No Gold Star for Me

I try to live by the Golden Rule, Treat Others as You Yourself Would Like to be Treated. I don't always succeed, especially when gossip is involved. But I still try. Now I've told you about the most recent trip back to the East Coast to see the In-Laws. While in the car with MIL, F asks her when FIL's B-day is.

"Is it this month?"
"Yes."
"How old will he be? 70??"
"Yes."
"WOW! 70, that's a big one. Are you having a party for him?" I asked even though the man refused our Christmas present. (can you feel the bitter?)
"HMPH. No."
Seriously? She just said no. A "I can't be bothered" No.
"Really? Why not?" F asked.
"Who will do all the cooking? No, no party."
"Hmm, have it at a restaurant. I mean 70 is a big deal." I suggested, knowing what she meant about the cooking and what a hassle it would be.
"Yeah, you can use those gift cards we gave him. Just the 2 of you maybe." F grinned at me.
"HMPH." was her reply.

So of course I thought that was the end of it. FIL would be left without a party, and without a card from us, because seriously, not worth my effort.(Especially later, when I asked F if we sent FIL a card would he send it back? F was not pleased, fight ensued.)
A few days later, F's brother, W calls, looking for a number for one of FIL's friends. Apparently, my suggestion was taken to heart, and a party was indeed going to be had. All I could think about was the guilt F was about to receive about not attending. And hoping that MIL got a decent restaurant to host it.
A few weeks go by without a word, and then, other night F says to me, "Mom had that party for Dad. I guess he was really surprised. He really enjoyed himself."
"Really??? Did she have it at a restaurant like we suggested?"
" No, her and T did all the cooking. She invited 10 of his buddies from work. It went off really well. He really liked it."
My first thought? He has 10 friends? No shit???
My second thought? WTF! I bet he doesn't even know that it was my idea. That without me, he would have slipped past 70 without any recognition. I didn't dare ask F if FIL knew it was my idea. I actually cried that night because I was so upset, because I guess I knew FIL would never know that I got the ball rolling for his cranky butt to have a party.
You're saying to yourself right now, DAMN! Girlfriend is SHALLOW! And maybe, I am. Maybe it's wrong of me to want to be recognized for being the bigger person, that despite what an ass he has been to me(maybe one day I'll tell you the story of our first meeting and how he completely ignored me), I still thought of him. Somehow, though, I can't help but think that if he knew it was me, he might rethink his behavior. Might actually treat me better. You know, be NICE for a change. But I'll never know, because you know damn well it will never be mentioned again.
Except to degrade us for not attending of course.

Charge That

I have a friend. She lives on the East Coast. We have been friends since the 9th grade. I only see her every few years. We stay in touch through e-mail. She irritates me with her cries of being poor while she spends money on things they really don't need. I realize as her friend I can't say, stop spending money! Well, I guess I could. But I don't know how to go about it.

We've been commiserating about our massive credit card debt. So imagine my surprise when she sends me pics of the huge camper trailer they bought. Ok, so they are saving money by going on camping vacation instead of staying in hotels. Oh, but wait, they camped in a tent before, so this is an upgrade.

More complaining about credit card debt and the fact that her yearly bonus isn't going to be what it's been in the past because her company is cutting back. With her last bonus they put in a new bathroom. With the one before, they bought a hot tub.

I don't get a bonus.

Then she tells me they HAVE to BUY a new truck because the one they have can't handle pulling the massive camper-trailer long distances. LEASING is not an option because it would get too banged up. A new truck payment? We are talking at least $450 a month.

That's half my mortgage payment.

So that all means she can't come visit over Easter. Which was her idea to begin with. So there you have it. I'm tired of my friend complaining about not having money and then buying big ticket toys.

Am I the only one?


P.S. I forgot to mention, the massive camper trailer? They had to borrow money from his parents to buy it. Um, ok.

Stop Stressing Me Out!!!

