Is It Really Insulting?

I am all for Political Correctness. However, there are times when I feel it becomes overtly frivolous. Maybe I am being insensitive about this, but I honestly think this is taking it a bit too far. To me it is kind of like saying we need to stop giving hurricanes names because everyone who is named Andrew feels the stigma associated with Hurricane Andrew. I read this article and said, SERIOUSLY???? I think it's the same extreme to suggest it be renamed to the Mexican Flu. Let's stigmatize an entire country.
I just don't know anymore.

Israeli official urges name change for 'swine flu'
Disease name offends Jewish and Muslim sensitivities over pork, he says
JERUSALEM - The outbreak of swine flu should be renamed "Mexican" influenza in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork, according to an Israeli health official.
Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman said the reference to pigs is offensive to both religions and "we should call this Mexican flu and not swine flu," he told a news conference Monday at a hospital in central Israel.
Both Judaism and Islam consider pigs unclean and forbid the eating of pork products.
Scientists are unsure where the new swine flu virus originally emerged, though it was identified first in the United States. They say there is nothing about the virus that makes it "Mexican" and worry such a label would be stigmatizing.
Israel's Health Ministry on Tuesday confirmed the region's first swine flu case. The 26-year-old patient recently returned from Mexico, where he had contracted it. An official in the city of Netanya said the patient had recovered, but will remain hospitalized until the health ministry approves his release.
More than 150 people in Mexico have died after contracting the current strain of swine flu.Laboratories in the U.S. and Canada have confirmed that of the samples tested so far, the swine flu virus in Mexico and U.S. appear to be the same

An Open Letter

This is an Open Letter to Oil of Olay. AKA, "OLAY" because apparently "oil" is a bad thing when it comes to skin care products, even if it is from Olay, which honestly I have no clue what it is, but I always thought is was something ancient and old worldly.



Ahem....



Dear Makers of "Olay",

I am a multi-generational user of your base product, "Original" Active Hydrating Beauty Fluid. My Grandmother used it her entire life (god rest her soul) and my mother uses it based on her long ago recommendation. We are talking DECADES worth users. I began using it more regularly as my 35th birthday approaches. I had a bottle, that I'll admit, was several years old. But since I used only a small amount at a time, it lasted for eons. As it came to its sputtering end, I purchased a new bottle. I was very relieved to see that it was the "Original" because I know many companies feel the need to "improve" their products over the years.
That relief was short lived however.
You continued your deceit with the bottle shape, the same as always. The facade began to crumble with the new label design. It was hip, flashy, new agey. No longer the quiet trustworthy distinction of the understated. Behind the new label design lurked a more chemicalized scent. It was no longer a scent that while hugging you makes your brother exclaim, "Wow, you smell good. *pause* Actually, you smell like mom." The fluid itself was heavier and thicker. It no longer felt "greaseless" even though you say it still is. I rubbed it into my face. The frown lines I was trying to hide with your product, deepened in disappointment because of it. It is NOT the Original. Shame on you for claiming that is it. I want the Original ORIGINAL. Not something that is originally improved. It is not improved. It is an impostor. Why I ask you, change something that for generations was trusted as it was? Why???? I have not decided if I will continue to use your product after what I currently own has been depleted.
You sadden me "Olay".
You sadden and disappoint me.

She was Great

We've all heard that Bea Arthur has passed. I am sad to see her go. What child of the 80's & 90's doesn't remember Golden Girls? Watched a few marathons on a rainy Saturday?? Doesn't tap your toes and sing along when you hear the theme music???
This little clip however gives us a whole new view of Ms. Arthur, and it's damn funny. I hope I look this good in my 80's!!!



We'll miss you Bea. You and Estelle keep those lofty heavenly clouds in stitches til the rest of us get there.

My Sand has been Spiked

The Sandman has been giving me some seriously spiked/expired sand lately. The night before last I dreamed I was being chased by a serial killer. Last night I dreamed my husband (not F btw) and I lived in a sprawling McManison in a new development called Cremated Acres (it sounded happy and warm in my dream), where our home was haunted as was the entire neighborhood, al la Poltergeist. All the neighbors went nuts and started killing each other and only I and the demon possessed neighborhood children survived. My son (why do i keep dreaming that when I do have a child it's going to be a boy??) was the demon's chosen one. My solution to this little honor was to have to boy baptized, again. At which the demon laughed manically and I woke up.
I told F it would probably make for a really great horror movie. So if I see this come out in the next year or so, I'm suing for creative rights!!! Just lettin ya know.

this lovely dream happened AFTER I woke up screaming because there was a man, whom I dreamed about some 15+ years ago, standing over the bed ready to attack me. Apparently I scared the beegeezus out of F who then couldn't fall back to sleep.
What is going on? Sandman! check the expiration date on your sleepy time sand bags, will ya? I'd like to get a non-Steven King kind of dream land, emkay???

Get a Billboard

This "comment" was left by "ed" on 3 of my posts.
ed, WTF???? Dude, find another way to advertise your shit man.
Seriously.
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You get the AX yet???

Here's a questions for yas my digital friends.

It has been widely publicized that a very LARGE Corporations was going to announce massive lay-offs and firings on a certain day. You know several people who work for said Corporation.
Do you call them mid-day and inquire if they've been let-go?
Or, do you wait for them to contact you?

What say you?

Margarita Me BAAAAAAAAABY

I read MSN through the day and find some very interesting news on there on a regular basis. When I read this article, my mouth started to water for my favorite frozen drink. God bless science.
So much for drinking and Darwinism. (killing off of the weak brain cells, anyone? anyone?)

Myth: Drink enough alcohol and you'll start killing brain cells.

Reality: Drunken frat boys head-butting one another in a bar may give you pause to consider this one, but alcohol does not kill neurons or create holes in the brain. However, there's no denying that alcohol and other drugs of abuse impact brain systems. It's their effect on the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin that goose the brain's reward system, leading to feelings of euphoria—and, when more of the drug is needed to create the same effect, to tolerance and addiction."Over the short-term, alcohol and drugs alter brain function rather than affecting brain structure," Molnar-Szakacs clarifies. "Slurred speech, impaired motor response, and impaired judgment are all symptomatic of compromised frontal lobes, the centers of the brain that direct higher-level decision making."Rarely, a chronic drinker may develop Wernicke-Korsakoff's Syndrome, a condition characterized by atrophy or shrinking of the thalamus and hypothalamus and the inability to recall or form memories. This syndrome's not a direct effect of drinking, but rather a secondary result of alcohol abuse so severe that absorption of vitamin B-1 is prevented, leaving the brain malnourished.

I'm Pissed Off Too

I LOVE and am addicted to Overheard in New York. I especially love reading the Overheard Everywhere section because I am often floored when I read that the quote comes from my state or even a nearby town or city!! I usually find myself laughing and snorting at the weird shit people say out loud in front of other people. Cracks me the hell up. This one though. I had to share. It's not particularly funny, but lord knows I've had these moments myself!!

That Jerk Never Returns My Calls
Girl #1: This whole Ben situation is really starting to piss me off.
Girl#2: I know! I just don't know what his deal is.
Girl #1: He called me like twelve times yesterday.
Girl #2 (stopping in the middle of Penn Station): He called you? (pauses for a moment) Oh, you mean Ben your boyfriend, don't you?
Girl #1: As opposed to?
Girl #2: Ben from Lost.
Girl #1: Don't talk to me for an hour, please.

--Penn Station Overheard by: thought it was lost too


And I agree, this whole Ben thing is really pissing me off! My theory? Jack is the reason Ben is the way Ben is, because if Jack had helped, Ben most likely would never have become a HEALED Other, just a normal Other. And WTF? Jack, get over yourself! And why does everyone keep questioning Sawyer???? Just do what the hell he tells you to!!! LORDIE!

Sigh it to Me...

Gloomy dreary day.
8 AM.
The walk from the parking lot into our building.....

Me turning to co-buildinger: "Hey."

Co-Buildinger: "Hi. *heavy sigh*"

Me: "Yeah. *sigh*"

Co-Buildinger: "*sigh*"

I Had No Idea There Were So Many....

Musicals. I had no idea there were so many musicals out there! Thanks to Miss Molly's post yesterday, I spent the afternoon on Pandora flipping through musical scores! My goodness! Some I knew. Some I'd only heard about in passing. Some got the "Thumbs Down" almost immediately. But I must say, listening to these scores or soundtracks from the movies, certainly made me want to hope a plane and spend some time on Broadway singing along with a huge goofy grin on my face.
Thanks Miss Molly!!!
And here's the clip that inspired it all!!

