Bra Venting

So, I am one of those women have has a naturally large chest. This has been an issue for YEARS people, and I mean YEARS.  As a young girl, and I do mean YOUNG, child like even, I was the only one with a chest, you can only imagine the horror of that where the boys were concerned. HORROR. Throughout my middle school and high school years I was always leery of boys' interest in me. Did they like me for ME? or for my boobs?? This could be part of the reason why I never dated in high school. I just didn't trust the males. Of course SES telling me boys would only be interested in my boobs probably didn't help either. Anyway, buying bras has always been a trip down Painful and Boring Ave. Painful because finding a bra that would fit and HOLD me properly was kind of non-existent for a very long time. Boring because once you get beyond a  certain size all you find for color is Beige, or Nude, or White, or Off-White and on a really lucky day, Black.  Enter my discovery of Lane Bryant. COLOR! SIZES! SELECTION! PATTERNS! MATCHING PANTIES!! HEAVEN.  It is great.  In the beginning though LB's bra's were constantly giving me issue with the under wire. Without fail, the under wire would eventually pop out of the bra. In the front, on the side. And if you've ever had to go an entire day with a metal wire poking you in the chest or arm pit, you know this was far from fun. After a few years, they greatly improved, and I ceased to have a wire poking issue. Until recently. One of my newer bras popped through and started poking my arm pit. NOT COOL. So today I spent 15 minutes untangling the thread so that I could patch up the hole and wear the bra. 10 minutes after I got to work, the damn thing broke through the patch job and is currently making its presence known in my pit. WTF bra? WTF?
On a similar note I saw this article well, actually one similar, about the company making size L. I immediately went to their site, they are a U.K. company. I was greatly saddened to see that they only carry up to a certain "girth" size. I e-mailed them and asked if they made bigger sizes, because seriously, their bras were so PRETTY.  Basically, I was told that there was no demand for them, and until there was, they wouldn't be making them. Seriously???? I think they are missing a serious demographic here.  I would totally be willing to pay extra for their pretty SUPPORTIVE bras.
*la sigh*
If you are with me on this ladies, please e-mail the company and tell them there IS a demand!!!

MEN! GAH!!!

This morning while getting ready for work:

F: "DH?? DH where are you??"

Me: "I'm in the bathroom."

F:"Oh, well, I need to shave, so hurry up."

Me: "*sigh* fine."

I exit the "main" bathroom to allow F to shave and I head to the half bathroom to, ahem, finish my business.

TEN SECONDS later.................

F: "DH!!! DH!! Where ARE you???"

Me: *annoyed* "In.The.Bathroom."

F: "Well I'm out of shaving cream and mouthwash."

Me: "Fine. You know where the grocery list is." (it is located on the fridge, has been for the 5.5 years we've been together.)

F: "Oh.Well I was hoping you could go to Target."

Mind you, there is a Target 4.1 miles from HIS office. But I understand since it IS a WHOLE MILE further away than the one by my work (3.1 miles).
Now for the last 3 nights I've been getting home from work after 7pm. Last night I LEFT the office at 6:40pm. He knows this. He KNOWS I've been working on a huge project, AND YET, surely I can still go to Target to get shaving cream and mouthwash, mouthwash I might add that he didn't even WANT me to buy to begin with.
Why are boys so lazy when it comes to shopping? Why do boys always just assume that the job you have is wishy washy and SURELY you can go shopping on your lunch???

WTF dudes????
W.T.F.??

Unconscious Convos

In the wee hours of the morning F says to me: "DH? You awake?" as he reaches over and starts rubbing my breast.
Me: "Emph." (i was still half asleep)
F: "DH,You awake? Come over here so I can tell you something funny."
Me: "Wha?"
As he continues to rub my breast: "Come on over here so I can tell you something funny!!"

It is at this point where my sleep fogged brain starts to register that he's probably talking in his sleep. It also registers that it is not happy about being awake.

Me: "Are you even FUCKING AWAKE???"

F: "Yeah! Come on, come here so I can tell you something funny." He squeezes my breast.
Me: "F. Go back to SLEEP."
F: "Fine."

2 seconds later he is giggling in his sleep.

The next morning when I ask him and recount the conversation to him, he tells me I am crazy, that didn't happen. And if it DID then he was acting out his dream and I should have went along with it.

