"THE APPOINTMENT"

Next week is "THE APPOINTMENT", which is quite literary how even the O.B. staff refers to it. With the dawn of new technology, it has become more common place to find out the sex of the as yet born child.  I am completely and utterly torn on this point. To have a definitive answer would make some things easier to decide on. Nursery theme. 50% fewer names to come up with/chose from. Stocking up on baby clothes. etc. When we first got the news that this extremely long, emotionally defeating, needle infested process had FINALLY taken hold, F claimed to want to know; he has since changed his tune, SEVERAL times over.  I however, am unsure. After "When are you due?" is asked, the follow up of  "Are you finding out what you're having?" is hot on off the lips.  I waffle between wanting to know and sticking with "tradition" and not finding out.
It did occur to me after my Mom asked me if she could attend "THE APPOINTMENT" since she had never seen an ultra sound before that the "tradition" of not knowing was not so much of a tradition as it was just how things were. They had no way of telling until the baby came out. Many blogs and websites are split 50-50 on this topic.  Anyone you talk to will have an opinion on this.
 I am going to be completely honest about this, please do not judge me. I want a girl, and I am concerned and disappointed in myself that I will be horribly upset if we find out we are having a boy. Of course I want a HEALTHY baby, no matter the sex. And I WILL love this hard fought for child NO MATTER what. Let me be clear about this. I already love this child. How could I not? It is the coming together of F and I. 50-50. I have always pictured myself with a family of both girls and boys, but since this is most likely the only child we will have, I want a girl.  I adore boys, they are just as cute and of course momma's boys, what is not to love? I am just confessing what I feel.  Granted our family is short on the male side. We are clan that produces girls, so me having a boy would make my only nephew probably extremely happy.
But there it is. My darkness in my heart.
This pregnancy has brought about many feelings in me. Fear. Love. Doubt. Joy. Shame.
Today I am sharing my shame of myself. Shame for giving thought to my baby beyond its health and well being. I am going with the Shame because I cannot handle the bone chilling, heart stopping, tears inducing Fear that something will be wrong with little dh.
So judge me if you will. Just know you cannot judge me any harsher than I am already judging myself.

Um, Groupon. Really??

Groupon, some things you just shouldn't offer

Hansel & Gretel Couldn’t Have Left a Better Trail

    I swear to all that is Holy there is a well-marked road map and several sign posts with possible runway lights that lead straight to our dishwasher and kitchen. It is miniature sized. Mouse sized. We have another one, or several, or however many.  F and I were away on vacation for a week. Puppy was at the Dog Sitter’s house.  When I entered the kitchen I noticed all the “spare” pieces of food Puppy had left on the floor surrounding her bowl were gone. Then within minutes of Puppy making it in the house she was tail deep in a corner of the kitchen where we keep a bag of bags.  I thought that was odd since she never goes in that corner.  I moved said bag aside and low, there were droppings. 

“Shit.”

Then as I grabbed the bread to make myself some toast, I noticed a hole in the bread bag.  “Is that melted? From being by the toaster oven?…. even though it was nowhere near the toaster oven?”  Then I noticed the chunk of bread missing.

“Fucking shit.”

Checking the counter top where said bread was kept I spied more dropping.

“Mother Fucking SHIT!!!!!!!!!”

I started opening all the drawers looking for more droppings because that is where they have been the last few times. I saw none. I also saw none in the dishwasher.  Another favorite spot.

“This could be not so bad.”

“F! the mice are back! Please call an exterminator ASAP. I am sick of dealing with this.”

F: “grumble, complain, makes excuses…..”

Next day

“Holy shit! The mice have made it into the half bathroom! Please call an exterminator!”

F: “grumble, complain, makes excuses…..”

Another Day Passes

Puppy and I are filling the dishwasher when I open the door and there is a small grayish thing sitting there.  I realize it is a mouse and slam the door shut hoping to knock it unconscious with the door.  Puppy is completely clueless even though half of her breed is “standard size dachshund was bred to scent, chase, and flush out badgers and other burrow-dwelling animals”.  Mice are burrow dwelling, aren’t they? Anyway, she did nothing.  The mouse was dazed, but not completely out of it. I stared at it for several moments trying to decide if I should just reach into the dishwasher and grab it. I was afraid it would bite me. During my indecision period the mouse had made it to its goal, the vents or something in the bottom of the dishwasher door.  It crawled right up in there. Where it went from inside the dishwasher door I have no idea.

