I Was Ahead of My Time

I believe I already called this one. FIVE YEARS AGO.

Although the Vanilla Extract is a new one.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Hansel & Gretel Couldn’t Have Left a Better Trail

    I swear to all that is Holy there is a well-marked road map and several sign posts with possible runway lights that lead straight to our dishwasher and kitchen. It is miniature sized. Mouse sized. We have another one, or several, or however many.  F and I were away on vacation for a week. Puppy was at the Dog Sitter’s house.  When I entered the kitchen I noticed all the “spare” pieces of food Puppy had left on the floor surrounding her bowl were gone. Then within minutes of Puppy making it in the house she was tail deep in a corner of the kitchen where we keep a bag of bags.  I thought that was odd since she never goes in that corner.  I moved said bag aside and low, there were droppings. 

“Shit.”

Then as I grabbed the bread to make myself some toast, I noticed a hole in the bread bag.  “Is that melted? From being by the toaster oven?…. even though it was nowhere near the toaster oven?”  Then I noticed the chunk of bread missing.

“Fucking shit.”

Checking the counter top where said bread was kept I spied more dropping.

“Mother Fucking SHIT!!!!!!!!!”

I started opening all the drawers looking for more droppings because that is where they have been the last few times. I saw none. I also saw none in the dishwasher.  Another favorite spot.

“This could be not so bad.”

“F! the mice are back! Please call an exterminator ASAP. I am sick of dealing with this.”

F: “grumble, complain, makes excuses…..”

Next day

“Holy shit! The mice have made it into the half bathroom! Please call an exterminator!”

F: “grumble, complain, makes excuses…..”

Another Day Passes

Puppy and I are filling the dishwasher when I open the door and there is a small grayish thing sitting there.  I realize it is a mouse and slam the door shut hoping to knock it unconscious with the door.  Puppy is completely clueless even though half of her breed is “standard size dachshund was bred to scent, chase, and flush out badgers and other burrow-dwelling animals”.  Mice are burrow dwelling, aren’t they? Anyway, she did nothing.  The mouse was dazed, but not completely out of it. I stared at it for several moments trying to decide if I should just reach into the dishwasher and grab it. I was afraid it would bite me. During my indecision period the mouse had made it to its goal, the vents or something in the bottom of the dishwasher door.  It crawled right up in there. Where it went from inside the dishwasher door I have no idea.

“F! The mouse is in the dishwasher door!!!”

“I don’t know what to do about that, I have no idea how to get to it. Just run the dishwasher.”

So I did.  Then I washed all the knives and emptied the drawers. Everything is now on the dining room table and you have to walk there to get a knife, or spoon or fork. 

F is picking up mouse traps today.

Spoon Me

F and I have joined Weight Watchers.  I am more points conscious than he is. He hasn’t logged a point since we’ve started and he’s lost 4.6lbs. I have logged like crazy and have lost a mere 2.4lbs.  I know men lose faster than women do, but seriously, twice as much? And without doing any of the work? So not fair.  Anyway, we signed up for the E-Tools because it has an App feature. I think it sucks, but whatever.  I was logging some cake and noticed the “cheat sheet” icon. So I clicked on it for the Mexican Fiesta! Who doesn’t love a good Mexican Fiesta? Exactly.  I am reading the tips they give; stay away from the chips, get veggies, skip the margarita(HA!), get the smaller size, etc. When I read one tip and said to myself, REALLY? FUCKING REALLY?? WHO WOULD DO THAT???

“Speak up if you have special requests. Ask for salsa or pico de gallo instead of an oily salad dressing or cheese sauce. Order your fajitas with only one tortilla so you can save PointsPlus values and enjoy the rest of the filling on its own. Find out if they can bring sour cream and guacamole out on teaspoons instead of in a bowl or cup. All these little changes together will save you a lot of fat and calories.”

On teaspoons. TEASPOONS. I can just imagine the reaction of the server. “Teaspoons? You want teaspoons?”

“Yes, of sour cream.”

“What?”

If someone has done this I would really like to know because that just blows my mind

“Excuse me! Yes, I’m ready for my next teaspoon of sour cream please!”

How about using just a knife’s worth of sour cream instead of slopping it on? That is a more reasonable to do tip, don’t you think?

What is the craziest thing you have requested when ordering your food? Did you have a “When Harry Met Sally” moment?