People, I am losing it. I've been getting all kinds of negatives lately about the wedding. My female co-workers all freaked out when I told them my sister is making my dress. They were horrified that I wouldn't like it, that we would fight(well duh, we are sisters) and just all manner of bad things. Then there's the cost of all of it. Which, honestly? Is keeping me from planning. No flowers, no cake, no DJ, no photographer, because it all costs money. F is freaking about the money,which makes me freak, and seriously, not getting much of a fairy tale feeling here. On top of that I can't help but worry about what drama his father may cause, or his brother and his wife. It's getting to me in so many ways. I need to stop, but I can't seem to.
MIL? Apparently pretty hacked off that we didn't stay with them this last time. Wanted to know why her house wasn't good enough. Oh holy lord. It's not the home, although, it's not the cleanest, but it's her husband. This little bit of info was told to me during a fight. About FIL and his behavior and how it's allowed to go on.

"He's old! He's not going to change!"

"He shouldn't be allowed to behave that way! I don't get why you guys let him get away with it!!! I've never met someone so rude!"

Apparently, from what F tells me, this is how it's always been. And he was dumbfounded when I told him that FIL was laughing and joking with his buddy on the phone.

"He was joking?"

"Yes."

"And laughing?"

"Yes."

Oh, I'm just not equipped to deal with this.

I'm an American Gal

While back East we visited with F’s cousin, S and her husband SC and their 2 adorable boys, J and SH. Cousin S married an American who is whiter than I am, in ethnic backgrounds. SC is a very nice guy and I will love having them at the wedding. We started talking about how J and SH show absolutely no Home Land features AT ALL, except maybe their dark hair. They are extremely fair skinned and fine haired and you would never look at them and say, Oh, You must be from The Home Land. It is obvious that they aren’t strictly pure blood of one ethnic background; you just can’t tell what the mixture may be. Like I said, they are adorable. I said I hope our kids get F’s hair and skin color and my sexy hazel eye color for a truly exotic look. They laughed as Cousin S attempted to prove her boys have her and F’s hair.
Then Cousin S wraps her arms around SC and says, “Oh Honey, you know you picked me because I am from The Homeland! Because I take care of you like a Homeland woman; doing your laundry, feeding and caring for you, (pause to look at me) no offense, not like those American girls, who don’t.”

We all laughed. Because it’s true. I don’t wait on F hand and foot. Just the other night he was complaining about being hungry and I looked at him and said, “You know where the fridge is.” This was of course after I’d taken him out to dinner. F does a lot of the laundry. He does some grocery shopping, and every now and again, he makes dinner, and even helps when I make dinner. We have slipped into those common gender roles in many cases. I make dinner more than he does, I insist that the house needs cleaning, and I keep track of the items we need when we go shopping. He takes out the trash, and pays the bills.
It was then that I realized how truly different we are. How what he grew up with is totally different than what he sought out. I think in looking to escape the negatives he saw in his culture, he may have lost some of the positives too. You know, if you consider being waited on hand and foot as a positive. And really, who doesn’t? As long as you’re the waitee and not the waiter.
I still take care of my man, don’t get me wrong. We take care of each other, and that suits me just fine.

But it makes better sense to me now, I can see how his mother disapproves. She thinks I’m not doing enough. Maybe not caring enough for her boy. But she has it wrong. F picked me, and she needs to accept that I’m not about to make 5 different dishes just because F wants corn beef instead of chicken, roast beef or lasagna that's already been made for everyone else.

That’s not how I was raised.

That’s not my culture.

FIL Strikes Again

F and I went back East, AGAIN, to visit for Christmas. After attending my family Christmas I was all wound in knots about what would transpire with F’s Family. If it would be a repeat of last year. And, yeah, pretty much it was.
The minute we walked into the door at MIL & FIL’s, MIL started shoving presents in our face. I just wanted a hot shower and a quiet bed. Not so much. What I got from MIL? The woman who is determined to purchase my wedding night attire? 12 wash clothes in red and green (our bathroom is gray and light aqua, and yes, she’s seen it), a pink summer nightgown ( I wear a top and shorts to bed because nightgowns wrap around my legs trapping me, she has seen me in my pjs) a jade colored cowl necked top to “Hide your chest”(it enhances my chest, which of course F likes) and wine colored slippers that were, Bedazzled.(those actually got left there because F stepped in and informed her that I literally have 3 pairs of slippers at home.)
I purchased a very lovely dragon fly lapel pin for MIL from Lia Sophia. And because she is constantly questioning me about my hair care routine, I bought her several bottles of product AND a nice little suction cupped holder to keep them in, in the shower.
For FIL we stopped and purchased a gift certificate for a restaurant they like.
F gave FIL his present in the living room while MIL and I were in the kitchen discussing my new top. This is what I heard:

F: “Here, we got this for you.”

