Um, Groupon. Really??

Groupon, some things you just shouldn't offer

2012, Stay in Your Own Decade Please

So, I signed up to received these news letters from these people. Probably because they said if I did I'd have a chance to win something. They presented themselves as  hip e-news for today's women.
But then I got this, and I'm thinking maybe not so much................

TURBAN HEADBANDS. WTF??? NO. Just, NO.

Change Day

So this is what happens in the Midwest when you go from 70 degrees and sunny one day to 55 cold, windy, rainy and the heat is out in the office.

Yes, those yellow things are baby chicks
And not that you care, but the heels are by Aerosoles, my most favorite brand in all the world.

SOCKS, with DRESS SHOES because the weather changed over night and I haven't had time to change my Wardrobe from "Summer" to "Winter". Also know as changing from "Open Toe" to "Closed Toe". Basically, I haven't washed my knee highs, or as the store calls them so you don't feel like your Grandma, "Trousers Socks" yet. Guess I'll have to dig them out of storage. Fun fun.

Some how I don't see my style making Big Mama's Fashion Friday edition any time soon.

Don't Look At this While Eating......

DISGUSTING Spirit Air!!!

So yeah, GAG. Why would  you even? Who said this was a good Ad?? Seriously.

Hairy Situation

When I went to get my hair cut for the last time at my former stylist, she had on a sweater. Not all that notable, since it was winter. Except for the fact that sweaters are rather notorious for collecting hair. Your own, or others. (can you see where i'm going with this?) Normally I would think nothing of this. HOWEVER, said hair was on her sleeve, about half way down. Granted, she had her sleeves pushed up, but all that did was put the extremely long, and extremely NOT my hair, DIRECTLY in my face while she was shampooing me.  Someone else's hair, IN my face.  Dangling there. Unhindered. Unnoticed. Every time she moved her arm, said unknown hair tickled a different part of my face. Nose. Forehead. Cheek. Chin. Other Cheek. I about gagged as it zeroed in on my mouth. But THANKFULLY she was distracted and I was saved from the hair lip from hell. EW! Even now, MONTHS later it still gives me the chills!!!
It was torture I tell you. Gives a whole new meaning to Teasing your hair!!

My Hair Apparent

I've told you all about my hair crisis recently. I am still not loving my style. I take that back, I love it immediately after my new stylist finishes it and then hate it the moment I fail in recreating it at home. What woman has not had this issue? Anyway, I have recently found a hair color that I like, a lot.  My natural color is dark ash blonde, aka, DISH WATER BLONDE. YUCK.

The color I discovered is this:

Dark Beige Blonde, or Sweet Latte.

 How can you not get behind a name like that? Once again, Target, you disappoint me. You don't have my color. WTF Target?? You keep doing this to me, make-up, hair color, other items, GONE, out of stock. Why do you love to torment little old me???

So I bought this instead:

Dark Natural Blonde or Almond Creme. Another great looking color, no?

Myself, I thought this is even a tad lighter in color, great for the coming summer, right???

Am I wrong? Let's do a side by side shall we?

No, I do not believe I am wrong, it IS LIGHTER.

So can someone please tell me why my hair is now THIS COLOR????

Medium Golden Brown aka Chestnut.

 How did this happen??????? I do not see the progression to darker, I do not. Maybe the wrong item was put in the wrong box, I don't know. But I can tell you, I DO NOT look good with dark hair. It pulls all the pink to the front in my skin which in turn makes me look old and pale. It is all wrong. Someone suggested I put in highlights, that scares me that I would end up with red highlights instead of blonde. Did I mention there are only 2 days left until we leave for the wedding Back East?

Um, yeah, now is NOT the time to be messing with my hair.  GRRRRRRRRRRRR

500+ 1

OMG my digital friends, I've hit the 500 entries mark!!! This entry here will be 501!! Like the Levi's only better!


OK. Maybe not.

I'll just give you a good little giggle for the day.


F called me: "Hey, I need the number for the dentist, Dr. ABC."

Me: "Um, ok. Hang on a sec. What do you need it for?" ( I asked thinking he has broken a tooth or something since I can hear male voices in the background*very important to note*. Who wouldn't gather around for a good tooth chipping, hmmmm?)

F: "A referral."

