Friday, July 31, 2009

The Agnony of Aging

What follows is the IM log from me and CBF as she throws out her back during our chat:

Me: We're getting cable back!!! Along with DVR!!!!!!!

Crazy Best Friend :( 2:22 PM): DH-- you can DVR all of the HGTV kitchen reno shows and we can discuss. Gee, that sounds like such fun, doesn't it.

Crazy Best Friend:(2:25 PM): Those fug girls just slay me. Comparing a floral print dress to the cans in Sleeping with the Enemy? Genius.

Me: (2:26 PM): i haven't had time to read them

Me: (2:26 PM): my blog time has been seriously cut with my new deadline, deadline

Crazy Best Friend:(2:27 PM): Following them on twitter helps. They send out notices whenever they post a new fug.

Crazy Best Friend:(2:27 PM): Damn-- what is this project you are working on?

Crazy Best Friend:(2:29 PM): Oh DH-- I just pulled something in my back.

Me: (2:37 PM): it is not a new project, my "turn around" time is going to be cut from 10 days to 7 days

Me: (2:37 PM): oh CBF, better get it looked at!

Crazy Best Friend:(2:38 PM): I think I need to have a chiropractor on retainer.

Me: (2:39 PM): that sounds great, i need my back cracked daily

Crazy Best Friend:(2:41 PM): I've never been to a chiro--- have you?

Me: (2:44 PM): oh yeah

Me: (2:44 PM): for my neck

Me: (2:45 PM): i pinched a nerve in high school

Crazy Best Friend:(3:25 PM): DH-- I can barely move-- seriously. Like I can't get up without shooting pains.

Me: (3:31 PM): take some drugs, and then call and make an appointment

Crazy Best Friend:(4:11 PM): I can't even dial my phone to ask someone to help me get up.

Me: (4:12 PM): dude, that is not good. send them an e-mail???

Crazy Best Friend:(4:12 PM): I did-- everyone is at lunch.

Me: (4:13 PM): so there is no one to dial anyway

Me: (4:13 PM): how in hell did you throw out your back while sitting?

Crazy Best Friend:(4:13 PM): You make an excellent point. If you could only see how I'm sitting-- sideways to the keyboard, partially slumped in my seat.

Crazy Best Friend:(4:13 PM): I hurt it bending down to my little dorm-room size fridge to get a diet dr pepper.

Crazy Best Friend:(4:13 PM): This is really quite sad.

Me: (4:13 PM): can you wheel yourself out? with your feet?

Crazy Best Friend:(4:14 PM): Oh God-- please don't make me laugh.

Me: (4:14 PM): dr pepper! your death CBF! (the dentist told her, after $4K in dental work, that yes, indeed soda, DIET soda will rot your teeth and jack up your insides.)

Me: (4:14 PM): sorry

Crazy Best Friend: (4:14 PM): Again, do not make me laugh-- now my hips are hurting.

Me: (4:15 PM): why when you tell someone to leave a voice mail they don't?

Me: (4:15 PM): never mind the jerk is leaving a vm, it is the 5th time he's called, i'm not joking

Crazy Best Friend:(4:16 PM): As you said earlier DH, people are stupid.

Crazy Best Friend:(4:17 PM): Oh-- there's someone down the hall in my dept-- going to email her and ask her to help me to my car

Me: (4:17 PM): are you sure you can drive?

Crazy Best Friend:(4:18 PM): I dont' know, but I'm limited in the options department. If I can get home, I think I will be ok-- I have some muscle relaxants there and a place to lie flat.

Me: (4:18 PM): i mean if you can't even dial a phone.......

Crazy Best Friend:(4:19 PM): because the phone is too far away. It's like an arm length and a half from me.

Me: (4:19 PM): ah, gotcha. please be careful CBF

Crazy Best Friend:(4:19 PM): This is such an I've fallen and I can't get up moment.

Crazy Best Friend:(4:20 PM): damn, person down the hall is apparently not in her office.

Me: (4:21 PM): hell!

At 4:30 I received this slow spoken distressed voice mail: "OMG DH, I made it to my car but I have really miscalculated getting out of my car and getting up the stairs to my apartment. Hopefully there will be someone there to help me up the stairs. Because you know people are so helpful and neighborly. Also I noticed that one of my tires is low. But I don't think I'll be stopping off at the gas station and getting air at this point. OH LORDY how could I have managed to get myself in this clusterfuck?! Also I hope I don't have to turn around and look over my left shoulder for any reason at all. Byyyyeee."

I called her back 20mins later. She was lying on her couch with her phone in her bra for easy access. I tried so hard not to giggle and laugh as she told me about the screaming as she exited her Land Rover, or the "oh god!" with each stair of 15 it took to get to her apartment, or how she can't drink anything because she can't bend in order to sit on the toilet and pee. "This is the road map of aging DH. (she is 7 yrs older than me) I am your future. This is what you have to look forward to with getting older. STOP MAKING ME LAUGH! ( i couldn't stop giggling) I pulled a muscle a few weeks ago while shaving my legs. Oh god. I may have to call someone tomorrow to help me get up!!!"

Me: “Why haven't you taken that muscle relaxer yet? That would have been the first thing I did when I got home?"

CBF: "Because I'm talking to YOU!"

Me: "Oh, well I'll hang up now then."

CBF: "Thank you for being so supportive and non-judgmental in my time of need."

Me: "Always CBF, ALWAYS." *giggle*

Hurting your back is not funny, that's not why I couldn't stop laughing. Hurting your back while getting a Diet Soda?? Now that IS funny, especially when you have a flare for the dramatic like CBF does. EVERYTHING becomes a GREAT TALE of HUMANITY!!!
She slays me.

No comments: