It's more than a hot flash.... **UPDATE****

Key word there "FLASH".  Meaning it happens quick and doesn't last long.  Yesterday it was SIXTEEN degrees, she wore a t-shirt, jeans and crocs (same lady)and the fan was on for HOURS.
Today it is 13, THIRTEEN!!!!! Wind chill is like 8 degrees.
The fan is on, has been on for 30mins now.
She is wearing a sweater. **AND A SCARF

 Then she complained that it was

cold outside.**
I am wearing a sweater.
I am cold.
I would like a hotflash, just to warm up a bit.

Seriously?

It is 16 degrees outside. SIXTEEN. And yet, one of my office mates has her FAN on.
SIXTEEN DEGREES.

Pardon me while I whine.

I have FIVE posts in the DRAFT stage.  Some are half written. Some are just a sentence, or a word to trigger the memory of what I wanted to write about. For some reason, I just can't seem to make myself sit down and finish writing them. I spend tons of time reading other people's blogs, but can't seem to tap back into the juice to write my own. I thought that getting a digital camera would help in the blogging process, but I can't seem to pry it out of my hubby's hands. Seems he's broken the ADULT digital camera, again. And instead of fixing it, just uses mine, a point and shoot. Which kind of explains why I got a camera I just mentioned wanting in passing, instead of the PW Cookbook I actually ASKED for.
Also, I think part of it is there are things going on at home that are weighing on my mind right now. F and I are fine. Just other stuff that I want to share, but don't know if I should and I'm just kind of in a weird place right now. There are days when I wonder why I even bother. I know a lot of bloggers go through it. I know people read "me", but, oh god, this going to sound whiny, but so few comment. And sometimes, that just really gets to me. It shouldn't. I know I've said before I don't write for anyone but me. (half truth)  Then I see how many comments others get and I'll be honest, it's a blow to the ego. So, that is why there are 5 unfinished posts in the draft folder. I realize instead of writing this, I could just be working on one of those. But I just don't have that creative juice right now to try and pick up where I left off on something 2 months ago. No matter how funny it was at the time. To me at least.
Anyway, that's where things are right now.
Sorry this post is such a Debbie Downer.

I'm a TV Watcher

I am an avid TV watcher. I love a good show. Ones that make me cry (Grey's), laugh (Ugly Betty), scream at the TV (god bless you 24, F thinks I'm crazy), think (Lost), chuckle at juvenile behavior(Super Natural) and a whole gambit of other reactions/emotions. It always distresses me when I find a good show, and they cancel it. DEAD STOP. No great wrap up ending. NADA. Drives me nuts!!! I hate opening my TV Guide (which HATE the new format from the get, H.A.T.E.) and it tells me a whole set of new shows are being canceled.


Recently? Doll House. When I watched the pilot, which F actually watched with me, we were both, "Eh, kinda not so good." But we hung in there and it got better, and BETTER. The basis of the show echoes one of the ideas behind The Matrix. i.e. being able to program the brain like a computer. Downloading not only knowledge, but also the personality to go along with it. There are so many levels to this show that have yet to be explored. Moral. Physical. Mental. Legal. But it wasn't doing well enough in the ratings and they canned it.

Pushing Daisies? CANNED. Such a good show. It was nutty, and fresh and just GOOD. I was so upset that it was canceled I missed the final episodes. I have no idea how it ended.

Another one that was ended without an ending, Veronica Mars. They literally left us with a cliffhanger. That is no way to end a series!!!

I always find out about the fan rallies to save a show AFTER the show has been saved. Like Medium. CBS was SMART and picked it up. I wish I knew where to find out about these rallies, because there are so many shows I would have loved to help try and save.

Anyone remember Dark Angel?? Another one ended without a TRUE ending.

I see a pattern here, apparently I'm quite the James Cameron groupie.

