Tuesday, February 19, 2008

My Apple is Rotten

Dr Blah Blah? Is a blithering idiot. This is the same guy I saw last time. I don’t want to see him again. He is not my assigned doctor. I think he is the pick-up doctor. You know, the guy who gets all the extra patients the real doctors don’t have time to see? Yeah, lucky me.

He looked at me, “Have we met before?”
“Um, yeah.”
“You look familiar.” His brow furrowed quizzically.
DUDE! I just said we’d met before! Stop sniffing the anti-anxiety meds while transcribing your medical notes!
“So, you’re not feeling well.” Oh my god, here we go again. Damn you Shane!
“Yes, I think I have bronchitis.” I totally do sound like a man, btw.
“Em, well you know Bronchitis is anything dealing with your bronchial.”

Merriman Webster
Main Entry: bron·chi·tis

Pronunciation: brän- k t- s, brä -Function: noun
Bronchitis is an inflammation of the main air passages to the lungs. Bronchitis may be short-lived (acute) or chronic, meaning that it lasts a long time and often recurs.


“Well, let’s have a listen to your lungs. Breath for me.”

During the 3rd breathing exercise I fall into a coughing fit.
No comment from Doctor Blah Blah.

“Well ok, your bronchial are swollen. I suggest you just take some extra Vitamin C, 1000 mg a day. I find this really does help. (he told me last time too.) Buy some of your favorite decongestant (pause as he waits for me to name it, I don’t.) And get lots of rest.”

I look at him dumbfounded. I go for one last ditch effort to score the drugs.
“Um, ok, the last time I had this it lasted for 2 months.”

“Really? Well, that’s unusual.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! That’s UNUSUAL?!?!?!!?!?!? Is “unusual” even allowed to be used medically??? As per the definition above, I would think that qualifies for “Chronic.”

“Ah, yes.”
“Well, take the Vitamin C and get lots of rest. Seriously, (concerned look) lots of rest. We could all use more rest with our busy lives, right?”
“Riiight.” Do I look that bad?
“ I think right now Antibiotics would just give you diarrhea.(this is true) Lots of rest. (that’s FOUR times he’s mentioned rest. I must look like hell.) And if you don’t get better by Friday, come on back and see us.”
You know, I have no problem with holistic medicine. I’d rather go the route of non-chemicals, but damn brother! Hook a girl up when she tells you the Vitamin C isn’t cutting it!

As I relayed this in shorthand to F later that evening over the pizza my sweetie picked-up so I wouldn’t have to cook, he says to me, “So you’re staying home tomorrow, right?”
“I can’t I’m behind at work.” (this in no way of course is affected by my Blogging….)

Tomorrow, the visit with the Priest and the dreaded PMI…………………

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