FIL: “I don’t want it! You can’t afford to be buying me presents! TAKE IT BACK! Use it on yourselves!” (Granted the sentiment was well intended, the tone of voice however, the usual much clipped, angry one.)

At this point they’ve made their way into the kitchen.

F: “We can’t take it back; it’s for the East Coast only.”

FIL: “Don’t give me that! This is AMERICA! You can use it in the Midwest!”

I’m standing inches from FIL and in my nicest voice possible I say: “But it’s a present we bought for you. From us, to you.”

FIL: “Then I’m RE-GIFTING IT!”

Folks, I had all I could do to keep my lips from parting. The tip of my tongue waged war in my mouth to form the sentence: “Well that’s just rude.” But I DID NOT! I walked past him. And fumed as I slipped the cowl necked fug over my head.
Upon re-entering the kitchen F says to FIL, “Look what we got MIL!”
FIL responds, “I DON’T CARE WHAT SHE HAS!!”
And this, my friends, is how our visit started.



How did the trip end? With dinner, with the family. With an F-bomb filled appetizer. The minute F and I entered the house; I knew something was wrong, because it was silent. On the couch sat his brother, W, his s-i-l, T and their 2 kids. As we cross the threshold T says to F:

“F, can you please take me home?” Bewildered, F says, Yeah sure.

W rings in with, “F! Don’t you take her home!”

And it deteriorates from there.

T follows us into the kitchen declaring that she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, that she’s tired of him swearing at her, and on and on and on. From the living room W punctuates her point by yelling, “FUCK YOU T! FUCK YOU!” And a few other choice sentences of which I can’t remember them all because I was so incredibly horrified at this behavior. MIL was almost in tears. The 6yr old refused to go anywhere with his father. Finally, after much swearing and yelling, W left. Poor T was left with her in-laws after such a spectacle. Dinner was fairly silent. FIL refused to try the food item I brought all the way from home which took 5 people 5 hours to make. He was cranky and rude the entire meal, nothing new there.
I think F was so upset by the display, he got ill, and was sick in the bathroom.
After the dishes had been cleared, and some of the food put away,(MIL leaves things out over night, or over days, and expects you to still eat them. This habit of hers totally grosses me out.)T decides it’s time to head home. So I am left with MIL to watch, “Rich Bride, Poor Bride”. We actually enjoyed ourselves.

My favorite comment from the entire trip came from MIL. Who from across the room the night we arrived said, “Your (engagement) ring is dirty.”

Horrified Bride

So I'm in the midst of writing the post about F and mine trip back East when I get an e-mail from a friend about my wedding dress. So I'm putting the whole "My in-laws are whack" post on the back burner in order to express my horror and out right DISGUST over what is available to a "Plus Sized Bride". Which is actually the name of the site my friend, who is also "plus sized", sent me: Plussizebride.com First? That right there? Degrading. Yes, I have a weight issue. I know this, I've accepted it (most days anyway), but that doesn't mean I'm blatant about it. It's one of those unspoken things, like the huge zit on a co-worker's face, you notice it, but you don't say anything about it as you try extremely hard not to stare at it. This site is devoted to the staring. Which, ok, fine, we need a place we can look for dresses fully clothes and unembarrassed by the size ZERO who has a dozen clips on her to help pull her size 4 dress together so it doesn't slip to the floor. I'm not so upset over the site, it's more of what they are offering that concerns me. A woman, ANY woman, who has a large chest, NEEDS STRAPS. The LAST thing a bride needs to be messing with all day is hitching up her dress and her boobs. And several of these dresses meet that need. BRAVO.

However, again, ANY woman who is petite doesn't need a Gone with the Wind sized dress which requires several crinolines.

For example:

And is this one marrying a vampire?

Is she the bride, or the flower girl?

This is just asking for under arm fat to pop up, or extra boob to pop out.

This one isn't that bad, but again, HITCHING UP BOOBS, AAAALLLLLL

Day.

This just cuts her in the wrong spot on her chest.

Now this dress, this dress is the one I love, THE ONE. It looks great on me, has excellent support and covers and eliminates all chances of back fat. Covered buttons ALL the way down the back. *La Sigh*

The model is a little freakish though. Too bad it's WAY more than I want to spend.

All Over the Place

This post will be the last post of 2007. I refuse to post from F’s computer since he does not know about this Blog. And I do not want to give him any clues that it exists.
Since I have a few things to write about, this will be random, from all over the board.

• I am sick. Again. Just when I was feeling better, WHAM! Head cold from HELL. I could not breath, no matter what kind of drugs I took. My young co-work (still in college, actually, just graduated this past weekend) who is a total hippie, told me about this thing, Nasal Cleansing. Where you “Flush” your nasal passages by shoot watering into one nostril, and letting it gush out the other. Yeah, sounds grosser than it actually is. Since I was walking around unable to breath, I thought, what the hey, I’ll try it.
  O.M.G. I will NEVER go through another cold or allergy season again without this little trick!!! I CAN BREATH!!!! It IS a MIRICLE!
  But I still sound like I’m 60 years old and have smoked 3 packs a day for the last 50 yrs.

• The gift I wanted to get F, a Trilogy Box set DVD about some gangsters? Could. Not. Find. It. Anywhere. Back in the beginning of November, I saw it when we were together at Costco, and had a coupon for it. But F was there, so no go. Plus, he threw the coupon out, so I couldn’t go back and get it. I finally ended up ordering it from their website. Yesterday. So F’s present? A black and white printout of the picture of the box set. Yeah.
  I almost had it ordered the other night, and F comes waltzing in the door, early. Grrrr. I had to close that order window and FAST!

• The woman I work with who wears the Crocs and who comes to work when she has vertigo so badly she can’t walk around a corner too quickly and without holding onto the wall, who came to work with PNEUMONIA, told me to go home today while I was having a coughing fit.
  When I could catch my breath, I said to her, “You’re one to talk.” Then she went on as if she was commiserating with me. Um, right.

• Earlier this week I started taking AirBorne. That stuff that is suppose to prevent you from getting sick? Didn’t work too well. In fact, F thinks it MADE me sick. He now refuses to take it. We are leaving (suppose to be leaving, we’ll see how this round of sickness goes) for his parent’s after Christmas. I’m not going if I’m still sick. And if I come back sick? Things will not be pretty.

• My work crush is leaving. He got another job in another state. He has known he is leaving for the last 2 months. I had to confront him after a few people said they heard rumors and people noticed things were missing from his office. He pretty much refused to tell me what the deal was. Kept changing the subject back to me. I was kinda ticked that he didn’t tell me from the beginning. He kept saying, “I told someone I knew would let it slip.” And he wouldn’t believe me when I told him I hadn’t heard it from whom ever it was. Which I hadn’t.
  That crush? Long since dead. In fact, I can’t say I’m sad to see him go. That friendship had become way too hard to maintain. After F and I got engaged, my crush wrote me off as unfriendable, which I totally don’t get. But whatever.
  
  
  So Merry Christmas everyone! Happy New Year!! Be safe! See you in 2008!
  
  

She Has Been Weighed.....

She has been measured.....

And she has been found.......... Not so lacking.

Which is so not cool.

I met the Assistant this weekend, at F's Company Christmas Party. Worse yet? I LIKE her. She reminds me of CBF. We could be friends. She's not super skinny, in fact, poor thing has really large calves, and not in the pretty "I'm a mountain climber" kind of way either. And she made the mistake of encasing them in black tights. Made me think of sausage. But she's not ugly. I could see there being an issue. I could see them being a might too friendly. She's single. She lives at home, for now.


F said to me, "When I first saw her, I thought she was cute." She is.


The only thing I could think to deflect him from her?
"Is she GAY????" I asked. He looked taken aback. F is old school on the homosexual issue, it's a NO-NO.


I felt better.


But not relieved.

Trust Me

I trust F. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me. He’s not that kind of person. As I told my brother, whom I asked to be my eyes and ears and the judge of good taste at F’s bachelor party, (14 months in advance) it’s not F I don’t trust, it’s his friends I don’t trust.

So when F comes home last week and tells me he has an assistant, fresh out of college, and oh yeah, it’s a female, you’d think I’d be cool as a cucumber, right? Yeah, not so much. At first, I was fine. He couldn’t remember her name, how threatening could she be right? He’s since learned her name. “R graduated from University A.” “R worked at ABC before she came here.” “R asked a lot of questions. Not that I mind, it makes me think how to explain it to her. She asks a lot of questions.” “R is really smart. She’s picking things up quickly.”
But the one that bothers me the most? How impressed he is with her eating. F is a VERY fast eater. I’m always telling him to slow down. I’m still preparing my food and he’s wiping his plate clean. Twice now he’s made a point of telling me, “That R. She’s really different. She out ate me! I couldn’t believe it!” “We went to the taco place for lunch today. R? She out ate me! AGAIN!!! It’s the weirdest thing.” Said with a sense of wonder, and PRIDE.

She eats like a boy, is young and probably thin, and speaks his work language. I am none of these things. They spend all day together. She doesn’t tell him pick up his dirty clothes, she doesn’t sigh and roll her eyes because he left the bread open AGAIN, she doesn’t get upset when he uses her bath towel or doesn’t pick up the step-out towel. It puts me on edge a bit.

Bring on The Crazy.

Huh?

The last few days I've been listening to one of those "All Christmas, All the Time!!" music stations. They just played "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." And one line just happened to catch my ear:

There'll be parties for hosting

Marshmallows for toasting

And caroling out in the snow

There'll be scary ghost stories

And tales of the glories of

Christmases long, long ago

Ghost stories? Really? And Scary at that? During who's Christmas
does this happen? Cause, I'm thinkin, I don't want to meet these people. Are they referring to A Christmas Carol? Because it wasn't really scary. Although my favorite verison is the one with George C. Scott as Scrooge. And, who can forgot the Muppet's verison? I mean, really, it's not Christmas without Scrooge, but I wouldn't say it's a scary story we tell each other every year. I just find it to be a really weird reference. In a song about Christmas.

Figgie Pudding

I know the saying goes, “Make your our traditions when you get married.” However, I’m finding that hard to do when it appears F has no traditions from which to draw. They don’t appear to have any traditional food when it comes to the holidays. Most people know ham for Easter( I think I was served baked chicken), Turkey for Thanksgiving(which they do, but use some kind of pasta as stuffing instead of bread.) Ham or Turkey for Christmas (I think we had chicken and maybe some sort of beef.). When I ask him what they usually have I get an “I don’t know.” My family was very big on the food aspect of every holiday. Ham for Easter, Turkey and stuffing for Thanksgiving, I think we had Turkey for Christmas as well or maybe even steak. The other night as I was finishing decorating the tree, F was downstairs doing laundry. Really? Laundry instead of Christmas music and colored lights? When I asked him what they did at Christmas time he said his mom did all the decorating and baking, that they really didn’t have any traditional things that they did. In my family? We did everything together for the holidays. Especially at Christmas. Dad would set up the tree, string the lights, very preciously, and then we would all put the ornaments on the tree. When it came time to bake, again, everyone was involved, except maybe dad. And there were certain cookies that got made every year. I love my family traditions. And I would love to add something to them for “our” family such as it is right now. If he has bad memories about the holidays, I wish he’d tell me so I’d stop asking or pushing for things to do. He always seems to back away when I ask about such things. From what he has told me, I don’t think his childhood was very childlike. At least not once they moved to the U.S.
How did/do you handle the combining of traditions with your squeeze?







So this weekend? I am forcing him to help me make Christmas cookies. Something I’ve never done by myself. And next weekend? He is helping make the traditional food item we usually only had at Easter, but now that we are all adults, we make for almost all holidays. A food item from my ethnic background, which I plan to introduce to HIS family.






Pray for me.

Who?

