Saturday, June 25, 2011

Come With Me, My Digital Friends, On A Short Sale Journey

We listed the house. We hired an attorney. After dropping off my "short sale packet" and laying down the $1,750.00 in retainer fee (this shows up as still pending on the website so now I think maybe we don't have a lawyer?), I get back to my office and read this extremely cheery article about how things are looking up!  NOT. I then topped off that wonderful news with an entire sunny weekend spent inside cleaning said house. Note to future and or current Landlords, DO NOT ALLOW PETS. I don't even want to relive the cleaning of black dog hair for your understanding. I really don't. But just let me say, I almost gagged the one millionth time I got one in my mouth. Behind the stove we found onion peels, dog hair, the dog's ball, and MASSIVE AMOUNTS of GREASE.  Now normally, I can't say that I clean behind my own stove and fridge like EVER, but I certainly will start now.  I don't think in the 3 years Tenant lived there that the curtains were ever washed. Now this is something I do DO. I desperately need to dry clean several sets but F would have a massive coronary at the price. Over the two days I had to keep reminding myself that it could have been oh so much worse, so very very much.  But I think since it was never intended to be an income property, I have different feelings about how it should have been respected. I was LETTING Tenant live in my home, and it should have been respected as such. I know, that is expecting too much. But that is how I felt. I also had to keep reminding myself that I don't wash my walls on a regular basis and therefore I need to stop bitching about how dirty they were. Light colored walls really show the dirt. My mom, the amazing trooper that she is, used Comet on the entry way walls. Yes, Comet. Dirt is not the new black. But now the house is all sparkly clean. And I feel better about it looking nice to sell.  We even had a showing that very weekend, but still have not heard back about. It does make me a tad concerned. How long could this drag on? Our realtor told us that with one house they just closed on, they started back in October, of 2010. Seriously? The bank/mortgage company dragged it's feet for SIX months. That is insane. So here we sit, waiting. Will it sell? And if it DOES sell, will the bank/mortgage company "forgive" the remainder? I owe $107K, the houses in the surrounding area have gone for anywhere between $25K to $40K.  How is that even right? I don't even want to do the math. The short sale will show up on my credit report, for at least 3 years and will lop off a good 120 points, if not more.  If the bank/mortgage company does not "forgive" the difference between what is owed and what the house sold for, I could end up paying taxes on the "income". Even though it never actually will come in to me. It will go directly to the bank. Again, how does that work? I just don't get it. Then to top it all off? Tenant stiffed us with $510 water bill.  Well now, isn't that special? It completely explains why almost a month after moving out Tenant has not contacted us about getting back the security deposit. Half of which will now go towards paying said water bill and the late fees/penalties. SES told me that even though the Lease states if Tenant does not contact us within 4 days to tells us where to send said security deposit they are SOL, I STILL have to make some attempt just in case Tenant decides to get all legal and demand the remainder. Which I don't believe will happen, but I still need to CYA.  Again, how does that work? You stiff me and yet I still need to let you know that you can have your money back?  WTF?
So keep your fingers crossed my digital friends, that the house sells at the highest price possible and that the mortgage company/bank forgives it, and does so in a timely manner so that F and I can move on with our lives. Bad credit and all.
 Or as I like to refer to it, SCREWING ME TWICE over the same house. Because really, it only makes complete sense that after you fuck up the housing market you still get to makes the rules about how to unfuck it up.
Totally logical.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Mrs. Nosey, Meet Karma; She's A Bitch


Mrs. Nosey got called out on her lack of work ethic (says the woman who blogs while at work, ahem.).
Anyway, for years now people have been complaining of Mrs. Nosey work habits.  Excessive personal phone calls, excessive Internet time, excessive long lunches, excessive unmet deadlines, excessive mistakes and excessive gossiping. Ok, so I added that last one in there. It may have been touched on, I don't know. It SHOULD have been, I know THAT for sure. 

If you are unfamiliar with Mrs. Nosey's past transgressions, please read this, this, this and this.

Apparently while our Boss was gone for a few days Mrs Nosey took it upon herself to up and disappear for a few hours. No one knew where she was. She ostensibly denied all of the above. To our Boss. And THEN she confronted one of her cube mates as the tattler. True enough, she had tattled, but she denied it as well. Not completely though, stating that is USED to bother her, but no longer did. LIE.  Mrs. Nosey told said cube mate that what she did was none of her business and that she was going to go tell our Boss every time cube mate gets and sends text messages. 3 grade called, they want their playground fights back. Mrs. Nosey assumed, incorrectly that her other cube mate was completely blameless. She too had complained. I do not know if she fessed up or not.
Mrs. Nosey's co-job mate(who is the true #1 tattler, but as yet remains un-accused) informed me that Mrs. Nosey blames ME for tattling about her phone usage. I sit 2.5 inches worth of felt cube wall away from Mrs. Nosey, and hence indeed do hear many of her excessive phone calls. However, I had no idea any of this was even going on until I complained about the other accused cube mate's excessive outbursts over news headlines.  So when my Boss mentioned Mrs. Nosey's phone usage I concurred that it was indeed excessive.