I realize all shows survive on ratings. And in this day and age of TiVo and DVRs, I think it is highly irresponsible of the TV industry to still rely so heavily on "LIVE TV" ratings. If you don't watch it when it airs, it doesn't get counted. STUPID. Can I just tell you? I have 7 episodes of Grey's Anatomy on my DVR. I just can't get all my TV watching in when it actually airs. Change your ways TV industry!!!!

Anyway, I am frustrated by it all.

Like a good book, you don't want your shows to end.

But, YOU asked ME

Face book and I have an on again, off again relationship. I do not spend much time on there. I've taken maybe 5 of the quizzes, out of like a MILLION that they have. I rarely update my status, and only occasionally post on other people's wall. I'm pretty sure most of the people I'm "friends" friend requested me, I did not friend request them. Point in fact, this guy I've known since 1st grade, whom I never really cared for, was one of the FIRST people outside of family who friend requested me. Trying to be the bigger person, I accepted. While scrolling through people's updates, I came across a rather rude, or jerky, wall posting by said guy. I don't remember the exact wording but it went something like this, "REPLY TO THIS WALL POSTING TO REMAIN A "FRIEND" OTHERWISE, YOU ARE A "FRIEND" NO LONGER. SO LONG FACEBOOK 'FRIENDS'. "


What the? "So long"? Why not just add the SUCKERS! because he certainly inferred it. It didn't look like many people had replied. I really had to refrain from posting: "You requested me to be your FB FRIEND. I found this completely amazing considering we were never REAL Friends in R.L. anyway. But I thought maybe time had changed you, but alas, I can see it has not. You are still the same attention seeking jerk face you always were. Please do not misunderstand this "reply", I am not seeking acceptance as your friend. I didn't before and I sure as hell am not going to start now. Gladly remove me as a FB 'Friend'."

How can you ax people YOU friend requested? Seriously? That is just way rude. I did not post my reply to his demands.

I feel victorious for not raising to bait.

Jerk face.

Jack is BACK, so you can GO AWAY!

Last night, my sexy save the world, misunderstood, rule breaking, kill anyone who gets in his way; bad boy, TV boyfriend FINALLY came back. That’s right my digital friends, JACK IS BACK. Days in advance I began preparing F for this event. F knows when Jack is around, he is my main focus, nothing else matters. I’ve loved him for 24 hours each season for the last eight. Jack has taught me many useful things that will come in handy when my turn to save the world arrives. I know how to torture using common household items, I know how to hurt you even if my hands are tied behind my back, and I know that breaking the rules is ok when it comes to national security, shoot first, ask questions later, people are more willing to talk when they are in pain and slowly bleeding to death. So do NOT mess with me, I am an avid student of Jack’s.


Knowing his defeat, F went to bed. Jack was well into hour 2 of the season premier last night when F calls to me from the bedroom, “DH! DH! Can you come here?!?!?” I muted the conversation between President Taylor and President Pompadour Hair.

“F, unless you are bleeding to death, can it wait until a commercial?”

“Yes.” ***pause*** “Just come turn off the light when you get a chance.”

“What??!!! Are you freaking KIDDING ME?!?!?!!?!? Shit.”



I believe I’ve shared when F has done this before. Been so lazy he will not get out of bed and turn off the light, 8 feet away. But wants me to come from the other side of the house and do it for him. Needless to say, I did not go shut the light off. When I finally went to bed he was half awake.

F: “whhhhaaaaaa?”

Me: “This crap about coming from the other end of the house to shut the light off? It ends, now. You not getting out of bed to walk the 8 feet to shut off the light is just bullshit lazy.”

Yeah, buddy, you better watch it. Jack is teaching us all kinds of new tricks this season. Last night I learned a whole new use for a fire ax. 4:56pm.

Just sayin.

