Thursday, February 25, 2010

My Face Has Turned Against Me

This post from just the other day? Was apparently just the beginning. The guiding light on the end of my nose has greatly diminished and is no longer glowing red. It however seems to have relocated to the side of my nose. That area where your nose gently slopes down and becomes your cheek? Well that area is now a swollen mound and no longer a gentle slope. If this continues it will grow in such mass as to interfere with my vision! Scoff not! It pains me to tell you that I had that experience before. Just on the right side of my face instead of the left. I could not go to work because I COULD NOT see out of my right eye due to the SWELLING. Yes. You are reading that correctly.

I stayed home from work due to a colossal sized BLEMISH.

I steamed my face using a tea pot and a wash cloth soaked in rubbing alcohol.

Lesson learned there? Rubbing alcohol in steam form makes you gag and your eyes water. Not the best idea, but it did seem to work. By the next day it had shrank to the point where I felt I could return to work. Of course I still wished I could wear a bag over my head to cover the hideous thing, but none the less I braved on.

I cannot afford to miss work again due a blemish of mammoth size. I have waaaaaay too much work to do.

As is so clearly evident from the fact that I am composing this post.

Anyhoodle, WTF blemish??? WTF FACE?!?!?!!?!? Why the wage of blemish war against me???

Seriously, W.T.F.???????????????

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Dear TV Producers,

It really bothers me that you have made Jack into a softie. The death toll this year on 24 is WOEFULLY low. And let's do the math here, shall we?? Last season Jack's granddaughter was just a baby. But you lead us to believe that it has been AT LEAST six years because Renee was under cover SIX YEARS ago, so you keep mentioning. Then shouldn't said granddaughter be, oh, I don't know, SIX instead of like 3 or 4????? Seriously, I know I suck at math, but COME ON.

Also, the new CTU director? SUCKS. It is extremely hard for me to get past the stooping rolled shoulders of Bubba Gump Shrimp, but if I do indeed manage to look past that, omg, it is so hard to though, I come face to face with the fact that is his so extremely less than the late great Bill Buchanan. BB went rouge and started his OWN CTU, how damn sexy is THAT?? EXTREMELY. Bubba Gump Shrimp? He can't even keep track of his top data person! Seriously!!! Who goes missing from work for TWO HOURS during a GLOBAL CRISIS?!?!?!?!?! And his lame directive of "track her." DUDE!!! STAND UP STRAIGHT!!! GIVE AN ORDER!!!! Stop crackin on Chloe!!!! She's already saved your ass once!

To the Producers of LOST, I say, STOP FUCKING AROUND. This is the LAST season; you are supposed to be ANSWERING our questions, NOT bringing up NEW ONES. Who is the mother of Jack's snotty kid?? And when was he BORN??? Is Jacob REALLY a good guy??? Why don't the Others wear shoes?!?!?! Why did said Others STEAL all the children and WHERE are those kids now??

And let's be real, what TEENAGER in 2003 had an ANSWERING MACHINE????? SERIOUSLY????

Get your act together TV Producers.

I"ll be watching you.

Monday, February 22, 2010

If it were still Christmas, I could guide Santa's Sleigh Tonight...

As though it is not insulting enough that at 35 I still get breakouts during that special "lady time"; but to get a breakout now, AFTER that time has passed? Downright unacceptable. The pulsating, bright red "bump" on my nose is truly beyond words.

No amount of concealer conceals it.

Powdering my nose is a test in camouflage.

Yes all the facial items have been applied, and yes, they are working, albeit slowly, but still, this is so entirely unfair, I cannot even tell you.

When does it all end I ask you, WHEN?????

Friday, February 19, 2010


OMG!!! Who are you slow ass moving people and why the HELL must you drive on my roads??????

The roads are dry.
It is still daylight.

And yet, YET! YOU insist on driving 10 mphs BELOW the speed limit.

WHY I ask you, WHY?!?!?!!?

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I Married Him Anyway

Over the weekend I made a cake. And because I was feeling out of sorts, I made a cake I knew I would enjoy (in other words, screw everyone else this is what i want to eat). My FAVORITE; Yellow cake with Chocolate frosting. I got many compliments on it, even though F turned off the oven shortly after I had put it in; so the top half was more dense than the moist and fluffy bottom half. Rebaking apparently has this affect.
Anyway, F tells me later: "I really liked that cake, except I could have done without the frosting."
Me: "What?"
F: "You know how I feel about chocolate."