OH! I just remember another story about Mrs Nosey from awhile ago.  Her co-job mate from above is in some manner her supervisor. We'll call her Ma'am, she is the oldest woman in our office.  Anyway, Ma'am has been going through some family related issues. Ma'am confided (oxymoron) to Mrs. Nosey about these issues, and made her promise to not tell anyone in the office.  Mrs. Nosey turned around the very next day and told Crazy Co-Worker.  CCW in turn quietly approached Ma'am to find out if it was factual.  Ma'am confirmed that is was and queried as to where CCW got her intel.  CCW of course said Mrs. Nosey told her.
Are you ready for this?
Hold onto your hats.
Seriously, you are not going to believe this.
When Ma'am confronted Mrs. Nosey face to face, Mrs. Nosey FLAT OUT DENIED it. CCW overheard the whole thing because SHE sits 2.5 inches of felt cube wall away from Ma'am.
Ma'am relayed the whole thing to me of her own free will. She will no longer confide in Mrs. Nosey.
CCW was steamed when she overheard Mrs. Nosey's denial. Which could of course paint CCW as a liar.

Mrs. Nosey called off work today. I can't imagine why.

Our next staff meeting is going to be a delight.

I cannot wait.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

F Gets Pissed In His Sleep

"God Damn it Woman! Shut the FUCK up Already!!!!!!"


He can't remember if it was directed at me or not, "But it probably was."

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Really Pushing the Line

Spirit Airlines. They keep pushing it with their nasty and inappropriate ads. Seriously, I would block them if they didn't have such great deals. I do have a sense of humour, don't get me wrong, but they need to know when too much is just too much. And I am just totally done hearing about this.





Red Means Go is much better at expressing the disappointment though.

I wish I had thought faster when I took their "survey" this morning, which was so totally slanted about paying more for checking in at the airport, it was totally worthless.  Ah well.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Time Line Spiral

Easter Weekend



F leaves to go Back East to visit the Outlaws for Easter. I am left home alone to fend for myself. Our very expensive Anderson Screen door has been trouble since day one. The door closer hydraulic thingie comes unscrewed and the door commences to slamming shut. I find the screws and reattach it, fixing the issue. It took me maybe 15 minutes.



- - - - A WEEK LATER- - - - -

The door closer hydraulic thingie comes unscrewed AGAIN. F swears and curses the name of Very Expensive Anderson Screen Door Company. I inform him of my fixing it while he was gone. He blinks at me. The door closer hydraulic thingie remains hanging from the door for at least a week. I ask when he’s going to fix when it stabs me in the foot. He removes it and places the door closer hydraulic thingie on the couch where it remains for a few weeks. I complain of the placement and he moves it to the kitchen shelving unit. More days, weeks pass and I am cleaning and tell F that he needs to fix the door closer hydraulic thingie. He blinks at me. I sigh heavily.
“Do you know where the mount for it is? I can’t find it.” I blink at him confused while my brain processes his question. I turn in a semi-circle looking for it because I KNEW I had seen it somewhere. And then my eyes fall upon it, attached to the door. “It’s still attached to the door.” F blinks at me. “It is?”  (we use this door EVERYDAY to exit and enter our home)

“Yes.”

- - - MORE TIME PASSES - - -



Memorial Day

I suit up and attempt to mow the lawn. The mower won’t start. Deciding it was already hot and way too humid anyway, I would skip the mowing and call Mom to come over and hangout for the day. Mom arrives on the scene and informs me that the spark plug on said mower just needs to be changed. I agree, but go with the notion that fixing that is F’s job and we sit down and commence gossiping. A few hours later F arrives home. I inform him of the situation and Mom once again pipes up and tells him he needs to change the spark plug. He fiddles with it, and then puts it away for another day. He calls buddy to ask him if his brother in law still fixes mowers.

Now mind you, it has been RAINING pretty much NON STOP here in the Midwest for the past month. The grass is crazy thick and desperately needs to be mowed. We look like the white trash neighbors because you know, we WORK during the day and so when it would rain EVERY FREAKING night as I started to come home, I was unable to mow like my neighbors did during the day in the non-rain window. So the mowing needs to get done ASAP before the rain comes again.



May 31st

I tell F he needs either get our mower fixed or ask a neighbor to borrow theirs. He blinks at me.

The evening of June 2nd I arrive home late. F GLEEFULLY informs me that he FIXED the mower!!!!!

“Really? That is great.”

“Yes, I rode my bike up to the mower place (where I told him to take it to get serviced in MARCH to get ready for the mowing season.Obvs, he didn't.) and bought a spark plug. And then I used some tools ( he named the sizes of wrenches and what-not) and popped the old one out, put in the new and it fired right up!!!!”

The PRIDE in his voice, like he had replaced his own kidney with a plastic spork or something.

“The spark plug eh?”

“Yep.”

“The spark plug mom and I both told you was the issue?”

“I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Riiiiiiiight.”



An Hour Later…………

“Did you notice what ELSE I fixed??” F asks excitedly.

“You mean the screen door?”

“YES YES!! I had to put new bolts in it because the crap screws were stripped. So you better not break it again.”

*Eyebrow raise from me* “Emmm. And here I was getting used to closing it by hand.”

“Whatever.”



The point of this post? My husband takes FOREVER to fix things that are simple to fix, that I have either fixed before or have told him how to fix and then he EXPECTS extremely high praise for something that really is not that big of a deal. Is my husband the only one who does this? Is he the only one who wants praise for doing something he is supposed to do anyway? I mean, you know, I NEVER rush home and tell him, “F! F! I PAID THE BILLS!!! How AWESOME am I?!!?!?!? Right!? RIGHT!?”





Right.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Look Into My Not So Crystal Clear Ball........

F's parents called.  Apparently when F went to visit them over Easter weekend; the night F left to come home, FIL had an earth shattering prophetic dream.  F was actually misty eyed when he got off the phone.

But here is my question, If it was so earth shattering and prophetic, why did it take an ENTIRE month for FIL to pass it along?