Ouchie

I have one of those headaches where typing on my keyboard is like driving a nail through my ear into my brain.
Today is going to be a fun day.

I....What?

I just had a co-worker stop in and tell me, "Marriage must really agree with you because you look really great now! What a big difference!"

I know she was trying to be nice and compliment my new hair style. But whenever anyone says something like that to me, it always makes me think I looked like total crap before.

Um, Hello?

Is this thing on? Anybody out there?
I guess I overrated myself.

Ahem. No burning questions concerning the trip to The Homeland?
Nothing?

wow.
Does this mean I actually have to just, you know, TELL you stuff that happened?

Or don't you want to know?

Anybody?

Bueller?

Where to Begin?

So much happened while we were in The Homeland for our Honeymoon, I’m not sure what to tell you first.
Should I tell you of all the strange things I saw and experienced?
How badly I was slapped by the mistress of culture shock?
What F’s extended family was like?
I can’t tell you of the sights I saw, because that would be a dead give away of where we were. I CAN tell you, THEY WERE AMAZING.
I can’t post pictures for obvious reasons.
I tried to document things to tell you, but that quickly fell by the way side in the flurry of activity.
Please forgive me.
So I’m putting it to you, dear digital reader, what do you want to hear about? I’m remembering things day by day, so some stories may come much later in the rotation than when they actually happened.
I await your requests.

Cute or Crafty??

F is HOT.
F is HOT to have, wait, MAKE a baby.
Yes, this is his new line when asking for sex.
F: "DH! Let's make a BABY!!!"

See, my great Period Plan for the Honeymoon completely crashed and burned. I started the Pill two weeks late expecting it to push back the start of said period by, well, 2 weeks. Not so Pill fans, not so. Period came right on f'ing time, and then, decided to stay, just a little longer. So while lamenting about this and how screwed up my system now was to F, he says, "DH, why don't you just stop taking them? What's the worst that could happen? You get pregnant."(this new idea was fostered lovingly by his Homeland family members.)

I was speechless.

He was right.

But I had to really think about it. REALLY Think about it. After what, 15 years of an on again off again affair with the Pill, I was finally in a place where I didn't need it anymore and I was struck dumb by that fact. Getting pregnant was ALWAYS the worst that could happen (outside of diseases of course) and here I was, in a place where it is no longer the worst, but the WANTED.
I'm still kind of stumbling over it. Especially when I see the telling purple packaging laying unused in the medicine cabinet. But a BABY! Wow, a baby could HAPPEN, FOR REAL anytime.
And it would be a GOOD THING.
But I still think F is using this to his horn ball advantage.

Glad To Be Back Where.....

1) Public toilets are FREE.....

2) ....and they come with the T.P.

3) All showers are hot, and are used DAILY, along with deodorant.

4) F and I are not a freak show for any and all to stare at openly.


We're back, praise the LORD.

More to follow.......................

Feel the Guilt

I got a random call on my cell that I almost didn't answer. It was the Nephew of my dad's best friend. The Best Friend, whom we all called Uncle, past away last month. The Nephew found my number and called me to relay the news since my mother had sent The Uncle a Christmas card.


I felt guilty because mom and I decided not to invite said Uncle to the wedding. If we had, it would have been the last time everyone would have seen him.


Guilt.



Mom says not to feel guilty. She said that since the last time we DID see him, when mom and I invited him over for dinner, he arrived, late, and DRUNK. Olfactory and visibly DRUNK. And that if he felt the need to drink heavily before joining just the two of us for dinner that if he DID come to the wedding, where all of us were, it probably wouldn't have been pretty.

I still feel bad.
Especially when I ran across his address while doing Christmas cards. Or when I ran across his e-mail address. I just can't bring myself to erase/delete it. It makes it so very, final.

I hope you are happy where you are now Uncle, with plenty of fishing, bowling your old dog and booze, if you so desire.



Please tell my Dad, I said Hi, that I love him, and I hope he was able to peek in on my wedding.

Please Take These Back

F and I went shopping to get him new underwear to take with us to The Homeland. The package was opened so he didn't want to get it. I rolled my eyes, sighed heavily and made him buy them.