Now mind you, when F calls me during the day while I'm at work, I sometimes have to pull my mind from focusing on my work, to do whatever it is he's asking me to do. Sometimes, my mental work fog doesn't always lift as fast as it should, or could, and lord knows I often hang up with him and think; Wait. What did I just agree to?

This phone call was one of those times.



Me: "Ok, 123-4567."

F: "123-4567. Are you sure?"

Me: "Yes.............WAIT!!! No no *giggle* that would have been pretty funny. That's the GYNOCOLOGIST'S number!!!"

F: "OMG."

Me: "Here 789-1011.hehehee”


In my defense, our dentist's name is the SAME as my soon to be former Gyno's name.

The Battle Rages On

I've told you recently of the battles my face is waging against me. It does not rest. It does not quit. It marches on across my face.  Last week, it was my chin.That was but a small skirmish, and cleared up quickly.  The mound from this post has dug in and refuses to leave.  It appears to have left a small force behind to maintain the fort, but has moved the mass of the troops to a new locale. The troops marched around the southern half of my nose to settle on the RIGHT side where my nostril flares out and meets my face. I continue to battle, alas half heartedly, against this unrelenting injustice. I purchased a new bottle of foundation fearing that the Old Foundation, and I DO mean old, at least 6 years(yes i know, but i RARELY use foundation), was a double agent and was supplying arms to the enemy. This tactic seemed to work for a few days, but either the enemy has turned New Foundation against me, or I executed an innocent old friend for desertion wrongly. I noticed New Foundation feels less greasy, which is a plus. I believe however this tactic was used to lull me as it went about escalating the number of creases and lines under my eyes. New Foundation is clearly working for the enemy.


I am losing the war my digital friends. I need reinforcements and potentially new supplies.

Can the U.D.N. (United Digital Nations) help their battle weary Blogger out? Supplies? Tested and True battle plans? ANYTHING??????

S.O.S!!!!!!

COOL! But, Maybe Not

So Yahoo keeps showing me this ad for an Asian super secrect hair thickening system. I finally clicked on it when I noticed it was offering a FREE TRIAL!!!!!!  The site comes up and I see this picture:

Hmmm, me thinks that is NOT the same head, but, really what harm could it do? My hair is fine. Not fine and is good, but fine as in thin. This is ancient world knowledge boosted by new techonology.

Kaou (White Peony Tea) Known as the "King of all flowers" for its ability to soothe and condition the scalp.

Niiro Cha (Rooibos Red Tea)Middle Asian tea leaf stimulates circulation to scalp and hair follicles for enhanced brilliance.

Yuzu (Japanese Citrus Extract) Central to the Japanese Winter Solstice bathing ritual.
Promotes lasting shine and radiance.
Yuri (Water Lily) Centuries-old Asian remedy calms and soothes the scalp, especially with irritation due to hair styling products.
Tsubaki (Camellia Oil) Once reserved only for Geishas and Samurai. Legendary for advanced moisturizing and fortifying with increased length and volume.

Cool looking bottles:


Gently yet powerfully remove impurities With Pro Foam L amino acids for repair
All-Natural Shine and Fullness

Testimonals!

"My hair was smoother and shinier within the first few days. I saw new hair growth where I had started to recede. I feel more vibrant and confident. Plus, my hair is easier to style than before."
- Mona L., Fulton, MO

"I love OOKISA! This all-natural product promotes hair growth and makes hair look shinier, fuller and healthier. I noticed more brilliance and thickness."
- Kellie J., Piedmont, AL

I was all ready to enter my credit card info until I read what the *astrik next to the "FREE" meant:

* Your FREE Trial of OOKISA™ includes a full 60-day supply for just $5.95 in shipping and processing. You will have 30 days to try OOKISA™ and discover why it is the perfect hair care system for you. If you like how this system makes you look younger with more youthful looking hair, do nothing – at the end of your free-trial period you will be billed the discounted price of $89.95. If for any reason the collection is not for you, call OOKISA™ Customer Care toll-free at 877-466-5472 within your 30-day free-trial period to cancel. Then simply return the product (even if it is empty!) and you will NEVER be billed. No commitments, no hassles.

