
1)good


2)good

3)no because you always complain that it's "too something"(my highly requested mac & cheese was "TOO CHEESY" which ended the setting aside of) and hence I said I would no longer set any aside for you.

4)good

5)fine

6)dude, seriously, get your own mother's day card. it means nothing if you can't even pick it out yourself. (mind you, until he got together with me, he never sent cards, FOR ANYTHING. Didn't even know when her birthday was, true story.)

F:
3. I said please


6. FINE...

Me:
3)fine, I don't want to hear any complaints.


6)Good, like I didn't have enough to do already. the card department is right by the shoes in Kohl's anyway. jeez.


AAAAAAAAnnnnnnnnnnnnnd...........END

Desensitized??

We've been back here in the Mid-West since 12/30/2009. I haven't written because: A) I've been busy with work, and B) I really have nothing to tell.


As per usual, I came back sick. Am still sick in fact, and so is F. I got sick 2 days before we left; he got sick the morning we left.
Upon my arrival back in the office I heard this statement the most: "SO! You survived!!!" I think maybe I need to stop talking about the Out-Laws at the office.

FIL's most outstanding comment this trip: "You've made it very clear you don't want me eating with you." He yelled this from the other room while MIL, F, and I were in the kitchen chatting after dinner. The entire event went something like this: On my way into the kitchen for dinner I told FIL dinner was ready, he made no sound or movement to let me know he heard me, normal, F does it to me all the time (maybe he didn't hear me, who knows.).
MIL, F and I have a great meal and no one mentions the empty place setting. About 20mins after we finished FIL yells from the other room: "Do you think you could finish so the rest of us can eat????!!!" Mind you, it was only the four of us in the house. The 3 of us look at each other stunned and I yell back, "There's a place here at the table waiting for you."
And that's when he said, "You've made it very clear you don't want me eating with you."
Um, ok. Whatever. I could say the same thing to you.

Other than that, the trip, once again, CALM. No yelling. No fighting. It is the opinion of my friends and co-workers that now that we are married they've come to accept it, and have stopped trying to fight it, or stop it or whatever. I'm still leery. I can't help it. Once bitten, twice shy.


I went shopping with MIL, and I almost had to kill her. See, one of the cousins back in The Homeland is getting married, and since its MIL side of the family, after 20+ yrs, she is going back for a visit and is completely freaked out about it. She is going without FIL. So the traveling, understandably, has her nervous. It is because I understand the situation that I did not in fact do away with her. F went to spend time with M while this shopping trip occurred. MIL feels she needs to buy a gift for all the women folk back in The Homeland. For whatever reason, she assumed, or thought, or hoped, that I, after a year, would remember AND KNOW what sizes all these women wear. Now. Think about that. I spent time with these women, yes. But never was I sizing them up! Taking measurements! And it has been a FULL YEAR since we've been there. Most women will tell you that their weight changes throughout the year. How can I even? I mean. COME ON!!!! For several hours MIL would hold up a shirt or a blouse and ask me if I thought so-and-so would wear this? Did I think this was so-and-so's style? What did they wear when I was with them? (skirts and sweaters, fyi) Over and over and over again we would have this conversation.

My answers: "I guess."

"I don't know."

"Maybe."

"Honestly, I REALLY DO. NOT. KNOW."

When I'd finally had it, I hide out in the dressing room at Dress Barn and texted F: "OMG.I do not know what flipping size anyone wears! That is all."

F: "Are you ok?"

Me: "Yes."

F: "Is she driving you crazy?"

Me: "Yes."

F: "Are you almost done?"

Me: "I think so."

As this is going on I hear MIL; "DH? DH? Where are you????"

Me: "I'm in the dressing room."

MIL: "OH. I thought you ran away."

OMG. I felt like a jerk. Clearly my poker face was not holding up. In my defense, I hadn't eaten all day and had a raging sinus headache that preceded the cold I cannot seem to get rid of. Still. I know. Bad DIL.

Dress Barn completed we headed home for dinner. I have a feeling she will end up returning many of the items she bought. F was very happy that I went shopping with her, "She's always wanted a daughter to go shopping with.” Apparently SIL just doesn't cut it.

And so ends the trip back East.


I leave you with this:

                                              What MIL orginally got me for Christmas.

                                                         That's right FLOWERS. I'm 35.
(You can pick this kicky little number up at Old Navy in case  you were wondering. As Sailor Mouth said when I sent her the pic:"No wonder they are downsizing.")


                                       What we exchanged it for, my choice, from Macy's:

                                             I got SEVERAL compliments on this when I wore it to work.

