Say What?

Every office has one. The crazy co-worker. We have one, and she is considered my "superior", in title only of course. Over the years she has gotten crazier, and never ceases to amaze myself and a few of my friends with the odd things she comments on, usually completely out of the blue.
For example, yesterday I was wearing a skirt, a rarity to be sure, but the thing came down to my ankles, nothing flashy about it. She stops the conversation she is having with another co-worker in the hallway to comment:

"Well well well, look at her. Whatcha doin' lookin all sexy today? Where ya goin looking that sexy???"

"Uh, to my cube?"

"Does your MAN know you're out lookin like that?"

"Uh, yeah, since I wore this to CHURCH yesterday, he does." The fact that the outfit was Church worthy seemed to throw a wrench in the works. However that didn't stop her today from commenting:

"Is your hair shorter? Did you get it cut?" (Normal enough question, yes, but just wait.)

"Yeah, about a month ago." For most people this is where the conversation would have ended, but she continues.......

"Hmmm, Maybe it's because you styled it differently?"

Nope."

"It's more flippy." (notice, not a question, a statement.)

"Nope."

"No, it's more puffy."(again, statement.)

"Nope."

"Well hmmm, it's something!"

"Not really, no."

"Well fine, I give up then. But it still looks shorter!"

Past conversations have included telling me I'm getting too thin, while she grabs the leg of my pants and tugs. Which also sometimes leads to telling me that if I keep it up I'll "lose my caboose." Telling me my "girls" look really good in my shirt. Or as I've come to think of it as my own Bridget Jones' moment: Your Tits look good in that Top. Insisting an item of clothing is new, and that I've never worn it before, when in fact I've been wearing it for the last 3 yrs. Her comments extend beyond myself. She feels free to give commentary on what people are having for lunch, " Just tomatoes? With pepper? I wouldn't get anywhere near that without some cheese and bread! Hmph."
"Look at you! You dress like a teenager!" To a 30 something co-worker who in fact does NOT dress like a teenager. Backhanded compliment anyone?
She's able to completely confuse our programmer by rattling on about how she would program this and that and our programmer should try this and that. The programmer's eyes completely glaze over the minute Crazy Co-worker approaches her. Being able to confuse the programmer, to me, speaks volumes to her Craziness.

Make mine a Cranberry and Purell

I just read an article stating that a 2 oz thing of hand sanitizer has the same amount of alcohol as several shots of vodka. Some grade schools are pulling the sanitizers because of this. Now really, what kid would have thought to down a hand sanitizer before the big spelling bee to calm his/her nerves? They will now though, won't they? Thank you hard hitting investigative news, thank you.

I'll be trolling the grocery sale ads for a buy one get one sale on Purell, so much cheaper than Vodka.