Sunday, May 30, 2010

OOOMMM....Nooooot Reeeelaaaaaxing.....OOOOMMMM

So, I'm back in the gym.  My doctor threatened to put me on meds for my sugar level unless I can get it under control myself. So I joined a couple classes. The first is an intense workout called Butts & Guts. I didn't think I would be able to walk out of the class of my own free will. But I managed. My unused muscles were not happy with me for shocking them back into use. But I enjoyed it, and I know it will be a good 6 week class to help keep me motivated. I was also told that I needed to lower my stress level as well for overall health improvement. So I decided to take a Yoga class. Now, mind you, I have absolutely NOTHING against Yoga. I know it is a practice that has been around for eons and it has many benefits.
But, O.M.G. The Yoga instructor I have? Total FLAKE.  Some of her lines are truly gems. "Breath deep. Feel the FIIIIIIIIRE moving through your body." "Even if you drank a little water, your belly is FULL!!!" I can't remember them all, there have been so many. But the one she said last week had me falling over with disbelief. "Now.........move......into...... the Asian squat." (Her instructions are very slow in coming and usually punctuated with alot of "Ums" and giggles.Sometimes she even reads them off a paper. I don't think teaching is her strong suit.) "The Asian squat is a good one. Now I know they are getting toilet seats over there now, but before, they would just squat over a hole in the ground or floor. Right?? So you have to have a wide stance with the Asian squat. I know they got toilets for the Olympics. Right? Lots of those countries OVER THERE don't use toilets. Right?"
My head whipped up so fast, it was truly a Scooby Doo moment of "RHUUUUUUUH??!!!"
Everyone else was just trying not to make eye contact with her. Um, yeah.
Last week when it still 80 degrees outside with 60% humidity @ 8 PM, we wasted 5 minutes discussing whether or not we should have class, outside. In 80 degree weather. We ended up inside where she told us, "Remember Yoga is the dance, and your breath is your partner."
Her style, and her comments make it hard for me to relax and focus on my breathing. This class has not been the stress reliever I had hoped for. So, I've decided to take Tai Chi next.
Taught by "one of those people" from "over there" who know how to do the "Asian squat".


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