I Can't Hear the Voices in my Head

Before the advent of streaming radio on line, I was dearly attached to the static ridden radio we had in the office. After my favorite station announced they were going all high tech streaming, I nervously waited to see if there would be a ban on it at work. But there was not! Many people were doing it! Since I opened that streaming radio, the work day has never been the same!!! I must listen to music at work. I can't think straight without it. I start talking to myself within 20mins without it. I hate when the stream gets all FUBARed and goes silent. Having music all day is worth the stupid streaming commercials they play.
But there are times when I can take the constant hum no more and must shut the radio down. Then I notice that I have co-workers again. And they are loud. And they think they are the only ones in the office. They have conversations I don't want to hear. So in order to keep me from yelling, "SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!!!", I find myself at the alter of the streaming radio clicking it back into being.
Bless you streaming radio. Bless ye gods that are behind the brain child that is Pandora Radio.
Bless you, and your sanity maintaining stream of good sounds.
And Bless you Dell keyboard, with your design that makes muting the Cialis commercials a simple touch and the drowning out of annoying co-workers a simple flick of my fingers.
Bless you all, and may you live long and prosper!!!!

Please, Make Yourself Comfortable!

There is a woman I work with, who doesn’t make much effort to get to know anyone. She hasn’t worked here very long, and I can’t seem to get a real good read on her. My impression of her is a woman who could easily be referred to as a “Ball Buster”. She is from the old school of thought where a woman had to fight and scrap her way to the top by being one of the boys. (which in some cases is still true today, glass ceiling anyone? Uneven wages?) I don’t know how long she thought I worked for another office in the building, even though I’m at all our office meetings. She was genuinely surprised when I told her that we did indeed work for the same company. There have been several times when she’s barreled her way into someone’s lunch hour, disrupting the lunch not only of the person she’s talking to, but also disrupting the lunch and conversations of everyone seated around that person. It IS their lunch after all, and I think we can all agree that for the period of our lunch we should be absolved of having work–related conversation thrust upon us. She doesn’t even give the cursory, “I hate to interrupt your lunch, but….” She also “pops in” to offices when other people are there already. Actually, she pushes her way in. Shoving aside anyone else who is there having a conversation. I’ve experienced this first hand. More than once. And I’ve just about had enough of it. Take today for instance. I was in my friend’s office, which does happen to be located next to Mrs. B.Buster, chatting about life, and work when Mrs. B.Buster appears in the doorway, notepad and pen in hand. “OH! I need to talk to my friend! How are you?” as she slides by me (I was standing by my friend’s desk) and plops herself in the “guest” chair. My friend turns from me, to her, “Oh fine.”
“Do you guys have a meeting?” I asked, knowing full well they didn’t because my friend had just finished telling me she wondered why she’d even bothered to come back from a meeting held off “campus”.
“We do, she just doesn’t know it yet.” Says Mrs. B.Buster, without even bothering to glance my way.
“Ooooh?” my friend giggles surprised and a tad uncomfortable because of this sudden development.
“Yes! I need something from YOU.” Demands Mrs. B.Buster.
“Well. I guess I’ll leave you to it then.” I say to them both and then turn directly to my friend and say pointedly, “We’ll finish this conversation later.”
As I turn to leave Mrs. B.Buster has already started in on their “meeting.”

I was a bit miffed as I made my way back to my desk. I was only in my friend’s office for maybe 10 minutes and I wasn’t having a loud, inappropriate conversation. I do keep my voice down because I know rather well how sound carries in this place. So I highly doubt we were disturbing her. She seems to have no clue when it comes to unwritten office etiquette. I’m quite done with her behavior, but I don’t know how to tell her to knock it the hell off. Normally I would say something trenchant; however she just so happens to be one of the Big Boss’ "people", so pissing her off is not a good idea.
What to do, oh WHAT TO DO?

I Don't Think It Calls for That

Me: "F, can you make potatoes to go with the roast for tonight?"

F: "Yes. Do they have to be the fake instant kind?"

Me: "haha, dude if you want to put the effort into making real mashed potatoes, knock yourself out."

F: "Ok, where are the potatoes?"

Me: "Either in the cabinet or on the counter."

F: "And I peel and boil the potatoes and then add milk and mayonnaise, right?"

Me: "MAYONNAISE!!!!!! GAG! NO!!! BUTTER!!!"

F: "Mayonnaise INSTEAD of your butter."

Me: "Eewww, no, why would you!?"

F: "Whatever weirdo, I'll see you tonight."

Me: "Gross. Freak. See you later."

Needless to say he didn't put the effort into REAL mashed potatoes, we had some extremely thick instant potatoes.
I am not a fan of Mayo. It reminds me of lard. Or grease. So I do not use it unless the recipe calls for it. Over the years I've actually come to like a very light, VERY LIGHT amount on a toasted/grilled sandwich. But other than that, I use it not! However, since I was still hung up on mayo in my beloved potatoes, I Googled it, and I'll be damned if there aren't recipes out there that call for Mayo to make your mashed potatoes "creamy".
I would use cream cheese or sour cream first before using mayo, but hey, to each his own.
Learn something new everyday.

Facebook Say's I'm Part of the First Family

"DH: Barack Obama confirmed you as a cousin on We're Related!"



Really? How cool! Except, um, we're NOT. Is Facebook running a scam? The "Family Tree" they are showing where we are linked, contains no relatives that I've ever heard of. And I kinda know, because I did my family tree for a class in college. When I tried to get in to the application I got an error saying they were experiencing some tech issues. OH, I BET you are! I bet the Big B's people reached through the web and grabbed Facebook by the family jewels and told them to take that shit down. ASAP.
Like anyone would truly believe B is spending time huntin up relatives on FB. COME ON.

Shame Facebook, SHAME!!!!!

To Ignore, or Accept, That is the Question

I find myself in a new age predicament. I have a “Friend Request” from someone with whom I was friends with in college, on Facebook. I know many people have debated this topic, via their blogs or otherwise and I now find myself having the same debate. This friend became my friend through another friend. We both ditched the mutual friend in favor of each other. Sounds bad, I know, but there’s always more to the story and I don’t plan on boring you with it. Anyway, I got her a job working for S.E.S. and we hung out and partied together. Our friendship was always touch and go. I was always there for her when she needed me, I can’t say the same for her. She would break up with which ever guy she was dating and call me crying. I would drive to her and hold her beer while she cried into. This went on for several years. Then she dropped out of school because she was flunking. Things spiraled down from there. I tried to maintain our friendship, giving her the benefit of the doubt, hard times and what-not. I watched her drug dealer’s kids while she, the drug dealer and her Thug boyfriend all went into the bedroom and got high. I was constantly getting stood up when she would get booty calls, whether she was with Thug boyfriend or not, I might add. I re-arranged my New Year’s Eve plans at the last minute to include her, and then she stood me up, for a booty call. That was the last straw. I’d had enough of her drug use, her crappy men and her constant emotional roller coaster late night phone calls. I cut off all contact. I moved on with my life and only thought of her occasionally. And then I get a Facebook request from her. She’s finished school, and has what sounds to be a pretty techie job. She married the Thug boyfriend and they have an adorable little girl. From the things on her page, she seems to have returned to her religious roots. I however am unsure if that is a door I want to re-open. I know for a fact that F will want nothing to do with them. I don’t want to waste time and emotions on a situation that my gut tells me will just end badly. I try to listen to my gut, it is usually right. But. But what if I’m wrong? What if they both turned their lives around? What if they are really great people? I used to enjoy hanging out with them. Thug boyfriend was always nice to me. However, she was never really dependable. I’m so confused! Do I hold her former behavior against her? A leopard never changes its spots? Or do I turn my cheek and give her a second shot? A reformed druggie who has seen the error of her ways and has bettered herself for the sake of her family? Also, if you ignore someone, do they know? Do they get a message saying I refused their request? Damn this new social networking!

Pigeons smuggle cell phones into Brazil prison

Guards nab bird carrying parts in cloth bag tied to legs

updated 7:45 p.m. ET, Tues., March. 31, 2009
SAO PAULO - Inmates have devised an innovative way to smuggle cell phones into a prison farm in Brazil: carrier pigeons.
Guards at the Danilio Pinheiro prison near the southeastern city of Sorocaba last week noticed a pigeon resting on an electric wire with a small cloth bag tied to one of its legs.
"The guards nabbed the bird after luring it down with some food and discovered components of a small cell phone inside the bag," police investigator Celso Soramiglio said Tuesday.
One day later, another pigeon was spotted dragging a similar bag inside the prison's exercise yard. Inside the bag was the cell phone's charger, Soramiglio said.
The birds were apparently bred and raised inside the prison, smuggled out, outfitted with the cell phone parts and then released to fly back.
"Pigeons instinctively fly back home, always," the investigator said.
Soramiglio said that police have not discovered who raised the pigeons or the name of the inmate who was going to receive the cell phone, but that he hoped the telephone carrier would provide the information.
"Some of them are members of organized crime groups that use cell phones to talk to family and friends and to give and receive orders for criminal actions outside and inside prisons," Soramiglio said.
In 2006, Sao Paulo's notorious First Capital Command used cell phones to coordinate a wave of assaults on police, banks and buses that left more than 200 people dead in South America's largest city.
The gang's leaders are based in prisons, and use smuggled cell phones to plan and execute drug deals, kidnappings and bank robberies.

WOW. I'm impressed. I never would have thought to do that. Props to the Cell Block YO!!

