Ouchie

I have one of those headaches where typing on my keyboard is like driving a nail through my ear into my brain.
Today is going to be a fun day.

I....What?

I just had a co-worker stop in and tell me, "Marriage must really agree with you because you look really great now! What a big difference!"

I know she was trying to be nice and compliment my new hair style. But whenever anyone says something like that to me, it always makes me think I looked like total crap before.

Um, Hello?

Is this thing on? Anybody out there?
I guess I overrated myself.

Ahem. No burning questions concerning the trip to The Homeland?
Nothing?

wow.
Does this mean I actually have to just, you know, TELL you stuff that happened?

Or don't you want to know?

Anybody?

Bueller?

Where to Begin?

So much happened while we were in The Homeland for our Honeymoon, I’m not sure what to tell you first.
Should I tell you of all the strange things I saw and experienced?
How badly I was slapped by the mistress of culture shock?
What F’s extended family was like?
I can’t tell you of the sights I saw, because that would be a dead give away of where we were. I CAN tell you, THEY WERE AMAZING.
I can’t post pictures for obvious reasons.
I tried to document things to tell you, but that quickly fell by the way side in the flurry of activity.
Please forgive me.
So I’m putting it to you, dear digital reader, what do you want to hear about? I’m remembering things day by day, so some stories may come much later in the rotation than when they actually happened.
I await your requests.

Cute or Crafty??

F is HOT.
F is HOT to have, wait, MAKE a baby.
Yes, this is his new line when asking for sex.
F: "DH! Let's make a BABY!!!"

See, my great Period Plan for the Honeymoon completely crashed and burned. I started the Pill two weeks late expecting it to push back the start of said period by, well, 2 weeks. Not so Pill fans, not so. Period came right on f'ing time, and then, decided to stay, just a little longer. So while lamenting about this and how screwed up my system now was to F, he says, "DH, why don't you just stop taking them? What's the worst that could happen? You get pregnant."(this new idea was fostered lovingly by his Homeland family members.)

I was speechless.

He was right.

But I had to really think about it. REALLY Think about it. After what, 15 years of an on again off again affair with the Pill, I was finally in a place where I didn't need it anymore and I was struck dumb by that fact. Getting pregnant was ALWAYS the worst that could happen (outside of diseases of course) and here I was, in a place where it is no longer the worst, but the WANTED.
I'm still kind of stumbling over it. Especially when I see the telling purple packaging laying unused in the medicine cabinet. But a BABY! Wow, a baby could HAPPEN, FOR REAL anytime.
And it would be a GOOD THING.
But I still think F is using this to his horn ball advantage.

Glad To Be Back Where.....

1) Public toilets are FREE.....

2) ....and they come with the T.P.

3) All showers are hot, and are used DAILY, along with deodorant.

4) F and I are not a freak show for any and all to stare at openly.


We're back, praise the LORD.

More to follow.......................

Feel the Guilt

I got a random call on my cell that I almost didn't answer. It was the Nephew of my dad's best friend. The Best Friend, whom we all called Uncle, past away last month. The Nephew found my number and called me to relay the news since my mother had sent The Uncle a Christmas card.


I felt guilty because mom and I decided not to invite said Uncle to the wedding. If we had, it would have been the last time everyone would have seen him.


Guilt.



Mom says not to feel guilty. She said that since the last time we DID see him, when mom and I invited him over for dinner, he arrived, late, and DRUNK. Olfactory and visibly DRUNK. And that if he felt the need to drink heavily before joining just the two of us for dinner that if he DID come to the wedding, where all of us were, it probably wouldn't have been pretty.

I still feel bad.
Especially when I ran across his address while doing Christmas cards. Or when I ran across his e-mail address. I just can't bring myself to erase/delete it. It makes it so very, final.

I hope you are happy where you are now Uncle, with plenty of fishing, bowling your old dog and booze, if you so desire.



Please tell my Dad, I said Hi, that I love him, and I hope he was able to peek in on my wedding.

Please Take These Back

F and I went shopping to get him new underwear to take with us to The Homeland. The package was opened so he didn't want to get it. I rolled my eyes, sighed heavily and made him buy them.

We get home, he washes them, dries them, and then calls me down stairs.

"DH, I can't believe this! These underwear aren't even the brand they were suppose to be! AND!!! AND!!!!!! They've been WORN!!!!!!!!"



"OMG! What? How can you tell? Are there stains or something?????"





"NO, but look! The waist band!" The waist band had piled, or fuzzed, or whatever you want to call it, from being worn.



He folded them back up, shoved them back into the packaging and we head back to the store to return them.

The store was horrified and told F he was much calmer than they'd think he'd be after that and gave him a new set, in an unopened package.



I felt bad that I made him buy them, but I still laughed, I mean seriously, who would have thought???????????

Goose / Gander

Do you know the saying? What's good for the Goose is good for the Gander? It's one of my favorite sayings, right up there with the Pot calling the Kettle Black. And despite what Omarosa said, it isn't a racist statement, which she knew when she claimed it was. Whatever.

Anyway! Remember the mandatory gift giving ladies? The ones who complain about having to participate in office potlucks?? We had our Holiday Potluck here in the office. Many people brought things. We always have it on a Thursday because there are a ton of leftovers and that way we can re-enjoy all the fabulous food on Friday. Well, 5 of these mandatory gift ladies "chipped in" and brought a ham.

Which after everyone was done eating, was immediately bagged up, evenly, and passed back out to the Chipper-inners.

There's the holiday sharing spirit we were looking for!

Apparently, what is good for the geese, is not good for the ganders.

Imagine that.