Monday, July 25, 2011

Barbie & Ken

F and I are looking for a puppy.  This in and of it's self is an interesting undertaking because where as I grew up with dogs, F only had one cat; to which he is still deeply attached despite the fact that it has been dead for almost 20 years. Because of this attachment and only experience in the pet owning world he thinks cats are Da'Bomb and is completely ignorant about dogs. 
I am not exaggerating about this even one little iota.  While at an adoption event this weekend we were admiring a litter of 3 puppies 3 families had just adopted; F looks at the adorable pups and then turns to me and quite seriously inquires, "How do you know if it is a boy or a girl?"
"You know, a boy has a 'wee'." I inform him quietly out of the side of my mouth.
"A 'wee' ?" F looks at me confused.

Mind you this is a term we have used in the past to identify certain body parts.

"Yes, a wee. You know, the 'boy' part." If you are thinking that at this point I should have just said, PENIS I would have, were we not in the company of small children who yes, probably knew the proper word but I just felt odd saying it out loud in a public place of mixed company.


Thursday, July 14, 2011

Check the box, Wait; No, Sign Here; Wait, No, Initial Here that You Checked The Box

The place I work is a smaller part of a larger company, separate; but equal. So we piggyback onto their insurance for greater bargaining power. In an effort to cut health insurance costs, they are checking to make sure the people who are using their insurance really deserve to be using their insurance. Completely understandable. I am one of those people, so I received the paperwork to fill out concerning F’s eligibility. There are several choices of documentation you can supply in order to verify that you are married or living together (i.e. living in sin) (totally did that.). The very first choice given is a copy of your Federal Tax Return. How much easier do you want it? Tax season just ended a few months ago, so this paper work should be extremely easy to locate, right? Right.

You can also supply a combination of various other documents. Like your marriage license and a mortgage statement with both your names on it. Or your marriage license and some bill with both your names on it. These last few choices would not work for us because both our names are not on any bills (who does this?) and we each have our own mortgage (my house, his “our” house). So you can see why I opted for the ease of the tax return. Of course this is proving to be a bit trickier because we filed electronically and they want the electronic tax filing number thingie which I am having trouble locating, but that isn’t the reason I’m writing this. I got the paperwork the last week of June with a deadline of August 13th. An entire MONTH to hunt up and mail your tax return. Simple, right? Apparently for the highly educated people in the company this is proving to be too stressful and too tight of a time constraint. Something I gathered from the e-mail the H.R. department just sent out.

Seriously people, an entire month isn’t enough time??? Unbelievable.

Dear [Employees],

We have received numerous concerns and questions regarding the time-line of the dependent eligibility verification project, listening and understanding your concerns we have made the decision to extend the deadline to submit documents until Friday, September 15, 2011. Your documents must be postmarked or received by [Random Consultant Firm] by Friday September 15, 2011.

As discussed in our earlier announcement, this verification is a part of our ongoing effort to control health care costs by ensuring that only eligible dependents are covered under our medical plans. [Random Consultant Firm], an independent firm, has been authorized to obtain your documentation.

By now, you should have received your initial packet containing detailed instructions. Also, we have been notified of long wait times when calling the Customer Service Call Center. [Random Consultant Firm] has acknowledged and is in the process of rectifying this problem. Please continue to communicate any problems that you are experiencing with the Customer Service Call Center to the [Employer] Benefits Office.

In addition, we have received concerns regarding the submission of your personal information to [Random Consultant Firm] please know that protecting your personal information is of grave importance to [Employer] and [Random Consultant Firm]. [Random Consultant Firm] has assured us that all documents provided during the dependent eligibility verification will be securely stored and protected through physical, electronic and procedural safeguards. In an effort to communicate the confidentiality safeguards that [Random Consultant Firm] has in place they have provided us with a frequently asked security questions document, which is posted on the benefits website, please click on the following click to access the document http://www.[redacted]/Forms/dependenteligibilityverificationfaqs.pdf

We understand the time and effort that it takes to locate the appropriate documentation (your just filed tax return) and we appreciate your cooperation with this verification project. Should you any questions regarding this process, please contact the Customer Service Call Center at (redacted) redacted.

Again, your documentation has to be postmarked or received by [Random Consultant Firm] by the extended due date of Friday, September 15, 2011.


Director of Benefit Programs

So now, TWO and HALF months to send this stuff in. I do have to say, I called the company about locating the e-file tax number and if it would be ok to send in the confirmation e-mails I got, THREE days ago and no one has gotten back to me. EVEN THOUGH their message says that if you leave a voice mail they will return your call by the end of business the next day. Again, that was THREE days ago. So this company? SUCKS. I am at the point now where I am going to send it in with a note saying, um, yeah, I called you guys for answers and no one called me back, so here ya go. DEAL.

I may be writing you later this fall to tell you F is no longer covered under my insurance, but at least I’ll feel like I made a point. Maybe.

***They just called me. Fricking ridiculous!!! I have to fill in his SS# even though, EVEN THOUGH it is on the Tax form, which she then tells me the first 5 digits should be blacked out. Um, then I need to supply it to you again anyway?
"Yes, so we know the information came from you."
I, what??? I did the taxes so that information came from me. Seriously, who puts these things into practice??? It makes no sense.*****

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Um, That Doesn't Go There

When F bought the house that we now call "ours", we were still just dating. Therefore, when he requested that the green and pink paisley couch come with the house, I didn't object all too much. What did I care? I had my house with it's own furniture.  Then we got engaged and I moved in.  It was shortly there after that I purchased the first "our house" item; a cover for said green and pink paisley couch.  With the cover the couch wasn't all that bad. But it had seen many a tushy and needed to be replaced. Thus began my campaign for leather recliners. F fought on this stating the couch was still fine. But then he sat in it for more than 30 minutes and SUDDENLY the need for recliners was a grand idea. This only took me a year to accomplish.
 Next came the part of trying to both agree on a pair of recliners we liked. I kid you not when I tell you this process took 6 months. Finally, Costco came to my rescue. We bought the recliners featured in their Connection Magazine, and the green and pink paisley couch made it's way to the Salvation Army.  This brought us back full circle to the question of where to place the desk top computer I'd finally gotten from work(after a 5 year wait, another story).  I have always wanted to place it in the "dining room" (really the 3rd bedroom in our house) which has a dead space corner, but F has always wavered between there and the other corner in the family room. Now with the couch gone, he feels there is enough room to place the computer in family room. Now starts our next debate.
One in which F made his argument against the dining room by saying, "But, I've always wanted that room to be a dining room with a daybed!"

*Mystified pause* "What???? Uh, you CAN NOT put a daybed in the dining room!!!"

*Blank stare* "I just don't have the mental power to have this conversation."


A bed, in the dining room. A BED in the DINING ROOM. A room which is maybe 8x8 containing a table that seats 10. The dead space corner could not handle an entire daybed.
A BED. I just, how? The mental picture in my head. We have a spare room, with a queen sized bed and an extra queen mattress in the basement, plus a pull out queen sized couch in the living room. We do not need another bed. Let alone a BED in the DINING ROOM.
As for another "couch", we have 3, who needs another couch/daybed???
Really, where does he get these ideas??