Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Who Trains These People?

At lunch time I made the call, thinking this would only take a few minutes, I ordered my lunch for pick-up from across the street. I dialed the 800 number they gave me which was their automated banking number. The automated voice asked me for my 4 digit PIN number. I don’t have a PIN number, it’s an ONLINE ACCOUNT(actually, after some thought later I do have a PIN, my mind was just not picking up on that, my bad) so I hit ‘ZERO’. The guy I got on the phone took TEN minutes to find my account and the cause of the lock down on my transfers. Then it took him ANOTHER ten minutes to find out what he was supposed to do about it. This wasn’t looking good for my lunch. So I told him I didn’t have the time for this, that I had to go have my lunch and he LAUGHED at me. Yeah. Laughed at me that I had a lunch hour to consider. Nice. The next day I tried again. Again when the automated voice asked for my PIN, I hit zero. It told me again to enter in my four digit pin, I hit zero. I went through this 4 times before it finally connected me to a person. The girl that answered the phone was very pleasant and I was happy to be dealing with her, until she told me that she would have to transfer me to internet banking.(*this is very important for later.) Great. The guy I got? WOW. Not as bad as the guy the day before, whom I could at least understand, this guy, not so much. Guy #2 was faster on the draw with the whole situation, I’ll give him that, but his tone was downright condescending. He asked me a few questions to “verify” my identity.
“What type of account do you have with us?”
“On line savings.”(*this is also very important for later.)
Your birth date?”
“Blah blah.”
“What is the date you opened the account?”
“The date?”
“Yes, when did you open the account?”

My mind went blank. This was a very interesting security type question, and if I hadn’t had my paper work with me in my office, I would have flunked it. I can tell you, I don’t really remember when I opened my ‘real’ bank account either; I’ve had it so long.

“Oh, um, hang on a sec, Blah, yeah, BLAH.”
“Ok, at which branch did you open the account??”
“What Branch? It’s an ON LINE ACCOUNT.”(* I was unaware that an on line account has branches, who knew? Especially since I was talking to an INTERNET banking specialist.)
Yes. Ok, now these are the questions I’m going to ask them, so you know in advance. The account number, if you are still the owner of the account, and if the account is still active.”
“Ok, fine.”
“Now I need the number of your bank so I can call them.”
“Ok, it’s their 1-800 number.”
“That’s fine.”
I gave him the number, which he dialed. My ‘real’ bank went through its own automated version of prompts. We came to the end and Guy #2 never picked anything.
“Uh, Miss DH, are there any other options from which to choose?”

Now mind you, he never told me I’d be driving the ship on this whole thing. I didn’t know I was supposed to be picking the prompts or anything. I figured he’d be doing it all.

At this point we were connected to a person at my ‘real bank’.
“ ‘Real’ Bank, This is Suzy Q speaking, how may I help you?”
I said nothing, thinking he would take the lead on this.
He said nothing.
“ ‘Real Bank’ how may I help you?”
Again, complete silence from both of us.
Finally I chimed in, “I’m supposed to be on a conference call with you and another bank????!!”
“Ooook.” said Suzy Q from ‘Real’ Bank.
Guy #2? Said NOTHING.
“I don’t know what happened to him!!???” I was getting very irritated at this point.
He finally speaks up. “Hello yes! I’m Guy #2 from on line bank and I need to ask you a few questions about Miss DH’s account.”
“Allllright.” She was completely confused. “Ok. Ma’am, what is your SS# number?”
“Ok, thank you. What is your account number?”
“Ok, thank you Mrs. DHF(I had changed my name with them and I then feared when she called me by it, Guy #2 would shut the whole operation down because I hadn't changed it with them), how can I help you?”
“My account at my online bank needs to have the bank to bank transfers reinstated, and they need to ask you a few questions.”
“Oook. Go ahead.”
“Go ahead.”
“Yes. What is your name?” Guy #2 finally came on with.
“Suzy Q.”
“Can you spell that for me please?”
“Ok, thank you Q. (not miss, or mrs., just Q.) I need to know if Miss DH owns the account?” says Guy #2.
“Yes, she does.”
“Ok. Q,I need to verify the last four numbers of her account. Are they WXYZ?” (these would be the SAME numbers I just gave her so she could get into my account, which he heard since we were, after all, on a conference call.)
“Yes?” poor Suzy Q was completely confused by this whole thing.
“Good. And Q, her account is still active and able to receive transfers?”
“Ok! Thank you Q! You have answered all my questions.”
“Oook, Mrs. DHF, is there anything else I can help you with today?”
“No, thank you SUZY.”
Suzy Q from ‘real’ bank hung up and probably shook her head and then had a good laugh with her co-workers.
By this point I was gritting my teeth because Guy #2 was not bringing his A Game at all, and I was irritated that I’d just wasted 40 minutes over four very stupid questions. The whole thing was a joke.
“Well Miss DH, I will reinstate your bank to bank transfers right away! Is there anything else I can help you with?”
I was going to say No, but I decided I needed to say something.
“Actually, I would like to make a suggestion.” I said through gritted teeth.
“When things of this matter happen, it would be best to e-mail to a person’s personal account instead of using the bank internet mail. I don’t check that very often and this whole thing could have been prevented.”
“Well, yes I see, but we did send it to your personal account.”
Suddenly, he had complete access to EVERYTHING at the tip of his fingers! For the next five minutes he continued to ARGUE with me about what my e-mail address was, if I was in fact sent an e-mail and to top it off he said to me,
“Well Miss DH, I would suggest that you check your e-mail more often.”
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????!!! Did he really just SAY THAT?!?!?!!?? OMG. At that point I said goodbye or I was going to come through the phone at him to verify that I have five fingers in each fists.

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