The World is harsh. It picks, it scraps and scratches and slaps. And sometimes it wallops you so hard in the gut you lose your breath and come close to blacking out.
Right now I am in the spin and haze of a wallop. Itty Bitty Baby. Oh Itty Bitty Baby and your little flickering heartbeat. That flicker stopped flickering. Literally there one day, gone the next.
My world went dark.
Trying to catch my breath.
Trying to make it through the day without tears.
Trying to hold the joy of Little Man's laugh and smile in my soul to keep the dark out.
Trying to keep the dark out.
Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts
Saturday, August 02, 2014
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I Am So Easily Tortured
I hate needles. I hate getting shots. I hate getting blood taken.
Therefore, when the barely legal lab tech says to me: "Which arm do they use when they take your blood?"
Me: "The right."
B.L. Lab Tech: "Hmmm. Do they have an easy time?"
Me: "Yes." as my arm yelps in pain from the tourniquet.
B.L. Lab Tech: "Do they ever use your left arm?"
Me: *start to panic* "Some times. But they usually use the right arm."
B.L. Lab Tech keeps pressing on my veins in my right arm. I try to breath deeply so I don't freak the hell out.
B.L. Lab Tech: "So they use the right and have an easy time of it?"
Me: "Yes." my right arm is screaming in protest now from the tourniquet. I think my skin started to separate at the contact point.
B.L. Lab Tech: "Well, I can feel two veins here, I just don't know which one to use! *giggles*
Me: *hyper ventilating* "Really???!!!" I restrain from yelling at another nurse to come save me as she passes by in the hall.
B.L. Lab Tech: "Well, I guess we'll try this one."
Sweet Jesus, did she just say GUESS and TRY when talking about needles and veins?!?!!
I close my eyes tightly, because you know if you can't see it happening, it isn't happening, as she finally sticks the needle in my arm.
B.L. Lab Tech: "Got it!" (i think she sounded surprised.)
Me: *moments from clawing my way out of the chair* "Oh, good."
My right arm cries out in relief as she unties the tourniquet.
As much as I like to think I can Jack Bauer my way through torture, I'd never last a second if they brought out the needles.
Therefore, when the barely legal lab tech says to me: "Which arm do they use when they take your blood?"
Me: "The right."
B.L. Lab Tech: "Hmmm. Do they have an easy time?"
Me: "Yes." as my arm yelps in pain from the tourniquet.
B.L. Lab Tech: "Do they ever use your left arm?"
Me: *start to panic* "Some times. But they usually use the right arm."
B.L. Lab Tech keeps pressing on my veins in my right arm. I try to breath deeply so I don't freak the hell out.
B.L. Lab Tech: "So they use the right and have an easy time of it?"
Me: "Yes." my right arm is screaming in protest now from the tourniquet. I think my skin started to separate at the contact point.
B.L. Lab Tech: "Well, I can feel two veins here, I just don't know which one to use! *giggles*
Me: *hyper ventilating* "Really???!!!" I restrain from yelling at another nurse to come save me as she passes by in the hall.
B.L. Lab Tech: "Well, I guess we'll try this one."
Sweet Jesus, did she just say GUESS and TRY when talking about needles and veins?!?!!
I close my eyes tightly, because you know if you can't see it happening, it isn't happening, as she finally sticks the needle in my arm.
B.L. Lab Tech: "Got it!" (i think she sounded surprised.)
Me: *moments from clawing my way out of the chair* "Oh, good."
My right arm cries out in relief as she unties the tourniquet.
As much as I like to think I can Jack Bauer my way through torture, I'd never last a second if they brought out the needles.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Things.....
I Did While Away on a Long Weekend.......
1)Left the sliding glass door unlocked.
-Who knows how long it was unlocked before we actually left, for FOUR days. Needless to say no one came in and relieved us of our 15 yr old non-flat screen TV, or the slow as molasses lap top.
2) Lost $100 in CASH.
- F placed the $100 bucks he took out down my shirt. (classy, I know) I in turn completely forgot about it and I assume it fell out when we got out of the car for lunch.
Now if he had placed it in my BRA, well, that money would never have been lost, that's for damn sure.
3) Rediscovered my calves.
