I've Been Stolen!!!!

So, um, yeah. I was just looking through some of the Blogger Dashboard stuff and they have all kinds of stats. One thing tells you where you've been "reference". Except, I wasn't referenced, I was stolen. My Post. Almost WORD FOR FREAKING WORD. Can you believe it?? Seriously?? The Thief couldn't even be bothered to give me a little credit for my cut and paste skillz!!!??? He even used MY TITLE for the post.
Dude, you know who you are, and you know it isn't cool. I don't care if you leave it up, just give me credit for my "work".

An Open Letter

Dear Target,

You used to be my Mecca, my Nirvana, my haven of easy finds and great sales. That has come to an end. At first, it was just one or two things that disappeared. I could no longer find a great purse that someone my age could get away with. Then all your shoes grew their heels super high and I could no longer wear them. These things I found elsewhere, while I would still glance through those aisle in hopes that maybe things had gone back to what they were. To no avail. Then other thing started disappearing from your shelves. Curling irons, this didn’t matter until I needed one. Then my face powder, then my eyeliner. And hairspray. And shampoo. And gel. I was forced to find these items from other merchants. This brought me no joy. My complete beauty routine had vanished from your well lite aisles. Save for one last piece, my hair coloring product. I could easily pluck my new found color from the bright aisle of yellow and green boxes. Until now. Now, nothing. Every color BUT mine. I check the manufacture’s website, they still make my Sweet Latte’, Dark Beige Blonde. #72. You just don’t seem to carry it.

What is the deal Target?? Why have all my shades and colorings gone from your walls? F thinks I’m crazy when once in a while I actually FIND my shade of face powder and I BUY THEM ALL. Yes, 3 or 4 of them at a time. This is how extremely rare these finds are. I’ve completely given up on my eyeliner.

Why do you deny me? Do you want me to not feel somewhat pretty? Or is my coloring just that popular that you can’t keep it stocked?? Small thing I actually remember from my horrid semester in Econ, SUPPLY and DEMAND. Your supply is not meeting my DEMAND.

Please rectify this IMEDIATELY.

I miss you.

But I am terribly upset and disappointed with you.



Discolored,



Devil’s Heaven

Minus The Ears

 I went and was fitted for my elephant face, minus the ears of course.  I was a few minutes early to my fitting appointment with David, my own personal on-call-but-please-don't-call-me support tech. I was willing to wait, especially after he made this proclamation to me: "Sorry if my breath smells weird, I just had shrimp for lunch." And oddly enough, I could smell that fishy smell the minute I walked in. So glad to have it explained away. I would have waited for him to get a mint to make it GO AWAY though.  David was very careful to tell me he'd sanitized his hands before he began touching my elephant trunk and nose. Of course I'm not sure that really helped after he said to me: "Sorry about the sniffling, my allergies are really bothering me."

This kid was a barrel of one liners. He was visibly and verbally surprised by my proficiency in placing the nose contraption on my head; "WOW. Most people don't figure it out right away."  Ummm, maybe you need to review the patient/tech privacy handbook there David.

There was a ton of paper work to be filled out, and David ASSURED me that he would call me within "48 to 72 hours to see how you are doing."  It has been over a week now and David has not called to check up on me, or to fill me in on the re-ordering process for the gel nose piece and it's cover. Guess I'll have to do the calling myself.

Anyhoodle, is what I came home with:

The face mask AKA the elephant nose and trunk



The "Machine"



The full contraption, assembled and ready to go



"So Comfortable...You might forget you're wearing it"
 TOTAL LIE.

I forgot to take a picture of the Sporty carrying bag. I'll have to take it out of the closet and snap a pic for ya'll.

Things I Learned From PANDORA.com

THREE WHOLE verses of KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKIN' on HEAVEN'S DOOR
Could this song be any darker and death-y??

Subjugation seems like a mighty big word for a song with THREE WHOLE VERSES of the same FIVE words over and over again.
I'm just sayin........