Why People I Work with Continue to Annoy Me

One of the ladies I work with is going  to have a baby shortly. She's in fact ONE of THREE exceptant moms in our little office. (no, I am not one of the 3) I sent out 2 e-mails explaining that we would be throwing her a shower and that I would be in charge of collecting the donation towards a gift anyone would like to go in on. The shower is THIS FRIDAY.
I just had a co-worker, Miss Snippy in fact, come into my office and ask me, "Have you STARTED collecting for the gift yet??"
****Sigh*****
Only for the last 2.5 weeks.
I realize that might be a bit demanding time wise.  But we did the best we could.

Desensitized??

We've been back here in the Mid-West since 12/30/2009. I haven't written because: A) I've been busy with work, and B) I really have nothing to tell.


As per usual, I came back sick. Am still sick in fact, and so is F. I got sick 2 days before we left; he got sick the morning we left.
Upon my arrival back in the office I heard this statement the most: "SO! You survived!!!" I think maybe I need to stop talking about the Out-Laws at the office.

FIL's most outstanding comment this trip: "You've made it very clear you don't want me eating with you." He yelled this from the other room while MIL, F, and I were in the kitchen chatting after dinner. The entire event went something like this: On my way into the kitchen for dinner I told FIL dinner was ready, he made no sound or movement to let me know he heard me, normal, F does it to me all the time (maybe he didn't hear me, who knows.).
MIL, F and I have a great meal and no one mentions the empty place setting. About 20mins after we finished FIL yells from the other room: "Do you think you could finish so the rest of us can eat????!!!" Mind you, it was only the four of us in the house. The 3 of us look at each other stunned and I yell back, "There's a place here at the table waiting for you."
And that's when he said, "You've made it very clear you don't want me eating with you."
Um, ok. Whatever. I could say the same thing to you.

Other than that, the trip, once again, CALM. No yelling. No fighting. It is the opinion of my friends and co-workers that now that we are married they've come to accept it, and have stopped trying to fight it, or stop it or whatever. I'm still leery. I can't help it. Once bitten, twice shy.


I went shopping with MIL, and I almost had to kill her. See, one of the cousins back in The Homeland is getting married, and since its MIL side of the family, after 20+ yrs, she is going back for a visit and is completely freaked out about it. She is going without FIL. So the traveling, understandably, has her nervous. It is because I understand the situation that I did not in fact do away with her. F went to spend time with M while this shopping trip occurred. MIL feels she needs to buy a gift for all the women folk back in The Homeland. For whatever reason, she assumed, or thought, or hoped, that I, after a year, would remember AND KNOW what sizes all these women wear. Now. Think about that. I spent time with these women, yes. But never was I sizing them up! Taking measurements! And it has been a FULL YEAR since we've been there. Most women will tell you that their weight changes throughout the year. How can I even? I mean. COME ON!!!! For several hours MIL would hold up a shirt or a blouse and ask me if I thought so-and-so would wear this? Did I think this was so-and-so's style? What did they wear when I was with them? (skirts and sweaters, fyi) Over and over and over again we would have this conversation.

My answers: "I guess."

"I don't know."

"Maybe."

"Honestly, I REALLY DO. NOT. KNOW."

When I'd finally had it, I hide out in the dressing room at Dress Barn and texted F: "OMG.I do not know what flipping size anyone wears! That is all."

F: "Are you ok?"

Me: "Yes."

F: "Is she driving you crazy?"

Me: "Yes."

F: "Are you almost done?"

Me: "I think so."

As this is going on I hear MIL; "DH? DH? Where are you????"

Me: "I'm in the dressing room."

MIL: "OH. I thought you ran away."

OMG. I felt like a jerk. Clearly my poker face was not holding up. In my defense, I hadn't eaten all day and had a raging sinus headache that preceded the cold I cannot seem to get rid of. Still. I know. Bad DIL.

Dress Barn completed we headed home for dinner. I have a feeling she will end up returning many of the items she bought. F was very happy that I went shopping with her, "She's always wanted a daughter to go shopping with.” Apparently SIL just doesn't cut it.