- Walking along a sandy beach really brings it home just how out of shape you REALLY are. The 100yards from where we set up our chairs to the stairs to the elevator, had me huffing like a mad woman. My calves are still pissed at me so I've been hobbling about like I'm 80 yrs old. Turning 36 did not help.
4) Got horribly burned DESPITE the sun block I had on.
-Granted it was only SPF 4, but still, I had applied it after swimming and damned if my chest and upper thighs aren't glaringly red. F likes to poke my burn and say, "Does it hurt??? I've never been sunburned before, you white woman."
1)Left the sliding glass door unlocked.
-Who knows how long it was unlocked before we actually left, for FOUR days. Needless to say no one came in and relieved us of our 15 yr old non-flat screen TV, or the slow as molasses lap top.
2) Lost $100 in CASH.
- F placed the $100 bucks he took out down my shirt. (classy, I know) I in turn completely forgot about it and I assume it fell out when we got out of the car for lunch.
Now if he had placed it in my BRA, well, that money would never have been lost, that's for damn sure.
3) Rediscovered my calves.
- Walking along a sandy beach really brings it home just how out of shape you REALLY are. The 100yards from where we set up our chairs to the stairs to the elevator, had me huffing like a mad woman. My calves are still pissed at me so I've been hobbling about like I'm 80 yrs old. Turning 36 did not help.
4) Got horribly burned DESPITE the sun block I had on.
-Granted it was only SPF 4, but still, I had applied it after swimming and damned if my chest and upper thighs aren't glaringly red. F likes to poke my burn and say, "Does it hurt??? I've never been sunburned before, you white woman."
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Anniversary and Stuff
I’ve been experiencing respiratory issues for about a month now. An annoying cough developed into breathing problems and bronchiolar pain. I went to the doctor and he gave me an inhaler to help with the pain and breathing. It was suppose to last an entire month the horrified pharmacist informed F and I when we went to refill it. A WEEK later.
“You could give yourself a heart attack.”
Needless to say we did not get a refill. And I took my less than happy self BACK to the doctor. A new inhaler. Which can give you a yeast infection, IN YOUR MOUTH, if you don’t rinse properly after each use, and some steroids? Problem not so solved. The cough subsided and actually went away for 2 days. But then I made the mistake of going outside in the wind and rain and the cough came back. The steroids made an excellent one-two punch in combination with my PMS. An already PMSing woman whose cravings and emotions are all over the place jacked up with some ‘roids? HELLZ YEA!!! That’ll make for an extra special anniversary weekend!!! Poor F. I wasn’t the best companion for our little get-away. I either left the rest of the steroid meds at the place we stayed at, or they are lost somewhere in F’s car. I still had a few days left of the prescription to take.
We are back now. And my cough has developed into a cold. With a side of voice loss.
F and I have decided that we just aren’t meant to take vacation because no matter where or when we go, we get cold rainy weather. And one of us, usually me, ends up sick.
In spite of all this, we did have a relaxing little get away. The fireplace made it cozy, us against the weather kind of thing. We picked up some art for the living room and several bottles of locally made wine.
It was a nice way for us to spend some time reconnecting with each other without the outside world bumping against us at every turn.
Here’s to the next 365!!!!
“You could give yourself a heart attack.”
Needless to say we did not get a refill. And I took my less than happy self BACK to the doctor. A new inhaler. Which can give you a yeast infection, IN YOUR MOUTH, if you don’t rinse properly after each use, and some steroids? Problem not so solved. The cough subsided and actually went away for 2 days. But then I made the mistake of going outside in the wind and rain and the cough came back. The steroids made an excellent one-two punch in combination with my PMS. An already PMSing woman whose cravings and emotions are all over the place jacked up with some ‘roids? HELLZ YEA!!! That’ll make for an extra special anniversary weekend!!! Poor F. I wasn’t the best companion for our little get-away. I either left the rest of the steroid meds at the place we stayed at, or they are lost somewhere in F’s car. I still had a few days left of the prescription to take.
We are back now. And my cough has developed into a cold. With a side of voice loss.
F and I have decided that we just aren’t meant to take vacation because no matter where or when we go, we get cold rainy weather. And one of us, usually me, ends up sick.
In spite of all this, we did have a relaxing little get away. The fireplace made it cozy, us against the weather kind of thing. We picked up some art for the living room and several bottles of locally made wine.
