Problems

F and I are now roommates. After I said "YES!" to the marriage question, he asked if I was going to move in. Now? He's. Freaking. Out. As we first started to move me in, he said, "You don't have that much stuff. I don't see why Eldest Sister was complaining." It's been about a month now and it's turned into, "OMG, WHAT IS ALL THIS CRAP!!!" I have linens for the kitchen table, I have decorative rugs for the seasons, I have clothes, and lots of socks(which, honestly, I didn't even realize how many I had.) and, as any female, SHOES. I have boxes of old note books from college that still had unused pages and pages of paper(I purged those after he assured me we'd take them to the recycling center so as to not have had a tree die in vain). His house is bigger than mine, so fitting it all in, not a problem. It's just getting around to fitting it all in. It's become a vicious circle, Get up, go to work(late) work all day(in between reading Blogs) drive to my house to "work" on packing, moving things out, etc, get hot and hungry only to realize it's 7:30 and we haven't eaten yet and have nothing TO eat, pack up, go home, thaw something out, cook it, eat dinner at 8:30ish, watch TV to unwind for an hour or so, at 10pm fall into bed exhausted only be unable to sleep because F was snoring the minute he hit the pillow. Get up, pete and repeat. When am I suppose to arrange things? Every room, and I do mean EVERY ROOM in the house has a pathway through my stuff. I'm suppose to be purging things. Every weekend we've been busy. Or I haven't felt well. I am completely stressed out about all of it. I had a breakdown the other night. A night, which should have been stress free. The night we FINALLY booked our venue. Little things he did through out the morning were driving me crazy, and after he left to go do his Hobby, I was left to stew in my irritation. He asked me what was wrong when he got home and I said, "I don't want to talk about it right now." I was trying to give myself a chance to cool down so I wouldn't go all crazy postal on him. Finally we went to bed and I made of the mistake of deciding to journal. Writing about it, just PISSED ME OFF all over again.

"Are you going to tell me what is wrong?"

"Do you REALLY want to talk about this right now?"

"That's up to you." That response? Made me hit the roof. Fucking play passive aggressive with me! We proceeded to have a fight about something rather stupid, but it was soooo important at the time. Afterwards I was so upset I couldn't concentrate on finishing my journal entry because I was trying not to cry. The lights went out and our backs were facing each other.

"Are you crying?" came out of the dark from the other side of the king sized bed.

"no."

"What? are you crying?"

"No."

"Then why are you sniffling?" Sometimes he can be so in tune to what is going on with me, and other times.............

"because I'm trying not to cry."

"come here." he said as he lifted the covers so I could snuggle into his arms. And the dam broke and all the fears I'd had came flooding out. "Are you scared?" he asked me.
I decided to tell the truth. "Yes."

"About what?"

"Everything. Are we making the right decision. Is this going to work. Are we in over our heads."
He confessed, he was scared too. We talked for awhile longer, and then we fell asleep.
For the record, I hate crying. Lately however, it seems that's all I do. We fight, I cry, I feel better, for about a week. I honestly thought women were crazy when they said planning a wedding is seriously intense shit. Now? Not so much.

Next problem? I've become addicted, ADDICTED to McDonald's McGriddles. When they first hit the scene, I thought, EW! Now, I can't get enough of #9 with an OJ PLEASE! And sadly, as with McDonald's in general, I pass like 200 hundred on my way to work every morning. It'd be easier to avoid if they weren't EVERYWHERE. Bridal body? Not doing so well.

But, wait, there's more. Now that the venue has been secured(Thanks Mom!!!) I've become complacent. In the beginning of Wedding 2008, I was all, I MUST GET EVERYTHING DONE RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!! And everyone kept telling me, "OH! You've got LOOOOOOOADS of time!!!" So? Now? I've got LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOADS of time! I've done NOTHING ELSE. No flowers, no invites, no favors. NADA. I swear, I'm going to end up on Bridellza's despite my efforts to stay far far away from such behavior. And I'll be the second bride who get's left at the alter.