To MIL's house we go....

It's that time of year again my digital friends. Yes, F and I will be packing up the vehicle and traveling back EAST for 8 days of Out-Law togetherness. I've stocked the posts to keep you company while I'm away. Only time will tell if this visit will stand the test of time and be like all the others, or if a new trend will start with where we left off this summer.
Have a great Holiday my digital friends!  Have a fabulous time ringing in the New Year!! I'll see you in 2010!!!

No Thanks, Thanksgiving

Has anybody else seen this? It is from AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.  First, with all these dishes that everyone else is bringing, what the hell is this woman making? And second, if I were these people I'd put all my required dishes in Tupperware and dare her to say something. I would LOVE to see a follow up on how this dinner went down. Oh to be a fly on all the many walls involved in this!!!!


The Thanksgiving Letter (back by popular demand)



November 26th, 2009

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders(who does this woman think she is???). I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL!(why the foil hate?) If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! (seriously? If they both scoop, what difference does it make? even for an OCDer such as myself this is a bit much)And please do not forget anything.


All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. (so, um, you expect to eat the minute people hit the door? i mean how are you going to keep everything HOT??)These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.



HJB—Dinner wine (why is this person getting off so easy?)

The Mike Byron Family


1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.(um so why have them?)


2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. (what??????? dude.)I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).


3. Toppings for the ice cream.


4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.(um, why do you care? water is water. they take home the leftovers.)



The Bob Byron Family


1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese(didn't she just say it was up to BBF on how to make them?) (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.


2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22). (again,why does it matter?)



The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family


1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level.(wow, sounds like someone is bitter about lisa not carrying her fair share in th past.) You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).(they do make small ones ya know)


The Michelle Bobble Family


1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.


2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon


3. Proscuitto pin wheel – please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.


4. A pie knife(why is the person who is not bringing a pie, bringing the pie knife???)



The June Davis Family


1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size (which would be what exactly?)casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container (this breaks the no plastic rule!!)and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.


2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay


The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)


1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe)(how do you know everyone likes that recipe???) no knife needed.


2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.


Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney






(kindly submitted by Kara at http://californiakara.blogspot.com)

The Blame Game, Governmet Style

You know, I try not to get too political on my Blog, but my totally anti-government Aunt sent me this, and although is it a bit too "the public's not to blame"  it does have some good points, plus a kicky little rhyme at the end.


Basically, it says we need to sign Congress up for that TV show, The Bank of Mom and Dad.



545 vs. 300,000,000


545 PEOPLE


By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall.

No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.


The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people and they alone, are responsible.
They and they alone, have the power.
They and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses..

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.
We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.


Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid..
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
Taxes drove me
to my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Christmas Came EARLY!!!!!

My shoes are WAITING for me at HOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Your package has been delivered. To view Proof of Delivery, please select the link.





Tracking Information


Tracking Number: [redacted]  Status: Delivered


UPS has delivered the shipment.
Residential deliveries that do not require a signature may be left in a safe place, out of sight and out of weather, at the driver's discretion. This could include the front porch, side door, back porch, or garage area. If you have instructed the driver to leave the shipment with a neighbor or leasing office, this would be noted on a yellow UPS InfoNotice left by the driver.


Delivered On: 12/17/2009 2:23 P.M.
Location: PORCH
Delivered To: [MY HOUSE]
 

My new babies!!!