F got me a digital camera for Christmas, so hopefully my pictures will take a much improved up swing once I start using it.

To MIL's house we go....

It's that time of year again my digital friends. Yes, F and I will be packing up the vehicle and traveling back EAST for 8 days of Out-Law togetherness. I've stocked the posts to keep you company while I'm away. Only time will tell if this visit will stand the test of time and be like all the others, or if a new trend will start with where we left off this summer.
Have a great Holiday my digital friends!  Have a fabulous time ringing in the New Year!! I'll see you in 2010!!!

Bizzaro World Visit

I told you all that F and I were heading back East for a visit. And usually I have several stories to share with you about how crazy my outlaws are, but this time. Well THIS time, it was, well, NORMAL. There were no fights, no yelling matches, no cutting comments, and no cold shoulders. I felt like Eileen in the Bizzaro Seinfeld episode.
FIL called me by my name and said PLEASE when he asked me to do something.
SIL complained only once to F about us not visiting with them when we come out to the East Coast, and that only lasted until F put her in her place about not coming to visit him AT ALL except for the wedding (he’s lived in the Midwest for 4 years now and before that he lived in another state on the east coast for 6 years and they never visited him then either.).

There are 3 moments that stand out in my memory about this visit.

1) While attending a funeral at which F was a pallbearer, I ended up sitting with, FIL, MIL and BIL. During the funeral Mass BIL’s cell phone began to vibrate. I was HORRIFIED when he ANSWERED it. I had to restrain myself from jabbing him but GOOD in the ribs when MIL and FIL told him to put the phone away. I never shared this with F because the deceased was a close personal friend’s parent and F would have blown a gasket if he’d known of his Brother’s behavior. It would not have been pretty.
2) Remember SIL telling me 2 days before our wedding that she planned on divorcing BIL within the next 2 years?(she also shared this bit of info AT our wedding with the fiancée of our best man) and BIL telling me he was leaving her within the next year, again, AT our reception??? Well apparently things have changed, because now? Now they plan on RENEWING THEIR VOWS. This involves SIL getting baptized and all sorts of long involved things. And they are not just going to renew their vows, oh lawies no, she wants the whole WHITE WEDDING with cake and invites, the whole 9 yards. I guess to make up for the court house ceremony they had before where no one was invited.
3) MIL and I had a battle of wills, over food. The minute you step through the door at that house, you are offered food. Which is all fine and good, although I do wish they’d let at least let me pee first, but whatever. I had JUST rolled out of bed after an afternoon nap when immediately MIL wants to know if I’m hungry. I made the mistake of saying Yes. For the next 30mins she named off things she had, then started pulling stuff out of the freezer and proceeded to start to make it. I kept telling her, that, yes I was hungry, but at this point in time I didn’t know what, if anything, I wanted to eat; please stop asking me. Finally, I had to leave the room to escape the barrage of food and questions. After 10mins of silence, MIL summons me back into the kitchen. F and I rolled our eyes at each other. He felt my frustration. As I walked into the kitchen you could cut the tension with a knife. I thought for sure I was about to get my ass reamed.
“DH, you are like my daughter now. You must feel comfortable in this home, what is here is yours. Now tell me, what do you want to eat???”
“That is fine, I understand that. But then as your Daughter I’m telling you, PLEASE STOP trying to force me to EAT!!! Ok???”
It was a tense few moments while this conversation took place. But then she laughed, said OK, and I went back to watching TV with F. If she said anything to him later, I do not know. I did not end up eating anything until much later that night while we were out with friends.
I was forbidden from telling MIL this so that her feelings would not be hurt that she was not the one to feed me.
When we got home and I started unpacking the cooler I found all kinds of food in there from MIL.
Guess she won after all.

On The Road Again

F and I are headed back East to visit with the out-laws and friends. I've got a few posts lined up to keep you company for a few days. As always, I'll fill you in on all the happenings when I get back.
So stay cool in this crazy ass global warming heat.

Have a safe and happy 4th my American brethren!!!!

I'm Sorry, I Can't

"I'm Sorry, I Can't eat anything."

I said this a lot while we were in The Homeland.

"Just PLAIN white rice please."

I said that a lot too.

The Homeland food and I did not get along too very well.

We wanted to like each, really we did, but somewhere along the line, we had a major disagreement and never recovered from it.

Food would be brought out and my stomach would turn. Food would be forced down my throat and my stomach would convulse.