Keep Your Grubby Hands Off My FOOD *UPDATED* *AGAIN*

I just went into the kitchen at work to check on the state of my salad fixings. I bought a container of salad, and brought in smaller containers of the toppings to keep in the fridge for a week's worth of lunches. Imagine my boiling rage when I discover that someone has INTIMATELY TOUCHED my food containers.  The container which held my lettuce was OPEN and two of my toppings containers where placed INSIDE on TOP of the lettuce. The lettuce underneath it was wilted and disgusting. I am so FLIPPING PISSED OFF right now I cannot even tell you. I understand MOVING things around to make more room for other stuff. I have NO PROBLEM with that. But OPENING, OPENING someone's container of food? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??? And it is not as if the shelves in a COMMUNITY FRIDGE are exactly CLEAN. So whatever nastiness was on the BOTTOM of my two containers from sitting on the shelf was transferred to MY FOOD. MY FOOD.   My LABELED food. Hence how the culprit knew the items went together.
I posted a note on the fridge. Sans the swearing. I'm awaiting the lunch time back lash.
Where are people's manners? Who does shit like this? WHO?!?!?!

**UPDATE**
The Culprit wrote me a note back, but then removed it. A co-worker told me what it said since I only noticed  that it was missing AND that there was blue Sharpie marks where it  had been hanging.

"It was already open and wilted."


Well of COURSE then! That it an open invitation to do with it what you will! TOUCH AWAY!!!! No need to be HELPFUL and maybe close the container! Heck NO! Add more stuff to it! Rearrange away!!!
BE MY GUEST. Contaminate my food with fridge shelf dirt. It'll put hair on my chest. Just where I need it.

SERIOUSLY Person? SERIOUSLY? I am assuming you saw the error of your ways and hence removed the note after you wrote on it. I can only but hope that is the case and you didn't just chicken out and remove the note for fear of being found out.
Be aware however, I will be checking trash cans tonight after work, because I have a fair good idea who you are, Mrs. Nosey.

**** I was unable to locate the note. I still have no concrete evidence that Mrs Nosey is behind it. But I still harbor my suspicions.******

Potty Time Made More Fun!!!

F and I went out to dinner. Several lemonades later, and I had to visit the restroom.


I was greatly amused at what I saw contained within my stall:



The Grandma Face seals the deal on this one



Double take, then giggle

So yeah, it appears I was drinking when I took this.
"Still Standing, Unlike Those We Serve."

MEN! GAH!!!

This morning while getting ready for work:

F: "DH?? DH where are you??"

Me: "I'm in the bathroom."

F:"Oh, well, I need to shave, so hurry up."

Me: "*sigh* fine."

I exit the "main" bathroom to allow F to shave and I head to the half bathroom to, ahem, finish my business.

TEN SECONDS later.................

F: "DH!!! DH!! Where ARE you???"

Me: *annoyed* "In.The.Bathroom."

F: "Well I'm out of shaving cream and mouthwash."

Me: "Fine. You know where the grocery list is." (it is located on the fridge, has been for the 5.5 years we've been together.)

F: "Oh.Well I was hoping you could go to Target."

Mind you, there is a Target 4.1 miles from HIS office. But I understand since it IS a WHOLE MILE further away than the one by my work (3.1 miles).
Now for the last 3 nights I've been getting home from work after 7pm. Last night I LEFT the office at 6:40pm. He knows this. He KNOWS I've been working on a huge project, AND YET, surely I can still go to Target to get shaving cream and mouthwash, mouthwash I might add that he didn't even WANT me to buy to begin with.
Why are boys so lazy when it comes to shopping? Why do boys always just assume that the job you have is wishy washy and SURELY you can go shopping on your lunch???

WTF dudes????
W.T.F.??

Traps Ahoy!

This morning F yells for me from the kitchen where he is  making breakfast. "DH!!!!!! GET HERE QUICK!!!!"
Considering the tone I hightail it across the house expecting to see blood. Instead? F hands me a half loaf of bread : "Look."
I stared at it for a moment before it sunk in. There were several large chunks missing from the tail end of the loaf.  I had to really focus in order to notice the large hole in the bag.
Me: "Motherfucker."
The damn mouse has made its way on to the counter top and has boldly taken to eating our bread. That means that the silverware I moved out of the drawer because it was pooping all over it, is still getting ran over by the damn mouse. The damn mouse who still pooped all over the silverware drawer even though there isn't any silverware or crumbs in it. F and I decided we would put all the non-eat-through proof food in a plastic container until this is resolved.
F has gone to get mouse traps.