 

 

In Dark Brown

When the Truth REALLY Hurts

CBF and I got together awhile ago in Las Vegas for a girls' weekend.  I collect shot glasses and wanted one from Hard Rock Cafe.  CBF and I ended up at the Hard Rock Cafe Hotel and Casino, which is at a completely different end of the strip than just the plain old Hard Rock Cafe.  The Hotel and Casino is like walking through the ultimate FRAT house. One of the pools, Rehab, even has it's OWN show on TruTV. Yes, a show about all the nakedness and shenanigans that go on AT A POOL.  As we walked through the halls all we saw were 20something males in their cargo shorts and polo shirts, adult beverage in hand, talking excitedly about some HOTT waitress who just hit on their buddy!!! They were followed by, well, HOTT waitresses. But the men way out numbered the "ladies" who were in their short shorts, or micro minis, and tissue thin tank tops with fake bake tans tittering on amazingly high heeled sandals.  I, in my crop pants, bike shoes (mine have pink in them) and T-Shirt felt old and frumpy. Feeling like a moment of camaraderie was upon us, I whispered to CBF, "GAWD, I feel like a suburban housewife!!!"
She gave me a withering look and replied, "That's because you ARE a suburban housewife."

And that my digital friends, is when I finally felt the true weight of my 35 yrs and sensible (WAY CUTE!) shoes(which had given me blisters. the strip is no where to break in new shoes). That is also when I was DONE with Vegas. That realization killed all the hype of "What Happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas" because I knew at that moment, NOTHING was going to be happening in Vegas for me.

And no, I wasn't looking for a "hook-up". I am, after all, A WIFE, house or no. I just wanted some of the HYPE and SENSATIONALISM of VEGAS BABY!!!

*la sigh*

Is that ALL?

I made a Christmas list for F, it had 6 things on it. All reasonable. I gave him this list shortly after Thanksgiving.
He has told me nothing. Has created no list.  We are 10 days away from Christmas.

This is the e-mail he just sent me:

"snuggie (as the header)........for my xmas list... I am 6 feet talll (72 inches)... "

No Thumb Blisters here!

I have a friend. In fact, you've read about her before. We've been friends since 2nd grade. She is an elementary teacher. She NEVER reads her e-mail. She joined Facebook because "I hear you put all your updates on there now." (i don't. I'm hardly ever on there.) She never updates her own page.


I don't see her as being very tech orientated. Maybe she is, in her own home, I don't know. What I DO know is that she got a Crackberry after I told her how much F loved and misses the one he had for like a week. So now? Instead of sending me e-mails or updating her Facebook from her Crackberry, she sends me texts. And then signs them, like you would a letter or an e-mail.

CRACKS ME UP.

Like the one she sent me last night:

"HEY! Wondering about our annual girls night out get together over the holidays. Let me know. R"

So I immediately sent her one back. Which is how text is supposed to work, right??

Have not heard another word from her!

Ah R. You do delight me.

To Bang or Not To Bang....In a non-Sexual Manner

My digital friends, I am getting my hair cut and colored tomorrow evening and I cannot, CAN NOT express to you how truly excited I am!!! It has been, THREE MONTHS, THREE ENTIRE MONTHS since I have had my hair done. The gray is a showing. The roots have probably 3 inches showing which makes them not so rooty anymore, and just more like "natural". And my BANGS are so long that I've already had to cut them myself. Plus, they are doing this weird, thinning thing. Not that my hair has ever been thick, but my bangs have pretty much always made a good showing on my forehead. Now they are whispy and it drives me crazy. Can your hair line change directions as you age? I mean beside moving backwards down the back of your head? Can it move SIDEWAYS??? My bangs are clumping in weird little clumps like they have never done before. So, I'm asking you, my digital friends, should I continue with the bangs or let them grow out al-aha Ugly Betty style?? Go in a new direction?? I have seriously considered going short again, but F freaks out every time I come back from the salon and my hair is shorter. I'm just so tired of having to put the effort in of styling it every morning. I'm feeling a sense of déjà vu, have I asked you this before??? My hair is so thin, or FINE as I was once corrected (again with the déjà vu) that if I try to do the bone straight no frills type of style it just looks flat and boring. There are a few women here in the office that can pull that look off, but I cannot.I would be happy with hair like these women:

But I just can't seem to pull it off. And another thing, I'm a tad clueless as to what my face shape is. Round maybe? Oval? Square? Heartshaped?? How am I to know?

Men have no idea just how easy they have it!!