It was a nice way for us to spend some time reconnecting with each other without the outside world bumping against us at every turn.
Here’s to the next 365!!!!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Over the Weekend.....
I washed my hair 4x in less than a 24hr period. Not the best water saving mission, but that is how things played out this weekend.
My chin exploded in zits like I was 15 again. Despite the massive amounts of EXTREMELY expensive anti-acne cremes, salves, washes and over-night products, the mountain zit in the middle of my chin continues to grow. It is extremely embarrassing to have to be at work and have said zit pulsate at my co-workers while we chat. I feel greasy and nasty and wish to wear a bag over my head until the volcano blows and begins to shrink.
I spent a good $80 on splints and support wraps because at 35 and 2 months my manky ankle refuses to be anything but trouble and has convinced my knee that they should work against me in tandem. They sent a telegram to both my hips who won't allow me to sleep on either of them, the muscle group in my upper buttock who have formed a fist sized knot that shoots pain back down my thigh (ha ha knee! backfire!), the RIGHT side of my neck which refuses to play nice with the pillow and my entire back muscle coalition.
F informed me that if I want to go somewhere for our 1 YEAR anniversary that I need to start looking now, and it must have a fireplace to keep us warm. This little task was given to me after he questioned me, "Do I REALLY have to get you something?" and "You mean you REALLY want that cookbook from Pioneer Woman?? Can I buy it in the store, or only from Amazon??"
Apparently giving him the link on Amazon was still too involved for him and I might as well go out and buy it myself and give myself a really romantic card while I'm at it.
My mom got off on her Alaskan cruise just fine, but no one has heard from her since. We are all just assuming that she doesn't have cell service on the water and is too cheap to pay for Internet time on the boat to let us all know she is still afloat. (see what i did there??)
My chin exploded in zits like I was 15 again. Despite the massive amounts of EXTREMELY expensive anti-acne cremes, salves, washes and over-night products, the mountain zit in the middle of my chin continues to grow. It is extremely embarrassing to have to be at work and have said zit pulsate at my co-workers while we chat. I feel greasy and nasty and wish to wear a bag over my head until the volcano blows and begins to shrink.
I spent a good $80 on splints and support wraps because at 35 and 2 months my manky ankle refuses to be anything but trouble and has convinced my knee that they should work against me in tandem. They sent a telegram to both my hips who won't allow me to sleep on either of them, the muscle group in my upper buttock who have formed a fist sized knot that shoots pain back down my thigh (ha ha knee! backfire!), the RIGHT side of my neck which refuses to play nice with the pillow and my entire back muscle coalition.
F informed me that if I want to go somewhere for our 1 YEAR anniversary that I need to start looking now, and it must have a fireplace to keep us warm. This little task was given to me after he questioned me, "Do I REALLY have to get you something?" and "You mean you REALLY want that cookbook from Pioneer Woman?? Can I buy it in the store, or only from Amazon??"
Apparently giving him the link on Amazon was still too involved for him and I might as well go out and buy it myself and give myself a really romantic card while I'm at it.
My mom got off on her Alaskan cruise just fine, but no one has heard from her since. We are all just assuming that she doesn't have cell service on the water and is too cheap to pay for Internet time on the boat to let us all know she is still afloat. (see what i did there??)
Friday, July 31, 2009
The Agnony of Aging
What follows is the IM log from me and CBF as she throws out her back during our chat:
Me: We're getting cable back!!! Along with DVR!!!!!!!
Crazy Best Friend :( 2:22 PM): DH-- you can DVR all of the HGTV kitchen reno shows and we can discuss. Gee, that sounds like such fun, doesn't it.
Crazy Best Friend:(2:25 PM): Those fug girls just slay me. Comparing a floral print dress to the cans in Sleeping with the Enemy? Genius.
Me: (2:26 PM): i haven't had time to read them
Me: (2:26 PM): my blog time has been seriously cut with my new deadline, deadline
Crazy Best Friend:(2:27 PM): Following them on twitter helps. They send out notices whenever they post a new fug.
Crazy Best Friend:(2:27 PM): Damn-- what is this project you are working on?
Crazy Best Friend:(2:29 PM): Oh DH-- I just pulled something in my back.