Thanks-giving Me a Stress Twitch

I opted to Adult Up and host Thanksgiving this year. After the first year I did it, and almost killed my then BF (now hubs) my family was a little skittish. I assured them that there would be no repeat of a death match. All would be well, I had it all under control. Turkey? BAG, no basting required, painless.  Martha Stewart was providing the mashed potato recipe(somewhat doctored by me). Real Simple was providing a REAL SIMPLE green bean with bacon vinaigrette recipe. Mom provided the stuffing recipe, and the apple pie recipe. The grocery store provided the brown and serve rolls. "I GOT THIS" was my mantra. F insisted on coming along to do the grocery shopping. It is times like these that I wish he was as uninvolved in the kitchen as most husbands are.  I had a list that he keep wanting to deviate from, annoying. Then he insisted that he would go get all the fruit and vegetables because he a) knows better and more importantly (to him) b) he could get it cheaper at the fruit market. FINE.
I had the day before thanksgiving off. My PREP Day. I had at least 4 items I planned on checking off my list that day.  And that went downhill the minute I over slept. Until 11:30am. Yeah. Guess I needed it. I got up, showered and strapped on my "apron". One of F's old dress shirts with the sleeves removed. Hey, what can I say? When you've got the boobs I've got, you need more coverage that the average apron.  And I was OFF! to the couch to watch TV while I peeled and cored apples for the pie. If you bake apple stuff? Or any good sized fruit that requires peeling; You NEED one of these:

Time Saver!!

Then I went on to make the pie crusts, my second attempt only at making pie crust, ever! My brother laughed at me when I called about the crumb topping recipe, "Aren't you like 36? and you've never made pie crust before?"  Apple pie crust came out pretty well! I filled it with the apples and placed it in the freezer downstairs since the fridge was FULL. I moved on to the chocolate pie. At the rate I was going I knew I could still get the potatoes done and in the crock pot for the next day where they would just be warmed up through out the day. SCORE! Less stress baby!!!
Um, yeah. Not so much.
Being my mother's daughter I was all about making everything possible from scratch. The pie crusts, the potatoes, etc. I placed the second pie crust in the oven and while that baked I started the COOKED pudding, not INSTANT. My timing was near on PREFECT! Pudding finished just moments before the crust! Another SCORE! I was in my happy place! I could do it all bitches!! I was contemplating making dinner before F got home from work as well! I was feeling that good about my progress.
Pudding was cooling on the back of the stove. Pie crust was removed and placed on top of the stove.
And that is when it all fell apart.



PING! PING! PING! Yes, those are the sounds of glass pie plate hitting glass top stove

 



Amazingly I had the presence of mind to take pictures for you

 

My mother insisted I could NOT just place the crust in a new pie plate

Apparently, from what SIL who works for a glass company told me later at Christmas dinner, the minuscule drop of milk that was on the stove top created a vacuum with the glass pie plate which caused it to break. (yes I saw the milk droplet and thought nothing of it). At 4:30pm the night before Thanksgiving I found myself at the grocery store. OMG. What a crazy place!!! I raced down the aisle picking up things I had forgotten. I almost cried when the shelf where I purchased the two pie plates two weeks (at TWICE THE COST!!) before were EMPTY.  I had made up my mind to skip it and just use the metal pan I had at home when I saw a kindly looking employee. She assured me that there were more pie plates! But just WHERE, now that's the question??????? My heart sank again as she took to the meat section of the store. WHAT?? Who places a pie making display in the meat aisle!!!???
I stood in line with everyone else in town, the express lane was not so express.  I rushed home to start again on the crust. By now it was after 5.  The crust? Went in the trash. The two recipes are right next to each, one for two 8in pies and one for two 10in pies. I got them crossed and didn't add enough Crisco. TRASHED.
Things were going downhill fast. I still hadn't riped up and seasoned the bread so it could stale overnight. The potatoes were still in the bag. I started a fresh crust. It was super thin, but I was tired and hadn't had any dinner, so I patched it together, literally, and stuck it in the oven. By now the pudding was beyond set and cold. Lovely. Thankfully F had seen the need and started in on the bread for the stuffing.  When it came time to put the pudding in the crust, there wasn't enough pudding. The pudding was a good inch lower then the edge of the pie crust. It looked bad. Luckily I found a box of instant pudding in the cupboard, that however only brought the level up sightly.  I was on the verge of tears as F stated, "Just go to the store and get another one." He apparently has never been to the grocery store the night before Thanksgiving. Or made cooked pudding. I refused to go. I was done. I was giving in. Admitting defeat. I covered the pie and found room in the fridge for it.  I was dead on my feet. I couldn't think. I knew there was no way I could do the potatoes without staying up until midnight. It was already nine.  I cleaned up the kitchen, threw a few decoration up and called it night.
I figured getting up at 8 would give me plenty of time to do the potatoes, and green beans and get the turkey in the oven. I got up at 7:30. I should have gotten up at 6. Maybe even earlier.  I had read my mom's directions as closely as I should have, because I COMPLETELY missed the time line for making the stock.