And Bless you too, my Swine Flu Child..........

Holy Water that despenses itself.

I think that says it all.

Things.....

That I find just odd.....

1. Riding a bike while on a cell phone.
2. Riding a bike while smoking.
3. Slowly strolling across 4 lanes of traffic, either in, but most likely, outside the cross walk.

Not as much of a Hardass as I thought

I just mailed the Tenant a late payment notice, and I'm scared. All of last year we let him slide, he was constantly late. This time around, we told him he had better be on time or we would start assessing the late fees that are outlined in the lease agreement. So far, he's been good. Except for the fact he seems to think we are at his beck and call to come collect said payment. It is clearly stated in the lease agreement that he is to MAIL us the payment. So now, I'm a little freaked. He could destroy the house. He could claim he never got the notice. He could claim that he is withholding payment because the dryer "keeps" breaking. However, I believe on that last one he has to notify us of his intentions via a written letter. We have not received any such notice. And we DID fix the dryer. Well, F fixed the dryer, replaced the motor. But apparently the dyer belt keeps slipping off. We got one call about it, several months ago, but haven't heard anything since.


I am not cut out to be a landlord. Or, maybe it would be easier if I was an unseen landlord? Maybe if he didn't know my first name? I don't know something that would make me more Official. Maybe if I insisted he call me, instead of F. Whom he started calling after we got married. Of course, I don't want to deal with him, so it's probably better that he calls F, who also doesn't want to deal with him.


What makes your landlord seem “Official” my digital friends?? Any tips you can give me??

IF we do this again after his lease is up, things WILL be different. I WILL be a hard ass.

 I promise.

Climb that ladder Bitch!

"You can rise above your family."


Wise words (insert sarcasm here) from the Nutritionists that I went to see because all my "levels are high".
I was trying to explain to her why to me an apple or any piece of fruit is not a "snack" food. In my family a snack was a homemade cookie, or granola square. Not a handful of grapes like it was in F's family.
I was already on the defense as it was, and her comment completely shut me down.
Not very mature, or open minded, I know. But it just rubbed me the wrong way. It is not like I come from a family of tax evaders or insurance defrauders or ponzi schemers. We're cookie eaters for pete's sake! "Rise above" just makes it sound like my family is criminal rather than perhaps maybe having bad snacking habits
Needless to say I canceled my next appointment with theNutritionists.
Besides, she didn't tell me anything I really didn't already know from TV or magazines.
Less red meat and fat. Knew it.
More fruits and veggies. Also, knew it.
More excerise. Who doesn't know it?

It's not the knowing, it is the doing that makes the difference. I have a problem with the doing, not the knowing.
If you can tell me a way to make veggies taste good, I'm all, uh, eyes.

Not a Vampire, but oh so CLOSE!

"I made a Difference Today, I Gave Blood."


That's what my sticker said.

I was totally shocked when the lady told me I'd reached a mile stone, I'd donated an entire GALLON of my blood over the years. I even got a pin. Says "Gallons Donated 1" on the bottom there.

(worst cell pic, dang)

Then I thought about how long I'd been donating, since I was 17, when we'd had a blood drive at our high school. That memory took me back, WAAAAAY back, to the H.S. Gym, where the drive was taking place. I was fearless, unlike I am today. Then, I laughed at all the Jock guys who were paling and passing out left and right. Today, I turn my head and try to practice breathing while they insert that huge ass needle into my arm. I understand that the nurses do this, or something akin to this, every single day, and therefore have become immune to it. But honestly? I have not. I do not, repeat, DO NOT need to see the 3 bags, and 2 vials and one "mini" bag that you are going to use to store my blood. Because at 6 pm at night, having just come from work without eating, those 3 bags, 2 vials and one "mini" bag look like they are going to hold a HECK of a lot more that a pint, or whatever you are taking. Sad right? after 18 yrs of donating I'm not even sure how much they take each time. Wait, I am, because when I got my pin the nurse said,”OH! This is your 8th pint! You get the pin!!!" So, yes, it SEEMS like you are taking more than a pint. Anyway, I don't need to see it. And even more? I don't, REALLY DO NOT, need to FEEL IT. Yes. FEEL the warmth of my own blood as it flows through the tube that is laid over my arm and dangles down to the bags it is connected to. Do. Not. Need. It is in no way comforting.
Recently I've discovered that I am "sensitive" to surgical tape. One time while donating I had a mini-meltdown almost pass-out because the tape over the needle in my arm started to itch. Now this had happened before, but usually right before the nurse declared me A FULL BAG. So I always just wrote it off as an at the end sort of body reaction. However, this one time in question, the nurse did not come to rescue me. Not for quite some time. When she finally did make her way over, "How are you doing?"