NINETY BUCKS??!?!?!?! PLUS Shipping and Handling??? DUDE!!!!!  I realize the 30 day trial is free. But when you consider that it will take a week to get to you, and another week to send it back in order to meet the 30 days, all you get is 2 weeks. Unless of course you are sneaky and dishonest and empty the contents into different containers and send back the empties...........

Not that I would EVER consider doing that.

The Time Has Come

So, I guess it is time to make a decision on my hair style. Especially after my boss stopped me in the hallway and said, "So, I've been meaning to ask you. Why have you stopped 'doing'(makes curling motion) your hair?"
"I am so tired of it. I just can't be bothered anymore."
"Oh. Well, yeah, I understand."
"I want to cut it short, but F doesn't want me to."
"Yeah. Well, it still looks, nice."

Um, yeah. "Nice." I know my hair looks like crap. I have fine, poker straight hair. I do attempt to style it each morning. I still use gel and thickening lotion and hairspray. The result however just doesn't look as nice. Which, I just don't understand, there are other women in our office who don't style their hair, and it looks amazing. Why can't I be one of them???
I just don't have the patience for this. I WANT my hair to look good, of course I do. I just, I just kinda don't care anymore. Ya know?
I'm actually leaning towards the perm again. So easy.
This should NOT be such an issue for pete's sake!!!

My Face Has Turned Against Me

This post from just the other day? Was apparently just the beginning. The guiding light on the end of my nose has greatly diminished and is no longer glowing red. It however seems to have relocated to the side of my nose. That area where your nose gently slopes down and becomes your cheek? Well that area is now a swollen mound and no longer a gentle slope. If this continues it will grow in such mass as to interfere with my vision! Scoff not! It pains me to tell you that I had that experience before. Just on the right side of my face instead of the left. I could not go to work because I COULD NOT see out of my right eye due to the SWELLING. Yes. You are reading that correctly.


I stayed home from work due to a colossal sized BLEMISH.

I steamed my face using a tea pot and a wash cloth soaked in rubbing alcohol.

Lesson learned there? Rubbing alcohol in steam form makes you gag and your eyes water. Not the best idea, but it did seem to work. By the next day it had shrank to the point where I felt I could return to work. Of course I still wished I could wear a bag over my head to cover the hideous thing, but none the less I braved on.

I cannot afford to miss work again due a blemish of mammoth size. I have waaaaaay too much work to do.

As is so clearly evident from the fact that I am composing this post.

Anyhoodle, WTF blemish??? WTF FACE?!?!?!!?!? Why the wage of blemish war against me???

Seriously, W.T.F.???????????????

If it were still Christmas, I could guide Santa's Sleigh Tonight...

As though it is not insulting enough that at 35 I still get breakouts during that special "lady time"; but to get a breakout now, AFTER that time has passed? Downright unacceptable. The pulsating, bright red "bump" on my nose is truly beyond words.


No amount of concealer conceals it.

Powdering my nose is a test in camouflage.

Yes all the facial items have been applied, and yes, they are working, albeit slowly, but still, this is so entirely unfair, I cannot even tell you.

When does it all end I ask you, WHEN?????

Where has all the Hair gone?

I am back to hating my hair. I know, I am such a waffle about my hair. We truly have a love-hate relationship.


In the first days after having it done, I love it. It styles well, the color is awesome, but then, THEN the style is flat and looks nothing like it did a few days before. The color starts to fade and I notice how much brass is showing again against my dark roots.

I am frustrated.

Is it me?

Is it the "new" stylist?

Is it a combo?

There were YEARS there where I LOVED my hair. And I am beginning to think that is purely due to the woman who used to do it. I got her completely by chance, and I kept her. FOR FIVE YEARS. At one point I told her she was the longest relationship I'd ever had. I even moved salons with her once.

But then she disappeared.

So I was on the hunt for someone new. I made the mistake of going to a few of those chain places, GOOD LORD, HACK CITY.

Then I found a guy. And I had fabulous hair once again. But he moved salons, A LOT. Once he even left the state because he had found TRUE LOVE. Then he came back.

I followed him 4 times before I finally called it quits after I had to give him a ride home. Our relationship was becoming too "involved" with one another.

I even rediscovered the woman from above. She'd opened her own place, but it was so expensive I only went there once because I had a coupon.