Target On Your Back

Me excitedly: “F! I know what you can get me for my birthday!!!”
F: “Yeah? What?”
Me even more excitedly: “A CROSSBOW!!!!!!!!! I’ve always wanted one!!!”
F unsure and kind of frightened: “I’m not sure how I feel about that. Why do you want one?”
Me: “I’ve ALWAYS wanted one! I told you this! I told you this like last week that I wanted one!!!”
F: “This is what you want for your birthday? And NO, you didn’t tell this. I don’t want a crossbow in the house.”
(Heavy Pause)


Me: “I don’t need a crossbow to kill you.”
F: “You have to sleep sometime.”
Me: “Right back at ya.”

Yeah, That's THE SPOT!!

I love me some good massages. I had my first REAL massage when I was in my twenties. I was completely freaked out when she started massaging my face, I didn't like that AT ALL, and I spent the entire time worried "the girls" were going to pop out of the sheet wrapped loosely around me. I have the boob popping fear to this day, every single time I go get a "real" massage. And what I mean by 'real' is stripping down to your panties and wrapping yourself in a sheet, laid out face down on a comfy table.
I can't afford to have real massages anymore. The last one I had was when my 30th birthday dude ranch weekend ended badly. That was several years ago.
Now I can somewhat afford the chair massages our office sponsors once a month. A person comes in, and you pay that person for an allotted time to give you a chair massage. Not as fabu as a full body massage, and your clothes stay on the entire time, but for what we pay, it does work out some kinks. But then I had a chair massage that went all kinds of wrong.
I've been having some pain in my lower back and asked to have that be the focus of my session.
Sweet Jesus on High!!! That girl had me curling my toes in pain and gripping the arm rest to the point that by the time she was done my neck,which had been fine upon entry, was a mass of knots and stressed out muscles, in need of its own massage. I told her it was hurting me as she did it, and she "eased up" a bit while she told me that it was all good and she was just trying to help. I was in so much pain that it hurt to sit down because my chair was pressing on my wounded area. That night while getting ready for bed I asked F to inspect for bruising. He found nothing.
I kid you not when I tell you that pain lasted for a good week before it subsided. I still have acid flashbacks about it. It made sleeping a bit of a nightmare. Sitting? Oh hellish! I think she went a little too deep on the deep tissue massage.
Problem is? It's bothering me again, but I'm too afraid of the pain to sign up again.
Anyone want to donate towards me getting a "real massage"????
Anyone??

Who Trains These People?

At lunch time I made the call, thinking this would only take a few minutes, I ordered my lunch for pick-up from across the street. I dialed the 800 number they gave me which was their automated banking number. The automated voice asked me for my 4 digit PIN number. I don’t have a PIN number, it’s an ONLINE ACCOUNT(actually, after some thought later I do have a PIN, my mind was just not picking up on that, my bad) so I hit ‘ZERO’. The guy I got on the phone took TEN minutes to find my account and the cause of the lock down on my transfers. Then it took him ANOTHER ten minutes to find out what he was supposed to do about it. This wasn’t looking good for my lunch. So I told him I didn’t have the time for this, that I had to go have my lunch and he LAUGHED at me. Yeah. Laughed at me that I had a lunch hour to consider. Nice. The next day I tried again. Again when the automated voice asked for my PIN, I hit zero. It told me again to enter in my four digit pin, I hit zero. I went through this 4 times before it finally connected me to a person. The girl that answered the phone was very pleasant and I was happy to be dealing with her, until she told me that she would have to transfer me to internet banking.(*this is very important for later.) Great. The guy I got? WOW. Not as bad as the guy the day before, whom I could at least understand, this guy, not so much. Guy #2 was faster on the draw with the whole situation, I’ll give him that, but his tone was downright condescending. He asked me a few questions to “verify” my identity.
“What type of account do you have with us?”
“On line savings.”(*this is also very important for later.)
“Your birth date?”
“Blah blah.”
“What is the date you opened the account?”
“The date?”
“Yes, when did you open the account?”

My mind went blank. This was a very interesting security type question, and if I hadn’t had my paper work with me in my office, I would have flunked it. I can tell you, I don’t really remember when I opened my ‘real’ bank account either; I’ve had it so long.

“Oh, um, hang on a sec, Blah, yeah, BLAH.”
“Ok, at which branch did you open the account??”
“What Branch? It’s an ON LINE ACCOUNT.”(* I was unaware that an on line account has branches, who knew? Especially since I was talking to an INTERNET banking specialist.)
“Yes. Ok, now these are the questions I’m going to ask them, so you know in advance. The account number, if you are still the owner of the account, and if the account is still active.”
“Ok, fine.”
“Now I need the number of your bank so I can call them.”
“Ok, it’s their 1-800 number.”
“That’s fine.”
I gave him the number, which he dialed. My ‘real’ bank went through its own automated version of prompts. We came to the end and Guy #2 never picked anything.
“Uh, Miss DH, are there any other options from which to choose?”

Now mind you, he never told me I’d be driving the ship on this whole thing. I didn’t know I was supposed to be picking the prompts or anything. I figured he’d be doing it all.

At this point we were connected to a person at my ‘real bank’.
“ ‘Real’ Bank, This is Suzy Q speaking, how may I help you?”
I said nothing, thinking he would take the lead on this.
He said nothing.
“ ‘Real Bank’ how may I help you?”
Again, complete silence from both of us.
“Hello?”
Finally I chimed in, “I’m supposed to be on a conference call with you and another bank????!!”
“Ooook.” said Suzy Q from ‘Real’ Bank.
Guy #2? Said NOTHING.
“I don’t know what happened to him!!???” I was getting very irritated at this point.
He finally speaks up. “Hello yes! I’m Guy #2 from on line bank and I need to ask you a few questions about Miss DH’s account.”
“Allllright.” She was completely confused. “Ok. Ma’am, what is your SS# number?”
“BLAH BLAH.”
“Ok, thank you. What is your account number?”
“BLAH BLAH BLAH.”
“Ok, thank you Mrs. DHF(I had changed my name with them and I then feared when she called me by it, Guy #2 would shut the whole operation down because I hadn't changed it with them), how can I help you?”
“My account at my online bank needs to have the bank to bank transfers reinstated, and they need to ask you a few questions.”
“Oook. Go ahead.”
Silence.
“Go ahead.”
“Yes. What is your name?” Guy #2 finally came on with.
“Suzy Q.”
“Can you spell that for me please?”
“Q.”
“Ok, thank you Q. (not miss, or mrs., just Q.) I need to know if Miss DH owns the account?” says Guy #2.
“Yes, she does.”
“Ok. Q,I need to verify the last four numbers of her account. Are they WXYZ?” (these would be the SAME numbers I just gave her so she could get into my account, which he heard since we were, after all, on a conference call.)
“Yes?” poor Suzy Q was completely confused by this whole thing.
“Good. And Q, her account is still active and able to receive transfers?”
“Yes.”
“Ok! Thank you Q! You have answered all my questions.”
“Oook, Mrs. DHF, is there anything else I can help you with today?”
“No, thank you SUZY.”
Suzy Q from ‘real’ bank hung up and probably shook her head and then had a good laugh with her co-workers.
By this point I was gritting my teeth because Guy #2 was not bringing his A Game at all, and I was irritated that I’d just wasted 40 minutes over four very stupid questions. The whole thing was a joke.
“Well Miss DH, I will reinstate your bank to bank transfers right away! Is there anything else I can help you with?”
I was going to say No, but I decided I needed to say something.
“Actually, I would like to make a suggestion.” I said through gritted teeth.
“Yes?”
“When things of this matter happen, it would be best to e-mail to a person’s personal account instead of using the bank internet mail. I don’t check that very often and this whole thing could have been prevented.”
“Well, yes I see, but we did send it to your personal account.”
Suddenly, he had complete access to EVERYTHING at the tip of his fingers! For the next five minutes he continued to ARGUE with me about what my e-mail address was, if I was in fact sent an e-mail and to top it off he said to me,
“Well Miss DH, I would suggest that you check your e-mail more often.”
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????!!! Did he really just SAY THAT?!?!?!!?? OMG. At that point I said goodbye or I was going to come through the phone at him to verify that I have five fingers in each fists.

Technology Be Damned

We have an on line only savings account. When I opened it, it was making 4.25% interest. It was a great place to put away money for the wedding because they have no actual branches in our area so even if we were tempted to tap into it, we couldn’t without having to wait several days to have the money transferred to my actual bank, where we could then get at it. We decided after the wedding that we would keep the online savings account because at that point it was still offering a great interest rate and it would then become our “nest egg/emergency” money. Every now and again I would transfer money over from my ‘real’ bank to the on line bank. I set up one of these transfers a while back but forgot to transfer the amount from my ‘real’ checking account to my ‘real’ savings account from where the on line account would draw the money from. I set this up to happen on a Thursday. When I checked my e-mail on Friday morning I saw an e-mail from my on line account telling me that they attempted the transfer but there weren’t enough funds to cover it. They would attempt it again.