"My arm tingles. And itches. A LOT."

"Hmmmm" said her voice, "MEDIC!" said her face.

P.A.N.I.C. sets in.

I start to feel sick and light headed and things just started to escalate. My worst fear is PASSING OUT.

The sweat starts. Oh lord, here we go.

She tried to talk me down, and it helped some. But the SECOND she ripped that tape off, my body started to cool down, my focus came back, and all was right with the world. Except for the lively red 2.5" swollen rectangle on my arm.

"Well, it appears you are SENSITIVE to surgical tape." the nurse informed me, "From now on have them use this....." and for the life me, I can NEVER remember what that stretchy self sticking stuff the coaches used to warp my ankle in. So now, I just tell all medical personal that my "Allergies" include codeine, Sudafed and surgical tape. Which always gets a follow up of; “Latex?" "Nope."

There was a time where I didn't, couldn't donate. My iron was always too low. But I tried, MANY times. After 17 years I should be WAY beyond 1 gallon of blood. But you know what? I bet I'm a gallon further ahead than a lot of people out there.

If you can work out for 30 to 40 mins a day, you can give blood every 56 days. Because that’s about how long it takes, depending on the wait of course. You never know whose loved one you could help save.

PSA ended.

Where's the NUTS??!?!?! (in old lady "Where's the BEEF?!?! voice)

I just ate a Hershey's with Almonds bar. Size: 1.45 oz or 41g for my digital pals across the pond.


Now I thought I remembered the days of Hershey's with Almonds, when they first came out, and it was jammed packed with ALMONDS.

This one? This one had 8 almonds. 5 and 1/2 inches of chocolate contained 8 almonds. In a straight line, down the center of the bar. Roughly 2 almonds in each square, depending on how you break your bar apart.

Seriously Hershey's??? 8 ALMONDS??? I know things are tight for everyone right now, but I would think you'd want to REWARD someone for coughing up the cash to purchase said candy bar with more than 8 measly almonds. I mean what's next? A Take 5 will only have a pretzel in ONE of the two pieces? Or maybe caramel in one of the two pieces?(depending on what package you buy of course, some come with more than 2 pieces of candy in them). Are you going to take ALL the goodness out of our candy fun?? Smaller sizes. Fewer nuts and less caramel. WHAT IS THE CANDY WORLD COMING TO????



It's called good marketing and quality products. Look into it Hershey's!!!

The answer PLEASE!

This is an e-mail I received from a friend. Some of the questions I know the answers to, but mostly this is just silly fun.


If you know the "REAL" answer, please share in the comments!!!


EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? (different vitamins?)

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? (opening your mouth makes your eyes more taut)

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

 Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? (obviously, who is going to be the sucker to eat a mouse?)

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I'm a Kid Again

I went to Target, the evil store of extra spending, and ended up leaving with, wait for it..............


EXTRA ITEMS!!!

I always get sucked in by the $1 SPOT! This time, oh the trip down childhood lane!!! Seriously, how could I possibly walk away from SILLY PUDDY?? The ORGINAL???? This was RIGHT NEXT TO SLINKY Jr!!!! Which is METAL, not the crappy plastic! SCORE and SCORE. I can barely wait to show my new items to F. Who I'm sure will say, "We never had that when I was a kid." proceeded of course by an eye roll at my joy followed by a lecture about responsible spending.