Her exact directions: "(...)TURKEY neck, heart, giblets to pot and simmer for 1 hour - DO NOT boil.
you can make it a day ahead or VERY EARLY on Thanksgiving morning; keep simmering on stove ALL day so you can use it to moisten stuffing that's in crock pot while it cooks. may need more water or broth as day goes on."
I completely missed the whole ONE HOUR, and VERY EARLY. Yeah. PANIC. I called on F to help, "I'm SEVERAL hours behind, I need your help!! Please do the potatoes! The directions are on the fridge."
And by " Do the potatoes" I meant mash them and add all the ingredients and put them in the crock pot to keep warm. F started reading the recipe, completely failing to notice that that morning that I had already peeled and cut them. I see him dump the cooked potatoes out and start rinsing them.
 "What are you doing?"
 "It says they need to cool enough so I can rub the peels off (oh Martha, really? REALLY?) and then cut them up."
"F, look at them, they are already peeled and cut. Just mash them and add the stuff."
He looks at me, looks at the recipe, and starts to walk away, leaving the potatoes in the strainer.
"What are you doing NOW?????"
"They can cool, then I'll mash them later."
"No. Mash them, Now Please. They are easier to mash when hot (i have no idea if that is true.)."
"Fine."
"You'll probably have to do them in the crock pot."
Somewhere along the line he had add water to the crock pot. I had no idea how truly clueless he was about making real mashed potatoes.
He mashes the potatoes and starts to walk away again.
"You're done already???"
"Yeah, about 2 I'll add the stuff in and turn them on for dinner."

Mind you, at this point it is probably closing in on noon.

"Um, no. You need to do it now."
"It can wait, Trust me."
"No, it CANNOT wait. Dinner is at 3, do you really think they'll heat all the way back up in an hour??????"
"We can turn it on High." (his answer for any cooking temp, I swear to god.)
"F. PLEASE just do as I ask, OK?"
Grudgingly he complies.
I won't even go into the issues and arguments he gave me about making the stuffing. BREAD stuffing, something he has NEVER made in his life, and yet he KNEW how to do it!! (sarcasm in case you missed it) And then he questioned my brother when he arrived because he refused to believe I knew what I was talking about.
Long story short? I under estimated how long the turkey needed to cook. At 2 o'clock the timer still read 2 hours cooking time left. We were suppose to eat at 3.
At 2 o'clock when family started to arrive I was still in my yoga pants and a Renaissance Festival T-shirt.
At 2 o'clock when SES (martha stewart jr) arrived, I immediately put her to work making the Real Simple Green Beans with Bacon Vinaigrette recipe which was to be served cold, but only the beans, not the vinaigrette. Which was also cold, when we ate 2 hours later.
At 2 o'clock the apple pie was still frozen solid. I forgot to take it out of the freezer in the morning. I had planned to cook it in a HOT oven while we ate dinner. I was of course PETRIFIED that putting an extremely cold glass dish in a hot oven would result in yet another pie plate disaster (see pics above). I realized I could set it on a trivet on top of the hot stove to thaw.  It worked, mostly.
At 3:30 we decided that the turkey meet the temperature requirement and ES_BIL started to carve away. He hit pink meat close to the rib cage. Luckily we had enough cooked meat to feed everyone. The mashed potatoes were watery because I had put the lid on the crock pot to keep the heat in, and the condensation dripped back down into the potatoes. Who knew?
F forgot the salad and had to run out minutes before dinner and buy some.
So let's re-cap shall we?
Broken pie plate setting the schedule back by several hours.
Under cooked turkey.
Frozen apple pie.
Cold veggie dressing that was suppose to  be hot.
Watery potatoes.
Forgotten side dish.
Argumentative husband(when he wasn't being helpful.)
Me on verge of nervous breakdown to the point that ES keep rubbing my back telling it will all be ok and they didn't care if we ate an hour later.
The problem chocolate pudding pie crust? Tasteless.