After a year of marriage this still dumbfounds me.
He will eat candy bars, but very rarely. And usually only the fun sized ones or bites of mine.

Then again, as he was finishing the very last piece of cake:  "Really like this cake DH. Except for the frosting."

Is it a cake if it has no frosting????????????

How??.....I just.......But.....CAKE!!!.....FROSTING!!!!.....MUST. HAVE. TOGETHER!!

I guess though, more chocolate for me, RIGHT????

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

She ate a Cracker Apparently

Are you fucking kidding me??? A SIZE 4 is too fat??? I'd like to be that too fat!!! What happened to the days when they were weighing the models and if they were too thin they couldn't work???
Why is our society so fucked the hell up????

What Do You Say???

Remember awhile back when I told you things were changing in my division?? I was worried and concerned, but it turned out the change was GOOD. G got us some training. And honestly, she is a pretty good boss. Another change was made. Our big boss went to part time and has one day off a week. We all knew this meant she was on the road outta town, after all, she only signed on for a certain number of years and those had past. This has been going on for about a year now.

A few months ago meetings behind closed doors started happening. When Crazy Co-Worker and I would express our issues with G she would tell us to "be patient".
 Change was afoot.
That change has now STEPPED UP and shown itself.
Our big boss is now G. She is the BOSS of our division instead of just CCW and me. And our "old" boss? She has been moved to "special projects" and will be going even more "part time" than she is now.

While CCW and I smile and sign to ourselves, others are NOT AT ALL HAPPY. Retirements, which have been a long time coming in some cases, have been announced.

The question I pose to you, my digital friends is, What should I say to my old boss? I've given G my congratulations. But what about old boss? Congrats on your downsizing?? Lucky you! You figured out how to continue to screw our system???

I mean seriously, what do you say?????

I'm all ears here people. Help me out!!!

Monday, February 15, 2010

There's CRACK in my General Tso's, YO

F says I'm a picky eater. Which, I disagree with, of course. I like what I like. This is not to say I won’t try new things, because I will, and I have and sometimes I like it, and sometimes, I do not. Something I fell in love with early on was General Tso's Chicken. The Chinese variety. Because there are different versions depending on the Asian country. Anyway, I love it. But for whatever reason it is not a meal I go for every time we are trying to decide what takeout menu to use. Also, I've been spoiled without even knowing it, until recently. When our office moved several years ago there was nothing out here. We were literally in the middle of a farmer's field. After several years of whining and complaining and becoming regulars at the McD's across the street, they opened a STRIP MALL a few miles down the road. And sweet heaven on a cracker, a CHINESE restaurant was one of the new places to eat at. I didn't think much of it to begin with. Yes it was good, the best I'd had in awhile actually, but like I said, Chinese isn't really my go-to take out food. Then F came along. F and his EAST COAST sensibilities. F informed me that the mid-west was majorly lacking in its Chinese food offerings. So when his work brought him out by MY work, we went to the Chinese place. You would have thought I took him home to his momma for lunch the way he reacted when he saw that it was NEW YORK STYLE CHINESE!!!

F: “You didn't TELL me THAT!!!!"

Me: "Tell you what?"


Me: "Uuumm, So???"

F: "OMG. You don't even know that there is a difference, DO YOU?!?!?!?!"

Me: "Uhhhhh. no?"

F: "*sigh* NEVER. MIND."

From that point on F and I tried SEVERAL Chinese places, and I have to say, the man is right. There IS a difference. NY Style is different. It is just BETTER. I can't explain it. And when I had it the other day, and ate it at my desk and put the little tin it came in, in the trash can next to my desk? Yeah, the smell. THE SMELL was like the cartoon finger of smell, tickling my nose, teasing my taste buds to remember and WANT MORE. I cannot tell you how crazy it drove me the entire REST OF THE DAY.


So I decided that that's the difference.

NY Style Chinese has crack in it.

Plain and simple.

General Tso’s NY Style Crack.

I think the new name will catch on, don’t you?

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Shoot me NOW

It is 24 degrees in the midst of a NATIONWIDE BLIZZARD and THE FAN is on, AGAIN.