Tis the Season!
F and I got our first Christmas card. From my Aunt. Which included an invite to the family Christmas party. Addressed? To F. With me as a misspelled after thought. She's known me for 33 yrs, my name has NEVER changed, and yet, F, who has a decidedly non-Anglican name, she gets right. First and last. She can't get my first name right, and she didn't even bother to put my last name.
This has always been a sore subject for me. And because of it, I've always taken extra care to spell people's names correctly. I double check names on e-mails, letters, anything they may have put their name. Spelled the way THEY want it spelled, not the way other people think it should be spelled. And when we get married? I'm adding F's name to mine. I've been me forever, that's not gonna change.
I can only imagine how the tag on our wedding present will be addressed, probably just to F.

Things I love........

About F......

1. His willingness to pump my gas, in the rain, or in the winter wind even when he’s sick too.
2. When he caresses my hair.
3. When he smiles.
4. When he peers at me from the other room and then comes and sits with me because I’m crying about something tragic that happened on Gray’s.
5. When he makes dinner, even though he leaves the kitchen in a huge mess.
6. When he does the laundry, even though his sorting process is kinda odd; and spreads itself out over the entire basement floor.
7. The simple fact that 2 weeks before his company Christmas party he asked me what I was going to wear. And knew exactly what I was talking about when I said, “The Dress.”
8. When I was sick and he and his puppy dog eyes said to me, “I just want to cuddle you because you are sick, but I can’t, because you are sick.”(I don't like to be touched when I'm sick. Just let me veg in front of the TV with a box of Kleenex.)
9. That he'll back my car into the garage so I can just pull out in the morning.
10. When it's cold, he offers to go out and warm up my car, even though it's been in the garage all night.
11. After it snowed the other morning he came in and told me to take extra time to get to work, just like my mom does.
12. When he calls me his wife, even though I’m not yet.

Days

Yesterday the high winds knocked out our power at the office. Everyone was sent home early. Today, we have power, but nothing to power, for we have no internet! We can’t even connect to our local network, which means, I. have. absolutely. nothing. to. do. I’ve been here less than an hour and already have thought, Oh I can, Google, Yahoo, watch last night’s episode of Samantha Who? At least 20 times. And yet, I can do none of that. I’ve already cleaned out the office pile of news papers, from a week ago, so there is nothing to read. I am FREAKING OUT. Filing? I have none. Copies to be made? Nope. I have nothing to do to waste time. No surfing for bridesmaid’s dresses. No surfing for wedding dresses. No surfing for invitations. I can write in Word, mess around in Excel, put together a Power Point, but I have no need for any of these items, except Word, which I’m using to compose this Blog post. Which I can’t actually post until we have internet access. I can’t even call F and waste time chatting to him because he is out of the office on business! Maybe I’ll play the games that come with the computer. This is insane.


I just played a few hands of solitaire. I almost fell asleep. I wonder how long we have to wait before they decide to send us home.

We did not get to go home. We sat. And waited. And chatted. And played multiple hands of solitaire. And FINALLY 2 hrs before it was time to go home, we got our system back!

Yay internet!

Don’t ever leave me for that long again!

Needed.........4...Received.......15

While back East, I questioned MIL (mother-in-law) about having something from The Homeland incorporated into the wedding. She wasn’t very forthcoming. Her first answer was food, which F and I had pretty much ruled out. There really isn’t anything that is uniquely “Homeland”, so I’m still not sure what we are going to do, besides dancing, she did mention some sort of dance. The one thing she DID grip onto like a dog and a bone was the gift registry. She wants me registered, like the day after we got engaged. To me? That is one of the LAST things on my list. I don’t need people sending me shit (gifts) for the next 12 months that I have to keep track of. (I sound bitchy, I know, but really, F and I do not, DO NOT need any more stuff in the house. He FREAKS every time I bring something new in.)Apparently though, people are already questioning her. Or so I thought, at first. She kept telling me things that I needed to put on the registry. An electric tea pot so I can hot water for hours when company comes over. (No one comes over. And unless I’m birthing someone’s baby, they can wait 5 minutes for the water to heat on the stove.) An electric roaster just like the one F’s SIL (sister-in-law) has. The biggest I could find online was this 18 quart one. It cooks a 22 lb turkey. I swear the one she had was bigger, like 30 quarts, but whatever, when would I need that? Seriously? My aunt has one, I’ll borrow hers. Which is what I said to MIL, and she said, “You don’t want to be borrowing that forever, do you? Have one of your own.” The only thing I said we’d need was our good china. OMG, did her eyes light up! I missed the “WARNING! WARNING! DANGER! Will Robinson!” that came with those blazing eyes. As I was home sick recovering from Bronchitis caused by “it’s just an ear infection” pneumonia, MIL called. She was at Macy’s, who was having a sale, and she “found this china set on sale, Did I want it? I could look at it online to see if I liked it!”