At least my table was pre-set and looked pretty.



We went to four different stores before we found that table cloth at Khol's
 where we started


Oh, and no one got sick from under cooked food.
Amen.

Stop Eyin' (Eyein') Me....

I do not care for seafood. This is a long standing dislike. Goes back many a years to a childhood fraught with 40 Fridays of Fish sticks. I'm talkin about Lent y'all. Yes, mom would swap Fish stick Friday with Spaghetti Friday, but nothing could wipe out the horror that is the fish stick.  Recently, when F and I went to Boston for a job interview,(him, which he didn't get, BOSTON damn it) he was in pure heaven, while I roasted in hell simply so he could enjoy some seafood. The hotel suggested a place down the street that was very popular with the locals. It was in a strip mall. Anyhoodle, my olfactory sense triggered a massive gag reflex when F opened the door.  I cringed, my face scrunched up in that "oh! gross smell!!!!!!!" look as my eyes fell upon a sea food DELI. A strip mall fish market.  F pushed me through the connecting door none too soon as I held my breath. The smell wasn't nearly as strong on the restaurant side.  But it is not just the smell my digital friends that sends me in to convulsions. The look gets me too. I cannot stand to have my food look back at me. AT ALL. EVER. It grosses me the hell out. So you can imagine how I felt when I opened an e-mail from a local Mediterranean restaurant and saw this STARING back at me. I gag just thinking about it!

THOSE EYES!!! Seriously. COOKED EYES.

GAG GAG GAG GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG.

Slow Spiral

For several months now I’ve been feeling down. I’m having a hard time finding anything to be happy about, or that I like. It started by hating my hair. Well, actually, it probably started before that. Back when, well, we found out some not so good news. My spiral started then. I’ve been wrestling with what, if anything I wanted to share here. One day, when the bad news was more than I could take, I started an entry, of sorts, that bullet pointed my experiences and feelings. I’m still not ready to share, here. Yet. But, having put it down, having it out of my head so to speak, I’m able to concentrate. I’ve been adding bullets as things happen.

Today, though, today, I just, *sigh* I just need to vent, maybe? Get things out so I can start moving past them. So please bear with me and my pity party of one.

Yes, I still hate my hair. Even though I realize that it is just not my hair, it is what my hair is sitting on top of. My head? Well yes, in a board sense, but more, my FACE. I hate my face right now. More specifically I hate how fat it is. I pass by a mirror and am shocked, Who’s the piggy? Who’s the old angry Polish woman? (I’m polish, so I can be stereotypical about my own people, right?) My double chin is double what it used to be. My skin looks horrid. Spots, break outs, wrinkles, plain old dull. My upper arms are doughy and soft, and BIG. I don’t think I’ve had wrists since I’ve meet F. I have the wrist version of cankles. Frists? I don’t know. My stomach. Lord. The bulge. The MOUND of fat. Thunder thighs? Check and check. CANKLES, sweet heaven above, I have cankles. And sausage fingers. I have fat people fingers.

My sugar is up, as is well, EVERYTHING that should be down.

I know, eat less, and move more. It is all under my control. I GET IT. And I have been trying, but I haven’t been trying as much as I should. And the weird thing? The weird thing is, is that food doesn’t sound good to me anymore, so I hardly eat, but I’m not really losing weight. Sometimes I’m not even hungry. Sometimes, the mere mention of a certain food makes me gag. Sometimes it is the smell. The other night F made chicken and I swore it smelled like fish. I could barely bring myself to eat it. Other times I get so hungry I get ill. Everything is, OFF, and I’m at a loss as to how to correct it. There are days when getting out of bed is such a challenge. If I could just sleep for a few more hours, everything would be fine. Socializing? Who wants to be bothered with that? It is too much work.