“F! The mouse is in the dishwasher door!!!”

“I don’t know what to do about that, I have no idea how to get to it. Just run the dishwasher.”

So I did.  Then I washed all the knives and emptied the drawers. Everything is now on the dining room table and you have to walk there to get a knife, or spoon or fork. 

F is picking up mouse traps today.

Change Day

So this is what happens in the Midwest when you go from 70 degrees and sunny one day to 55 cold, windy, rainy and the heat is out in the office.

Yes, those yellow things are baby chicks
And not that you care, but the heels are by Aerosoles, my most favorite brand in all the world.

SOCKS, with DRESS SHOES because the weather changed over night and I haven't had time to change my Wardrobe from "Summer" to "Winter". Also know as changing from "Open Toe" to "Closed Toe". Basically, I haven't washed my knee highs, or as the store calls them so you don't feel like your Grandma, "Trousers Socks" yet. Guess I'll have to dig them out of storage. Fun fun.

Some how I don't see my style making Big Mama's Fashion Friday edition any time soon.

Traps Ahoy!

This morning F yells for me from the kitchen where he is  making breakfast. "DH!!!!!! GET HERE QUICK!!!!"
Considering the tone I hightail it across the house expecting to see blood. Instead? F hands me a half loaf of bread : "Look."
I stared at it for a moment before it sunk in. There were several large chunks missing from the tail end of the loaf.  I had to really focus in order to notice the large hole in the bag.
Me: "Motherfucker."
The damn mouse has made its way on to the counter top and has boldly taken to eating our bread. That means that the silverware I moved out of the drawer because it was pooping all over it, is still getting ran over by the damn mouse. The damn mouse who still pooped all over the silverware drawer even though there isn't any silverware or crumbs in it. F and I decided we would put all the non-eat-through proof food in a plastic container until this is resolved.
F has gone to get mouse traps.

Let's Recap The Last Week, Shall We??

• Friday the 21st, F's car begins to die while he's on his way home from work.
• Saturday the 22nd, we drop F's car off to be looked at. Later that afternoon they call us, $3,000 in repairs. We paid $3,600 for it not even 2 years ago. We call my mom who agrees to let us drive her car while she winters in the south. We can drive it just as soon as she re-instates the insurance on it.
• Monday the 24th. Mom instates the insurance. We pick the car up Monday night.
• Tuesday the 25th. I drive mom's car to work.
• Wednesday the 26th I drive mom's car to an appointment in the early morning and rear-end someone. I exchange information with the man involved(GIH=Guy I Hit). We agree to go to the police station separately. I call  my mother who assures me despite smashing her car, she still loves me. We take mom's car to the dealer where we are informed of my mother's $500 deductible. Great.
• Thursday morning I drive F to work. It is dark out and I am still rather skittish. That evening F gets a ride home from a co-worker. Where upon I am informed that his boss told him to take the company car and he refused despite the fact that I have a 7:40 AM appointment Friday morning. Bad planning F.
• Friday the 28th.  I get up at 5:30 AM in order to have time to take F to work and still make it to my appointment.  F drags his feet while reading Maxim in the bathroom. I barely make it my appointment. Brake lights continue to make me nervous.
• Saturday the 29th. F and I agree that after yet another appointment we would hit a home show. While leaving my appointment the GIH calls, says police says we must file report together. F and I ditch home show plans to go to station. GIH informs me that he Googled me and now knows where I work. WTF?   I received no ticket, am waiting for it to come in the mail.
• Sunday the 30th F and I are lazy and do not leave the house. F starts to empty the dishwasher and notices, MOUSE DROPPINGS. Really? AGAIN????????????????? F said he thought he had seen it on a late night water drinking trip, but couldn't be sure because he was half asleep.  We now we are sure. And the damn thing ate our BBQ brush AND the rubber wine cork stoppers. We re-washed everything. This just ticks me off. That night I notice that our "new" ceiling has a crack in it, and it's leaking.  Will this never end???
• Monday the 31st. It is mid-afternoon as I finally get around to checking my e-mail. I see a weird alert from Face Book saying I have a message titled, "Our Accident" WTF?  So, not only did GIH Google me? He found me on FB and left me this creeptastic message:

"Have a great day, Hope your mom or husband arnt to hard on you about the accident. Those things happen. Im cool with it! I don't know how to say this but I feel like the accident was suppose to happen for a reason! anyway you and "F"  have a great week. I'm praying for you guys. Are you two Christians? If I dont here from you two again I won't keep any further contact except for the accident if needed. You two seem like a great couple! Add me as a friend if you like, if not I understand as we really dont know each other. "

Time stamped? Several hours AFTER we met up at the police station on Saturday. If he's just being nice, fine, but honestly, it creeps me out. Seriously. Needless to say I'm keeping the message, JIC.
F called me. He went to pick up our van and as he was driving away the breaks semi-went out. Really? The place said they could fix them for like a Grand more. Um, not happenin. (I just told F GIH's message, he said, "Oh thank him for his kind words! We can be friends if you want to!" Not the response I was expecting.)
Major snowstorm is hitting the mid-west. Great. Like I need to add snow on top of my driving issues.
2011, What's the deal with the sucking? A month in, and you're killin me already. NOT COOL.

Commerialism at Its Best

We hosted Thanksgiving, a post unto itself, which I will bore you with later, so we had to clean the house.
As you know, F and I have been caught in a bad dream of home improvement. It is finally finished, although true to his word, you can see the bumping all along the ceiling where he added more drywall compound to cover over the tape. I'm not really sure if I was wrong to insist you aren't suppose to see the tape, or if he was wrong in how he "fixed" it, I just know it is noticeable, and I want to cry every time I look up. Anyway, you can imagine the amount of dust and dirt that had collected on the floor and walls and everywhere.  So this was a massive cleaning project. The Contractor use our floor lamp since there was no light hanging from the ceiling (yes, this was my first red flag). Between what he did and what F had done, this floor lamp was filthy. Because of the type of lamp it is, it captured much debris in its "shade".


Very similar to this, debris catching "shade"

 It was F's job to clean it. 

F: "Where are the Clorox wipes?"
Me: "What do you need those for? Its a lamp."
F: "Because! It Cleans AND Sanitizes!!!!"

Yep, that marketing team sure hit home with my spouse.

Order UP!!

Last night 7 PM: F arrives home after going grocery shopping by himself. He sets the bag on the counter and goes about his business.

10 PM: I follow him to bed.

8AM THIS MORNING: F calls me from work: "Hey, did you put away that meat I bought last night?"

Me: "I didn't know you bought any meat."

F: "So, that means it is still sitting out on the counter?"

Me: "Uh, yeah, if you didn't put it away."

F: "Can you turn around and go back to the house to put it away?"

Me: "After it sat out OVER NIGHT????!!!!"

F: "Yeah, it'll be fine."

Me: "Are you sure??? I don't think it will still be good."

F: "Yes, please, go put it away."

Me: "ok."

Needless to say, I won't be having a deli sandwich any time soon for lunch. uh, gag. That is just asking to get sick. Not that it was overtly warm or hot in our house, but the temp didn't drop below 72 all night. I'm making myself sick visualizing all the germs and slimy things on that meat now.