Fri 2/20/09 4:12 AM
You recently made the following funds transfer request: XXXXXXX.Unfortunately, we could not complete the request. The account provider from which you requested the funds be transferred has indicated to us that there are not sufficient funds in your account to honor the request. Because this could be a temporary problem in your account, we will automatically submit this transaction once more. If funds are still not available at that time, we will suspend, as a security precaution, your ability to make funds transfer requests. We advise you to check your account balance and deposit funds immediately, if needed. As a security precaution, future Bank To Bank Transfer Settlement Days for your Bank, Savings account have been extended to 4 days from the current 3 days due to insufficient funds activity. This restriction will be removed after you complete 3 successful transactions amounting to $1,000.00. If you have any questions about Internet Banking, please send a secure E-Mail from Internet Banking or call our Customer Relationship Center at XXXX. Representatives are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and will be happy to help you.

So I went online with my ‘real’ bank and transferred over the money.

02/20/2009
ONLINE TRANSFER FROM CHECKING
Xfer $700.00

Thinking everything would be fine I went about my life and my weekend. Until I came in on Tuesday and get this e-mail from the on line bank:


Tue 2/24/09 4:16 AM
Dear DH, On February 19, 2009 (you can clearly see the above e-mail was in fact sent the 20th, splitting hairs, maybe.), we emailed you that there were insufficient funds in the account and that we would submit the request again. Unfortunately, we have submitted the request again and your account provider is still indicating to us that the funds in your account are insufficient. Please contact us to resolve the problem. As a security precaution, we have suspended your ability to request transfers until the matter is resolved. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

Ok, I was a bit flummoxed. Unless in all actuality they only waited like 20mins from the time they sent the 1st e-mail until the time they attempted again, there was plenty of money to cover the transfer. So I logged into the account and sent them a secure Internet e-mail telling them it was ok to transfer the money now, because as you can see, they do not tell you just how exactly I needed to contact them. I heard nothing, and saw that in fact the transfer never took place. I let it go because during the waiting period F and I decided that the money would be needed soon and so it really wasn’t worth stashing it away on line. A month passed and F requested that I get some money out of the on line account so we could buy a car. I logged into the site and saw this message:


02/27/2009

Thank you for contacting On Line Bank. We are unable to initiate a Bank to Bank Transfer on a customers behalf. Your Bank to Bank Transfer of $ from ‘Real’ Bank account to your On line Savings Account failed due to insufficient funds. In order to reactivate your Bank to Bank Transfer service and unsuspend the ‘Real’ Bank account for the Bank to Bank Transfers, it is necessary to initiate a conference call with ‘Real’ Bank so that we may verify a few details with them while you are on the phone. Please contact us at 1-800-XXX-XXXX. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.



I’m sorry, a CONFERENCE CALL?? Are you quite serious?? I appreciate the “security” precautions that are being taken here, what with all identity theft and all, but I wasn’t sure how a “Conference Call” with my ‘real’ bank was going to prevent this. I had to cool off for a few days before I made the call………

Where have all the Stalkers Gone?

See that over there? ----->
Where my Digital Stalkers are listed??? ------>
I've lost two of them.
Where did you go?
Why have you abandoned me?
I swear that I have not taken out a P.P.O. against you!!!!
Please come back.
I miss you.

Good Intentions

That fabulous McD’s McGriddle I had the other day? Well some of the greasy goodness found its way onto my blouse. So I used my amazing TIDE Pen that I keep in my desk drawer (yeah, I gotta roll like that) and it didn’t banish the spot, which was a good inch by an inch and half. It faded a tad. So I Tide penned it again, still, only fading, but now I had a RING around the spot that the Tide pen left. This was getting worse, not better. I remembered I had some Woolite spot treatment wipes, and so I used one of those, hoping that the spot AND the ring around the spot would magically vanish.
The spot was still there.
The ring grew to a 4” X 4” nightmare that I had to live with everyone seeing just above my boob ALL DAY LONG.
I tried water too, that left yet another ring within the larger ring.
I should have just stayed in bed.

The Color of Money

I woke up hungry and convinced myself on the ride into work that if I didn't stop at McDonald's I'd die before lunch. McDonald's is pretty much, literally across the street from us, more kiddy-corner, but anyway, I HAVE to drive by it on my into the office. I made the decision on the highway off ramp and swung the truck into the drive-thru. You know my one true breakfast love from McDonald's is the #6, Bacon, egg, cheese MCGRIDDLE, heaven and death in a hand sized bundle, oj, no coffee, PLEASE! I roll up to the drive-thru pay window and hand over my $20 spot. (amazing, I had cash on me! plus, most ATMs don't give out 10s anymore.) Last time I was there, the cashier did the whole "light test" where she held it up to the light looking for the little strip thingie. I thought that was a bit much for a $20, but what do I know? I'm no longer in the retail business, so I don't know, counterfeiting might be hitting McD's hard. This time? This time she scanned my $20 with some thing. SCANNED IT. BOTH SIDES. I couldn't believe it! What is that all about? Where can I get me one of those? And what does it say about the area I work in that McD's is scanning the CASH, yo?????

Reflections of me

I looked in the mirror this morning while doing my make-up and did not recognize the face staring back. The hair seemed darker, the nose looked fatter, the cheeks were puffier, the eyes had sunken dark circles under them, the chin was thicker. I was shocked. Slightly horrified. What had happened to me? What is going on? Why do I look this way? And what the hell can I do to change it? I blinked. It didn't go away. I stared a little harder at myself, and I think for the first time in my life, I saw my age. My REAL age. I've never felt my age. When I was a kid, I felt I was too old for my age, as I got older, I've felt I am too young for my age.
If this is what my real age is going to be, I prefer the denial.
Mirror Mirror on the wall, what the hell has happened to it all?

Name Change Journey, Part II

My third stop of the Name Change Journey was the bank that supports one of my credit cards. I tried to change my name on line, but it said I had to go to a bank. Luckily, and I do mean amazingly luckily, there was one of these banks across the parking lot from where I updated my driver’s license. I went in to the teller and said, “Hi, I need to change my name on my credit card??”
“Really? Hang on a sec.”
I was directed to a desk of a woman who was stick thin and happily munching on chocolate.
“You need to change your name? You get married?”
“YES!”
“Well congratulations! However, I’m not sure how this is going to work. See, we don’t OWN your credit card, we just support it, so I don’t know if I’ll have access.”
“Really? the website said I HAD to come to one of the bank branches to do this.”
After several minutes of us both exclaiming in disbelief about how the whole credit card/bank thing was set up wrong and how silly it was that I had to come to the bank, she got my name changed, but could not request a new card with said name on it for me.
How messed up is that?
Anyway, she gave me one of her chocolates. A bite sized Easter bunny Resse's.
“Here, these things are ADDICTIVE!”
She soooo wasn’t kidding.

That was so much nicer than the condescending jerk I dealt with at MY personal bank on my fourth and final stop.
You could tell the man was less than pleased to be interrupted to actually help a customer. He begrudgingly moved aside his work as I slide my marriage license across the desk. He scowled the ENTIRE TIME I was there. He squinted at my driver’s license, squinted at the marriage license, and then scowled at me as he said, “there’s an awful lot of hyphens here.”
“There’s only ONE hyphen, in the last name. Really, I’m only ADDING a name.”
“Grunt. *Scowl*”
What a jerk! I sat there and thought, buddy how old do you think I am? That you think you can talk to me like a kid! You sexiest prat! But, I keep my mouth shut as I shot him dirty looks.
After much sighing and hmphing on his part, my name was changed on my account. It wasn’t until after I fled from there that I realized I would need a new ATM card as well. I wasn’t going back. No thanks! I’ll save that for another time. Besides, I’d just gotten a new card anyway, after I “lost” mine on the floor of the car.

The last piece of the Name Change Journey? My Pass Port. Thankfully, if I read the website correctly, all of THAT can be done via mail.
PRAISE YEE GODS!!!!

Still Surprised By It

F and I were at the eye doctor the other day. His appointment was before mine so I got there a little later. The receptionist blindsided me with several “Your Husbands”. “Oh your husband is already here.” “I’ll put that under your husband’s heading.” “I’ll use the same insurance card as your husband’s.” It totally stunned me. I’m still not use to other people referring to F as my husband. Me? I refer to him that way all the time. I enjoy saying it. “My husband.” It’s the “Your Husband” that I’m still getting accustomed to. I think part of it is because I feel like everyone doesn’t know (outside of family and co-workers, and people who read the announcement in my small hometown paper, of course) and I want it to still be my little “TA-DA….. I’m MARRIED!!!!!” and when they come out of the gate with “Your Husband” it kind of steals my long awaited thunder.
Selfish? Yeah, maybe. I waited along time to have a husband, and I’m not quite ready to share the announcing part of it with anybody else yet.
I still get misty looking at the wedding pictures too.
So sue me.

What’s in a Name Anyway?