I see, I know what it is, DEPRESSION. I’ve had bouts of it before, who hasn’t? But I’ve always managed to pull myself out of it. I’ve always managed to put it behind me and move on. Nowadays I feel like I’m treading water, I’m not going anywhere. And it all starts all over again, the spiral. The sleeplessness, the over tiredness, the flat out apathy of everyday, day after day. I’m boxed in and I don’t know how to get out.

If just, IF JUST……yes, IF JUST….then it would all be better, maybe. Right? MAYBE.

*sigh*

Oh, the evils and joys of chocolate and salt

Crack in a candy coating.

Need I say more?

Order UP!!

Last night 7 PM: F arrives home after going grocery shopping by himself. He sets the bag on the counter and goes about his business.

10 PM: I follow him to bed.

8AM THIS MORNING: F calls me from work: "Hey, did you put away that meat I bought last night?"

Me: "I didn't know you bought any meat."

F: "So, that means it is still sitting out on the counter?"

Me: "Uh, yeah, if you didn't put it away."

F: "Can you turn around and go back to the house to put it away?"

Me: "After it sat out OVER NIGHT????!!!!"

F: "Yeah, it'll be fine."

Me: "Are you sure??? I don't think it will still be good."

F: "Yes, please, go put it away."

Me: "ok."

Needless to say, I won't be having a deli sandwich any time soon for lunch. uh, gag. That is just asking to get sick. Not that it was overtly warm or hot in our house, but the temp didn't drop below 72 all night. I'm making myself sick visualizing all the germs and slimy things on that meat now.

*shiver*

Dessert Fairy, Stricks Again

Around 3pm the other day, F calls to inquiry if I would like some cupcakes. I said SURE!

I think we all know where this is going....................

Yep, another uncovered dessert.

This time however, they had sat out since 2ish. F got home shortly after 7pm. It always amazes me that badly contained desserts make it through the ride home.

And yet, surprisingly, they were still moist 2 days later when I finally got around to eating them. (I'VE BEEN BUSY.yes, too busy for chocolate, feel my pain.)  Mind you of course, I'd covered them with plastic wrap. Over tooth picks so the frosting wouldn't stick.

Open Letter

Dear Mother Nature,

Pray tell, was it really necessary to open up the heavens in Noah's Ark proportions and rain DIRECTLY into my window whilst I was trying to order my lunch? I had to open my umbrella in my car and I still got soaked. Yes, you read that right, I had my UMBRELLA opened in MY CAR.
There are so many things wrong with that.
 Including what you did to my pants and the inside of my car.

My pant leg. Yes, that pinkish color IS MY LEG showing through the light tan Capri's I had on.

My driver's side door. The light color is the dry bits.

There was standing water in the little hand hold hole there. Yeah.

Please refrain from raining INTO my window while ordering my lunch. It is bad manners.

Bat Shit Crazy

It is hot, but our AC has been fixed, which is a blessing. I was experiencing some pain in my manky ankle and so decided to take some Tylenol PM  around 10pm..
BAD IDEA.
 It is now 3:50 AM and I am shaky and am experiencing crazy ass anxiety My legs can not be still. I have a case of shaky leg, times like a million. I usually get shaky leg when it is time for me to go to bed. This is truly a million times worse. If you could see me sitting here, trying to type, you'd think I was a crack whore in desparate need of another hit.
Tylenol PM used to be my go-to  for a sleep aid. But somewhere it tured against me. It decided that it would lull me with promises of a painless sleep.For years it work. I had many blissfull nights of pillow soaking drool. Alas, that is no longer the case. Is this how kids with ADD feel? I CANNOT sit still. Typing is quite a feet. Holy cow this is nuts. My brain is fuzzy like I"ve been drinking for awhile.I did have 2 Magners, they did not queit my legs, but have fogged my brain.Well that and the other Tylenol PM I took. My thought process was if I took another one, it woud crush the other2. Not so much. This is crazy. I would clean the house with all this energy, but F is sleeeping.
I took one of those pills SIL gave last time we were out there. SOme were muscle relaxer, others where a very strong sleep aid. I finally broke down and  something.  Oh please kick in soon!! IT is 4:24AM. It's like I have assburgers, Walking isn't going so well either. I feel tired. But everytime I sit down my legs continue to run a race. I really don't know what I should do. I almmost feel like I'm drunk blogging.
IT is now 4:37am.
I just want to get some sleep while it is still dark outside.  OMG, please lord help me.
So I Googled Tylnol PM and got this : TYLENOL PM


Safety Information
Can TYLENOL® PM make me feel restless, nervous, or sleepless?