Can you really deny me $2 dollars of happiness?

I think not.

I also considered buying one of each for my siblings just so we could play like we used to. Without the fighting of course, since we'd all have our own!

Actually, I should tell my mom so she can pick them up as stocking stuffers!!!

That e-mail will write itself!!

Another 10 minutes, PLEASE mom?!?!?!

This morning as I shuffled about getting ready for work I actually paused in front of clothes hooks and longingly looked at my oversized t-shirt and pj pants. For a fleeting moment I pictured myself dressed in these lovingly comfortable clothes with my hair in a ponytail sitting at my desk doing my work. My body sighed at the prospect of no heels or knee highs or curling iron. Then I gave a heavy sigh as the picture faded away and Adulthood snuck back in.


More and more I understand those crazy kids and their propensity for wearing their pj pants out and about in public. My new favs are a pair of Nautica pj pants from Costco (my pants are light blue and sadly did not come with pictured studly lad in them, *la sigh*). So incredibly SOFT. Seriously, pj pants are this generation's version of the sweat suit, aren't they?  When I was in elementary school I had TWO sweat suits, one in aqua and one in purple that had a dancing Kermit the Frog on them. I was STY-LIN'.

Oh and my LL Bean WICKED Good slippers. Truly, sloth heaven.

Dress code be damned! We need a pj pant and slipper day at work!!!
Who's with me?!?!?!!?!?

Can You Tell Me How to Get, How to Get to Sesame Street????

OMG. I can't believe how talented and patient Bakerella is. Check out her post commemorating Sesame Street's 40 Year celebration!!!!


Here's to 40 more!!! Best kids show, ever!!!
I totally want some of these cake pops!!

I LOOOOOOVED me some Oscar, and Cookie Monster. But I’ll have to say my FAVORITE character is Slimey the Worm. Oscar’s only true friend.

He is a worm of few words.

Who is your favorite???

Sharing is not always Caring

Today I stopped into a co-worker's office to have some candy. I was hoping she wasn't in there because this co-worker is well known for "over sharing" or as the kids like to call it, T.M.I about many things that are of a personal nature.


I was not lucky today.

Me: "I came for some chocolate."

TMI_Co-worker: "OH! Help yourself!!!"

Me: "Thanks."

TMI_Co-worker: "How is DH today?" (it is well known throughout the office that I have been sick because you can hear me coughing where ever I go.)

Me: "Oh, I'm better, sporting a headache, but better."

TMI_Co-worker: "That's good. Unlike me who is on DAY 13 of my period!"

(oh god no, here we go..........)

Me: "OMG, that is not good."

TMI_Co-worker: "I know. And it's not a regular flow either. This is full on OPEN FAUCET GUSH for 13 days!"

Me: "EW." (I do feel bad for her, but seriously??? Did I need to know that detail???)

TMI_Co-worker: "Yeah, I don't have enough, YOU KNOW, SUPPLIES to keep up with it. It's exhausting me, I'm so tired."

Me: "Wow. Have you gone to the doctor?"

TMI_Co-worker: "Oh yeah, it's menopausal stuff. Of course my husband thinks I have cancer. So he's freaking out."

It is at this point in the conversation that I find the opportunity to change the subject. And I do, QUICKLY.

She apparently did not read the same article on MSN I did, about what NOT to share with your co-workers.

Most importantly points 2, 6 and 12.

I rewarded myself with a second piece of candy before I left. I needed something to take my mind off that visual picture she painted for me.