Me: (2:37 PM): it is not a new project, my "turn around" time is going to be cut from 10 days to 7 days
Me: (2:37 PM): oh CBF, better get it looked at!
Crazy Best Friend:(2:38 PM): I think I need to have a chiropractor on retainer.
Me: (2:39 PM): that sounds great, i need my back cracked daily
Crazy Best Friend:(2:41 PM): I've never been to a chiro--- have you?
Me: (2:44 PM): oh yeah
Me: (2:44 PM): for my neck
Me: (2:45 PM): i pinched a nerve in high school
Crazy Best Friend:(3:25 PM): DH-- I can barely move-- seriously. Like I can't get up without shooting pains.
Me: (3:31 PM): take some drugs, and then call and make an appointment
Crazy Best Friend:(4:11 PM): I can't even dial my phone to ask someone to help me get up.
Me: (4:12 PM): dude, that is not good. send them an e-mail???
Crazy Best Friend:(4:12 PM): I did-- everyone is at lunch.
Me: (4:13 PM): so there is no one to dial anyway
Me: (4:13 PM): how in hell did you throw out your back while sitting?
Crazy Best Friend:(4:13 PM): You make an excellent point. If you could only see how I'm sitting-- sideways to the keyboard, partially slumped in my seat.
Crazy Best Friend:(4:13 PM): I hurt it bending down to my little dorm-room size fridge to get a diet dr pepper.
Crazy Best Friend:(4:13 PM): This is really quite sad.
Me: (4:13 PM): can you wheel yourself out? with your feet?
Crazy Best Friend:(4:14 PM): Oh God-- please don't make me laugh.
Me: (4:14 PM): dr pepper! your death CBF! (the dentist told her, after $4K in dental work, that yes, indeed soda, DIET soda will rot your teeth and jack up your insides.)
Me: (4:14 PM): sorry
Crazy Best Friend: (4:14 PM): Again, do not make me laugh-- now my hips are hurting.
Me: (4:15 PM): why when you tell someone to leave a voice mail they don't?
Me: (4:15 PM): never mind the jerk is leaving a vm, it is the 5th time he's called, i'm not joking
Crazy Best Friend:(4:16 PM): As you said earlier DH, people are stupid.
Crazy Best Friend:(4:17 PM): Oh-- there's someone down the hall in my dept-- going to email her and ask her to help me to my car
Me: (4:17 PM): are you sure you can drive?
Crazy Best Friend:(4:18 PM): I dont' know, but I'm limited in the options department. If I can get home, I think I will be ok-- I have some muscle relaxants there and a place to lie flat.
Me: (4:18 PM): i mean if you can't even dial a phone.......
Crazy Best Friend:(4:19 PM): because the phone is too far away. It's like an arm length and a half from me.
Me: (4:19 PM): ah, gotcha. please be careful CBF
Crazy Best Friend:(4:19 PM): This is such an I've fallen and I can't get up moment.
Crazy Best Friend:(4:20 PM): damn, person down the hall is apparently not in her office.
Me: (4:21 PM): hell!
At 4:30 I received this slow spoken distressed voice mail: "OMG DH, I made it to my car but I have really miscalculated getting out of my car and getting up the stairs to my apartment. Hopefully there will be someone there to help me up the stairs. Because you know people are so helpful and neighborly. Also I noticed that one of my tires is low. But I don't think I'll be stopping off at the gas station and getting air at this point. OH LORDY how could I have managed to get myself in this clusterfuck?! Also I hope I don't have to turn around and look over my left shoulder for any reason at all. Byyyyeee."
I called her back 20mins later. She was lying on her couch with her phone in her bra for easy access. I tried so hard not to giggle and laugh as she told me about the screaming as she exited her Land Rover, or the "oh god!" with each stair of 15 it took to get to her apartment, or how she can't drink anything because she can't bend in order to sit on the toilet and pee. "This is the road map of aging DH. (she is 7 yrs older than me) I am your future. This is what you have to look forward to with getting older. STOP MAKING ME LAUGH! ( i couldn't stop giggling) I pulled a muscle a few weeks ago while shaving my legs. Oh god. I may have to call someone tomorrow to help me get up!!!"
Me: “Why haven't you taken that muscle relaxer yet? That would have been the first thing I did when I got home?"