And so ends the trip back East.


I leave you with this:

                                              What MIL orginally got me for Christmas.

                                                         That's right FLOWERS. I'm 35.
(You can pick this kicky little number up at Old Navy in case  you were wondering. As Sailor Mouth said when I sent her the pic:"No wonder they are downsizing.")


                                       What we exchanged it for, my choice, from Macy's:

                                             I got SEVERAL compliments on this when I wore it to work.

F got me a digital camera for Christmas, so hopefully my pictures will take a much improved up swing once I start using it.

Pass the Speed Stick

No matter the time of day, time of year, or type of office, without fail, EVERY SINGLE TIME I enter the doctor's office, someone has B.O. Yes, it's true. Sad, but true. And I've narrowed it down to the elderly. I have no idea at what age showering becomes optional, but it apparently does. Most commonly with the men. It happened with my grandfather, even though my grandmother did her best to make him bathe. I just find it odd that it is so prevalent at the doctor's office. I always try to make sure that I'm showered and freshly deodorant-ed before leaving for an appointment. And do the doctors notice? If I smell it the minute I open the office door, how can they NOT smell it when enclosed in 10 X 8 room? Don't they say anything?? Like, "Part of general health is general hygiene."??? Who doesn't feel better after showering?


And no matter where I sit in the office waiting room, I can smell it. And smelling B.O. when you already don't feel well? GAG reflex anyone?? I feel bad for these people. I really do. I count on F to tell me when I stink. Because yes; there are times when I can't smell myself. Far and few between, but it happens. And usually it is maybe a day old funk, or end of day funk, I shower daily, sometimes twice daily. So like I said, it happens rarely. But these people I'm smelling in the dr.'s office? Their smell is more than day old funk. It is SEVERAL days’ worth of funk. I just don't understand it. Especially when the wife is sitting there, hair done, make-up on, and the hubby is smelly. It boggles my mind, it truly does.

Shoulders Back, Chest Out

I was talking to my mother the other night on the phone. She likes to update me on all things that go on in her little snowbird community. I was listening half heartedly when she started ranting about t-shirts. She and her "Gentleman friend" (because "DH, he's NOT a BOY!!"), were at some function where they were selling t-shirts. I'd say it's safe to assume the event t-shirts, like many event t-shirt, were unisex. This in no way was acceptable to my almost 70 yr old mother. She apparently expressed her displeasure to the poor woman volunteer who was manning the shirt sales.


My Mom: "Why don't you sell V-neck shirts for the women?"

Woman Volunteer: "I don't know."

My Mom: "Well you should! Most women (she means her age) don’t like things up around their necks."

Woman Volunteer: "Oh? Is that so?"

My Mom: "YES! Plus women look better in V-necks! It shows off your chest better. I bet you'd sell more if they were V-necks."

Woman Volunteer: "That could be."

Not at all satisfied that she'd convinced the woman, my mom left. She went on to tell me that it was the stupid men who probably ordered the shirts in the first place and hence the total lack of a V-neck choice.

She also told me she'd be shopping for a V-neck sweater/sweatshirt while home. (she came home for the holidays.) Because "Your chest just LOOKS better in a V-neck DH, you know this."

Yes mom, yes I do.

I spit in the wind too bitches!!!

On my drive to work I take roads that are main through fairs. 4 lanes all the way.
My commute takes me through neighborhoods. So you can imagine my shock and surprise when I was stopped at a light and caught movement out of the corner of my eye. (I was not shocked by the movement, even if i was half asleep still.)  I looked and had to do a double take. There was a woman, in PLAIN view of the morning rush hour traffic, letting her dog out while sucking on a cancer stick. No big right? Except all she had on was a jacket. That BARELY covered her ass. No pants, no shoes. It was 37 degrees out. BARE legs and feet. She stared us down. Doing that smokers squint, "Yeah, I'm half naked in my driveway, so what??"
So what indeed.