*shiver*

We've got Fievel

We have a mouse situation in our office currently. Over the last few weeks there have been several sightings. There have, in fact, been a few captures. Three to be exact. One of the women in another office group was apparently VERY concerned about the well being of said mice once they were captives. Being a fair and humane person, the Building Manager gave them “live traps” to place about their office space. Once the traps were set, the concerned woman saw to it that there was not only food placed inside the trap, but ALSO WATER, just in case they didn’t reach the trapped mouse quickly. Yes, that’s right; the trap was stocked with food and water. GITMO has nothing on us. It is believed that it is a Mouse (mice?) Family and that the 3 that were captured and released “back into the wild” were the older, or shall I say, Elder Mice. Apparently, one mouse was not so lucky, as he/she was found dead. The remaining mouse, we assume there is only one left, has been creating quite a stir today. Darting across cubicle floors, slipping under cubicle walls, creating all out panic amongst the open-toed shod. The mouse’s activities have resulted in two excited shouts (from those who saw it) and one cubicle entry way blockade by the neighbor of the witness. This isn't the first time we've had mice issues. Several years back, all our snacks were getting nibbled. That offender's life was inadvertently cut short by an almost empty pot of hot coffee that was emptied into the sink said offender was hanging out in. Our office has been a bit of a wild kingdom over the years. During its first few days in our ownership; we harbored two very smelly wet dogs from a thunderstorm. This seemed to set the trend with our outdoor brethren, that we were kind and gentle folk. The dogs became cats that lived out by the trash bin. The cats became bats that slept in office trash cans. The bats turned into birds that got caught between the walls while trying to spy on the snake that lived there as well. Do you have any idea how nerve wracking it can be to hear a bird flapping frantically behind the wall? NEVER MORE comes to mind.


We also seem to be the Mecca for bees and hornets and wasps. I was actually stung by one (one what, we’re not sure) that landed on my neck while I was talking to a friend out in the atrium. Our patio picnic tables draw bees, hornets, and wasps as though we coat them in honey and pollen. Were we chased from both tables today by the hovering bees that were unable to return home because my tush was blocking their entry.

After the events of the day, the Building Manager swore us to secrecy when she told us she’d be going out and purchasing “REAL TRAPS” to do away with the remaining baby mouse. There will be no supply stocking of this trap, outside of the peanut butter laden trigger.

Let the hunt begin.

Open Letter

Dear Mother Nature,

Pray tell, was it really necessary to open up the heavens in Noah's Ark proportions and rain DIRECTLY into my window whilst I was trying to order my lunch? I had to open my umbrella in my car and I still got soaked. Yes, you read that right, I had my UMBRELLA opened in MY CAR.
There are so many things wrong with that.
 Including what you did to my pants and the inside of my car.

My pant leg. Yes, that pinkish color IS MY LEG showing through the light tan Capri's I had on.

My driver's side door. The light color is the dry bits.

There was standing water in the little hand hold hole there. Yeah.

Please refrain from raining INTO my window while ordering my lunch. It is bad manners.

Bat Shit Crazy

It is hot, but our AC has been fixed, which is a blessing. I was experiencing some pain in my manky ankle and so decided to take some Tylenol PM  around 10pm..
BAD IDEA.
 It is now 3:50 AM and I am shaky and am experiencing crazy ass anxiety My legs can not be still. I have a case of shaky leg, times like a million. I usually get shaky leg when it is time for me to go to bed. This is truly a million times worse. If you could see me sitting here, trying to type, you'd think I was a crack whore in desparate need of another hit.
Tylenol PM used to be my go-to  for a sleep aid. But somewhere it tured against me. It decided that it would lull me with promises of a painless sleep.For years it work. I had many blissfull nights of pillow soaking drool. Alas, that is no longer the case. Is this how kids with ADD feel? I CANNOT sit still. Typing is quite a feet. Holy cow this is nuts. My brain is fuzzy like I"ve been drinking for awhile.I did have 2 Magners, they did not queit my legs, but have fogged my brain.Well that and the other Tylenol PM I took. My thought process was if I took another one, it woud crush the other2. Not so much. This is crazy. I would clean the house with all this energy, but F is sleeeping.
I took one of those pills SIL gave last time we were out there. SOme were muscle relaxer, others where a very strong sleep aid. I finally broke down and  something.  Oh please kick in soon!! IT is 4:24AM. It's like I have assburgers, Walking isn't going so well either. I feel tired. But everytime I sit down my legs continue to run a race. I really don't know what I should do. I almmost feel like I'm drunk blogging.
IT is now 4:37am.
I just want to get some sleep while it is still dark outside.  OMG, please lord help me.
So I Googled Tylnol PM and got this : TYLENOL PM


Safety Information
Can TYLENOL® PM make me feel restless, nervous, or sleepless?


