Last night, my sexy save the world, misunderstood, rule breaking, kill anyone who gets in his way; bad boy, TV boyfriend FINALLY came back. That’s right my digital friends, JACK IS BACK. Days in advance I began preparing F for this event. F knows when Jack is around, he is my main focus, nothing else matters. I’ve loved him for 24 hours each season for the last eight. Jack has taught me many useful things that will come in handy when my turn to save the world arrives. I know how to torture using common household items, I know how to hurt you even if my hands are tied behind my back, and I know that breaking the rules is ok when it comes to national security, shoot first, ask questions later, people are more willing to talk when they are in pain and slowly bleeding to death. So do NOT mess with me, I am an avid student of Jack’s.
Knowing his defeat, F went to bed. Jack was well into hour 2 of the season premier last night when F calls to me from the bedroom, “DH! DH! Can you come here?!?!?” I muted the conversation between President Taylor and President Pompadour Hair.
“F, unless you are bleeding to death, can it wait until a commercial?”
“Yes.” ***pause*** “Just come turn off the light when you get a chance.”
“What??!!! Are you freaking KIDDING ME?!?!?!!?!? Shit.”
I believe I’ve shared when F has done this before. Been so lazy he will not get out of bed and turn off the light, 8 feet away. But wants me to come from the other side of the house and do it for him. Needless to say, I did not go shut the light off. When I finally went to bed he was half awake.
F: “whhhhaaaaaa?”
Me: “This crap about coming from the other end of the house to shut the light off? It ends, now. You not getting out of bed to walk the 8 feet to shut off the light is just bullshit lazy.”
Yeah, buddy, you better watch it. Jack is teaching us all kinds of new tricks this season. Last night I learned a whole new use for a fire ax. 4:56pm.
Just sayin.
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