Did I not predict this? She’s picking out our good china!?!?!!?!?

“No, NO, NOOOOOO!!!!! “ is what I said to F.

“I told her no. I said you’d go looking with her when we come back next month.”

“WHAT!!!! No NO NOOOOO!!!! I’m not ready to go looking! Jesus! I want to go looking with MY OWN MOTHER!”

He was silent, taken aback by my strong reaction. All my life I listened to my mother complain about her MIL and how often she crossed the line with butting into our lives, telling her how to raise us and what-not. Then as I got older and my friends started to get married I started hearing their horror stories about their MILs butting in and I decided, that if I ever got married, that my MIL would know there would be NO line crossing. My domain is mine, not hers. Stay out!
When we packed the car to come back home we left with a comforter, a frying pan big enough to fry a small child, a cake stand without a lid (“What good is it without a lid?” said Eldest sister when I told her.) a metal fruit dish and 2 sets of bath towels for “company”.

As MIL is loading me up with all these “goodies” she informs me that she buys everything in twos, one for SIL and one, for me.

I wonder how much it would cost to drive a U-Haul over 500 miles?

God Bless the Mid-West

Things FIL (father-in-law) said during our visit back East…..

1. To F’s mother: “Why is the baby still sleeping? .....Why can’t I wake him up?”
2. To F’s mother after coming home from work: “Do you have any food? I’m hungry!” (no hi honey, no, I’m home! Nothing pleasant at all.)
3. To me while discussing the eating issues caused by not having a gall bladder (with F’s mother, NOT FIL) “You can’t eat fat! Didn’t they tell you not to eat FAT!?!?!?!”
4. To F’s mother about taking the sick baby shopping with us: “You’re going to take the baby out with you in the cold? He’s sick!” “You’re taking too long to get ready. You’re going to be late picking up C from day care. You’d better not be late!” (Notice, no offer to watch the sick baby, OR to pick up C from daycare. Needless to say, we took a sick 1yr old and a hungry, tired 6yr old shopping at the mall with us.)
5. To all of us while we were sitting at the dinner table waiting for him: “I’ll sit down when the food is on the table!”
6. To F when F tried to serve him by putting food on his plate(we were doing ‘pass your plate’ to make sure everyone got HOT food) “NO! I’ll fill my OWN plate with food. THANK YOU!!!!”
7. And the best for last. To F while discussing their side of the wedding list: “…..I don’t care how much it costs you!! $50, $60, $70 or $80!!!!! WHAT makes YOU think ANYONE wants to come to YOUR DAMN WEDDING ANYWAY?!?!?!?!?!?”

And people wonder why I always get sick when after we've been there. This time? Bronchitis.

The baby had Pneumonia or as MIL(mother-in-law) told us, "No no, it's not pneumonia, it's just an ear infection." as the baby coughed that wet nasty mucusy cough.

Um, yeah.

Back East.....Back Seat

We are going back east to visit F’s family and his friend who is home on leave. This is the first visit back since we got ENGAGED, and honestly? I am PETRIFIED. I’m afraid that there’s going to be a “last minute” engagement party sprung on us, at his church, and that? So not cool. And in more than a “OMG, this is sooooo the wrong outfit for an engagement party!!!!” stand point. When I broached the topic with him, about this maybe happening? Yeah, it didn’t help that his answer was, “No, that’s not going to happen. *pause* But if there are Homeland People at the Birthday party, do not, DO NOT answer them if they ask what our living arrangement is. Just pretend you didn’t hear them.”