Diphenhydramine, the sleep aid in TYLENOL® PM, causes drowsiness and helps the vast majority of people who take it to fall asleep. Some individuals have reported transient restlessness and nervousness while taking TYLENOL® PM which disappears when the product is discontinued

Um ALL OF THE ABOVE. I have to wait it out or wait for the sleeepin gpilll is working.
I cannot focus anymore. IF you all don;t d=sse my typing skills are being challlevnge.  My be it is tikee  go back t o bed.  hold charp,
Let me seee if u  can figure out ow to co]hiiiiiioook up the         cable to load a vido i rook. never ,
mind it cam e out like crap.  Have a great father da!!!!!!!!!

****please dont judge me*****

Men ARE from MARS

F sent me a text from work telling me how shocked the women in his office were that he turned down a piece of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Being the PMSing wife that I was, I told him to GO BACK and claim that piece of CHOCOLATE LOVE for me!!! At first, he claimed he could not, but I convinced him otherwise. When I got home, he wasn't there, but this is what I found on the kitchen counter in front of the microwave:

God Love him, he brought me the cake.

That had been sitting out for 3 hours, uncovered. That picture up there is EXACTLY how I found it. No plastic wrap, nothing to keep it from getting stale.

Men. They just don't understand the need to preserve the holy chocolateness.

BTW, how do you like my bright arsed mustard yellow 1970's counter tops?? Pretty RAD, eh????

Bucket Full of....Freeze Dried

Um, Costco, do you know something that maybe you'd like to share with the class???

$74.99 after $15 OFF

Food For Health™

Emergency Food Kit

275 Servings

Weather Proof Bucket

Item # 104893

 
What's even scarier? That people have actually written REVIEWS on how the food is.
Apparently they also offer a DELUXE version with a First-Aid kit and "essential supplies".
This is a little too "1999" for me. But then again, I did get hooked on the BBC show Survivors, where a kit, or, bucket, like this would have been quite welcome.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm, how much is it again????

Because I’m a Self Declared Expert

Lately, little to no food has sounded good to me. Yes, I’ll eat. But outside of my morning granola, I can barely be tempted to heft fork to mouth. Except when it comes to Mexican fare. For whatever reason I have been on a Mexican kick for like 2 months. I cannot be satisfied. Everything I attempt to eat that is Mexican doesn’t measure up to whatever yard stick I’ve got floating around in my head. Within the last 2 weeks I have eaten at 4 different “fast food” Mexican places. Let us start with the worst and work our way up, shall we? Because as the title infers, I’ve decided I am now an Expert.



***Composer’s Note***


From here within are purely my opinions.There is no science behind it. If you do not agree with me, that is fine. We are all entitled to our own opinions.


All meals were of the same notion, Burrito, which included, a variant of “Mexican rice”, some form of Steak, pinto beans, salsa, shredded cheese, topped off with sour cream, and a side of nacho chips. Easy enough, right?



From the Category of “I can’t believe I choked it all down”: Rio Wraps! Their RIOriginal Burrito? Oh sweet lord. The “Steak” was, Watery. The rice was tasteless; the sour cream was almost nonexistent. And the steak was watery. Did I mention the steak was watery? The greasy water ran down my hand as I bite into it. Even their chips were kinda gross. I don’t mind whole grain, but these whole grain chips were the whole grain of our parents’ youth, Cardboard. The best part of the whole meal? The lemonade.



Salsarita’s Fresh Cantina. Is our next stop on dusty road of Mexican Fast Food. F is always telling me I use too much salt, and when I cook, he says my food is TOO SALTY!! I of course don’t believe him, and tell him HIS food is TOO PEPPERY!!! Anyway, my point is, Salarita’s Steak Burrito was TOO SALTY. As in I COULD NOT FINISH IT. The meat was ok, other than the saltiness. Not the highest quality steak, that’s for sure. I don’t remember what the rice tasted like, but the salsa was good. Very spicy for the “Medium” I ordered, but still good. Their pre-sweetened tea made my teeth hurt from the sugar content. Thank goodness they had unsweetened tea to tune it down with. It was a forgettable burrito. The chips however were DEVINE. I imagine they would have been even better if I’d gotten the queso dip I ordered instead of the salsa, oh well.



