Thursday, July 24, 2008

Dangerous Waters

Have you ever been in the position of knowing your friend is doing something really wrong but you don’t know what to do about it? How much you should interfere? I’m in that position. Sailor Mouth is doing something she knows she shouldn’t be doing, and I know she shouldn’t be doing and I just don’t know what to do about it.
Sailor Mouth is having martial problems. She and her husband work opposite shifts, so they hardly see each other. And from what she tells me, he doesn’t help out around the house when he is home, which many of us experience in our own lives. They are constantly fighting and disagreeing and then she tells me he’s accused her of cheating. At which point I said, “W.T.H? Like when do you have time????”
Now let me back up a bit here. Right before Sailor Mouth and her husband got married, he cheated on her.
With his best friend’s wife.
Who is ugly.
Really, she is.
Anyway, Sailor Mouth obviously forgave him and they got married.(and the best friend was the best man at the wedding!!!!! Talk about awkward!) Now S.M. Husband has reason to suspect Sailor Mouth of cheating in some form or other.
I found out very recently, that he has extremely GOOD reason to suspect this.
Remember when I told you I talked Sailor Mouth out of a bad relationship? It took me several years but it was a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. So now? She’s back in contact with this guy. And S.M. Husband knows she’s been contacted by this guy. But I think HE thinks that it’s not on going. Which it apparently is. So when she complained that her husband was checking her cell phone I asked her if he had cause, she didn’t really answer, but said she had to delete messages from certain people. So I told her, she was treading in some seriously deep water with that. “I know.”
Really? Is that REALLY the kind of life you want to lead? Having an emotional affair with an ex? I’m assuming it’s emotional because he’s several thousand miles away, at this point. I think it’s wrong. And part of me wants to tell S.M. Husband that Sailor Mouth is in contact with this guy on what appears to be a regular basis.
I won’t do it. I can’t rat on a friend like that. Especially because I don’t know the full extent of what the “relationship” is. Is it just flirty phone messages? Flirty text messages? Just plain old messages? Whatever it is, she knows it’s wrong, or else she wouldn’t be hiding it from S.M. Husband.
There is some stuff I just don’t want to know, ya know?????
Have any of you been in a situation like this? What, if anything, did you do??


GM said...

I would say that anything you say is not going to do anything. If you told her husband than you would be a bad friend and if you say anything to her it is probably going to fall on deaf ears. the only thing you can really do is be there for your friend and be ready to help when everything falls apart.

and yes this is coming from experience.

Becky said...

I'm in a similar situation with the maid of honor from my wedding. She's engaged to be married next month, and yet she made out with the best man from our wedding last month. They were both drunk, but still (I didn't find out until after she was back home). And now they email back and forth, although she says it's nothing flirtatious. I told her that I think she needs to make sure she's ready to get married before she does it, and I made sure she told our best man that she's engaged, but beyond that, what can a person do? I agree with gman. All you can do is wait for things to fall apart and then be there for your friend. But it's a sucky place to be in, that's for sure.

April said...

Oooh this is not good. But I agree with gman. Just be there for her when it all falls apart. Because it will.

Dude, how did you get so global? Look at your map!

Anonymous said...

Gman and April said what I wanted to say, with relationship problems, it's just better to be there for the friend and not contribute to the problem.

Anonymous said...

I went through a similar situation with a very close friend...except she crossed the line and starting cheating on a regular basis with different guys. I guess it isn't EXACTLY the same thing. But in the end, after I did all I could to help, I had to walk away from the friendship. The things she was doing took up such a huge part of her life, and it wasn't something I could be a part of.