In the beginning F and I ate happily. About 3 days in though, we were both not feeling well. I think it all linked back to Christmas Eve night when F's cousin got me trashed without me realizing it until I attempted the stairs in my fancy Christmas heels. When F's Cousin asked me what I liked to drink, I said, Vanilla Vodka, which he brought to me straight, not even on the rocks.

"Um, with Coke please?"

"Coke? You want me to MIX it TOGETHER?????!!!!!"

"Yes please. Lord, if I drank it straight!!!!!!!!!"

Well, I might as well have been drinking it straight, a splash of Coke at best was added. The next morning, Christmas Day, F and I were to meet up with Cousin and begin our tour.

"F, I don't think I can make it. I feel horrid."

"It's because you drank so much last night, DH."

"What? I only had 3 glasses."

"Uh, Nooooo, more like 6."

"NO????!!!!"

"Oh yeah, and Cousin wasn't mixing them light either."

"Oh, ugh."

Needless to say, F and I spent Christmas day in bed, with the shades drawn. I could finally stand around 6 pm when we were summoned for dinner. Drinking and Jet Lag do not mix well, FYI.

It was pretty much down hill after that. Thankfully F's Other Cousin is a pharmacist and got us all kinds of good meds. At first, they worked fine. So I think we got cocky and quite taking them. BIG MISTAKE.

The last week we were there? I was sick as a dog. My intestines convulsed to the point I was doubled over in pain. Anything I ate, came racing back out. I was nauseated the whole time. F wanted to take me to the hospital, I refused.

Other Cousin was consulted once again and he had more drugs sent over. (a plus about the homeland, EVERYTHING delivers, even McDonald's!)

24 Hours a day!

The drugs helped, but I could tell the SECOND they began to wear off because my intestines would start twitching.

The flights home were a nightmare. A flight attendant took one look at me and asked me if I was OK. Luckily I had enough drugs in me and was so exhausted from being sick, that I slept most of the way home. It took me 3 weeks to finally be able to eat normally again, without pain and nausea.

I can only imagine what the Extended Family thought of me. I hope they understood. I wasn't being rude or picky, just sickie.

Then about 2 weeks after we got home, we get a letter from Costco telling us that the power bars we bought to take with us, potentially had some of that tainted peanut butter in them.

We ate those daily.

Grrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

Just Being Nice?

After having visited The Homeland I found my Facebook account full of, well, new faces. All of F's second cousins, all in their 20's, are on FB. One cousin in particular is constantly making comments about how nice I look in the pics I post. Very flattering, true. But you know, how you get that twinge? That little alarm bell that tells you maybe, just maybe he's being more than just nice??
Mine is going off.
I think F's cousin is flirting with me.
Via Facebook.
But I'm not sure.
I've tried to chalk it up to the fact that English is 1 of like 6 languages he speaks, and he's just not using the proper words. But that hasn't quieted my little alarm bell. Granted he is thousand of miles away, and this should in no way make me feel uncomfortable, but it does.
Generally, I love a good flirt session.
But I'm married now.
And flirting is not allowed.
Be I flirtee, or flirter.
It's just weird. He is a very nice guy. We got along well whenever we were visiting. He speaks English, so naturally I looked forward to having someone to talk to. And there were a couple of times when my little alarm bell would give out a ring or two while we were actually IN The Homeland, but I didn't really catch on to that until AFTER we got back and I started reading my FB comments and putting it all together.
What's a girl to do?
Of course I'm going to let it go. It's nothing. I'm crazy.
Shhhhh, little alarm bell, shhhhhhhh..............

The Homeland....At Last

As we exited Customs' detainment into the airport lobby the sun of freedom shone brightly in my eyes (literally, the sun was shining in my eyes) but was dulled when my ears were assaulted by FIL’s voice calling out to F to get his attention.
“F!!!!!!!!!!!!! F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

OMG! F failed to tell me we were going to be chaperoned by FIL for the next 3 weeks!!!!

Thankfully, that was not the case. FIL’s voice belonged to F’s cousin who is FIL’s nephew, hence not only did his voice sound the same, he looked like FIL as well. But that, my digital friends is where the similarities ended. And that went for the rest of the family members I met. F's extended family was amazingly nice. I liked them, A LOT. Not near as crazy as the American contingent. This greatly eased my mind.

What I was not prepared for however, was the massive culture shock. Traveling Westernized Europe did not make me as worldly as I thought it had. I apologize for my arrogance.

As I said, The Homeland is classified as a 3rd world country. So I was expecting 2 things. Dirt roads and mud huts or wide tree lined streets with white washed, walled in homes. See, I'd never really seen any pictures of The Homeland, not the parts where people live anyway. Just the tourists’ parts.