Diphenhydramine, the sleep aid in TYLENOL® PM, causes drowsiness and helps the vast majority of people who take it to fall asleep. Some individuals have reported transient restlessness and nervousness while taking TYLENOL® PM which disappears when the product is discontinued

Um ALL OF THE ABOVE. I have to wait it out or wait for the sleeepin gpilll is working.
I cannot focus anymore. IF you all don;t d=sse my typing skills are being challlevnge.  My be it is tikee  go back t o bed.  hold charp,
Let me seee if u  can figure out ow to co]hiiiiiioook up the         cable to load a vido i rook. never ,
mind it cam e out like crap.  Have a great father da!!!!!!!!!

****please dont judge me*****

Green Thumb?

So, I'm not much of a gardener. Luckily the woman who used to live in the house before us was quite the Mrs. Green Jeans, so I don't have to do any replanting of pretty things every year. HUGE plus as far as I'm concerned.

However, I do appear to have quite the talent for growing weeds.

That is our bedroom window. Thank goodness it is at the back of the house where no one would see the 2 foot picky weed that is growing under it.

Um, yeah, the window is what? Maybe a foot above said picky weed? I was actually looking out the window one morning when I noticed Picky Weed waving in the breeze at me.

Does it qualify me as having a Green Thumb????

Bucket Full of....Freeze Dried

Um, Costco, do you know something that maybe you'd like to share with the class???

$74.99 after $15 OFF

Food For Health™

Emergency Food Kit

275 Servings

Weather Proof Bucket

Item # 104893

 
What's even scarier? That people have actually written REVIEWS on how the food is.
Apparently they also offer a DELUXE version with a First-Aid kit and "essential supplies".
This is a little too "1999" for me. But then again, I did get hooked on the BBC show Survivors, where a kit, or, bucket, like this would have been quite welcome.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm, how much is it again????

Things Like This Are Why This Blog Is Named The Way It Is, Or The Longest Title I've Ever Had

So, Um yeah. Adulthood DOES SUCK. Let me give you an example as to why.


Flooding.

Not major Katarina type flooding, but water standing where it is not meant to stand type flooding. F and I were on our way to have some fabu middle eastern lunch on Saturday when his cell phone rang, scaring the crap out of both of us.

"Tenant is calling."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand my stomach fell to my shoes.

Tenant never calls just to say hi. Which I suppose in the scheme of things, I don't want Tenant calling every time a light bulb needs changing either.

F on the phone: "Shit. ....... Really? ........ Wait, leaking or flooding?.........Well we are about 2 hours out of town right now. But we'll turn around and come there.......Yeah, ok, no, we're coming...."

Tenant is never very clear about what the situation is. Or, F tends to tune him out when he calls. So I rarely get the full correct story. However, this time, I got to see for myself.

Water.

Standing water.

2-3 inches deep.(praise the lord it was inches and not feet)

The floor tiles were buckling.

The smell was, shitty. Literally.

In the time it took us to get there, because we did stop for lunch, Tenant had used an industrial sized shop vac to suck up most of the water.

Sewer back-up; due to a blocked drain and massive amounts of rain and melting snow.

F decided that he and Tenant would tackle the snaking of the drains on their own. I was taken home while F returned to the scene of my own personal horror.

About 2 hours later, F calls me.

"DH, you need to call around and get quotes from some professionals. We just can't get very far with this, not more than 3 feet." (a number he would later dispute with me, saying they'd gotten 25 ft of drain cleaned out. not.) So I called around. Four different places in fact. Apparently, backed-up drains were a hot ticket Saturday night, because they were all BOOKED. Yes. That's right, BOOKED. Either late into the night ("after midnight if you want to wait") or into MONDAY. I found one company that was not only the cheapest but would be to the rental property between 8 and 10 PM. I called F to confirm that that time period would work.

"YES SURE. Tenant hasn't been able to shower all day."

F came home at 6pm and said the smell of the waste (poo) was so stuck in his nose and mouth that he'd lost his appetite. I sent him to take a hot shower.

He kept complaining about how tired he was, I told him to go take a nap because I knew it was going to be a long night. He refused.

At 7:50pm he comes upstairs. "Let's GO DH!!!"
Me: "Go where?"
F: "To the rental! They'll be there soon!!!"

Silly BOY!!! Everyone knows that when they give you a window of time it is ALWAYS the latest time, not the earliest that they arrive at!!