CBF: "Because I'm talking to YOU!"
Me: "Oh, well I'll hang up now then."
CBF: "Thank you for being so supportive and non-judgmental in my time of need."
Me: "Always CBF, ALWAYS." *giggle*
Hurting your back is not funny, that's not why I couldn't stop laughing. Hurting your back while getting a Diet Soda?? Now that IS funny, especially when you have a flare for the dramatic like CBF does. EVERYTHING becomes a GREAT TALE of HUMANITY!!!
She slays me.
Me: We're getting cable back!!! Along with DVR!!!!!!!
Crazy Best Friend :( 2:22 PM): DH-- you can DVR all of the HGTV kitchen reno shows and we can discuss. Gee, that sounds like such fun, doesn't it.
Crazy Best Friend:(2:25 PM): Those fug girls just slay me. Comparing a floral print dress to the cans in Sleeping with the Enemy? Genius.
Me: (2:26 PM): i haven't had time to read them
Me: (2:26 PM): my blog time has been seriously cut with my new deadline, deadline
Crazy Best Friend:(2:27 PM): Following them on twitter helps. They send out notices whenever they post a new fug.
Crazy Best Friend:(2:27 PM): Damn-- what is this project you are working on?
Crazy Best Friend:(2:29 PM): Oh DH-- I just pulled something in my back.
Me: (2:37 PM): it is not a new project, my "turn around" time is going to be cut from 10 days to 7 days
Me: (2:37 PM): oh CBF, better get it looked at!
Crazy Best Friend:(2:38 PM): I think I need to have a chiropractor on retainer.
Me: (2:39 PM): that sounds great, i need my back cracked daily
Crazy Best Friend:(2:41 PM): I've never been to a chiro--- have you?
Me: (2:44 PM): oh yeah
Me: (2:44 PM): for my neck
Me: (2:45 PM): i pinched a nerve in high school
Crazy Best Friend:(3:25 PM): DH-- I can barely move-- seriously. Like I can't get up without shooting pains.
Me: (3:31 PM): take some drugs, and then call and make an appointment
Crazy Best Friend:(4:11 PM): I can't even dial my phone to ask someone to help me get up.
Me: (4:12 PM): dude, that is not good. send them an e-mail???
Crazy Best Friend:(4:12 PM): I did-- everyone is at lunch.
Me: (4:13 PM): so there is no one to dial anyway
Me: (4:13 PM): how in hell did you throw out your back while sitting?
Crazy Best Friend:(4:13 PM): You make an excellent point. If you could only see how I'm sitting-- sideways to the keyboard, partially slumped in my seat.
Crazy Best Friend:(4:13 PM): I hurt it bending down to my little dorm-room size fridge to get a diet dr pepper.
Crazy Best Friend:(4:13 PM): This is really quite sad.
Me: (4:13 PM): can you wheel yourself out? with your feet?
Crazy Best Friend:(4:14 PM): Oh God-- please don't make me laugh.
Me: (4:14 PM): dr pepper! your death CBF! (the dentist told her, after $4K in dental work, that yes, indeed soda, DIET soda will rot your teeth and jack up your insides.)
Me: (4:14 PM): sorry
Crazy Best Friend: (4:14 PM): Again, do not make me laugh-- now my hips are hurting.
Me: (4:15 PM): why when you tell someone to leave a voice mail they don't?
Me: (4:15 PM): never mind the jerk is leaving a vm, it is the 5th time he's called, i'm not joking
Crazy Best Friend:(4:16 PM): As you said earlier DH, people are stupid.
Crazy Best Friend:(4:17 PM): Oh-- there's someone down the hall in my dept-- going to email her and ask her to help me to my car
Me: (4:17 PM): are you sure you can drive?
Crazy Best Friend:(4:18 PM): I dont' know, but I'm limited in the options department. If I can get home, I think I will be ok-- I have some muscle relaxants there and a place to lie flat.
Me: (4:18 PM): i mean if you can't even dial a phone.......
Crazy Best Friend:(4:19 PM): because the phone is too far away. It's like an arm length and a half from me.
Me: (4:19 PM): ah, gotcha. please be careful CBF
Crazy Best Friend:(4:19 PM): This is such an I've fallen and I can't get up moment.
