Early Bird Gets the Worm my ASS

I roll over and squint at the clock, 3:30 AM. Why does this always happen? WHY? I get up and go to the bathroom and crawl back into bed. 3:35AM. F rolls over.
“You’re awake aren’t you?” he queries.
“Yes.”
“Why are you awake?”
“Why are YOU?” I challenge back.
“I’m just waking up, I don’t know why.”
“I don’t know either” I sigh in response.
“How long have you been awake?”
“Not long.”
He gets up and stumbles to the bathroom.
He crawls back into bed. 3:40AM.
We both toss and turn trying to get comfortable. I get up and go to the bathroom AGAIN. I look at the clock as I stumble back into bed. 3:55AM.
“Go to sleep DH.”
“I hope so.”
I tell myself that if I’m not asleep by 5AM I’m getting up and going into work.
4:20AM F begins to snore.
5:00AM I’m up. In the shower by 5:15AM musing to myself that the morning show we listen to isn’t even on yet.
5:30AM Morning show starts as I’m listening to our shower radio (wedding present SCORE!) in the shower.
Stagger about in the dark trying to stay quiet so F can at least sleep til the alarm goes off. Realize “morning show” that says it starts at 5:30AM really only plays commercials and music for the first 30 minutes instead of talking. Realize that I will hear their show in its ENTIRETY for the first time ever.
Whimper. 5:55AM
6:00AM come into room and snooze the alarm, F didn’t hear it.
6:10AM go downstairs to discover F didn’t bother hanging up my work clothes, but hung up his. FUME at him through basement floor.
6:11AM Tell F he HAS to get up because I’m leaving.
“What? Why?”
“Because I’ve been up since 5.”
“I’ve been up since 3:30AM” he attempts to trump me.
“*sigh* Fine, I’ve been AWAKE since 3:30, but up and out of bed since 5AM, ok?”
“But, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to work.”
“But why so early?”
“What would you have me do instead?? I’m awake.”
“But it’s SOOOO early!”
“Yes. I. Know. You need to get up.”
“What time is it EXACTLY.”
“6:13AM.”
Kiss F goodbye.
6:15AM Pull car out of garage. Garage door does annoying blinking-light-something-blocking-senor-blink.
6:16AM Swear. Put car in park. Get out, KICK leaves out of “line of sight” of senor eye. Push button. Light blinking again.
Swear again.
6:18AM Kick more leaves “out of line of sight”. Push button. Garage Door teases me by moving a few inches before retracting back up. Light blinks.
Try pushing and holding button to force door closed. Door moves! BUT NO!!! LIGHT BLINKING!!!
6:20AM SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Climb back in car, leave garage door open for F to deal with. Pull out of driveway.
6:30AM driving in the dark SUCKS!!!!
6:35AM Where am I??? Where are all the land marks?? It’s FREAKING DARK!!!
6:40AM Hungry. McDonald’s open????
6:50AM Try to remember how to unlock building. Really dark in here when all alone.
6:51AM Realize that it took 20mins less to get to work at ungodly hour, should maybe consider this a regular thing.
6:55AM Unload office dishwasher and reload office dishwasher. Make cup of tea. Like I never left home.
6:58AM Wonder when other people will begin to arrive at work.
7:05AM Jump as first co-worker arrives.
7:10AM Begin working again after morning “why are you here so early chat?” with said co-worker.
8:00AM WOW! An hour gone already??? Some people who say they get here at 7:30 SO DO NOT.
9:00AM!!!! DUDE!! TIME IS FLYING!!!!
9:20AM Breakfast!!!
10:35AM OMG. Are you serious??? It’s only 10:30??? I’ve only been here for 3 hours????
10:40AM Start this Blog entry to keep sanity.
11:17AM 45 MINS til LUNCH!!!!!!!
11:34AM omg, kill me now, it’s only been 15mins???
1:08PM Lunch is over already?? OMG. I have how much longer??????????
1:30PM????? REALLY?!?!!?!?!? FREAKING REALLY?!!?!?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH
2:18PM It hasn’t even be an HOUR YET???????????????
2:31PM FINALLY, an hour has gone by. Wishing I’d bought Chocolate during lunch.
4:36PM SWEET JESUS 20 mins to go!!!!!