Taco Bell. Some say it is not real Mexican food. I kind of agree, but in a fix it will do. I’ve gotten the Grilled Steak Burrito and the Grilled Suft Steak Burrito. Both are actually quite good. Both would benefit from more sour cream, but that might be just me. They are filling, and the steak is pretty good. The nacho cheese for the chips is kind of addicting in a cheap cheese like food product way. I’m actually kind of craving this now dang it. Luckily we have a Taco Bell right by our house.

Here’s a question for my digital friends across the pond, Why do you dislike Taco Bell? My friend A, who is a transplant in the U.K., begged her friends via Facebook to send her some Taco Bell seasoning because Mexican food is a no go over there. What gives?????



And our final resting place on the road of Mexican Fast Food stops is, QDOBA. Oh, be still my growling tummy. The amount of you food you receive is gut busting. Their Queso Cheese Burrito? HEAVEN. The salsa is good, the meat is fresh. The chips are just salty enough. The rice has a good flavor. ITS GOOD people, REALLY GOOD. My one complaint is when they are building said fabu-ness is that all the sauces end up on one side of the burrito. So when you take a bite on the left side you get an explosion of salsa, sour cream, and queso sauce, but when you bite on the right you get meat, rice and beans. It is sadly lopsided. I have actually asked them to place it down the middle or even on BOTH sides. That aside, Qdoba is my top choice for good Fast Food Mexican. I am still currently looking for a good Slow food Mexican restaurant. Alas, I have yet to find it.



And just for the sake of argument, I have tried Chipotle. It does not measure up to Qdoba. It just does not. The flavors are not as strong, even if they do give you more nachos.

My New Love

I always thought that Nachos piled with cheese, drowning in sour cream was the best PMS crave food I could get. With maybe a side of cheese bread. Salty, sweet, and greasy, YUM. I never really felt satisfied though. All the heart clogging goodness could never really satisfy that deep down primal hunger.


Last night though, my PMS induced yearning was satisfied in a manner which I never thought possible. The longing was INSTANTIOUSLY quelled when The Outback Steakhouse server brought me their Aussie Cheese Fries.  SWEET HEAVEN on a plate!!!

 Aussie Cheese Fries

Aussie Fries topped with melted Monterey Jack, Cheddar,

bits of fresh chopped bacon and served with a spicy

ranch dressing. Regular 7.95 Small 5.95

That spicy ranch dressing? OMG. I can't even explain. I almost licked the dipping bowl clean. I never thought my PMS cravings would ever truly be met. But I am telling you my digital sisters, RUN out and get yourself an order. I think I even moaned when I took my first bite. They were the prefect portions of salty, sweet, gooey and greasy.

F and I got the small order, which was a good thing because lord knows we made quick work of those fries.

Yes, my new go to stress food, my new down under love, AUSSIE CHEESE FRIES.

Is it wrong to love a food in this manner?????

If it is, I don't want to be right!!!

So Long Turkey

F and I went out to lunch over the weekend to Arby's.  LOVE me some curly fries!!! Anyway, we had coupons, buy one, get one free. So we got 2 turkey bacon subs and 2 chicken sandwiches with the idea that I would take the extra sub to work for lunch. F was manning the tray as we got up to leave.
(do you see where this is going?)
He tips it all into the trash as I watch with baited breath, my voice caught in my throat. As he turns towards me I wish and hope that my untouched sub was hidden from my preview in his other hand. Alas, it was not!
Me: "Honey!!!!"
F: "What?"
Me: "You just threw out my sandwich!!!!"
F: *befuddled stare* "Wha? I did? Oh, I'm sorry."
Me: *blink* *heavy sigh* *eye roll* wait for him to attempt to dig it out. (is that wrong? It was still completely in it's wrapper. and it would have been on top.)

Needless to say he did NOT attempt to dig it out, but he did keep apologizing on the way out to the car.
I was really looking forward to that sub damn it.