Early Bird Gets the Worm my ASS

I roll over and squint at the clock, 3:30 AM. Why does this always happen? WHY? I get up and go to the bathroom and crawl back into bed. 3:35AM. F rolls over.
“You’re awake aren’t you?” he queries.
“Yes.”
“Why are you awake?”
“Why are YOU?” I challenge back.
“I’m just waking up, I don’t know why.”
“I don’t know either” I sigh in response.
“How long have you been awake?”
“Not long.”
He gets up and stumbles to the bathroom.
He crawls back into bed. 3:40AM.
We both toss and turn trying to get comfortable. I get up and go to the bathroom AGAIN. I look at the clock as I stumble back into bed. 3:55AM.
“Go to sleep DH.”
“I hope so.”
I tell myself that if I’m not asleep by 5AM I’m getting up and going into work.
4:20AM F begins to snore.
5:00AM I’m up. In the shower by 5:15AM musing to myself that the morning show we listen to isn’t even on yet.
5:30AM Morning show starts as I’m listening to our shower radio (wedding present SCORE!) in the shower.
Stagger about in the dark trying to stay quiet so F can at least sleep til the alarm goes off. Realize “morning show” that says it starts at 5:30AM really only plays commercials and music for the first 30 minutes instead of talking. Realize that I will hear their show in its ENTIRETY for the first time ever.
Whimper. 5:55AM
6:00AM come into room and snooze the alarm, F didn’t hear it.
6:10AM go downstairs to discover F didn’t bother hanging up my work clothes, but hung up his. FUME at him through basement floor.
6:11AM Tell F he HAS to get up because I’m leaving.
“What? Why?”
“Because I’ve been up since 5.”
“I’ve been up since 3:30AM” he attempts to trump me.
“*sigh* Fine, I’ve been AWAKE since 3:30, but up and out of bed since 5AM, ok?”
“But, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to work.”
“But why so early?”
“What would you have me do instead?? I’m awake.”
“But it’s SOOOO early!”
“Yes. I. Know. You need to get up.”
“What time is it EXACTLY.”
“6:13AM.”
Kiss F goodbye.
6:15AM Pull car out of garage. Garage door does annoying blinking-light-something-blocking-senor-blink.
6:16AM Swear. Put car in park. Get out, KICK leaves out of “line of sight” of senor eye. Push button. Light blinking again.
Swear again.
6:18AM Kick more leaves “out of line of sight”. Push button. Garage Door teases me by moving a few inches before retracting back up. Light blinks.
Try pushing and holding button to force door closed. Door moves! BUT NO!!! LIGHT BLINKING!!!
6:20AM SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Climb back in car, leave garage door open for F to deal with. Pull out of driveway.
6:30AM driving in the dark SUCKS!!!!
6:35AM Where am I??? Where are all the land marks?? It’s FREAKING DARK!!!
6:40AM Hungry. McDonald’s open????
6:50AM Try to remember how to unlock building. Really dark in here when all alone.
6:51AM Realize that it took 20mins less to get to work at ungodly hour, should maybe consider this a regular thing.
6:55AM Unload office dishwasher and reload office dishwasher. Make cup of tea. Like I never left home.
6:58AM Wonder when other people will begin to arrive at work.
7:05AM Jump as first co-worker arrives.
7:10AM Begin working again after morning “why are you here so early chat?” with said co-worker.
8:00AM WOW! An hour gone already??? Some people who say they get here at 7:30 SO DO NOT.
9:00AM!!!! DUDE!! TIME IS FLYING!!!!
9:20AM Breakfast!!!
10:35AM OMG. Are you serious??? It’s only 10:30??? I’ve only been here for 3 hours????
10:40AM Start this Blog entry to keep sanity.
11:17AM 45 MINS til LUNCH!!!!!!!
11:34AM omg, kill me now, it’s only been 15mins???
1:08PM Lunch is over already?? OMG. I have how much longer??????????
1:30PM????? REALLY?!?!!?!?!? FREAKING REALLY?!!?!?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH
2:18PM It hasn’t even be an HOUR YET???????????????
2:31PM FINALLY, an hour has gone by. Wishing I’d bought Chocolate during lunch.
4:36PM SWEET JESUS 20 mins to go!!!!!