I took the day off to become “official” with the whole last name thing. Remember this story started on a Saturday when I was denied out right? So, anyway, I took a day off to get all of this corrected and hashed out. I headed out to my first stop, my stomach telling me in advance that I would most likely encounter some kind of issue. Let me back up 30+ years, to my birth. My mother and father could not agree on my name so decided to put all the choices together, giving me a first name, and two middle names; and we aren’t even royalty. All told, I had 4 names. When my mother received my Birth Certificate, my 2nd middle name was misspelled. This misspelling made the name the “male” version, which, clearly, I am NOT. However, since it was “only” a middle name, they never bothered to have it corrected. I said I would do it when I turned 16, I didn’t. Then I said I would do it when I turned 18, again, slacked off. It didn’t happen when I turned 21 or 30, I just couldn’t be bothered. I know, I shot myself in the foot on this one.
Back to current time……
Upon arriving at the Social Security office I take my number and take my seat. I begin to freak myself out. I had filled out the paper work ahead of time, nicely typed, and corrected, and typed and corrected, changing the “misspelled” name a million times over.(not really, just like twice) I get sweaty, antsy. I was all manner of worked up when finally my number was called.
(Ok, I KNOW this isn’t that big of a deal, and I totally blew it out of portion, but for whatever reason I was just really freaked that they would turn me away and I would be caught in this months long battle to simply add F’s last name to mine. I was being overly dramatic, I have no idea why.)
I head up to the non-private window determined to be polite and disarmingly charming.
“HI! I’m here for a name change!” as I hand over my neatly typed form and marriage license and Pass Port.
“OK, great.” He begins to look over the paperwork and his forehead furrows.
*shit*
“There are a lot of different spellings here.”
“Yeah, I know, it’s spelled so many different ways on so many different things. *weight of the world sigh*”
“Is this how it is on your Birth Certificate?”
“Yes, they misspelled it.”
“WELL! (overtly cheerful!) That’s not a misspelling! That’s who you ARE! That’s your NAME! Here’s not where you’d change that!”
And for whatever reason, I kinda, slightly, lost my cool.
“It doesn’t need to be changed, it needs to be corrected. Its spelled A-B-C-D-E-F-G, NOT A-B-C-E-F-G. I didn’t have anything to do with the change on, on, the, oh, the…..”
And here is where I start to sputter. I knew I shouldn’t push the government worker, but my brain decided to turn to mush on me. It took me a good 2 minutes of sputtering to finally get out, “PASS PORT!” instead of Post Office. I felt the heat rise in my face. This is NOT the way I wanted this to go down.
“And how is it on your Social Security card?”
“I think it only has the first middle name on it.” (it actually, I found later, only has my first middle initial on it, neither of the middle names are spelled out.)
Several long moments of agonizing silence pass. The Government Worker is typing away on his computer.
“Ok. Well, here it is, now look over everything and make sure it is all correct. When you go to your next stop, see if they’ll change it on your driver’s license, because really, you want all these things to match up.”
“THANK YOU!”

VICTORY WAS MINE!!!!!! PROPERLY SPELLED MIDDLE NAME!!!! Hyphened LAST NAME!!! I walked out of the Social Security office with the weight of FIVE properly spelled names proudly about my shoulders!!!

With renewed hope I made my way to get my driver’s license changed. I even got pushed up in line as a “return customer”, even though I tried to explain to the man that I was a return from a WEEK AGO. I wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I took up the “no waiting, return customers only” spot.
I was called to the counter.
“HI! I’m here for a name change!” nice smile, nice innocent smile.
“Where’s your return pass?”
“I don’t have one.”
“You don’t? Who told you to come up here?”
“The man.”
“And they didn’t give you a return pass??”
“No?” confused innocence.
“Hmmm, I wonder why.”
*Innocent shoulder shrug and head shake* (I said a silent prayer to GOD to forgive me my half truthful lies)
“Ok, well, let’s get this done.”
She gets down to business and I try to slip in the spelling correction when she slides the paper over to me, “Can’t you, uh, change this so it matches up to what Social Security has?”
“No. That’s something you’ll have to go to court to have changed. We view that as you, legally.”
I decided not to push the issue. I had lined jumped after all.
New picture! New NAME! NEW LICENSE!
YES! Two down, two to go!

Um, NO!

Remember Mrs. Nosey? I just ran into her in the kitchen. She was eating leftover cake that someone had left on the counter. Directly out of the box. Over the box in fact so the crumbs fell back INTO the box. Eating directly from the cake. With the same fork. Over and over again.
I feel sick.
This is something you might do AT HOME. Where you are most likely RELATED to the other people who will eat the cake. Not at work where other, non-related, people may eat the cake. GAG!

SWEET!

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!!!!!

10 kids drink windshield wiper fluid at daycare

Now, I'm not saying I've never grabbed the wrong bottle. The other night I almost put lotion in my contact case, ALMOST. However, windshield washer fluid? HUGE label? Missed it did they? The SMELL, missed that too, did they??? It smells NOTHING like Kool-Aid!!! Makes me not want to put any potential future children in daycare, ya know???


Staff put liquid in fridge and it was mistakenly served as Kool-Aid

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - Ten children drank windshield wiper fluid after a staffer at an Arkansas day care put the liquid in a refrigerator and mistakenly served it thinking it was a flavored drink mix, hospital officials said Friday.
Doctors estimate the children, ages 2 to 7, drank about an ounce of the fluid late Thursday afternoon before realizing it tasted wrong, said Laura James, a pediatric pharmacologist and toxicologist at Arkansas Children's Hospital in Little Rock.
Only one child remained hospitalized Friday morning after blood samples showed "measurable levels" of methanol, a highly toxic alcohol that can induce comas and cause blindness, officials said.
"All we know was that the individual at the day care had recently shopped and had come back to the day care with a lot of different products," James told The Associated Press. "This product was mistakenly grabbed and thought to be Kool-Aid and put in the refrigerator."
Julie Munsell, a spokeswoman for the state Department of Human Services, identified the day care operator as Carolyn Bynum in Scott, about 15 miles east of Little Rock. Bynum declined to comment Friday.
Investigation under way Bynum had a state license to care for 10 children in her home and had no found complaints or serious compliance issues in the past, Munsell said. Child welfare investigators planned to interview Bynum on Friday.
"They'll go out, they'll get an explanation and they'll try to sort (it) out preliminarily," Munsell said.
Munsell said a suspension or license revokation (isn't this spelled wrong?)could be imposed pending an investigation.
The toxicologist warned that many antifreeze or windshield wiper solutions have bright colors, which can be mistaken for fruit drinks.
"I think the take-home message is not to have these products in the kitchen or where you're doing any kind of food preparation," she said.

Hairless Suffering

Oh how we women suffer for beauty!! Waxing can be deadly! Who the hell knew?!?!


Nine Cosmetic Treatments to Rethink
Waxing


Why do it: Waxing yanks unwanted body hair out by the roots. It's faster than tweezing and lasts longer than shaving. The problem: First off, burns from hot wax can be severe and are more common than you might think, according to the medical journal Burns. Waxing also leaves your body vulnerable to infection. In fact, the FDA advises people with weakened immune systems to avoid waxing entirely. Anyone using wrinkle creams or acne treatments that contain retinol should also rethink waxing. Retinol can make skin so sensitive that there's a risk of it peeling off along with the hair. But the biggest worry is topical skin-numbing cream, often used to make waxing and laser hair removal less painful. The FDA says drugs in the cream can end up in your blood. Use too much of it, or a cream that contains too high a concentration of the numbing ingredients, and the results can be life-threatening or even fatal. It's best to avoid numbing cream altogether, but if you do use it, the FDA says to choose a cream they've approved as safe, to use as little of the cream with the lowest amount of active ingredient as you can. The FDA also recommends leaving the skin uncovered (don't cover the treated area with plastic wrap or other dressing), and says to pick the correct cream with your doctor's help—not that of your hair stylist or spa technician.

Ripely's Believe IT or NOT!

I don't mean to make my Blog into a recap of news stories, but some are just too weird or annoying not to share. Like this one. I had never heard of this condition?, is that what you'd call it? I'm not sure. Anyway, this kind of freaks me the hell out and also makes me extremely curious to actually SEE one of these things.