Crazy Best Friend:(4:20 PM): damn, person down the hall is apparently not in her office.
Me: (4:21 PM): hell!
At 4:30 I received this slow spoken distressed voice mail: "OMG DH, I made it to my car but I have really miscalculated getting out of my car and getting up the stairs to my apartment. Hopefully there will be someone there to help me up the stairs. Because you know people are so helpful and neighborly. Also I noticed that one of my tires is low. But I don't think I'll be stopping off at the gas station and getting air at this point. OH LORDY how could I have managed to get myself in this clusterfuck?! Also I hope I don't have to turn around and look over my left shoulder for any reason at all. Byyyyeee."
I called her back 20mins later. She was lying on her couch with her phone in her bra for easy access. I tried so hard not to giggle and laugh as she told me about the screaming as she exited her Land Rover, or the "oh god!" with each stair of 15 it took to get to her apartment, or how she can't drink anything because she can't bend in order to sit on the toilet and pee. "This is the road map of aging DH. (she is 7 yrs older than me) I am your future. This is what you have to look forward to with getting older. STOP MAKING ME LAUGH! ( i couldn't stop giggling) I pulled a muscle a few weeks ago while shaving my legs. Oh god. I may have to call someone tomorrow to help me get up!!!"
Me: “Why haven't you taken that muscle relaxer yet? That would have been the first thing I did when I got home?"
CBF: "Because I'm talking to YOU!"
Me: "Oh, well I'll hang up now then."
CBF: "Thank you for being so supportive and non-judgmental in my time of need."
Me: "Always CBF, ALWAYS." *giggle*
Hurting your back is not funny, that's not why I couldn't stop laughing. Hurting your back while getting a Diet Soda?? Now that IS funny, especially when you have a flare for the dramatic like CBF does. EVERYTHING becomes a GREAT TALE of HUMANITY!!!
She slays me.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Face Plant
I was out shopping on my lunch hour using a Birthday related coupon to fill out the summer wardrobe, when I saw someone take a header. I was on my way back to the office and was stopped at a very busy intersection. I looked up to see an Asian woman crossing the street. She looked to be in her mid to late 50's. Her hair was sloppy and she had on all black with the exceptions of the bright red flames(or so the patterned appeared to be) crawling up her black stockings that were born out of her bright red "exercise" sneakers. (do these things really work?)
She scurried across the cross walk and up onto the sidewalk where she paused and began to move again. That's when she tripped or out walked right out of her shoes because the next thing I saw was her falling face first onto the sidewalk. Her arms didn't go out, in fact I think her forehead took the majority of the impact. Her legs went out and up behind her with such force that her skirt flew up and I saw the black lace of her satin bloomers. Her one shoe tumbled off the curb and back into the street.
I covered my mouth in horror. *ooooooooh!*
The light changed.
As I inched forward I looked over to see her sitting on the sidewalk, rubbing her head and checking for blood.
I drove away wondering if she was going to be ok.
That was a damn nasty header.
Monday, June 29, 2009
When Muscles ATTACK!!!
I apologize to Sassy Two Socks for scoffing at her calf pain from wearing flats whilst running about the city. I'm sorry, I was wrong.
F and I spent the weekend in the city walking about in our sandals. By Sunday night my calves were screaming at me to just sit the hell down already!!! My thigh decided to do a solo jig every 5 minutes while I was trying to sleep. When I put my heels back on Monday morning I thought my calf muscles were going to explode. Where did this come from? Why was this happening? I was walking around and groaning like an 80yr old woman. And then, I remember what Sassy had said, and I thought, Damn, girlfriend was right on with this one!
So Sassy, I apologize. You were right, I was wrong.
I have been humbled by my calf muscles.
F and I spent the weekend in the city walking about in our sandals. By Sunday night my calves were screaming at me to just sit the hell down already!!! My thigh decided to do a solo jig every 5 minutes while I was trying to sleep. When I put my heels back on Monday morning I thought my calf muscles were going to explode. Where did this come from? Why was this happening? I was walking around and groaning like an 80yr old woman. And then, I remember what Sassy had said, and I thought, Damn, girlfriend was right on with this one!
So Sassy, I apologize. You were right, I was wrong.
I have been humbled by my calf muscles.
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