Me as I make my way downstairs: "F, I'm not going over there and sit for 2 hours and wait for these people. Besides, they will call before they arrive. Let's just wait for the call."

For the next 2 hours he sat next to me on the couch and complained about how long we had to wait for the plumber to arrive back at the rental.

At 9:58PM F fumed and swore and threatened to call it a night. I convinced him to call the plumbing place instead. Apparently the Tech never got the message that he was supposed to add us to his route. We rescheduled for Sunday between 10 AM and Noon. You'd think after they "forgot" about us, we'd at least be at the top of their list. Not so much.

Sunday morning, we get a call. From Tenant. The water was back. Another 3-4 inches and maybe rising.

DAMN.

At 9:30 AM we arrive at the rental house to pick up the rented snake in order to return it.(a waste of $30) The tiles in the basement have buckled even more.

At 10:10 AM we hunker down for a TWO HOUR wait in our van out in front of the rental house.

At 11:55AM the Tech calls us to tell us he's on his way.

12:10PM Tech shows up.

12:15PM Tech assess the situation.

By 12:45PM Tech has finished the job and is packing his truck up to leave. He went 90 FT with his industrial Snake.

1:00PM I write Tech a check for $125.

1:10PM Tenant requests a 12 pack of beer "for his labor." F and I vacate the premises to purchase bleach for cleaning of the basement,("have HER pick it out, something that's NOT bleach smelling. She'll know, she's a woman and they know these things." Quote from Tenant to F.) a fan for drying of the basement and 2, 12 packs of beer for Tenant.

1:30PM We return to the rental property with fan, bleach (mountain fresh scent) and the 2 12 packs ("I said A TWELEVE PACK!!!" awes Tenant.)of beer.

2:00PM we stop for lunch.

3:00PM we return home and flop down on couch for the rest of the day, because really, who wants to do anything now???

I'm telling you my digital friends, as much as I LOVED my house when I lived there, and sometimes still dream of living there, I DO NOT IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM dream of having to deal with that crap again. If it had been me? There alone and this happened? I can't even tell you of the mass and depth of the puddle of despair and distress I would have been in.

If we could only sell the house for WHAT I STILL OWE. Oh the amount of money that would be freed up!! The bills we could PAY OFF!!!!

This my digital friends, is why sometimes, ADULTHOOD SUCKS.

COOL! But, Maybe Not

So Yahoo keeps showing me this ad for an Asian super secrect hair thickening system. I finally clicked on it when I noticed it was offering a FREE TRIAL!!!!!!  The site comes up and I see this picture:

Hmmm, me thinks that is NOT the same head, but, really what harm could it do? My hair is fine. Not fine and is good, but fine as in thin. This is ancient world knowledge boosted by new techonology.

Kaou (White Peony Tea) Known as the "King of all flowers" for its ability to soothe and condition the scalp.

Niiro Cha (Rooibos Red Tea)Middle Asian tea leaf stimulates circulation to scalp and hair follicles for enhanced brilliance.

Yuzu (Japanese Citrus Extract) Central to the Japanese Winter Solstice bathing ritual.
Promotes lasting shine and radiance.
Yuri (Water Lily) Centuries-old Asian remedy calms and soothes the scalp, especially with irritation due to hair styling products.
Tsubaki (Camellia Oil) Once reserved only for Geishas and Samurai. Legendary for advanced moisturizing and fortifying with increased length and volume.

Cool looking bottles:


Gently yet powerfully remove impurities With Pro Foam L amino acids for repair
All-Natural Shine and Fullness

Testimonals!

"My hair was smoother and shinier within the first few days. I saw new hair growth where I had started to recede. I feel more vibrant and confident. Plus, my hair is easier to style than before."
- Mona L., Fulton, MO

"I love OOKISA! This all-natural product promotes hair growth and makes hair look shinier, fuller and healthier. I noticed more brilliance and thickness."
- Kellie J., Piedmont, AL

I was all ready to enter my credit card info until I read what the *astrik next to the "FREE" meant:

* Your FREE Trial of OOKISA™ includes a full 60-day supply for just $5.95 in shipping and processing. You will have 30 days to try OOKISA™ and discover why it is the perfect hair care system for you. If you like how this system makes you look younger with more youthful looking hair, do nothing – at the end of your free-trial period you will be billed the discounted price of $89.95. If for any reason the collection is not for you, call OOKISA™ Customer Care toll-free at 877-466-5472 within your 30-day free-trial period to cancel. Then simply return the product (even if it is empty!) and you will NEVER be billed. No commitments, no hassles.