More Proof My Husband is a 13 yr old Girl

F singing aloud, "GA GA GA GA".

F: "DH, why do women hate Lady Gaga??"

Me: "Um, I don't know.......she's kinda a freak???"

F: "Some people say she's awesome. They also say Michael Jackson is awesome. He's a freak."

Me: "Was."

F: "Was. I think she's good, but I'm not sure she's awesome. GAGAGAGGAAAAAAAAAAA" (which after sampling the tracks is actually suppose to be looove looove looove, i think) he sings as he leaves the room to go shut down the computer before coming to bed.

For the next 20 mins I hear him listening to Lady Gaga on his computer. When he finally comes to bed I am regaled for the next FIFTEEN MINUTES about fun fact of Lady Gaga. Did I know she's only like 23? Did I know that she is not ONLY AMERICAN she's actually a NEW YORKER??? The Bronx or something???

And on and on it goes.

Seriously.

Thirteen. Year. Old. Girl.

I have ESP

How is this for weird?? Someone from my past popped into my head last night. OUT OF THE BLUE. And I wondered to myself, "I wonder how she's doing? What happened with the kid she had in high school??"

And low and behold, this morning, Face Book tells me she wants to be friends!!!!!
I have to say, this isn't the first time something like this has happened to me. It apparently runs in the family. My grandmother would have a very specific dream right before someone was going to die.
I need to harness this power. Take it to a new level. Love it and feed it and make it grow.

'Cause the Lotto ain't gonna win itself.

To MIL's house we go....

It's that time of year again my digital friends. Yes, F and I will be packing up the vehicle and traveling back EAST for 8 days of Out-Law togetherness. I've stocked the posts to keep you company while I'm away. Only time will tell if this visit will stand the test of time and be like all the others, or if a new trend will start with where we left off this summer.
Have a great Holiday my digital friends!  Have a fabulous time ringing in the New Year!! I'll see you in 2010!!!

No Thanks, Thanksgiving

Has anybody else seen this? It is from AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.  First, with all these dishes that everyone else is bringing, what the hell is this woman making? And second, if I were these people I'd put all my required dishes in Tupperware and dare her to say something. I would LOVE to see a follow up on how this dinner went down. Oh to be a fly on all the many walls involved in this!!!!


The Thanksgiving Letter (back by popular demand)



November 26th, 2009

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders(who does this woman think she is???). I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL!(why the foil hate?) If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! (seriously? If they both scoop, what difference does it make? even for an OCDer such as myself this is a bit much)And please do not forget anything.


All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. (so, um, you expect to eat the minute people hit the door? i mean how are you going to keep everything HOT??)These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.



HJB—Dinner wine (why is this person getting off so easy?)

The Mike Byron Family


1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.(um so why have them?)


2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. (what??????? dude.)I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).


3. Toppings for the ice cream.


4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.(um, why do you care? water is water. they take home the leftovers.)



The Bob Byron Family


1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese(didn't she just say it was up to BBF on how to make them?) (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.


2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22). (again,why does it matter?)



The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family


1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level.(wow, sounds like someone is bitter about lisa not carrying her fair share in th past.) You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).(they do make small ones ya know)


The Michelle Bobble Family


1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.


2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon


3. Proscuitto pin wheel – please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.


4. A pie knife(why is the person who is not bringing a pie, bringing the pie knife???)



The June Davis Family


1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size (which would be what exactly?)casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container (this breaks the no plastic rule!!)and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.


2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay


The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)


1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe)(how do you know everyone likes that recipe???) no knife needed.


2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.


Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney






(kindly submitted by Kara at http://californiakara.blogspot.com)

The Blame Game, Governmet Style

You know, I try not to get too political on my Blog, but my totally anti-government Aunt sent me this, and although is it a bit too "the public's not to blame"  it does have some good points, plus a kicky little rhyme at the end.