We get home, he washes them, dries them, and then calls me down stairs.

"DH, I can't believe this! These underwear aren't even the brand they were suppose to be! AND!!! AND!!!!!! They've been WORN!!!!!!!!"



"OMG! What? How can you tell? Are there stains or something?????"





"NO, but look! The waist band!" The waist band had piled, or fuzzed, or whatever you want to call it, from being worn.



He folded them back up, shoved them back into the packaging and we head back to the store to return them.

The store was horrified and told F he was much calmer than they'd think he'd be after that and gave him a new set, in an unopened package.



I felt bad that I made him buy them, but I still laughed, I mean seriously, who would have thought???????????

Goose / Gander

Do you know the saying? What's good for the Goose is good for the Gander? It's one of my favorite sayings, right up there with the Pot calling the Kettle Black. And despite what Omarosa said, it isn't a racist statement, which she knew when she claimed it was. Whatever.

Anyway! Remember the mandatory gift giving ladies? The ones who complain about having to participate in office potlucks?? We had our Holiday Potluck here in the office. Many people brought things. We always have it on a Thursday because there are a ton of leftovers and that way we can re-enjoy all the fabulous food on Friday. Well, 5 of these mandatory gift ladies "chipped in" and brought a ham.

Which after everyone was done eating, was immediately bagged up, evenly, and passed back out to the Chipper-inners.

There's the holiday sharing spirit we were looking for!

Apparently, what is good for the geese, is not good for the ganders.

Imagine that.

Does it make you horny baby???

So I quit taking the birth control. Not completely, I'm just starting later in the month so "that time" won't interfere too very much with our Honeymoon. And I've notice a change.
I'm horny.
A lot.
F is liking this change, what guy wouldn't? But it got me to thinking, Is part of the "birth control" pill's job killing your libido? I don't ever remember reading anything about this being an effect, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Has anybody else experienced this randy charge once you stopped taking the pill?????

Brilliant? Or Sad?

Burger King has it's own perfume, or cologne, for men.
Brilliant marketing, or just a sad state of the world today?

Homeland Bound

I hope everyone has a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and a FABULOUS NEW YEAR!!!!!

F and I are on our way to The Homeland!!! As I promised, there will be stories when I return and there are even a few to keep you somewhat happy while I'm gone.

ENJOY my Digital Friends!!!!!!

Cold

It's 11 degree outside.
It was 7 when I arrived at work. The heat in the building can't keep up. So it's very cold in here.
Going to the bathroom was an experience in fast peeing. And washing your hands? ICE WATER. The bathroom doesn't seem to posses hot water. So washing your hands is like dipping them in a natural spring out of ALASKA.
Thank goodness it's WARM in The Homeland! I actually packed my SANDALS!
Now if only I can convince F to give me a French pedicure tonight, we'll be in business!

Lost

I seem to have lost my ATM card. This is not good. I remember using on my shopping spree over the weekend, but now, it's nowhere to be found.
So I canceled it.
This is the first time EVER in my life that I have lost a credit card type item. So now I'm all paranoid that someone is out there having a fabulous Christmas on my raise.

Now I'll have to write a check to the present Nazi since I can't get my hands on any money, MAWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

It's done.

I went to a new salon and got my hair cut.
Not permed.
And the cut looks fabulous.
One thing though, it takes longer to style now than it did before. It's MUCH shorter, yet it takes longer to do. It's not as "wash and wear" as I was hoping it'd be.
Am I the only one who experiences this?

Letting You Know

As some of you know, F and I are going on our Honeymoon over Christmas break. We'll be gone into mid January. Here's the thing, I'm not really close with any other Bloggers so that makes it kinda hard to ask any of them to do a guest post. So, I will try and pre-write as many posts as I can, but I highly doubt that much exciting stuff will happen to me between now, and the day we leave. I can't post while there because I'm quite sure I'll not have any alone time where I can compose without being found out.
However, if you'll promise to wait for me, I promise there'll be LOADS of good stories about the Honeymoon in The Homeland, with the extended family.
Stick with me kids, and I'll tell you tale of a magical coaster ride..............

Cutie!