NINETY BUCKS??!?!?!?! PLUS Shipping and Handling??? DUDE!!!!!  I realize the 30 day trial is free. But when you consider that it will take a week to get to you, and another week to send it back in order to meet the 30 days, all you get is 2 weeks. Unless of course you are sneaky and dishonest and empty the contents into different containers and send back the empties...........

Not that I would EVER consider doing that.

I spit in the wind too bitches!!!

On my drive to work I take roads that are main through fairs. 4 lanes all the way.
My commute takes me through neighborhoods. So you can imagine my shock and surprise when I was stopped at a light and caught movement out of the corner of my eye. (I was not shocked by the movement, even if i was half asleep still.)  I looked and had to do a double take. There was a woman, in PLAIN view of the morning rush hour traffic, letting her dog out while sucking on a cancer stick. No big right? Except all she had on was a jacket. That BARELY covered her ass. No pants, no shoes. It was 37 degrees out. BARE legs and feet. She stared us down. Doing that smokers squint, "Yeah, I'm half naked in my driveway, so what??"
So what indeed.

And Bless you too, my Swine Flu Child..........

Holy Water that despenses itself.

I think that says it all.

Anniversary and Stuff

I’ve been experiencing respiratory issues for about a month now. An annoying cough developed into breathing problems and bronchiolar pain. I went to the doctor and he gave me an inhaler to help with the pain and breathing. It was suppose to last an entire month the horrified pharmacist informed F and I when we went to refill it. A WEEK later.
“You could give yourself a heart attack.”
Needless to say we did not get a refill. And I took my less than happy self BACK to the doctor. A new inhaler. Which can give you a yeast infection, IN YOUR MOUTH, if you don’t rinse properly after each use, and some steroids? Problem not so solved. The cough subsided and actually went away for 2 days. But then I made the mistake of going outside in the wind and rain and the cough came back. The steroids made an excellent one-two punch in combination with my PMS. An already PMSing woman whose cravings and emotions are all over the place jacked up with some ‘roids? HELLZ YEA!!! That’ll make for an extra special anniversary weekend!!! Poor F. I wasn’t the best companion for our little get-away. I either left the rest of the steroid meds at the place we stayed at, or they are lost somewhere in F’s car. I still had a few days left of the prescription to take.
We are back now. And my cough has developed into a cold. With a side of voice loss.
F and I have decided that we just aren’t meant to take vacation because no matter where or when we go, we get cold rainy weather. And one of us, usually me, ends up sick.
In spite of all this, we did have a relaxing little get away. The fireplace made it cozy, us against the weather kind of thing. We picked up some art for the living room and several bottles of locally made wine.
It was a nice way for us to spend some time reconnecting with each other without the outside world bumping against us at every turn.
Here’s to the next 365!!!!

Mother Nature Gets Naughty with Father Time....2X

Has anybody else heard about this?? Isn't this CRAZY??? Babies of the same lady. Conceived 2.5 weeks apart!!!

You could pass some of that conception around, I'm just sayin'.

The French Do It

It was dark out, the rain was misting, I was tired, F was tired, but we still needed to load up some firewood for the camping trip. I slipped on F's tennis shoes and clomped out to the back yard to help. 10 mins later I was back in the kitchen finishing up "pre cooking" the bacon for the coming camp breakfast. It was hot inside the house, and I was glad I had changed into my "wife beater" and shorts earlier. But as hot as I was, something cold was on my leg. I did the "shake it off" leg jiggle, but that didn't help. I did a few more things in the kitchen and realized that the "cold" was moving on my leg. I looked down and saw a................snail, without the shell.

"Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out." I told myself as I looked around the disaster area of a kitchen to find something to remove the snail with. I grabbed a used paper towel out of the trash can and plucked said snail from my calf.

Apparently instead of throwing it in the trash I should have rubbed it about my face and neck, who knew???