Basically, it says we need to sign Congress up for that TV show, The Bank of Mom and Dad.



545 vs. 300,000,000


545 PEOPLE


By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall.

No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.


The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people and they alone, are responsible.
They and they alone, have the power.
They and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses..

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.
We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.


Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid..
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
Taxes drove me
to my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Christmas Came EARLY!!!!!

My shoes are WAITING for me at HOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Your package has been delivered. To view Proof of Delivery, please select the link.





Tracking Information


Tracking Number: [redacted]  Status: Delivered


UPS has delivered the shipment.
Residential deliveries that do not require a signature may be left in a safe place, out of sight and out of weather, at the driver's discretion. This could include the front porch, side door, back porch, or garage area. If you have instructed the driver to leave the shipment with a neighbor or leasing office, this would be noted on a yellow UPS InfoNotice left by the driver.


Delivered On: 12/17/2009 2:23 P.M.
Location: PORCH
Delivered To: [MY HOUSE]
 

My new babies!!!

 

 

In Dark Brown

When the Truth REALLY Hurts

CBF and I got together awhile ago in Las Vegas for a girls' weekend.  I collect shot glasses and wanted one from Hard Rock Cafe.  CBF and I ended up at the Hard Rock Cafe Hotel and Casino, which is at a completely different end of the strip than just the plain old Hard Rock Cafe.  The Hotel and Casino is like walking through the ultimate FRAT house. One of the pools, Rehab, even has it's OWN show on TruTV. Yes, a show about all the nakedness and shenanigans that go on AT A POOL.  As we walked through the halls all we saw were 20something males in their cargo shorts and polo shirts, adult beverage in hand, talking excitedly about some HOTT waitress who just hit on their buddy!!! They were followed by, well, HOTT waitresses. But the men way out numbered the "ladies" who were in their short shorts, or micro minis, and tissue thin tank tops with fake bake tans tittering on amazingly high heeled sandals.  I, in my crop pants, bike shoes (mine have pink in them) and T-Shirt felt old and frumpy. Feeling like a moment of camaraderie was upon us, I whispered to CBF, "GAWD, I feel like a suburban housewife!!!"
She gave me a withering look and replied, "That's because you ARE a suburban housewife."

And that my digital friends, is when I finally felt the true weight of my 35 yrs and sensible (WAY CUTE!) shoes(which had given me blisters. the strip is no where to break in new shoes). That is also when I was DONE with Vegas. That realization killed all the hype of "What Happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas" because I knew at that moment, NOTHING was going to be happening in Vegas for me.

And no, I wasn't looking for a "hook-up". I am, after all, A WIFE, house or no. I just wanted some of the HYPE and SENSATIONALISM of VEGAS BABY!!!

*la sigh*

Is that ALL?

I made a Christmas list for F, it had 6 things on it. All reasonable. I gave him this list shortly after Thanksgiving.
He has told me nothing. Has created no list.  We are 10 days away from Christmas.

This is the e-mail he just sent me:

"snuggie (as the header)........for my xmas list... I am 6 feet talll (72 inches)... "

No Thumb Blisters here!

I have a friend. In fact, you've read about her before. We've been friends since 2nd grade. She is an elementary teacher. She NEVER reads her e-mail. She joined Facebook because "I hear you put all your updates on there now." (i don't. I'm hardly ever on there.) She never updates her own page.


I don't see her as being very tech orientated. Maybe she is, in her own home, I don't know. What I DO know is that she got a Crackberry after I told her how much F loved and misses the one he had for like a week. So now? Instead of sending me e-mails or updating her Facebook from her Crackberry, she sends me texts. And then signs them, like you would a letter or an e-mail.

CRACKS ME UP.

Like the one she sent me last night:

"HEY! Wondering about our annual girls night out get together over the holidays. Let me know. R"

So I immediately sent her one back. Which is how text is supposed to work, right??

Have not heard another word from her!

Ah R. You do delight me.