Tuesday, January 22, 2008

No Gold Star for Me

I try to live by the Golden Rule, Treat Others as You Yourself Would Like to be Treated. I don't always succeed, especially when gossip is involved. But I still try. Now I've told you about the most recent trip back to the East Coast to see the In-Laws. While in the car with MIL, F asks her when FIL's B-day is.

"Is it this month?"
"How old will he be? 70??"
"WOW! 70, that's a big one. Are you having a party for him?" I asked even though the man refused our Christmas present. (can you feel the bitter?)
"HMPH. No."
Seriously? She just said no. A "I can't be bothered" No.
"Really? Why not?" F asked.
"Who will do all the cooking? No, no party."
"Hmm, have it at a restaurant. I mean 70 is a big deal." I suggested, knowing what she meant about the cooking and what a hassle it would be.
"Yeah, you can use those gift cards we gave him. Just the 2 of you maybe." F grinned at me.
"HMPH." was her reply.

So of course I thought that was the end of it. FIL would be left without a party, and without a card from us, because seriously, not worth my effort.(Especially later, when I asked F if we sent FIL a card would he send it back? F was not pleased, fight ensued.)
A few days later, F's brother, W calls, looking for a number for one of FIL's friends. Apparently, my suggestion was taken to heart, and a party was indeed going to be had. All I could think about was the guilt F was about to receive about not attending. And hoping that MIL got a decent restaurant to host it.
A few weeks go by without a word, and then, other night F says to me, "Mom had that party for Dad. I guess he was really surprised. He really enjoyed himself."
"Really??? Did she have it at a restaurant like we suggested?"
" No, her and T did all the cooking. She invited 10 of his buddies from work. It went off really well. He really liked it."
My first thought? He has 10 friends? No shit???
My second thought? WTF! I bet he doesn't even know that it was my idea. That without me, he would have slipped past 70 without any recognition. I didn't dare ask F if FIL knew it was my idea. I actually cried that night because I was so upset, because I guess I knew FIL would never know that I got the ball rolling for his cranky butt to have a party.
You're saying to yourself right now, DAMN! Girlfriend is SHALLOW! And maybe, I am. Maybe it's wrong of me to want to be recognized for being the bigger person, that despite what an ass he has been to me(maybe one day I'll tell you the story of our first meeting and how he completely ignored me), I still thought of him. Somehow, though, I can't help but think that if he knew it was me, he might rethink his behavior. Might actually treat me better. You know, be NICE for a change. But I'll never know, because you know damn well it will never be mentioned again.
Except to degrade us for not attending of course.

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