Then I went to F's gal. This relationship was never very harmonious. Whenever she did my color she was constantly asking the stylist next to her how she should mix the color, what number and level she should use, and on and on and on. It always bothered me. But I stayed because the price was right. And after the wedding (my bride hair was AMAZING) I never went back. F even quit going because HIS hair, what little there is left of it, was getting screwed up.

I asked around at work, and found my current stylist. But I've never been COMPLETELY happy with what she does. The color is usually good, even if I have to tell her we need to do all over color because my roots are just too massive, and like I said, the style is usually good, at the start. But then it just all falls apart. I don't ever remember this being an issue before.

I DREAD finding a new stylist. DREAD it. It is never easy. But I can't keep being frustrated by my hair. There are so many other things I can waste time fretting over. My hair should not be one of them.

So I think, I think I will try and find someone new.

Join me on this journey, won't you?

Wish me luck.

Pass the Speed Stick

No matter the time of day, time of year, or type of office, without fail, EVERY SINGLE TIME I enter the doctor's office, someone has B.O. Yes, it's true. Sad, but true. And I've narrowed it down to the elderly. I have no idea at what age showering becomes optional, but it apparently does. Most commonly with the men. It happened with my grandfather, even though my grandmother did her best to make him bathe. I just find it odd that it is so prevalent at the doctor's office. I always try to make sure that I'm showered and freshly deodorant-ed before leaving for an appointment. And do the doctors notice? If I smell it the minute I open the office door, how can they NOT smell it when enclosed in 10 X 8 room? Don't they say anything?? Like, "Part of general health is general hygiene."??? Who doesn't feel better after showering?


And no matter where I sit in the office waiting room, I can smell it. And smelling B.O. when you already don't feel well? GAG reflex anyone?? I feel bad for these people. I really do. I count on F to tell me when I stink. Because yes; there are times when I can't smell myself. Far and few between, but it happens. And usually it is maybe a day old funk, or end of day funk, I shower daily, sometimes twice daily. So like I said, it happens rarely. But these people I'm smelling in the dr.'s office? Their smell is more than day old funk. It is SEVERAL days’ worth of funk. I just don't understand it. Especially when the wife is sitting there, hair done, make-up on, and the hubby is smelly. It boggles my mind, it truly does.

To Bang or Not To Bang....In a non-Sexual Manner

My digital friends, I am getting my hair cut and colored tomorrow evening and I cannot, CAN NOT express to you how truly excited I am!!! It has been, THREE MONTHS, THREE ENTIRE MONTHS since I have had my hair done. The gray is a showing. The roots have probably 3 inches showing which makes them not so rooty anymore, and just more like "natural". And my BANGS are so long that I've already had to cut them myself. Plus, they are doing this weird, thinning thing. Not that my hair has ever been thick, but my bangs have pretty much always made a good showing on my forehead. Now they are whispy and it drives me crazy. Can your hair line change directions as you age? I mean beside moving backwards down the back of your head? Can it move SIDEWAYS??? My bangs are clumping in weird little clumps like they have never done before. So, I'm asking you, my digital friends, should I continue with the bangs or let them grow out al-aha Ugly Betty style?? Go in a new direction?? I have seriously considered going short again, but F freaks out every time I come back from the salon and my hair is shorter. I'm just so tired of having to put the effort in of styling it every morning. I'm feeling a sense of déjà vu, have I asked you this before??? My hair is so thin, or FINE as I was once corrected (again with the déjà vu) that if I try to do the bone straight no frills type of style it just looks flat and boring. There are a few women here in the office that can pull that look off, but I cannot.I would be happy with hair like these women:

But I just can't seem to pull it off. And another thing, I'm a tad clueless as to what my face shape is. Round maybe? Oval? Square? Heartshaped?? How am I to know?

Men have no idea just how easy they have it!!

Another 10 minutes, PLEASE mom?!?!?!

This morning as I shuffled about getting ready for work I actually paused in front of clothes hooks and longingly looked at my oversized t-shirt and pj pants. For a fleeting moment I pictured myself dressed in these lovingly comfortable clothes with my hair in a ponytail sitting at my desk doing my work. My body sighed at the prospect of no heels or knee highs or curling iron. Then I gave a heavy sigh as the picture faded away and Adulthood snuck back in.