The curious case of the stone baby
Posted on Wednesday, March 04, 2009 10:59 AM PT
By Diane Mapes
While a 92-year-old woman delivering a 60-year-old baby may sound like a bizarre plot twist from the movie “Benjamin Button,” it’s true. Huang Yijun, 92, of southern China, recently delivered a child which she’d been carrying for well over half a century.
The baby wasn’t alive, however. The woman was carrying a lithopedion — or stone baby. It's a rare phenomenon that occurs when a pregnancy fails and the fetus calcifies while still in the mother’s body.
According to Dr. Natalie Burger, endocrinologist and fertility specialist at Texas Fertility Center, lithopedions start off as ectopic pregnancies, a condition where the fertilized egg gets stuck on its way to the womb, implants and develops outside the uterus.
“Usually an ectopic pregnancy will mean a [fallopian] tubal pregnancy, but in a small percentage of cases, the pregnancy can actually occur in the abdominal cavity — in places like the bowel, the ovary, or even on the aorta,” she says. “These are very rare locations and they can be very dangerous.”
In most cases, Burger says, doctors will recommend the pregnancy be terminated due to the extreme risk to the mother. Or the fetus will simply die on its own due to a lack of blood supply.
“The vast majority never get anywhere close to multiple months of pregnancy,” she says. “They die, the tissue breaks down and they’re gone.”
In certain cases, however, the implanted fetus gets to an advanced stage before it dies. Too large to be absorbed by the body, the remains of the child or its surrounding amniotic sac slowly calcify, turning to stone as a way to protect the woman’s body from infection from the decomposing tissue. Because the mother’s body doesn’t recognize the hardening mass as foreign, if there are no other complications she can basically just go on with her life.
Stone babies are extremely rare, but you wouldn’t know it considering how often they’ve been used as a plot device in novels, short stories and TV shows. For example, in recent years, they’ve shown up on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent,” “Nip/Tuck” and the Australian series, “All Saints.” Maybe calcified babies are so popular because they tap into a mythological fascination with or deep fear of a soft, innocent body turning to stone.
According to a 1996 paper in the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine, only 290 cases of lithopedion have ever been documented by medical literature, the earliest being that of a 68-year-old French woman Madame Colombe Chatri who, when autopsied after her death in 1582, was found to be carrying a fully-developed stone baby in her abdominal cavity. Chatri, whose abdomen was said to be “swollen, hard and painful throughout her life,” had been carrying her stone child for 28 years.
The mean duration of a “stone pregnancy,” according to the Journal article, is 22 years. Some women, such as China’s Huang Yijun, have carried their calcified fetuses for more than 50 years.
How could a woman walk around with a stone baby for years and years and not realize something was amiss?
“In some cases, there would be symptoms of an early pregnancy and then they would go away,” says Burger. “The women would just think they just lost a pregnancy and wouldn’t think any more of it.”
In other cases, a lack of money or medical resources comes into play. Huang Yijun told reporters she didn’t have the money to have her fetus removed after doctors told her it had died inside her in 1948. So, she simply “did nothing and ignored it.”
Other women, particularly those living in countries where obstetric care isn’t readily available, are unaware of their condition until the calcified mass causes a serious health issue. According to Burger, lithopedions — which can weigh up to nine pounds in the case of a full-grown fetus — have been known to cause intestinal obstruction, pelvic abscess, problems with delivery in future pregnancy and fertility issues, among other things.
They’ve also been known to cause quite the public sensation.
In 1582, the autopsy findings of Madame Chatri – complete with illustrations depicting the woman and her stone child — became an instant medical bestseller and the calcified fetus was quickly sold to a wealthy French merchant (sort of the P.T. Barnum of his day) who put it on display at his museum of curiosities in Paris. The fossilized fetus reportedly changed hands several times after that, finally ending up in the King of Denmark’s royal museum in 1653. Two hundred years later, the museum was dissolved and the stone fetus was transferred to the Danish Museum of Natural History.
Several years after that, the stone baby was lost. Or perhaps laid to rest, at long last.

Who Are You?

Have you ever had a dream where you are yourself, but the opposite sex? What the HELL does that mean???????????????

Just One Please

I have TMJ*. I acquired (and I say acquired instead of developed because I blame this solely on my crazy boss, she gave it to me) this while in my mid-twenties, when my Boss at the time went psycho and started micro-managing, it got to the point where she had to be medicated to come to work, seriously. My stress level hit the roof and it expressed itself through my teeth each night. I would wake up with horrible earaches and jaw pain that radiated into my neck. My dentist fitted me for a bite plate, and my world changed for the better. Granted I can’t sleep without it now, but it’s a small obsession I can deal with. Over the years said bite plate has become increasingly worn. A hole in the front, interior cracks on both sides in the back. My insurance only covers one bite plate. Ever. For my ENTIRE LIFE. The hole in the front continued to expand in size so I decided to see if short of shelling out $450 for a new one, the dentist could do something with the old one. And she did. She put fake nails on it. Ok, maybe not fake nails. But she did fill it with the same acrylic that is used to make acrylic fake nails. For 30mins I felt like I had a nail salon in my mouth. The smell, ugh. THE TASTE! Double UGH! It was thicker and all the wear and tear was hidden under a layer of fake nails. I was a tad concerned how my mouth would respond to this change; I was also concerned how ingesting fake nails would affect my stomach. I heard from my mouth first. More particularly my tongue. I awoke in the middle of the night to a great pain. I had bitten the very outer edge of my tongue, and holy hell how it hurt! It made it hard to close my mouth because my tongue was raw and sore and even the lightest touch against my teeth brought tears to my eyes. At night I was afraid to fall asleep lest I chomp down on it again. And there were some nights when I would awake again, tears of pain bursting forth because my tongue had taken another hit from my teeth and new bite plate. I determined that my tongue was getting pinched between my bite plate and my teeth because the “repaired” bite plate had changed the way my teeth were sitting against it. This continued for a little over a week until my tongue finally healed. Every now again, like last night, I nip my tongue again. And without fail, I wake up because of the pain. It stays sore all day, because like a missing tooth, you keep “checking” it to see if it’s still sore. I think I’m just going to have to break down and shell out the cash for a new bite plate. It would be nice to have a new, non-yellow bite plate. It used to be clear, until I soaked it in Original Listerine. Which is gold-ish in color. Um, yeah. I know my tongue would thank me. My wallet certainly won’t be happy.
I can get a new wallet at Kohl’s.
I can’t get new teeth there.


*There is an entire association for this? If you read over some of the stuff on the website it sounds like TMJ can become a rather serious condition. Dang!

DNA, Hair sample and Finger Print Needed

I haven’t changed my name yet to reflect the fact that I am married. Well, that’s not completely true. I have changed it in a few places. My work e-mail. My FB account. My work Voicemail. One credit card. And checks from “our” Credit Union. I waited to change it because you must have an official copy of your marriage license and I knew that I couldn’t get a new Passport and driver’s license before we left for the Honeymoon, especially since I had to book the flight as ‘old me’ to match up to my credit card. Anyway, to say the least, I’ve been putting it off. And it has affected the whole “OMG!! I’m MARRIED!!!” feeling because it’s not right up there in my face every time I sign my name because as it stands now, I’m still signing as ‘old me’. So I finally decide to up and get it changed ASAP and started doing the research to make sure when I showed up at the gov’t offices I had all the paperwork I would need upfront. I was going to change my driver’s license first. It seemed simple enough, their website said all I would need was my certified marriage license. They even had hours on Saturday! Excellent! So I got up early on Saturday, showered, did my hair and make-up and made my way to the office. They opened at 9am, I arrived at 9:06am and there were already 60 people in front of me. HOLY CRAP! I waited my turn and smiled at the line lady, “Hi! I’m here to change my name!”
“Did you go to the Social Security Office first?”
“Noooo?”
“You have to go there first.”
“I do????”
“Yes. And then bring this back (hands me a form) when you come back here.”
“Um, ok.” I walk away defeated.
By the time I make it back home I am fuming! I stomp down to the basement to check the website again and there it is:

How to Change Your Name on a Driver's License or Personal ID Card
If you need to change your name on your driver's license or personal ID card you must go to a [redacted] to process the correction. Present your valid driver's license or personal ID card and proof of the name change. Proof of your name change must be established, such as a certified marriage license, divorce decree, or a legal name change document. A fee will be charged to correct your name and a new photograph will be taken.

See? Right there! The VERY FIRST thing!!! No mention of having to go to the Social Security Office first!!! I was PISSED. So I filled out their little “Tell Us How We’re Doing” section. While F is standing over my shoulder, “Don’t fill it out in anger. Calm down and tell them what happened. What do you want to say?”
“That they are a bunch of fucking idiots who need to make their website better!”
“Oooook.”

It ruined my entire weekend. I was ready to be “Official” and a stupid website prevented me from doing it! Here I had done my due diligence ahead of time and it totally back fired! Now I have to take an entire day off of work in order to do this. Social Security office, Driver’s license office, bank, bank( I have to go to the bank that owns my credit card in order to change my name) and who knows what else. Probably all the stores where I have credit cards too! GRRRRRRRR.
Boys have it so easy! They don’t have to plan the wedding OR change who they are!

NOT FAIR! *foot stamp*

What IS That Smell??

Is it just me, or should the eating of tuna fish as a lunch time meal in the office be banned?

Get your minds out of the gutter kids.

It makes the ENTIRE office building reek. UGH.

Should We Start Testing for I.Q. Before You're Allowed to Reproduce?

Here is more about the highly intelligent woman who was driving, talking on her cell, and breast feeding her baby.

"I'm following right behind her right now on Far Hills Avenue," the caller said as he spoke to a Kettering dispatcher in a recording of his non-emergency call that was released by police on Friday, Feb. 27. (this is what the guy said who reported her)
"I tried to say something to her. She literally has the little girl on the steering wheel and I said, 'I can't believe you have that kid in your lap and she said, 'You want to pop your titty out and breastfeed this kid?' (nice, such fabulous manners)That's what she said to me. I'm like, 'You can feed your kid when you stop.' It's like wet out here. It's full of traffic. It's ridiculous. She's got like three other kids in the car."
The police came to the area and tried to locate the van, but could not find it. So they used the license plate number to track down her contact information, Burke said.
When a police officer spoke to her, she admitted she breastfed her child and also told police that she does not deprive her child when the child is hungry, Burke said.

