I've cut my possible baby name list in half. I've traded my visions of dresses and pig tails for vests and frog tails. And you know what? I love him already. I talk to him more, I smile when he tickles my belly from the inside, and I look forward to my little man's arrival. My little man. He has ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes and one strong little beating heart. I can't tell if he loves or hates the spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's, but I know it makes him do baby gymnastics in there. He's growing right on schedule. I have finally relaxed about most of it. I am avoiding some things still, like research, and classes, which I know I need to do, but I have this fear in my heart and mind of jinxing his arrival if I get ahead of myself. Which in reality is probably making me be behind. But I think I'm ok with that.
I am not OK with the gestational diabetes. Because of my age and weight and "sugar history", they tested me super early, like week 8. It has been a constant battle of numbers since. Testing four times a day. Testing within an hour of eating; which can really take a toll on your personal life and vacation plans. Shooting up with insulin at the same time every night. I never thought I would be packing an insulin pen in my clutch at a recent wedding so I could stab myself in a stall in the lady's room. Counting, counting, COUNTING CARBS. Goodbye cheesy bread sticks! Hello STEAK. I have been doing quite well with this, I admit. I've "cheated" a few times. I had a scoop of ice cream for my birthday. But it has turned out to be much easier than I thought. Because I want to give this Little Man a chance. After everything to get him here, I want him to know happiness. So I have a bite or two of F's pizza before finishing off my salad. I've actually LOST WEIGHT. I can not tell you how many people have asked me if I'm really pregnant or not. As I type this in week 21? I am STILL wearing my regular pants! Who knew?!?!?!
So there you have it. A BOY. A Boy who has already stolen his momma's heart.