More and more I understand those crazy kids and their propensity for wearing their pj pants out and about in public. My new favs are a pair of Nautica pj pants from Costco (my pants are light blue and sadly did not come with pictured studly lad in them, *la sigh*). So incredibly SOFT. Seriously, pj pants are this generation's version of the sweat suit, aren't they?  When I was in elementary school I had TWO sweat suits, one in aqua and one in purple that had a dancing Kermit the Frog on them. I was STY-LIN'.

Oh and my LL Bean WICKED Good slippers. Truly, sloth heaven.

Dress code be damned! We need a pj pant and slipper day at work!!!
Who's with me?!?!?!!?!?

Sharing is not always Caring

Today I stopped into a co-worker's office to have some candy. I was hoping she wasn't in there because this co-worker is well known for "over sharing" or as the kids like to call it, T.M.I about many things that are of a personal nature.


I was not lucky today.

Me: "I came for some chocolate."

TMI_Co-worker: "OH! Help yourself!!!"

Me: "Thanks."

TMI_Co-worker: "How is DH today?" (it is well known throughout the office that I have been sick because you can hear me coughing where ever I go.)

Me: "Oh, I'm better, sporting a headache, but better."

TMI_Co-worker: "That's good. Unlike me who is on DAY 13 of my period!"

(oh god no, here we go..........)

Me: "OMG, that is not good."

TMI_Co-worker: "I know. And it's not a regular flow either. This is full on OPEN FAUCET GUSH for 13 days!"

Me: "EW." (I do feel bad for her, but seriously??? Did I need to know that detail???)

TMI_Co-worker: "Yeah, I don't have enough, YOU KNOW, SUPPLIES to keep up with it. It's exhausting me, I'm so tired."

Me: "Wow. Have you gone to the doctor?"

TMI_Co-worker: "Oh yeah, it's menopausal stuff. Of course my husband thinks I have cancer. So he's freaking out."

It is at this point in the conversation that I find the opportunity to change the subject. And I do, QUICKLY.

She apparently did not read the same article on MSN I did, about what NOT to share with your co-workers.

Most importantly points 2, 6 and 12.

I rewarded myself with a second piece of candy before I left. I needed something to take my mind off that visual picture she painted for me.

Dream Weaver....I Need a New Weave

What does it mean when you have a dream where you preform a Britney and shave your head???

Anybody??

Over the Weekend.....

I washed my hair 4x in less than a 24hr period. Not the best water saving mission, but that is how things played out this weekend.


My chin exploded in zits like I was 15 again. Despite the massive amounts of EXTREMELY expensive anti-acne cremes, salves, washes and over-night products, the mountain zit in the middle of my chin continues to grow. It is extremely embarrassing to have to be at work and have said zit pulsate at my co-workers while we chat. I feel greasy and nasty and wish to wear a bag over my head until the volcano blows and begins to shrink.


I spent a good $80 on splints and support wraps because at 35 and 2 months my manky ankle refuses to be anything but trouble and has convinced my knee that they should work against me in tandem. They sent a telegram to both my hips who won't allow me to sleep on either of them, the muscle group in my upper buttock who have formed a fist sized knot that shoots pain back down my thigh (ha ha knee! backfire!), the RIGHT side of my neck which refuses to play nice with the pillow and my entire back muscle coalition.

F informed me that if I want to go somewhere for our 1 YEAR anniversary that I need to start looking now, and it must have a fireplace to keep us warm. This little task was given to me after he questioned me, "Do I REALLY have to get you something?" and "You mean you REALLY want that cookbook from Pioneer Woman?? Can I buy it in the store, or only from Amazon??"
Apparently giving him the link on Amazon was still too involved for him and I might as well go out and buy it myself and give myself a really romantic card while I'm at it.

My mom got off on her Alaskan cruise just fine, but no one has heard from her since. We are all just assuming that she doesn't have cell service on the water and is too cheap to pay for Internet time on the boat to let us all know she is still afloat. (see what i did there??)

Where they find the "Guests" For Jerry Springer

Thank You Sassy Two Socks.
This new website has brightened my day.
A whole blog dedicated to the People of Walmart, or as I like to refer to it, White Trash World.

Please shower after exiting.