Yes, every girl's dream, to have unmemorable sex.

Traps Ahoy!

This morning F yells for me from the kitchen where he is  making breakfast. "DH!!!!!! GET HERE QUICK!!!!"
Considering the tone I hightail it across the house expecting to see blood. Instead? F hands me a half loaf of bread : "Look."
I stared at it for a moment before it sunk in. There were several large chunks missing from the tail end of the loaf.  I had to really focus in order to notice the large hole in the bag.
Me: "Motherfucker."
The damn mouse has made its way on to the counter top and has boldly taken to eating our bread. That means that the silverware I moved out of the drawer because it was pooping all over it, is still getting ran over by the damn mouse. The damn mouse who still pooped all over the silverware drawer even though there isn't any silverware or crumbs in it. F and I decided we would put all the non-eat-through proof food in a plastic container until this is resolved.
F has gone to get mouse traps.

Let's Recap The Last Week, Shall We??

• Friday the 21st, F's car begins to die while he's on his way home from work.
• Saturday the 22nd, we drop F's car off to be looked at. Later that afternoon they call us, $3,000 in repairs. We paid $3,600 for it not even 2 years ago. We call my mom who agrees to let us drive her car while she winters in the south. We can drive it just as soon as she re-instates the insurance on it.
• Monday the 24th. Mom instates the insurance. We pick the car up Monday night.
• Tuesday the 25th. I drive mom's car to work.
• Wednesday the 26th I drive mom's car to an appointment in the early morning and rear-end someone. I exchange information with the man involved(GIH=Guy I Hit). We agree to go to the police station separately. I call  my mother who assures me despite smashing her car, she still loves me. We take mom's car to the dealer where we are informed of my mother's $500 deductible. Great.
• Thursday morning I drive F to work. It is dark out and I am still rather skittish. That evening F gets a ride home from a co-worker. Where upon I am informed that his boss told him to take the company car and he refused despite the fact that I have a 7:40 AM appointment Friday morning. Bad planning F.
• Friday the 28th.  I get up at 5:30 AM in order to have time to take F to work and still make it to my appointment.  F drags his feet while reading Maxim in the bathroom. I barely make it my appointment. Brake lights continue to make me nervous.
• Saturday the 29th. F and I agree that after yet another appointment we would hit a home show. While leaving my appointment the GIH calls, says police says we must file report together. F and I ditch home show plans to go to station. GIH informs me that he Googled me and now knows where I work. WTF?   I received no ticket, am waiting for it to come in the mail.
• Sunday the 30th F and I are lazy and do not leave the house. F starts to empty the dishwasher and notices, MOUSE DROPPINGS. Really? AGAIN????????????????? F said he thought he had seen it on a late night water drinking trip, but couldn't be sure because he was half asleep.  We now we are sure. And the damn thing ate our BBQ brush AND the rubber wine cork stoppers. We re-washed everything. This just ticks me off. That night I notice that our "new" ceiling has a crack in it, and it's leaking.  Will this never end???
• Monday the 31st. It is mid-afternoon as I finally get around to checking my e-mail. I see a weird alert from Face Book saying I have a message titled, "Our Accident" WTF?  So, not only did GIH Google me? He found me on FB and left me this creeptastic message:

"Have a great day, Hope your mom or husband arnt to hard on you about the accident. Those things happen. Im cool with it! I don't know how to say this but I feel like the accident was suppose to happen for a reason! anyway you and "F"  have a great week. I'm praying for you guys. Are you two Christians? If I dont here from you two again I won't keep any further contact except for the accident if needed. You two seem like a great couple! Add me as a friend if you like, if not I understand as we really dont know each other. "

Time stamped? Several hours AFTER we met up at the police station on Saturday. If he's just being nice, fine, but honestly, it creeps me out. Seriously. Needless to say I'm keeping the message, JIC.
F called me. He went to pick up our van and as he was driving away the breaks semi-went out. Really? The place said they could fix them for like a Grand more. Um, not happenin. (I just told F GIH's message, he said, "Oh thank him for his kind words! We can be friends if you want to!" Not the response I was expecting.)
Major snowstorm is hitting the mid-west. Great. Like I need to add snow on top of my driving issues.
2011, What's the deal with the sucking? A month in, and you're killin me already. NOT COOL.