When we left the airport and the heavily armed police, there were tree lined streets and heavily armed police. This gave way to a dirty, over crowded, polluted city, and more heavily armed police. Think NYC about 20+ yrs ago. My senses were bombarded with the sickening smell of diesel fuel. Overwhelmed by the non-stop honking of horns. My nerves became raw from the constant near misses during every car ride. 2 lanes of traffic became 4 or 6. Nobody knew how to stay in their own lane. Motorcycles whipped and weaved in and out of traffic. F and I were horrified one day while we were on the "Expressway" and we looked out our windows to see a family of 4; On a MOTORCYCLE. The 3 yr old was seated happily between the handle bars, Dad was driving, Mom perched side-saddle with a BABY held in her arms. Not a helmet in sight. A BABY ON A MOTORCYCLE!!!! Adults and children darted into traffic narrowly making it to the other side of the street. Every morning we were awakened by a man making his way down our street selling his "fresh" bread. Everything was dirty.
It was a team effort to take a hot shower.
In the beginning it was just part of the adventure. By the time we were close to leaving I had all I could do to not fling open the patio doors and scream down at the Bread Man to “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!”


I stuck out. F stuck out because he was with me. The Natives couldn't decide if he was one of them or not because he was dressed like an American, and his knowledge of the language was "broken" or "crappy" as his cousins put it.
The first “National Monument” we went to was a lesson I’ll never forget. First of all the “Tourism Police” were dressed head to toe in black with blood red accents. They carried guns. Menacing? You better believe it. Especially when you can’t speak the language but you know you are being discussed by the use of “Madame” over and over again and then are told to stay in the car with a person you’d just met (F’s cousin who picked us up at the airport) who’s not telling you what’s going on and your husband gets out of the car and disappears into a throng of tourists. Second, F’s passport says he was born in The Homeland. So he got the “Resident’s” price. Me? F had to pay the “tourist” price for me. His price? 3 “dollars”. The price for a “tourist”? 65 “dollars”. Because he couldn’t PROVE I was his wife. I was floored. That marriage license would have come in handy, but who would think to take a marriage license to go see the Statue of Liberty???(you realize I’m just using lady liberty as an example right?) Because I am married to F I am now considered to be a “Resident” even though F hasn’t lived there for 30yrs and is an American Citizen. On several other trips to go see “National Monuments”, we were with a tour group. Our guide knew we were married (he required no proof) and so when he purchased us tickets he purchased a “resident” ticket for me. EVERY SINGLE TIME I handed over my ticket, I was questioned, “You a Resident???????” F would either be in front of me or behind me in line and it got to the point when they would look at me questioningly and asked me “you a resident?” I’d just point to F who would then jump in and explain that I was his wife. One other couple in our group was the opposite of us. She was the “Resident”, he was the foreigner. She told us that when she went to book a ride on an over-night train the booking agent wouldn’t book her in a room with her husband because she could supply no proof that he was indeed her husband, and women who are native of The Homeland are not allowed to travel over-night in the same room with a foreign man who isn’t her husband. So she had to book the train as a foreigner and pay foreigner prices. She told us that because she is a woman who married a non-native man, she herself is no longer considered a Resident like F is.
The Homeland is not about gender equality.

Sticking out is not an all out fun time party party!!! I got stares. Open. Point. Blank. Stares. I decided I would meet all stares with a winning smile! It didn’t help. No one would smile back at me. They would glare, or look away, but no one, save for ONE woman in a grocery store, smiled back. That trip, to the grocery store, was the most self esteem devastating hour of my life. I looked different than everyone there. I dressed different than everyone there. I stuck out. I knew I would. My appearance didn’t cause any great commotion, other than people running into each other because they couldn’t stop staring, but it caused me great emotional turmoil. The hostility was palpable. I didn’t belong and they wanted me to know it. As I told Eldest Sister when we got home, I consider myself a strong, confident person, but by the time we left that grocery store, I had all I could do to keep my head up and my eyes dry. After awhile it got to F too. Before the trip was over we were both returning the stares, without the smile.
The people we actually interacted with were always friendly and polite. No one was rude. The Rule that CBF taught me on our trips applied well to The Homeland as well, "Always Make Friends With the Help(bartender)." F is amazing at this, and it got us so many great things. And as I learned more words, I became a great delight and source of entertainment because the Natives weren't expecting it.
But they still stared.
They just weren't hostile about it.

