Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Adult: or as BF says, "I'm ADJUSTING, ok!?!?!"
CBF: Men are really quite disgusting. Yet, I like sex. Go figure.
Adult: isn't it just the oddest? really, do you think if God is a man, he's a scratcher as well?
CBF: Sure, because he's probably got a huge set of stones.
Adult: that being the case, don't you think he'd of made us more accepting of said ball scratching?
CBF: This is the guy who gave us periods.
Adult: as punishment for the whole apple thing. maybe the ball scratching “ew” factor was an add on to the whole punishment thing
CBF: I totally want my money back.
Adult: I didn't offer anyone a stupid apple. hell, I’m allergic!
CBF: It sucks being a woman, but it's better than being a man any day-- because they never wash after they scratch, and who the heck wants hands that smell like sweaty balls?
Adult: ew, so totally
Adult: and they don't wipe after they pee
Adult: and i'm sorry, but the whole "shake it dry" thing, really just flings the pee to other places.
CBF: That's like blowing your nose without a Kleenex!
Adult: So totally! You know, they don't even give them the option of TP at the urinals! So you HAVE to fling.
CBF: Or tap-- tapping is better, but still. It leaves pee droplets in the underwear-- don't men understand that women don't mind being around the twig and berries, as long as pee is not involved or in the vicinity, or stained to the tighty whities???!!!!!
Adult: they do not. mothers can not intervene and teach their boys because that kind of peeing is a man thing. So they teach each other, hence passing on the bad habit.
CBF: No wonder grown men still have skid marks.
Adult: and wear holey undies
CBF: Yeah-- what is the deal with that, or should I not get you started?
Adult: even my brother who was properly raised by women, wears it that way. when my mom was living there, she'd steal it, take it home and throw it out.
CBF: That's whack.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
"OMG! You just farted!"
"I'm so sorry! Oh God, I'm sorry!" I managed to choke out between laughs.
"You really know how to kill the moment, don't you?" he asked laughing.
More laughing from me.
"God, I felt that on my hand."
"Here, smell my hand, it stinks!"
"Oh stop! It does not!"
"I can't believe you. I have to go wash my hand. Here smell it!"
"You are such a dork!"
We both die laughing. Thank god BF isn't an uptight guy.
But I must pose this question, What is it with guys insisting that you smell something that smells nasty? The nastier the better?
And yet, he refuses to smell the spoiled milk.
P.S. I found this handy device while searching for a pic. Are we REALLY suppose to believe that stainless steel makes you not be smelly anymore? Couldn't you just rub the good sliver under your arm? I'm just sayin.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Difference 1) BF's family believes that the "rounds" to all family members need to be made immediately upon arrival. Never mind you've been in the car for 10hrs and are working on 2 hrs of dozing, not proper sleep, just dozing.
My Family hosts a large party where all are invited, and viewing of the far flung relative can be done in one easy pass with beer in hand. If you are unable to attend the viewing, so sad, too bad, your loss.
Difference 2) Present opening is a free for all. Wrapping paper begins to fly once the children hit the door and are able to decipher their names on the tag.
(Granted not kids, but this is the best I could find.)
My Family dictates that the children can look, but not touch, their presents until the appointed time where everyone sits down nicely and presents are passed out and opened one at a time. Perhaps a bit confining, but much easier on the senses of everyone involved.
Difference 3) No matter what physical state you are currently in(the stomach flu for yours truly), you WILL attend the family meal and help mind the children.
My Family(ok, not the entire extended family follows this one, but my immediate family does) adhere to the fact that germs are easily spread, and hence please keep yours AT HOME.
Difference 4) Family feuds are to be heard, and participated in by all. With the climaxing shout of, "It's Christmas for Christ's sake!" with various family members scattering to different parts of the house to sulk.
My Family, that I can ever recall, has NEVER had such an outburst during a family function. Perhaps because the women are well known silent fummers and only explode out of eye/ear shot and are masters of the passive-aggressive tactics of evil eyes, heavy sighs and Catholic Guilt.
The upside to the whole adventure was the trip into the City where I got to see the sun set over skyscrapers and the additional trip to an Outlet mall where my fabulous leather coat and matching handbag were purchased. Merry Christmas!!!!!!