Monday, April 06, 2009

To Ignore, or Accept, That is the Question

I find myself in a new age predicament. I have a “Friend Request” from someone with whom I was friends with in college, on Facebook. I know many people have debated this topic, via their blogs or otherwise and I now find myself having the same debate. This friend became my friend through another friend. We both ditched the mutual friend in favor of each other. Sounds bad, I know, but there’s always more to the story and I don’t plan on boring you with it. Anyway, I got her a job working for S.E.S. and we hung out and partied together. Our friendship was always touch and go. I was always there for her when she needed me, I can’t say the same for her. She would break up with which ever guy she was dating and call me crying. I would drive to her and hold her beer while she cried into. This went on for several years. Then she dropped out of school because she was flunking. Things spiraled down from there. I tried to maintain our friendship, giving her the benefit of the doubt, hard times and what-not. I watched her drug dealer’s kids while she, the drug dealer and her Thug boyfriend all went into the bedroom and got high. I was constantly getting stood up when she would get booty calls, whether she was with Thug boyfriend or not, I might add. I re-arranged my New Year’s Eve plans at the last minute to include her, and then she stood me up, for a booty call. That was the last straw. I’d had enough of her drug use, her crappy men and her constant emotional roller coaster late night phone calls. I cut off all contact. I moved on with my life and only thought of her occasionally. And then I get a Facebook request from her. She’s finished school, and has what sounds to be a pretty techie job. She married the Thug boyfriend and they have an adorable little girl. From the things on her page, she seems to have returned to her religious roots. I however am unsure if that is a door I want to re-open. I know for a fact that F will want nothing to do with them. I don’t want to waste time and emotions on a situation that my gut tells me will just end badly. I try to listen to my gut, it is usually right. But. But what if I’m wrong? What if they both turned their lives around? What if they are really great people? I used to enjoy hanging out with them. Thug boyfriend was always nice to me. However, she was never really dependable. I’m so confused! Do I hold her former behavior against her? A leopard never changes its spots? Or do I turn my cheek and give her a second shot? A reformed druggie who has seen the error of her ways and has bettered herself for the sake of her family? Also, if you ignore someone, do they know? Do they get a message saying I refused their request? Damn this new social networking!


O.G. said...

They will know if you deny them. Most of the time you become friends with somebody and you never really hear from them after that. They're just trying to build up their friend numbers.

Tracy said...

Accept but be careful - it is not a request to become BFF's again.

If you accept her as a friend you may be able to see if she has changed & if not, you can always exclude her if you feel it necessary.

maybe she has changed, maybe not, only 1 way to find out.