Pee Your Pants Moment

F is from a 3rd World Country. As many 3rd World Countries go, they are a tad bit, um, more militant when it comes to airports and points of entry into their country.
This was extremely evident as we landed in F’s Homeland. The airport was small and dingy and in need of some upgrading and some happier paint colors. As we made our way through the airport F’s body tensed. He became snippy with me. I was trudging along, dying for some clean knickers, secure in the mindset that customs would be a breeze (silly American that I am, why would there be a problem?). This is when F slows his step and tells me, “DH, my heart is pounding like crazy.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I just think that there’s going to be a problem getting through customs.”
“Why would there be?”
“They have mandatory military service here. They could detain me and make me serve maybe.”
“What? You have an American past port, don’t worry about it.”
“Do you have our marriage license?”
“What? Why would we need that? I don’t have it, YOU do.”
“Just let me do the talking, OK?!?!”
“FINE.” I had to bite my lip. I don’t like being told to keep quiet, who does?
“DH, you go first.”
And as I thought, my happy American ass sailed through customs. I waited next to F as he handed over his pass port to the less than smiley customs agent.
“Sir, please wait over there.”
My stomach dropped. Suddenly clean knickers were a luxury.
“Is there a problem?” F asked.
“Please wait over there.”

F turns to me. “GO THROUGH!”
“NO! I’m not leaving you, are you crazy?!?!?”
We make our way over to the waiting area where several well dressed men, ALL men, no women, are milling about. F digs into his backpack and hands me a cell phone we bought State side and therefore didn’t even know worked over there yet or not (it didn’t) a stack of papers and says, “Here, if they don’t let me go, you know what to do.”

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAT? I had no freaking clue what to do!!!!

“I don’t know what to do!!”(he told me later that I was suppose to call his cousins, which even then he didn’t say which ones, and have them come get us. Or call FIL, who has government connections. All with a phone that wouldn't have worked. Yeah.)

“Fine. Stay here.”

We both fell into moody silence as we watched a customs agent take F’s passport and disappear through a door. All I could think was, they could take it, and say he never presented it. And he’d be stuck there forever as I wandered the airport parking lot trying to find someone who spoke English who could take me to the American Consulate so I could get help. (I also thought of Bridget Jones being rescued by Mark Darcy when she got jailed for drug smuggling and all I could think was, I don’t know a Mark Darcy!)
A man dressed in civilian clothing came into the waiting area and was asking for F. But we weren’t sure he was asking for F because he was using a different version of F’s name. (long complicated story, ok, maybe not, but I don't feel like explaining it. It has to do with their naming/nicknames customs.)
“I think he’s looking for me. Wait here while I go ask.”
I was hopeful. But F came back moments later, “I really think he was looking for me, but he didn’t understand the name issue.”
We probably waited no more than 15 minutes, but it seemed like days. Finally they called F back up again.
“You may go.”
“Was there a problem?” (WTF!!!! He said we could go, just flipping GO!!!! I wanted to scream at him.)
“You may go.”
Finally F lead the way out.


At that point, right there, I wanted to turn around, get back on the plane and go home. I’m not going to lie. I knew, in my gut, that F and I would encounter this kind of scrutiny in some form or other everywhere we went. I let F do the talking the rest of the trip. And it ground every independent feminist fiber in my body to shreds to stand there and keep my mouth shut while I smiled sweetly.

This my digital friends, is how our Honeymoon began.

Welcome to, The Homeland.

Moving On

I would imagine you are all tired of the Wedding re-cap. I know my brain has become mushy as to the details of the events. One last thing I forgot to tell you all, and then we'll move on to other things.
The day after the wedding, F took his family about town, where he got a fat and happy Homeland lunch from his relatives and then took them shopping for "Homeland" groceries to take back East with them.
I got cold leftover pizza.
Cleaned the house.
Took CBF to the airport.

Why did I clean the house the day after my wedding you ask???? Because F decided it would be a fabu idea to have all the leftover out of towners over for wedding leftovers.
I had 30 people in my house.
By the end of the night my knees had crumbled and my thighs were screaming with pain. I was tired, hot, in pain, nauseous and not in a good mood.

Not at all how I'd pictured my first day as a married woman.
My picture involved fluffy pillows, darken windows, soft sheets and meals in bed.

I did have a good time with his family though. His Aunts and Uncles are such nice people. There were a lot of laughs during the present opening. I think I truly endeared myself with his Aunts, always a good. I in fact can't wait to see them again. They made me laugh. All in all, it was a good way to wrap things up.
On to Thank You notes!