Monday, February 08, 2010

Best IDEA EVER.....

I had the best IDEA EVER while slamming the snooze on the alarm this morning.  A Work Bus. Yep, like my years of yorn on the School Bus, a WORK BUS would come by my house, pick me up and then for the hour long ride into work I could slump in the seat with my knees pressed against the seat in front of me while I took a pre-work nap. Just like when we were in school there wouldn't be anyone on there going anywhere else, just those of us heading to my office, which would cut down on the riff-raff. Door to door service! What more could you want? A preheated ride in the winter a precooled ride in the summer.  No insurance payments, no car payments, no GAS to buy. Seriously, we bus riders had it so good back then. If only I'd known that.
I think it is a fabulous idea and I'm going to submit it to the big bosses, ASAP.

I think they'll be as sold on the pre-work nap idea as I am.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

God Help Me

Scene: Early morning interior of a gray felt walled cubicle.

Enter stage left: Crazy Co-Worker: "DH!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Me: "Huh?" as I swivel in my chair to face her.

CCW: "THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she points excitedly at the other side of my desk.

Me: "Wha???" as I turn back to my desk looking around confused.

CCW: "THE BABY THING!!!!!" she sings as she dances over to my desk and picks up a Babies-R-Us coupon sitting there.

Me: "What? That??? OMG, CCW, I brought that in for S. (one of the 3 currently pregnant women in our office.)


Me: *annoyed sigh* as I turn back to my computer: "Yes. I'm. sure."

CCW: "OH! Well, I just thought that was your way of telling me you were pregnant."

Me: "Uh, NO. I got it in the mail and brought it in for S."

CCW: "Oh. Well. You were gone for 2 days so, you know, maybe, you came back pregnant."

Me: "NO."

CCW: "Ok. Well, I just thought, anyway, I'll just go back to my desk (as she starts to walk away). Just thought after you was gone for two days.....*mumble*  *mumble*
(like I would even know if I was 2 days pregnant)

Seriously people? She thought I'd tell the entire office I was pregnant by placing a COUPON on my desk???????


What do you think she'd come to as a conclusion if I placed coupons for Jim Beam on my desk?

Monday, February 01, 2010

Where has all the Hair gone?

I am back to hating my hair. I know, I am such a waffle about my hair. We truly have a love-hate relationship.

In the first days after having it done, I love it. It styles well, the color is awesome, but then, THEN the style is flat and looks nothing like it did a few days before. The color starts to fade and I notice how much brass is showing again against my dark roots.

I am frustrated.

Is it me?

Is it the "new" stylist?

Is it a combo?

There were YEARS there where I LOVED my hair. And I am beginning to think that is purely due to the woman who used to do it. I got her completely by chance, and I kept her. FOR FIVE YEARS. At one point I told her she was the longest relationship I'd ever had. I even moved salons with her once.

But then she disappeared.

So I was on the hunt for someone new. I made the mistake of going to a few of those chain places, GOOD LORD, HACK CITY.

Then I found a guy. And I had fabulous hair once again. But he moved salons, A LOT. Once he even left the state because he had found TRUE LOVE. Then he came back.

I followed him 4 times before I finally called it quits after I had to give him a ride home. Our relationship was becoming too "involved" with one another.

I even rediscovered the woman from above. She'd opened her own place, but it was so expensive I only went there once because I had a coupon.

Then I went to F's gal. This relationship was never very harmonious. Whenever she did my color she was constantly asking the stylist next to her how she should mix the color, what number and level she should use, and on and on and on. It always bothered me. But I stayed because the price was right. And after the wedding (my bride hair was AMAZING) I never went back. F even quit going because HIS hair, what little there is left of it, was getting screwed up.

I asked around at work, and found my current stylist. But I've never been COMPLETELY happy with what she does. The color is usually good, even if I have to tell her we need to do all over color because my roots are just too massive, and like I said, the style is usually good, at the start. But then it just all falls apart. I don't ever remember this being an issue before.

I DREAD finding a new stylist. DREAD it. It is never easy. But I can't keep being frustrated by my hair. There are so many other things I can waste time fretting over. My hair should not be one of them.

So I think, I think I will try and find someone new.

Join me on this journey, won't you?

Wish me luck.