Deprive?? DEPRIVE??? How about the fact that you are DEPRIVING your kid of it's safety!!! You stupid heffer.

How Do You Do That?????

Texting while working out. This was something new. I’d heard about those crazy kids these days, texting while driving. Seriously, that is not a smart thing to do. But there she was, on the elliptical next to me, texting away. On a regular cell. Not one of those full keyboard ones, like what I have now(way cool), but a regular old, 3 letters to a key, cell. She’d get a message, turn down her iPod, spend several minutes sending back a lengthy response, put the phone back, turn the iPod back up and continue working out. All while not breaking her stride. It was mesmerizing. I am completely envious of her abilities. I thought I could multi-task with the best of them, but she truly put me to shame.
The girl next to her had on sound cancelling headphones. They looked so bulky and outdated, even though they were shiny new. Amazing how your perceptions change.
Ah, to be young again and not have to worry about losing your balance on the elliptical.

Who Are These People?

Woman has 911 meltdown over McNuggets
Fla. police say she called emergency number 3 times after store runs out

FORT PIERCE, Fla. - Authorities say a Florida woman called 911 three times after McDonald's employees told her they were out of Chicken McNuggets.
A police report says 27-year-old Fort Pierce resident Latreasa L. Goodman told authorities she paid for a 10-piece last week but was later informed the restaurant had run out.
She says she was refused a refund and told all sales were final. A cashier told police she offered Goodman a larger portion of different food for the same price, but Goodman became irate.
"This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one," Goodman told police, according to The Stuart News. "This is an emergency."
Police say Goodman was cited on a misuse of 911 charge. A current phone listing for Goodman couldn't be found.
A McDonald's spokesman says Goodman should have been given a refund, and she's being sent a gift card for a free meal.

Seriously?? 911 over nuggets?!?!?!!?!? Granted they told her wrong about the whole refund thing, but seriously. 911!!!!!!!

Where Did It Go?

Have you ever gone to the grocery store with a list, buy all the items ON said list and then discover they are missing once you get home? This happened to me. The Grocery Void has struck again. I went to the store on my lunch hour for several items and I CLEARLY remember buying them because I remember standing in the aisle comparing prices. The items that needed refrigeration were brought into the office, the others left in the car. At the end of the day, I loaded the items into the van and went home, placing them in their proper place. Several days later when it came time to make the meal with said items, they were no where to be found. I even had F check the car for me. I even found the receipt! They were ON it!!!
Items currently missing: 2 packages of taco seasoning. 1 can of tomato puree. If you see items, please contact me immediately! I need to know where I lost them so I'll stop going crazy.

Side item: I scrub the bathtub so hard over the weekend that the muscle in my forearms hurt every time I type something. Making my work day so much more less enjoyable. And it STILL looks dirty! But I know it is not! This stupid tub is stained or something. If you have any cleaning tips for evil tubs please let me know!!!

My forearms thank you in advance.

Um, wait? But! ***UPDATED***

So the ladies that decided for everyone about the mile stone birthday, decided that the office of the person needed to be decorated. But the lady who was suppose to have the decorations just up and left. With not a word to myself and G, who said we'd stay late the night before and decorate.
What is that? How can you make a decision, tell people what to do, and then not give them the stuff they are suppose to do it with???
So now we get to wait and see what the fallout will be when the others come in the morning and there are no decorations.
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

***UPDATE***
They all came in early and decorated. But never mentioned the plan change to G and me. Not a word was spoken about who did what, or why it wasn't done the night before. The one lady who decided we needed a speciality cake, also decided that she wanted cake NOW! because SHE was hungry, so we had cake sans G who arrived a few minutes later. Oooooooooook.

It's Been Decided

They have struck again. Those ladies who decide for everyone else. Forcing gift giving where ever they go. They who don't participate themselves. Yes, a milestone birthday has arrived for one in our group. I overheard the conversation of two of them deciding what to do. Expensive speciality cake? Check. "Forced" chipping in? Check. Mandatory group meeting to "decide" what to do? Check.
I don't mind participating, I've said it before. What I mind is the forcing. What I mind is announcing the decided plan, then asking for input, as an afterthought.
I need a chill pill on a daily basis with these women.

OMG, Gene Pool Needs Cleaning

Really? She's an idiot. PULL OVER FOR 10 mins!!!! Seriously.

Breast-feeding, cell-using driver charged

Ohio police cite woman with child endangerment


KETTERING, Ohio - Police in Ohio say a woman has been charged with child endangerment after another motorist reported she was both breast-feeding the youngster and talking on a phone while driving.
Police in the Dayton suburb of Kettering say the caller told them he saw the woman Thursday.
Officer Michael Burke says authorities used a license plate number to track down 39-year-old Genine Compton.
He said the woman told officers she was breast-feeding and wouldn't let her child go hungry.
Burke said the legal concern is that Compton had a child in her lap while driving, not that she was breast-feeding in public.
He said the child was under 2 years old.
Police say the woman faces up to 180 days in jail and a $1,800 fine if convicted of the misdemeanor.

Not So Happy Hour

Last Friday my co-worker friend and I were husband free and decided that we needed to hit a local happy hour to pass our time. I looked on-line and found one place that sounded fabulous. When my co-worker friend called said place to check on prices, she found they had gone out of business. So she started looking online and finally found a place that had Happy Hour on a Friday night! And we work in a college town! Where bars are on every corner! Here is our e-mail exchange concerning the lack of HH:





GA: "No HH anywhere in {our town}...except {our usual place} and only until 7:00pm and that's only on their beer and calzones! i can't believe this...apparently not a lot of places have HH on Fridays as per {our other usual place}!”



Me: “Wait, {our other usual place} doesn't either??? What the heck kind of bars are these????? Now what?”


GA:"ok..{a place we'd only seen in passing}, it is! I just called to confirm and they are right across from {a restaurant}...by washington. has a martini glass neon sign. would 5:30 be ok? should we ask anyone else?? I'm ok either way."



So GA and I headed out after work to the ONE place in a COLLEGE town that had happy hour on a Friday night. As we came upon it my spidey sense started to tingle. When we opened the door my spidey sense went into full on red alert as the entire bar fell silent and all eyes were on us.

Oh yeah, we'd stumbled into the most local of local watering holes around. There were more mullets than teeth. But, they had cheap beer and drinks so we picked a table against the wall and settled in. It took a good 20mins before one of the locals found their way over to us to feel us out.

"You're not regulars here, are ya?"



Nope.

After that we were left alone for the rest of our time there. The smoke was choking, and seeped into every pore. Conversation we overheard included, but were not limited to: "Motherfuckers", "Dickheads", "Motherfucking dickhead", "Dumb asses", "Fucking hell!", "I'm not fucking drunk you fucker!", and so on. The most interesting conversation I heard occurred at the table next to us where a very logical and lucid discussion took place concerning the D.U.I laws, how much you could "blow" each time, when the law changed and how many more strikes could occur before being placed in custody. Very enlightening.

Scenes included, but were not limited to, sloppy drunken hugging, sloppy drunken kissing, drunken dancing, drunken stumbling and drunken tattoo flaunting. The buying of excessive amounts of drink for a man who appeared to not be mentally all there and was sporting a hospital wrist band. I caught many of the women giving us the evil eye until they realized that we were in no way competition for the bar fly men.

When the local who came over to greet us left, he stopped by once again and invited us to become locals. Noting to GA, "I don't see no wedding ring!!!!" She's been married for a good long time, and did indeed have a wedding band on.

The ride home with myself was disgusting because of the smoke smell that clung to every surface and article of clothing. I couldn't move my head for fear of stirring up the fumes.



We fully intend to go back.

Please, Can't You Just?

A little note to the Asian woman who doesn't wear a bra while working out, and to the woman who wore a decidedly lacey flowly dressy shirt to workout(huh? thanks for dressing up for us), and to the teenage-ish/20something extremely sweaty girl(s) and guys:


FREAKING WIPE DOWN YOUR EQUIPMENT WHEN YOU ARE DONE SWEATING ON IT!!!!


USING YOUR SWEATY TOWEL DOES NOT COUNT. The gym SUPPLIES disinfectant wipes for crying out loud.
I realize that having to walk 20 ft in either direction to obtain said wipe may hinder your workout, nay! add TO it, but I don't think it's too much to ask, since you're there, to you know, MOVE YOUR BODY anyway.

And to the couple who walked around the gym lobby BARE FOOT, that is disgusting. Put your SHOES on like you made your children do. GROSS.





Thank you.

Dang People! ***UPDATE***

WTF??? No matter what country this is in (Japan or China), how can you treat people like that??? Sweet heaven above, sardines aren't even packed this tight!!!!

***UPDATE****
F knows someone from Japan and that person identified this as Tokyo, and said that no matter what train you take, they are all that crowded in this manner.

Color Wheel

Remember Crazy Co-Worker? She of pant leg plucking and off the wall comments? Well, she continues to strike, and I could probably keep a blog just about the things she says, I'd be posting daily if not hourly, but that's too much like work. Anyway, picture it, a medium sized conference room, semi-lite with spotlights, the table surrounded by women in a work meeting......