Um? Sorry? Really? People I don’t know from Adam (yes I sometimes talk like a 90yr old) would actually ask me if I’m living in sin? And you want me to PRETEND I didn’t hear them? Surely, you jest? So of course, all this morning I’ve been running in my head things I could say that would let them know they are crossing the line with the American Girl. And of course, I’ve also been practicing the tone of voice in which to say it as well. Because as my mother always told me, “It’s not WHAT you say. It’s HOW you say it.” And really, ladies, we all know this, right? (insert your ME-OW here).

1. Polite smile, slightly condescending tone, “Why do you ask?”
2. Puzzled look, bewildered tone, “Who are you?” Their answer. Another bewildered tone, “Hmmmmmm, well I don’t really see how that is any of your business?”
3. Polite smile, pat on the arm, slightly condescending tone, “In this matter, you need not concern yourself.”
   

Or am I going about this completely wrong? Should I follow his advice and ignore them? And what happens if they go even further and start asking when we’ll be having kids?

1. Horrified look, “Don’t you think we should get MARRIED First? I mean, that’s how it works where I come from!”
2. Polite smile, “Well, we’re not planning on having any kids until those that keep asking us are willing to be financially responsible for them. How much can I put you down for?”
3. Puzzled look, “Are you asking me about my ovulation cycle?”
4. Completely serious look, “Not until we can find a proper surrogate. I don’t need to be bothered with all that pregnancy stuff.” Look them up and down, “Are you offering us your uterus?”

What do you think? How would you/have you handled these situations?

Huh?

The lady with the Crocs has dyed her hair, Purple. Ok, maybe more plum, but still. She’s in her sixties. She works in an office. She’s been wearing her slippers around the office lately. Her hair is plum. Last week, in front of a large group of people she comments rather loudly to another co-worker,

“WHOA GIRL!!!! You sure are GRAY around here!!!!” while flicking her finger back and forth along her forehead hair line.

This isn’t the first time she’s called attention to something like that. She’s done it to me too, when I was going through my red phase. She told me my hair looked plum, like hers. She's also pointed at a PMS induced breakout on my face and said in front of people, at a meeting, "What's that???" She’s also asked a co-worker if she would jump if she pinched her butt. She’s also the one in this story, about walkers and common stall "#2"ers.
This is what I spend my days with. And F wonders why I drink.

Losing My Mind

I’m losing my mind people. I have one co-worker who keeps telling me that ever since F came into my life, I’ve not been the same DH. Ever since he’s asked me to marry him, I’ve been stressed out. Most times I don’t even realize it. But sometimes it’s blatantly clear. Forgetting that we are getting married. Being unable to put together a simple little announcement e-mail. Zoning out of conversations at almost every turn. Forgetting to do simple steps in my job. Burning dinner. The list goes on, probably on to stuff that I don’t even realize. And when I feel the stress, I feel it full on. I feel dazed and confused. Tired. Drained. I just don’t know how to combat it. More sleep? I try. Eating better? Well, not so much, because I am a stress eater. Most days I just want to curl up with F and sleep the world away.
That’s not going to happen anytime soon. Especially with the trip back East to contend with soon. How can I sleep knowing his mother is in the kitchen, making us breakfast? Talking about me in the Homeland language? His father’s dislike of me speaking volumes, while he actually says nothing to me, at all. How can I not be stressed? I’m taking an extra day off to recover from it all. I need a drink just thinking about it.

On a brighter note my Eldest sister and her husband have finally gotten it through their heads that F and I are trying to do the wedding on a tight budget. They offered to pay for the cake.
I’m speechless.
But still stressed out.

I'm A DARK Blond

I am a blond, but I'm what the hair people call a Dark Blond. So dark in fact that sometimes I say I have very light brown hair. This apparently however doesn't stop me from having blond moments.
Last night as F and I were passing out candy there was lull in the kids, so we were chatting about different things.

He turns to me and says, "Next year we probably won't be here to pass out candy."

"What? Why not?!?!?!?"

He just stared at me for a good 2 minutes before it dawned on me, "OOOOOOOOH! Yeah, right!!!"

He rolled his eyes as I giggled and made him kiss me.

In case you're as clueless as I am, we'll be on our HONEYMOON. Because we'll have just gotten, MARRIED. 7 days before. Yeah. Right. DUH.