Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn……….

We made it back with our marriage intact. Can someone please tell me, and I know I’ve asked this before, but what in HELL is it with men wanting to have sex EVERYWHERE??? Seriously, your parent’s house, in your mom’s bed = CREEPY & GROSS. And when I tell you that in order to have sex we must go to a hotel, that DOES NOT mean going over to one of your buddies’ houses. END OF DISCUSSION. Oh, and telling them I put in place a condition concerning where we can have sex? NOT COOL.

Anyway, FIL was, well, FIL. Day One brought a comment to F about a friend of his that has been unemployed since just before his wedding 8 months ago, “Yes, he is FAT now, just like YOU.” Aww, can you feel the love yet people???
Honestly, that was pretty much it for the comments; that I heard anyway. Who knows what was said in the Homeland language. FIL is apparently disgruntled that F has not lived in the house for ten years now, reminding F of this when telling him to shut up about the fact that there was a plumbing issue in the downstairs bathroom. FIL was livid that F took it upon himself to contact a plumber to take care of the problem and the cost. SHAME ON HIM. Especially when said problem can be fixed by adding a mixture of baking soda and vinegar!
  And no, we are NOT allowed to buy MIL a new mattress!!! (in case you haven't figured it out, MIL and FIL have separate bedrooms.) FIL will pay for it! And also take off on his own to do so leaving everyone standing in their coats in the living room wondering what just happened. Yes, he drove off without F, or MIL or the friend and the van we borrowed to transport the mattress in. F was so pissed off when he came back that to this day I have not asked him what transpired at Sam's Club. (the place we got the mattress from, sorry, the place FIL got the mattress from.)
FIL also refused, REFUSED to attend Christmas Dinner at W's (F's brother). As MIL and I were putting on our shoes, MIL said something to him in the Homeland language. Oddly enough, he answered her in English;  "I'm not going to that STUPID thing." Yes, Christmas dinner at his son's house, is STUPID.  Baby Jesus really did weep. I swear.  W called F while we were on the way there, I of course only heard one side of the conversation, I'm sure you can closely guess what the other side was:

F: "We're on our way." (we were late, through no fault of mine I'd like to point out!) *pause* "Me, DH and Mom."  *pause*  "I don't know W."   *pause*   "You're asking the wrong person W."  *pause* "Ok, we'll pick that up."   So on Christmas day we stopped to pick up OJ and Lemon juice (which they had none) so F had to call W back.  "W. They don't have lemon juice, do you want me to get two OJ's?   *pause*  "Ok."  *pause*  "I don't know......No, I don't know why he isn't answering his cell phone or the house phone W."  *pause*  "You'll have to ask him that. I'm sorry." 


As for MIL. She broke the rule and bought me Christmas presents. Seriously people, I know she means well, but this is crazy. No means no. F had a fit when I told him she got me stuff and then she was all “You Just HAD to tell him, didn’t you???” OMG. She has gotten better at picking stuff, but she just can’t seem to get it through her head that just because it is “my size” doesn’t mean it is going to fit.

Two different pairs of Frilly PJ's, not that bad actually
Wallet, on a string

I may have actually kept this if it wasn't fire engine red
A 3/4 length WINTER robe. Barely came past my knees

With FAUX FUR trim

This is the Pie plate and knife I kept.
  F also got several shirts and a sweater. I think they all got left there, because I don't recall washing them. F made the mistake of mentioning that he wants a new knife set. One magically appeared from the basement, where all sale items are kept until they are doled out.  While I was unpacking his suitcase I found two more. That MIL is sneaky.
 She and I hit the after Christmas sales, where once again she was determined to buy me something. We went to Dress Barn because I knew they would have some sale stuff. I handed her 2 shirts to hold while I continued to look around. When I was ready to go, I asked her for said blouses, "Ok, I'm ready to go" I said reaching out for the hangers.  As I tried to take them, I was meet with resistance. "May I please have my shirts?" I questioned puzzled, and kind of annoyed because I knew what was about to go down.
"Um, please." I said tugging on them.
"No." she replied flatly as her grip tightened around the hangers.
I quite literally stumbled backwards and tripped and fell over the stool where you sit to try on shoes. She didn't even crack a smile.  Or help me up.
"Fine. let's go then." I said getting up.
"Ok. I'll pay for this, you pay for those."
I tried one last time at the register, " But, see, I have a coupon I want to use."
"Then give it to me. I'll use it."
Seriously, she was so very determined that she was going to BUY ME something. But it wasn't like she was happy about it, you know?? Like she was doing it grudgingly. Which maybe she was. I have no idea.
As we were leaving the store, I looked at her, and said "Thank You, you really do not have to buy me anything."
She did that little head nod of hers in agreement.
"And this is the deal, everything else, EVERYTHING else must go back,understand?"
She blinked at me me from behind her glasses, "Even the pie plate?"
"Well, ok, I'll kept the pie plate(how cute is the pie plate after all?).........And the knife, F wants a new knife."
Head shake.
Then I made the mistake of mentioning that I wanted to get a new coat. This then culminated into yet ANOTHER shopping trip, one on which I dragged F along.  I found a coat but it was a tad tight so I passed on purchasing it. She was determined, yet again, that a coat for me was her new buying mission. I am not joking when I say that she was visibly disgusted with me when I gave up the hunt for a new coat. She even asked me several times through out the rest of our time there if I really was done looking for a coat.  And was disappointed each time I said Yes.  Her disappointment only grew when I pretty much out right refused some jewelry she insisted I take. "What is the point of having girls in the house (T and myself) if I can't buy and give them things?" If I trusted T more, I would ask to see what it is she has gotten over the years. But I fear that would get back to MIL so I'm keeping my peace. People, I'm telling you, this is stuff she dug out of a drawer somewhere. One piece, F even thinks is the one we brought back for her from the Homeland.  They got left in the dresser. A necklace and earring set she gave me last time has stones missing and you can see a rather large glob of glue where the "peril" was glued on the setting.

Things were so stressful for F that several days before we were scheduled to leave, he said he was ready to be back home.  He told me in no uncertain terms that the next time we go Back East, we are NOT staying at his parents' house. That we would in fact being staying at a Hotel (so my vote!) or with one of his buddies (so more likely). I feel bad for him because I can tell he feels horrible about having to make that call about his parents and he feels guilty for not being able to get along with FIL. I suggested that maybe it would be better if we make the trip shorter as well. He agreed.

We will of course see how long his memory is when Christmas comes around again this year.

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