CCW in a half whisper: "DH! I like the color of your hair right there. (pointing to a spot on her head.) What color is it?"

Me: *silent shrug with confused face*

CCW still half whisper: "Really? You don't know? It's kinda of coppery, real pretty. (i was sitting under one of the spot lights, who's hair doesn't change color under direct light, hmmmm???) You sure you don't know the color??"

Me: *silent shrug* *confused face* *head shake* (mind you, we are in an on going STAFF MEETING and she is sitting across the table from me)

CCW: *nudges person sitting next to her*: "Don't you think that section there (waves finger pointing at her own head) of DH's hair is real pretty? She says she doesn't know the color. HMPH, how do you not know the color???"

Me: *sigh* "I just tell the woman what I want it to look like and she does it, I don't ask for details."

CCW: "HMPH, you don't ask! Well it looks pretty!! Sure you don't know?"

Me: "No, I don't know."

CCW: "HMPH!"

What Will They Think of Next?

This is an e-mail conversation I had with CBF about deep fried chocolate covered foods which was inspired by a post by Pearl over at Pearl, Why you little... where chocolate covered bacon was mentioned which made me think of the deep fried Snickers CBF had while in Scotland, I believe, and when I tried deep fried Mars bars because of it.



This page was sent to you by DevilsHeaven :"Right up there with deep fried snickers??"



CBF:"I found that almost as disturbing as the bar here that serves the bacontini."



Me:"What is that?????"



CBF: "It's a bacon flavored martini. Go ahead-- throw up in your mouth a little."



Me: "EW! and I love me some bacon! All I can think of is grease in a glass!! gag! "(little did I know......)



CBF: "They have a bottle of bacon grease at the bar, and that's one of the ingredients. My friend Stacey is a bacontini lover and keeps trying to get me to have one. Uh, no."



Me: "I think I just threw up in my mouth."



CBF: "Totally appropriate response."






("They have a bottle of bacon grease at the bar, and that's one of the ingredients. ") Seriously, how could you drink it after seeing that??????

In Love....

.....With This Car.

Please forgive me my sins my GM brand forefather, grandfathers, mother, grandmother, uncles, cousins, siblings......

Sing-Along

I had a weird dream. For some reason I had a dream about Boots, the pharmacy chain over in the U.K.. Think CVS or Walgreens my digital Americans. Anyway, yes, I was apparently IN the U.K. and was in need of something and as we got off the train(i even dreamed of the public transit system) I was telling my friend that we needed to go to Boots because Boots has EVERYTHING.

Oh, did I mention it was a MUSICAL??? Uh, yeah. With men leaping down the aisle, twirling in front of the underwear as we all sang, "BOOTS has EVERYTHING!!!!! BOOTS, BOOTS, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS has EVVVVVVVVERYTHING!!!!! You can find it HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEE, even clean UNDERWEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!!"

I honestly don't think they sell underwear. Digital U.K.ers??

I woke up with a strong need to hop on a plane and visit the nearest Boots and comb the aisle for all kinds of great treasures. That blue sign is calling to me.

I love Boots.

I'm Sorry, I Can't

"I'm Sorry, I Can't eat anything."

I said this a lot while we were in The Homeland.

"Just PLAIN white rice please."

I said that a lot too.

The Homeland food and I did not get along too very well.

We wanted to like each, really we did, but somewhere along the line, we had a major disagreement and never recovered from it.

Food would be brought out and my stomach would turn. Food would be forced down my throat and my stomach would convulse.

In the beginning F and I ate happily. About 3 days in though, we were both not feeling well. I think it all linked back to Christmas Eve night when F's cousin got me trashed without me realizing it until I attempted the stairs in my fancy Christmas heels. When F's Cousin asked me what I liked to drink, I said, Vanilla Vodka, which he brought to me straight, not even on the rocks.

"Um, with Coke please?"

"Coke? You want me to MIX it TOGETHER?????!!!!!"

"Yes please. Lord, if I drank it straight!!!!!!!!!"

Well, I might as well have been drinking it straight, a splash of Coke at best was added. The next morning, Christmas Day, F and I were to meet up with Cousin and begin our tour.

"F, I don't think I can make it. I feel horrid."

"It's because you drank so much last night, DH."

"What? I only had 3 glasses."

"Uh, Nooooo, more like 6."

"NO????!!!!"

"Oh yeah, and Cousin wasn't mixing them light either."

"Oh, ugh."

Needless to say, F and I spent Christmas day in bed, with the shades drawn. I could finally stand around 6 pm when we were summoned for dinner. Drinking and Jet Lag do not mix well, FYI.

It was pretty much down hill after that. Thankfully F's Other Cousin is a pharmacist and got us all kinds of good meds. At first, they worked fine. So I think we got cocky and quite taking them. BIG MISTAKE.

The last week we were there? I was sick as a dog. My intestines convulsed to the point I was doubled over in pain. Anything I ate, came racing back out. I was nauseated the whole time. F wanted to take me to the hospital, I refused.

Other Cousin was consulted once again and he had more drugs sent over. (a plus about the homeland, EVERYTHING delivers, even McDonald's!)

24 Hours a day!

The drugs helped, but I could tell the SECOND they began to wear off because my intestines would start twitching.

The flights home were a nightmare. A flight attendant took one look at me and asked me if I was OK. Luckily I had enough drugs in me and was so exhausted from being sick, that I slept most of the way home. It took me 3 weeks to finally be able to eat normally again, without pain and nausea.

I can only imagine what the Extended Family thought of me. I hope they understood. I wasn't being rude or picky, just sickie.

Then about 2 weeks after we got home, we get a letter from Costco telling us that the power bars we bought to take with us, potentially had some of that tainted peanut butter in them.

We ate those daily.

Grrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

Just Being Nice?

After having visited The Homeland I found my Facebook account full of, well, new faces. All of F's second cousins, all in their 20's, are on FB. One cousin in particular is constantly making comments about how nice I look in the pics I post. Very flattering, true. But you know, how you get that twinge? That little alarm bell that tells you maybe, just maybe he's being more than just nice??
Mine is going off.
I think F's cousin is flirting with me.
Via Facebook.
But I'm not sure.
I've tried to chalk it up to the fact that English is 1 of like 6 languages he speaks, and he's just not using the proper words. But that hasn't quieted my little alarm bell. Granted he is thousand of miles away, and this should in no way make me feel uncomfortable, but it does.
Generally, I love a good flirt session.
But I'm married now.
And flirting is not allowed.
Be I flirtee, or flirter.
It's just weird. He is a very nice guy. We got along well whenever we were visiting. He speaks English, so naturally I looked forward to having someone to talk to. And there were a couple of times when my little alarm bell would give out a ring or two while we were actually IN The Homeland, but I didn't really catch on to that until AFTER we got back and I started reading my FB comments and putting it all together.
What's a girl to do?
Of course I'm going to let it go. It's nothing. I'm crazy.
Shhhhh, little alarm bell, shhhhhhhh..............

Not For The Public

I joined Face Book. I had no idea how many people are on there. And I find it weird that people I wasn't friends with in the past(the "in crowd kids") want to be "friends" now. But then never make comments on what have you on your page. Or we weren't friend in the past, and now that I said "yes" to their friends' request, all I get from them is request for more crap. Join this group! Give this FLARE! Save this animal! LOOK AT ME!!!!
Honestly? I just got on there because one friend, who I don't get to talk to or see much, asked me to join so we could keep in touch. Now, I'm kinda into looking up people from my past to see what they are up to. It's weird.
Anyway, I think some people are way too into it. The "What are you doing now?" section for some people is a minute by minute update. I honestly don't care that you are watching TV. Or starting dinner. Granted, I have put some stupid stuff up there, but not the kind of stuff I REALLY want to say. I mean, F's family is linked into this! MY family is linked into this. Ok, my family knows me so no big, but still.

Things not to post on your Face Book "What Are You Doing Now?" Section:


DH is.........

1) .....Farting up a storm because I had Mexican for lunch.

2) ......Suffering from major PMS cramps.

3) ......Wishing my husband would stop calling me at work about stupid stuff.

4) ......Trying to figure out how the hell to keep the new shoes I just bought out of my husband's line of sight.

5) ......Wishing Miss Needy would stop sending me FB requests and updates.

6) .......Thinking So and So sure got ugly after high school, did you see the updated pic? YIKES!!!

7) ........Thinking So and So might be a serial killer/tower sniper. Have you SEEN the stuff on their FB page?!?!?!

8) ......Horny.

9)...... Dreading the Holidays spent with the In-Laws.

10)...... Ready to start drinking while on the job, because of the job.


What stuff would you like to post on your Face Book "What are you doing Now?" section but can't because of who can see it?

Void

Did any of you see this interview?
Shower not working Mr Phoenix?
Comb lost all it's teeth Mr Phoenix?
Clippers have a low battery Mr Phoenix?
Hello?
Mr Phoenix?
What is the cause of that mental haze you're experiencing Mr Phoenix?



Studio Exces, regretting your decision to make him go on a press junket yet????