My 3 1/2 yr old niece wanted F's attention so she called out "UNCLE DH!!!!!!" "UNCLE DH!!!!!!!"
My brother, leaned over to her and said, "It's AUNT DH."
She looked at him, looked at me, looked back in the kitchen where F was standing and said, "AUNT DH!!!!"
"What is it hon?" I queried from the couch. I knew she wanted F, but it was just too cute hearing her refer to him as UNCLE DH.
Frustrated she looks at me and exclaims "I want HIM!!" as her little finger points into the kitchen.
"Uncle F." I told her.

"UNCLE F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

F was being summoned for a tickle session.
I can hardly wait for him to be a Dad.

My Heart Did Not Grow 6 Sizes *Update* *Update Again*

I have an issue with forced gift giving. Every year, without consideration about other people's financial situation(which most every one has a tight one right now) a few of my department mates decide what is going to be done about giving our boss a gift. This year, I expressed the need to maybe do something other than chip in for a present. Make a donation in our boss' name (she set up a fund when her mother died) or everyone bake her something(she doesn't cook). And I was told that "No matter WHAT we do, you STILL HAVE TO chip in."


And that's when my inner bitch kicked in.


"No, Mrs. Nosey, I DON'T have to chip in." (she is the office gossip and has absolutely no respect for a person's privacy and feels free to ask all manner of personal questions.)

All eyes suddenly find the floor very interesting.

No one wanted to bake anything.


No one wanted to donate to anything.

No one else would speak what was on their mind.


I know that our boss does a lot for us. Lunches, treats, etc. And I appreciate it all. I do not expect her to do these things. She does a fine job of expressing her appreciation for our work verbally and that is more than enough for me. I know I am appreciated.

It's not that I don't want to do anything for her, I just feel that forcing everyone to participate in a group gift is wrong.

And I also feel that it is wrong to make people feel bad if they would prefer not to participate. There are a few of these same office mates who grouse about bringing a dish for office pot lucks. Something they have every right to refrain from participating in. And usually do refrain, but still help themselves to what others gladly make and bring.

I know that one of my department mate's husband hasn't had a steady job in several years, and they struggle on a daily basis.

No consideration was taken for her situation.

I know that another department mate is the primary bread winner in her home which also helps to support some of her off springs, and their off springs.

Again, no consideration was taken.

I know that another one has taken in her sister and the sister's baby and the sister does not have steady income.

No consideration taken.

Another has lost a majority of their savings/retirement due to the situation with the Automotive problem.

One member wasn't event present and therefore wasn't even ask what she thought. She has a new house, a new baby, and her spouse just started a new job. In the automotive industry.


And they all just stood there. Eyes down cast. Not wanting any confrontation.


so I am the bad guy(once again, I objected last year for the first time, which caused much hissing and booing) because I thought to consider that maybe just maybe we should rethink the forced gift participation.

Silly me.

So let's just raise the gift amount! YAY! (yes, that's what they did. amazing.stuck to me they did.)

*They raised it AGAIN, but if I can't come up with it, that's ok, I shouldn't worry. I wonder if this was said to anybody else?*

**I was just 'reminded' of how much I still owe. But not by the person collecting, noooo, by Mrs Nosey. ggggrrrrrrr**

Oh.....My

My friend sent me this video. It's apparently made it's way around the web for quite some time now, but it's a first for me.
Just, you know, SHUT THE MIC OFF!!!!!

Um????

Seen while driving: A mound of tin foil with a piece of pizza perched atop.
On the back shelf area of the car.
There was no one in the backseat who could reach said pizza.
The driver of the car, actually the ONLY passenger, had on a head scarf tied in such a way that I thought she had a small hatchet sticking out of the front of her head.
Um, yeah.


Also, on a side note, I went through the McDonald's drive through for lunch and when I got back to my desk discovered they had only given me a 1/4 pounder but had charged me for the double 1/4 pounder I'd ordered, which it stated on the slip they'd attached to the burger container. It's cold, and I didn't want to get back in the car and go, literally across the street, to get the burger I'd paid for. So my question is, how often does this happen? And how much money do you think McDonald's makes because people just don't want the hassle of having to go back and get the right thing?????